5 Strategies for Handling Overwhelm
Sometimes life gets chaotic. And it isn’t possible to get everything done that you really need and want to get done. And when this happens, something is going to have to give.
And the million-dollar question is: Will it be work, the kids, my health, or perhaps my last shred of sanity that pays the price? Yikes.
Feeling like you're drowning in tasks is as common as that ugly holiday sweater everyone pretends to love. But stick with me, because I’m sharing some down-to-earth strategies, a worksheet, and an audio track to help you navigate this hot mess.
1. Communication is Queen:
Shoot a message to your partner or family, let them know you're drowning, and you need a lifeline. If you can, be specific about what would be helpful. Like “Mom, can you take the kids overnight?” or “Babe, can you grab the groceries this week?”
2. Work-Life Balance:
I’m not always a fan of the push to have work-life balance. Because I don’t usually think it’s realistic (unless this is an ongoing pattern for you). So here is your permission to reframe it. Consider the idea that this may just be a season of your life. It’s temporary and something you can get through with a little help from your loved ones.
3. Do a Brain Dump:
Dump everything on a list. Your thoughts, your worries, your seemingly impossible tasks. I’ve got a free worksheet for you to use in combination with tip #4.
4. Categorize and Conquer (or not):
Label each task: keep, eliminate, modify, or delegate it to someone else. I made a worksheet to help you accomplish this (you can get access below). Maybe you are supposed to bring a dish to a party, and everyone loves your grown-up four cheese macaroni and cheese. But life threw you a curve ball and something has to give. Consider buying something pre-made-—Costco's deli section has your back every time. Nobody will care, I promise.
5. Own Your Choices:
If a task sparks joy (thanks, Marie Kondo), own it, even if it adds to the circus. Then it becomes less about overwhelm and turns it into intentional chaos. You got this. For example, I love it when my kids cook with me. Does it make more of a mess? Sure does. But I love creating those memories with them and letting them be a part of the cooking process, so I accept that this may be less efficient (and messy!) than usual.
I've got a free worksheet to make this chaotic season a bit more bearable. Download the Undo List Worksheet to sort your life out (plus my 5-Minute Guided Meditation Audio Track for those "I need a break" moments).
Grab the Undo List Worksheet Here
Remember, this is just a season. And guess what? You're not alone in this glorious mess.
Breaking Free From the Burden of Panic Attacks
The burden of panic attacks is undeniably heavy, like an invisible force dictating the rhythm of your life. The tightness in your chest, the racing thoughts—it's an experience many grapple with. In this blog, we'll explore the top 5 mistakes individuals often make when dealing with panic attacks and how to navigate them with resilience.
1. Avoiding Triggers: The Escape that Backfires
Panic attacks often have identifiable triggers, ranging from drinking coffee to traveling far from home. Recognizing and understanding these triggers is vital. However, avoiding them altogether is a mistake. While it might bring momentary relief, long-term avoidance reinforces the belief that the trigger is genuinely dangerous. The solution? Embrace gradual exposure, teaching your brain that these are sensations, not imminent threats.
2. Suppressing Anxiety: The Pressure Cooker Effect
The desire to stop a panic attack in its tracks is natural, but attempting to forcefully suppress or control anxiety during an attack can backfire. The key is acceptance. You can't prevent an attack, but fighting it can intensify physical sensations, making the experience more distressing. Allow the anxiety to run its course. Acceptance becomes a powerful tool in managing panic attacks. Learning how to effectively breathe, can be helpful in riding out the wave of panic. I created a free audio guide to teach you how to do this.
3. Misinterpreting Physical Symptoms: The Anxiety Amplifier
Misinterpreting normal bodily sensations as signs of impending danger fuels the panic cycle. If unsure of the safety of these sensations, consult with your physician for medical clearance. Once assured of good health, changing your thinking becomes crucial. It's admittedly easier said than done, but recognizing these sensations as anxiety-related, not harmful, is pivotal.
4. Relying Solely on Short-Term Solutions: Beyond the Quick Fix
The urge for a quick fix during a panic attack is understandable. However, relying solely on short-term solutions like medication or leaving the situation without addressing underlying cognitive and behavioral patterns is a mistake. Integrating therapeutic approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) provides a roadmap for long-term change.
5. Isolating Oneself: Breaking the Silence
Dealing with anxiety and panic is akin to weathering a relentless storm inside. Isolating yourself only exacerbates the impact. My husband, Justin, wrote a blog that talked about how hiding his panic only added to his suffering. Seeking understanding and assistance from friends, family, or mental health professionals is crucial. While shouting your struggles from the rooftops isn't necessary, confiding in trusted individuals or joining a support group can make a significant difference.
Remember, the journey through panic attacks is challenging, but by sidestepping these common mistakes, you begin paving the way toward a life with the joy of living, free from the constant undercurrent of anxiety. Seeking professional guidance, building a support network, and embracing a holistic approach are key. On the other side of this darkness, envision a version of yourself unburdened by the weight of panic. Don't give up; the path to healing is within reach.
Thriving Through Thanksgiving: Your Personal Guide to Conquering Anxiety Triggers
As Thanksgiving approaches, the buzz of festivities might also bring a dash of anxiety your way. No worries—grab a cozy spot because we're diving into common triggers and equipping you with practical strategies. Get ready to navigate this Thanksgiving like a pro!
Social Anxiety: Embracing Connection
Acceptance: Let's start by giving a nod to that anxiety. "Here's fear of judgment," you might say. Embrace it. Let yourself have that moment.
Reframe: Remember, it's not your job to read minds. Trust me, it's a waste of time and energy. What good is it going to do anyway?
Challenge: Ready for a challenge? Engage in small talk gradually. Discomfort? Totally natural. It's like flexing a social muscle—you got this!
Perfectionism and Expectations: Embracing Imperfection
Acceptance: Practice accepting the urge to make something perfect, be curious about it rather than reactive.
Reframe: Shift the focus to connection over perfection. Turkey a bit dry? No biggie. Redirect that energy to connecting with loved ones.
Challenge: Feeling in control? Challenge yourself to delegate tasks and leave room for spontaneity, mistakes, and yes, even a little mess.
Family Dynamics: Cultivating Understanding
Acceptance: Disagreements happen, but guess what? You get to choose how you respond. Embrace that power.
Reframe: Focus on shared moments, not past conflicts. It's all about rewriting the narrative.
Challenge: Feeling up for it? Challenge yourself to have a positive interaction, even if the past lingers. You've got this.
Food-Related Anxiety: Savoring the Experience
Acceptance: Discomfort creeping in? Acknowledge it: "I don't have to like this feeling, but I can let it be here."
Reframe: Thanksgiving is a feast for your taste buds. Shift the perspective and enjoy every bite without guilt.
Challenge: Ready for a challenge? Try a new dish or savor a favorite without letting anxiety steal the show.
Travel Anxiety: Embracing the Journey
Acceptance: Anxiety knocking on your travel plans? Gently acknowledge it: "This is just a sensation."
Reframe: View travel as an adventure, a journey to be savored. No need to rush—remind yourself you'll get there when you get there.
Challenge: Challenge discomfort by staying in the moment. Drifting thoughts? Bring them back gently. You're in control.
Loneliness and Isolation: Connecting with Self and Others
Acceptance: Loneliness paying a visit? Acknowledge it: "Here is loneliness."
Reframe: See solitude as an opportunity for self-reflection. Or hey, consider it a break from family drama.
Challenge: Ready for a challenge? Seek connection—call a friend, join a virtual gathering. You're not alone.
Overstimulation: Finding Calm Amidst Chaos
Acceptance: Know your triggers. When the cues hit, say, "Ah yes, I saw this coming. Time for a break."
Reframe: Overstimulation is a temporary challenge. Comfort is nice but not necessary. You can step out if it's too much.
Challenge: Challenge yourself to create a quiet space. Rejoin when you're ready. Your well-being comes first.
Pressure to Be Thankful: Authentic Gratitude
Acceptance: Internal conflicts about gratitude? Acknowledge them.
Reframe: There's no right or wrong way to feel on this day. Embrace the authentic you.
Challenge: Express gratitude authentically—for the weather, for Netflix. Any step, big or small, matters.
By tackling Thanksgiving challenges with Acceptance, Reframing, and Challenge, you're not just surviving; you're thriving. Remember, Thanksgiving is your journey, and these strategies are your compass for a more intentional celebration. Enjoy every moment!
Stay Ahead of the Season: Winter-Proofing Your Mental Health in Minnesota
Winter is fast approaching, and for those of us living in Minnesota, it means shorter days, chilly temperatures, and snow-covered landscapes. However, if you're dealing with anxiety and OCD, this change of seasons can bring its own unique challenges. But fear not! With careful planning, practical advice, and a positive mindset, you can effectively address these winter-related issues
Common Challenges and Solutions
Reduced Sunlight
Minnesota winters are known for their shorter daylight hours, which can have an impact on our mood and exacerbate our symptoms. Here's how to deal with this lack of sunlight...
1. Light Therapy: Consider using a light therapy lamp to simulate natural sunlight exposure. This can be especially helpful in managing Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
2. Spend Time Outdoors: Make a conscious effort to spend time outdoors during daylight hours, even when it's cold. A brisk walk in a local park or along the Mississippi River can provide a much-needed dose of natural light.
3. Vitamin D Supplements: Talk to your doctor about taking vitamin D supplements to address deficiencies that often occur during the winter months. You may be surprised to find out that we need a higher dose of Vitamin D than you think.
Increased Isolation
Winter often makes us want to stay indoors, but that doesn't mean you have to become a hermit. Keep your connections strong and find engaging indoor activities.
1. Stay Connected: Many people in the winter season will just surrender to the idea of staying indoors and seeing people less. You may need to make an extra effort to get outside of yourself and amongst friends and family so that you do not have long periods of isolation. This is especially important if you are single and/or work remotely. One of my favorite things to do is schedule a rotating dinner and game night with friends. No cooking and hanging out with friends? That’s a win-win in my book.
2. Engage in Hobbies: Pursue indoor hobbies or activities that you enjoy to keep your mind engaged and prevent feelings of loneliness. Check out Groupon, your local Community Education Classes, or join a book club. Something I have liked doing is making a “winter bucket list” of projects and activities I want to do in the winter. This way if I get into a rut I can easily find something to do. I think it’s essential to not only find places to go outside your house, but things you can do at home that are new hobbies or interests.
3. Seek Support: Joining a local support group for individuals with anxiety or OCD can provide a sense of belonging and understanding. Minneapolis offers various support groups that meet in person or virtually.
Holiday Stress
The holiday season can bring joy, but it can also come with its own set of stressors. So, how can you enjoy the holidays while minimizing stress?
1. Plan and Prioritize: The holidays are not always full of joy. It can be a time of busyness where you feel you have to “do all the things” or see people you don’t want to. Create a realistic holiday plan that sets clear priorities and boundaries to reduce stress and avoid overcommitment. It’s ok to say no.
2. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care during the holidays by incorporating relaxation techniques, exercise, and healthy eating into your routine. If you belong to a gym, spend some in the hot tub or sauna for warmth and relaxation.
3. Seek Professional Help: If holiday stress becomes overwhelming, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist or counselor in Minneapolis who specializes in anxiety and OCD for support and coping strategies.
Changes in Routine
Winter disrupts our daily routines, which can sometimes lead to mental health challenges. But you can adapt more easily with a seasonal routine..
1. Create a Winter Routine: It’s so hard to switch from doing activities outside to being inside most often. It can create a disruption to routines you had. Change can be a catalyst for relapse into mental health struggles. But by having a routine for each season it can help you adjust more easily. For instance, in the summer months, my workout routine is not in a gym because I like to maximize my time spent outdoors. So when winter rolls around, I actually look forward to getting back into the routine of the gym classes I like.
2. Schedule events: In the dark, cold winter months, it can feel like there isn’t as much going on. And if you struggle with anxiety or depression, you may find yourself feeling lonely or comparing yourself to others on social media more often. Make sure you have plans with someone to do something that you enjoy at least once per week. Having things on the calendar can help you to look forward to something even if you are struggling with your mental health.
Illness and Infections
Winter is often associated with illness season, and concerns about illness can be anxiety-inducing. Even if you aren’t worried about getting sick, when you are sick, it makes it really hard to practice good self-care because your battery is half full just from fighting a virus.
1. Practice Good Hygiene and Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle: Eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and get adequate sleep to bolster your immune system. If you don’t manage stress and anxiety well, it can also make you prone to illness, so be sure to use good self-care as well.
2. Work with a Therapist: If you have health anxiety, emetophobia, or OCD, then illness season can be a really triggering time of year. Be sure you are working with a therapist that can help you navigate these challenges.
Financial Pressures
The holiday season can be financially demanding, but there are ways to manage your budget wisely.
1. Budget Planning: Create a budget for holiday spending and stick to it. I love going to all the different holiday markets in Minneapolis where you can find unique gifts (while supporting small businesses). Communicate your expectations around gift giving with loved ones in advance so that you can say goodbye to guilt for cutting back on gifts.
2. Consider Homemade Gifts: Explore creative, cost-effective gift-giving ideas, like homemade gifts, to reduce financial burdens. Minneapolis's arts and crafts stores can be your go-to for crafting supplies.
Travel Anxiety
Whether you're hitting the road in wintery conditions or dread flying, don't let anxiety hold you back. Here's your roadmap to handling anxiety while traveling…
1. Plan Ahead: If you have to commute often, even in poor weather conditions, make sure you are prepared with emergency items, good winter tires. If you worry about how to drive in the snow or ice, practice in an empty parking lot to boost your confidence and skills :)
2. Seek out resources for flight anxiety: If you are flying this winter season and you have anxiety about flying, you may find yourself struggling to look forward to the trip. Leaving you feeling more irritable and anxious. You can learn how to manage anxiety with some of the resources we offer here.
Limited Outdoor Activities
The colder months can make you feel cooped up. Make a plan to stay active and engaged, even when outdoor options are limited
1. Indoor Exercise: Incorporate indoor exercise routines, such as yoga or home workouts, to stay active and reduce restlessness.
2. Explore Indoor Interests: Discover indoor hobbies or interests you can engage in during the winter months. One of my favorite things to do is visit places in the Twin Cities that are indoors but have a lot of natural light, like Mall of America. Or visiting the MN Zoo is a great way to feel humidity (I never thought I would miss it) even on the coldest days.
Cold and Dark Environments: Brighten Your Space
Don't let the winter gloom take over your living space. Learn how to create a warm and inviting atmosphere in your home.
1. Use Bright Lighting: Increase the lighting in your home to create a brighter, more uplifting atmosphere. I especially like festive lights or candles to get a change of environment.
2. Decorate with Warm Colors: Decorate your living spaces with warm, inviting colors to counter the gloomy environment. I’m guilty of getting some new home decor at Target or Home Decors just to freshen up my space. Keep your other decor if you like and just swap it out around the holidays. It’s a great way to fall in love with your space throughout the year.
As we wrap up, remember, winter can present its own set of challenges, especially in Minnesota. However, by taking a proactive approach, planning ahead, and harnessing your inner resilience, you can face the winter season with confidence and self-compassion. You're not alone on this journey; we're here to support you, whether you're in Minneapolis or connecting online. So, gear up, plan ahead, and embrace the winter months with determination. You've got this
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Navigating Setbacks: Strategies for Dealing with Anxiety and OCD
What Can Cause a Setback in Anxiety or OCD?
Changes in life, whether positive or not, often bring added stress, making individuals susceptible to anxiety and OCD setbacks. Common changes that can lead to setbacks can include:
Starting a new job, relocating, welcoming a new family member, or getting married, loss of a loved one, can all contribute to heightened anxiety and potential setbacks.
Medication changes, particularly abrupt discontinuation, can be challenging for many people dealing with anxiety or OCD.
Getting sick can exacerbate your mental health symptoms. When you're unwell, it becomes difficult to invest the energy necessary for self-care, leading to a decline in mood and heightened anxiety.
10 Strategies for Handling Setbacks
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that setbacks in your journey to manage anxiety and OCD are a natural part of life and don't define your progress.
Reflect on your setback. With every setback, there is something to be learned. I created a worksheet with six prompts to help you reflect on the setback and create a plan to move forward. You can get this worksheet using the sign-up form at the bottom of this page.
Reflect on Past Success: Think back to a time when your mental health and management of anxiety or OCD was in a better place. What strategies were you using then? It could be therapy, exposure exercises, mindfulness, regular exercise, or other methods. Reincorporate these into your routine to get back on track.
Prioritize Self-Care: Engage in activities that nurture your well-being. This might include relaxation, spending time in nature, or indulging in a hobby you enjoy.
Keep It Simple: Don't overcomplicate the situation by overthinking or obsessively trying to identify the root cause of your setback. Instead, focus on moving forward in your anxiety journey.
Realistic Expectations: Understand that one bad day does not mean a complete relapse. Be patient with yourself as you work through setbacks.
Re-engage with Treatment: If you've been on medication or in therapy for anxiety or OCD, reconnect with your treatment plan to regain stability and control. You might not need to be in therapy long term, a few booster sessions may be all you need to get back to where you were.
Stay Active: Keep yourself occupied with tasks and activities to allow time to pass and help you regain your confidence.
Remind Yourself You are Stronger than Anxiety: You've faced setbacks before and emerged stronger. You've got the resilience to overcome this one as well.
Re-Engage with the Moment at Hand: Sometimes, having any amount of anxiety or OCD symptoms can make you afraid that you are headed for trouble. But that may not be true. Try to respond with urgency, instead, create some distance from the problem and focus on the task in front of you.
Remember, setbacks are a part of the journey when managing anxiety and OCD, but they don't define you and don’t have to be permanent.. By acknowledging and applying these strategies, you can navigate through challenges and continue your path toward improved mental health.
Grab the Learning From Setbacks Worksheet
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Takeoff Time: 50 Things to Do on a Plane When You're Bored
Flying can be anxiety-inducing, especially when "what if" thoughts start to creep in. Boredom and anxiety make for a challenging combination.
In this blog post, we've put together a list of 43 engaging activities to help you ease those nerves at 30,000 feet. From reading and watching movies to practicing mindfulness and learning a new language, having a well-planned set of activities can transform your flight into a more comfortable and enjoyable experience.
50 Things You Can Do While Flying to Beat Boredom (so that anxiety doesn’t creep in)
Read a book
Watch in-flight movies.
Listen to music or podcasts.
Solve puzzles, like crosswords or Sudoku.
Work on a jigsaw puzzle app.
Play mobile games.
Write in a travel journal. Click here for ideas.
Plan your trip itinerary.
Edit and organize photos on your device.
Sketch or draw.Click here for ideas.
Listen to an audiobook.
Make a list of new restaurants you want to try on your trip.
Learn a new language with language learning apps.
Catch up on work or study.
Watch travel documentaries.
Meditate or practice deep breathing exercises.
Do light stretches in your seat.
Chat with your seatmate.
People-watch.
Try out a coloring book for adults.
Listen to white noise or calming sounds.
Play card games or board games with a travel-sized set.
Plan your next vacation.
Organize your digital files.
Play Sudoku or other brain-teaser games.
Create a to-do list for when you land.
Practice mindfulness and live in the moment.
Try origami with an airline napkin.
Create a travel bucket list.
Listen to a guided relaxation audio.
Knit or crochet.
Strike up a conversation with a flight attendant.
Solve riddles or brainteasers.
Learn about the history and culture of your destination.
Plan your return trip.
Organize your email or digital life.
Solve a Rubik's Cube or similar puzzle.
Meal prep for your trip to save money on eating out.
Practice your photography skills.
Do word searches or crossword puzzles.
Learn about the airline and its services.
Listen to comedy podcasts for a good laugh.
Learn about constellations and stargazing.
Start a travel blog.
Create a playlist of your favorite travel songs.
Explore the airline's in-flight entertainment system.
Read travel magazines or brochures.
Catch up on the news
Meal prep from the week you get home to remove some of the stress of returning home.
Explore new topics on youtube, such as minimalism, how to take great photos using your iphone, how to get out of debt
Why let anxiety overshadow the joy of air travel? Embrace this chance to immerse yourself in engaging activities that not only keep your mind occupied but also bring a sense of calm to your flight. Consider this time as an opportunity to explore new interests and cultivate your knowledge.
When you approach flying as a moment for relaxation, personal growth, or connecting with fellow travelers, you take a significant step toward becoming a more confident flyer. Keep moving forward, and make the most of your flight!
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Mastering Anxiety By Turning 'But What If' into 'I've Got This'
10 Empowering Statements to Use When You Are Facing Anxiety
Dealing with anxiety, particularly the nagging "but what if" thoughts, can be a confidence-crippling experience.
Fortunately, there are empowering responses that can help you regain control and rebuild your confidence when faced with anxiety.
In this blog post, we'll explore a series of statements that provide a powerful tool in handling anxiety more effectively.
These statements act as a vital part of the solution to transform anxiety into a catalyst for personal growth and resilience. Discover how you can shift your mindset and learn to view anxiety as an opportunity to thrive rather than an obstacle to overcome.
10 Empowering Statements to Use When You Are Facing Anxiety
It’s a beautiful day to do hard things.
I don’t like these feelings, but I can handle them.
Thank you mind for trying to warn me, but I got this.
Ahh, yes, here is anxiety. This is exactly the practice I need right now. Keep it coming!
I don’t know and that’s ok. Whatever happens, happens.
Hello anxiety, what are you trying to tell me to pay attention to?
These are thoughts, not facts
I've faced anxiety before and emerged stronger. I'll do it again
I'm still the driver of my bus, even when anxiety tries to take the wheel.
Welcome, stay as long as you like!
In your journey to handle anxiety more effectively, it's essential to remember that everyone's experience with anxiety is unique. The statements we've listed throughout this blog post range from nurturing and encouraging to sassy and assertive, allowing you to choose the attitude that suits you best.
Anxiety is a annoying and disruptive, but it's not unbeatable. As you face the "but what if" moments that threaten your confidence, harness the power of these statements to respond with resilience and courage. You are stronger than you think and these statements can serve as your guiding light on that path.
Try incorporating these empowering responses into your daily life. Which one do you like the best? Comment below with your response.
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Creating Your Personal Anxiety Toolkit: 10 Essential to Keep Calm
w it can hit when you least expect it. That's why it's so valuable to have your own trusty anxiety toolkit at arm's reach. Think of it as your go-to set of tools that can help you ride the waves of anxiety.
You can get creative with it, whether it's a decorated box, a small bag, or even a list of items stored on your phone in the trusty notes app.
To build your personal anxiety toolkit, you'll want to consider things that engage your five senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Here are some practical and personalized ideas to kickstart your kit:
Stress Ball: Squeezing a stress ball can provide an instant physical outlet for anxiety. It's a great way to engage your sense of touch.
Fidget: Fidget toys like spinners or cubes can be surprisingly effective at keeping your hands busy and your mind distracted.
Aromatherapy or Essential Oils: Scents like lavender, chamomile, or eucalyptus can work wonders for relaxation. A few drops of essential oil on a napkin or cotton ball can offer a calming aroma. Place it in a ziploc bag and it can travel with you.
Mindfulness or Relaxation Apps: Download a relaxation app on your phone. It's like having a personal meditation guide in your pocket.
Herbal Teas: Brew a calming cup of herbal tea. It's a treat for your taste buds and soothing for your mind.
List of Coping Statements: Keep a list of positive affirmations handy to help reframe your thoughts during stressful moments.
Create Playlists: Music can work wonders. Make playlists for different moods. Need confidence? Add songs that make you feel invincible. Looking for relaxation? Include soothing tunes. Want to unwind? Instrumentals or jazz may do the trick.
Intense Candy: If you're prone to panic attacks, consider carrying a candy with a bold, intense flavor like sour or spicy. The strong sensation in your mouth can be a powerful distraction.
Encouraging Letters or Videos: Write a heartfelt letter to yourself with words of encouragement and tips for getting through challenging situations. You can also make a video for a quick pep talk. Keep it handy for moments when you need a dose of support.
Get Creative: Pack a coloring book and some colored pencils and unleash your creative side. Or pack a notebook and write a story or journal. These can provide your mind with a delightful distraction.
Your anxiety toolkit is a reflection of what works best for you. Customize it to suit your needs and preferences. The goal is to have a lifeline to help you find calm within the storm of anxiety, no matter where you are. So, why not get started on assembling your very own anxiety toolkit today?
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Conquering Anticipation Anxiety: Strategies for Peaceful Living
Ever found yourself tangled up in knots of worry before a big event? That’s what we call anticipation anxiety – that feeling of dread before something important. It's more than just butterflies; it can gnaw at you for days, weeks and months, making you question your plans and even contemplate canceling them. The struggle is real, and many folks grapple with it, going back and forth in their minds, eyes aching from the constant inner turmoil.
Understanding Anticipation Anxiety
So, what triggers this anxiety? It could be any situation that you worry you could become anxious in. Situation including like upcoming trips, job interviews, public speaking, tests, social gatherings, or doctor visits can set it off.
This is likely something that has happened more than once. Anxiety likes to follow a pattern. Within a few minutes, I’m sure you can identify times when this is likely to show up for you.
If you aren’t sure what triggers it then try keeping a log for one week of when you feel anxiety. Keep track of when it shows up. Notice the symptoms of worry you experience before an event.
If you experience what if’s, that whirlwind feeling inside your mind, making your heart race, stomach churn, and having sleepless nights….then take note of that in your log.
It can feel like watching a horror movie in your head, imagining the worst scenarios in vivid details.
Pay attention to your specific situations that trigger anticipation anxiety, then use the skills in this blog to begin practicing.
The Science Behind Anticipation Anxiety
Ever wondered why some people are more prone to this type of anxiety? It's not just in your head; there are neurological factors at play.
When you experience anxiety, your fight, flight, freeze system is activated. This is your survival system (and no, you can’t get rid of it….and you wouldn’t want to!)
So when your brain perceives that something is a threat or dangerous (like taking a trip or speaking in front of a group), your brain sends signals to give you extra energy to run or fight.
If you have a pattern of feeling anxious about a particular situation, your brain has learned to go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Even the smallest reminder of that situation can turn on the this response.
But here's the thing: anticipation anxiety isn't a disorder on its own. It's a thinking pattern that often accompanies all anxiety disorders and OCD.
Most people will say that the situation wasn’t as bad as the anticipation anxiety. Why? Because when you are anticipating the worst case scenario, you are devoting endless time and energy into imagining a catastrophic situation.
But when you are in the situation, you aren’t so focused on your thoughts. You are busy figuring out where you need to go, talking to the people around you, driving, etc. There simply isn’t as much time to engage in the scary story.
Can Anticipation Anxiety Be Treated?
Absolutely! There's hope, and evidence-based treatments like Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can work wonders.
ERP therapy helps you face your fears step by step, even when anticipation anxiety tries to hold you back.
So if you worry about going to a doctor’s appointment, then you would turn that event into an opportunity to expose yourself to your fear. No backing out. You commit to doing the challenge so that you can learn that what you fear doesn’t usually happen.
And the more you repeat that exposure opportunity, the more you learn not to trust the anxious thoughts when they show up days before the event.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help you learn ways to create more distance from those thoughts, allow them to be there, all while committing to what’s important to you….like going to a party or getting on an airplane.
One of my favorite ACT Skills for Anticipation Anxiety is to thank your mind. When the worry shows up, say “Thank You Mind!” Why thank it? Because it’s just your brain’s attempt at keeping you safe. So giving thanks is a way to be playful while reminding yourself that it’s a harmless thought (even if it’s unpleasant).
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) will help you to examine the accuracy of your thoughts and help you find a more realistic and helpful way of viewing the situation.
There are a number of different CBT skills that can help anticipation anxiety. One of my favorites, is to consider how believable the thought is.
Lets say I was worried about embarrassing myself when having to give a speech. Sure that may have happened before. But has it happened every time? Do others make errors? If I do make a mistake, will it matter in a week from now? How about a month from now?
How Can I Manage Anticipation Anxiety?
Ever heard of mindfulness? It's like a mental workout. When your mind starts spiraling into worst-case scenarios, mindfulness helps you pull yourself back to the present moment. Think of it as exercising your mind, training it to recognize when it's drifting into anxiety.
Relaxation techniques can also be helpful. It won’t banish your worries, but they can ease those physical sensations of body's tension and rapid heart beat.
Cognitive restructuring exercises can help you to challenge those catastrophic thoughts, helping you see situations more realistically. And self-compassion? It's about being kind to yourself. It can help you to acknowledge that these thoughts and feelings are tough but to remember that you're not alone and can handle this.
Acknowledge that this is a scary story, and nothing more. Sometimes it can be easy to want to cancel your plans because these thoughts make it feel like something terrible will actually happen. But this happens because as you are watching this horror movie in your mind, it turns on physical feelings that convince you the worst case scenario will happen.
Setting Realistic Goals and Expectations
It's essential to set realistic goals in your journey to overcome anticipation anxiety. Even with all the effective strategies, you might still feel anxious at times, and that's okay.
It takes consistent effort and practice to learn new skills and habits. So as long as you keep practicing you will make progress.
The key is not to beat yourself up about it. Instead, acknowledge your anxiety and remind yourself that it's natural. With the right tools, you can handle it.
Conclusion
Here’s the good news: anticipation anxiety is treatable. If you find yourself struggling, don’t hesitate to seek help. Therapists trained in CBT, ACT, and ERP, like those at State of Mind Therapy, can guide you through this journey. Remember, you're not alone, and with the right support, you can conquer anticipation anxiety and embrace a more peaceful life.
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Supporting OCD and Anxiety: What Your Loved One Wishes You Understood
OCD and anxiety don't just affect the individuals living with them; their loved ones are equally impacted. Family members often grapple with frustration and uncertainty, not knowing how to best support their loved one in their struggle.
In this article, you'll hear insights shared by OCD sufferers about what they find most helpful from their loved ones and what their loved ones should avoid.
Understand Their Unique Experience with OCD
First and foremost, it's essential to acknowledge that OCD and anxiety aren't one-size-fits-all experiences. Some people experience physical compulsions, while others are experiencing mental compulsions (often referred to as Pure O).
Internally, individuals with OCD experience a significant mental burden, even if it's not apparent to others, making their daily lives mentally exhausting.
It’s important to resist the urge to normalize their experience. Even if you can relate or have OCD yourself, remember that you can never fully understand their experience. Instead, be a good listener and validate their feelings. For example, say, "That sounds like it's painful for you to live with."
OCD is often misunderstood, and its impact goes beyond common stereotypes like contamination-related OCD. Just because you don’t see them doing compulsions, doesn’t mean they aren’t experiencing OCD. Learn about the various sub-types of OCD here.
Action Steps:
If your loved one mentions their struggles, trust them, even if you can't see any outward signs of distress.
Respect their word and ask them how you can support them.
Always be willing to correct any mistaken assumptions about their state of mind.
If you don’t feel like you understand OCD, take the time to fully educate yourself by reading reputable books or visiting trustworthy websites.
Be a Safe Haven for Your Loved One with OCD
Having safe people in their lives to share the raw truth of their OCD journey can be a game-changer.
Clients of mine have shared that they felt most supported when they were encouraged to be completely authentic and not have to always pretend that everything is "fine." Just letting them be themselves can lift a significant weight from their shoulders.
OCD should not be downplayed. Even if the person with OCD knows their thinking doesn’t make sense, it still feels very real to them and difficult to handle, so take them seriously and treat them with compassion.
Action Steps:
Do not laugh at them or tease them about it having OCD.
When your loved one opens up to you, try to maintain a calm demeanor. A strong reaction may discourage them from sharing their thoughts, as they may feel like they're causing you distress or can't trust you with their concerns.
Thank your loved one for opening up to you.
Validate their experience by saying “this sounds really painful” or “I can see how this is confusing to you. You don’t want to do this but feel like you can’t stop.”
What to Do When Your Loved One is Engaging in Compulsions
It's natural to feel frustrated when your loved one engages in compulsions, but getting angry won't help. Remember, they don't want to perform these rituals; they feel compelled to do them.
Action Steps:
Acknowledge their struggle and ask if they would like help or if they prefer some space.
If they want help, see if you can help them through a distraction or see if they are willing to delay the ritual, even if it’s just for a few moments. For more tips on reducing compulsions, read here.
If you are having difficulty with your emotions, it’s ok to remove yourself from the situation.
Remember: It’s not your responsibility to stop their compulsions.
Don’t Accommodate or Enable Your Loved One with OCD
Loved ones often feel the need to make changes in their own behavior to accommodate the person with OCD.
You don’t want to see them in pain and so you want to do what you can to make them feel better. Or perhaps they are insisting on you reassuring them and feel you need to.
Although you may not agree or want to do these things, it can make you feel trapped.
If you experience these feelings, then you may be unintentionally feeding your loved one’s OCD by making accommodations for them. This occurs in nearly every family when someone has OCD.
Accommodating behaviors are normal. So don’t beat yourself up.
However, recognize that this is only feeding your loved one’s OCD and not actually helping in the long-run.
This is the part of the OCD cycle that you can ACTUALLY control.
Action Steps:
You have the right to say no when they ask you to do something (like change your clothes or give them reassurance).
Removing every and all accommodations at once is unrealistic and likely going to be unhelpful. Learn more about handling family accommodation here.
It’s important to be intentional, have a plan, and work towards it over time. It won’t happen overnight.
You Don't Need to Fix Your Loved One’s OCD
You might want to swoop in and solve everything, but sometimes, that's not what they need.
Remind them that what they're going through sounds incredibly challenging. Acknowledge their courage and resilience in living with OCD.
People with OCD need to know they're not alone on this path, and your validation can be their lifeline.
Action Steps:
NEVER force your loved one to face their fear or do an exposure. Instead, encourage them, but let them decide their boundaries and pace.
Remember, it's essential to validate their feelings rather than trying to fix everything.
It’s ok to admit to them “ I wish I had the answers” or “I wish I could take this pain away from you.”
This allows your loved one to feel heard without you having to provide a solution.
OCD Recovery Is a Lifelong Journey
Recovery from OCD is not linear. There may be times that your loved one is doing really well but then they have a setback. It’s important to expect a setback and encourage your loved one to get back on track.
A setback is not the end of the world. If they have been through treatment and had good progress, they will be able to regain that progress again. No knowledge has been lost. Check out this article for more helpful information on handling setbacks.
Action Steps:
Do not be panicked or upset with your loved one. It will not help your loved one if you start to freak out. Stay calm and express confidence in them that they know exactly what they need to do to get back on their feet
Remind them of the things that were helping them before whether that was medication, therapy, exposures, etc.
Ask them if there is anything that you can do to help them feel less overwhelmed with getting back on track with their treatment plan. Perhaps a few sessions with their previous therapist as a refresher will be useful.
Avoiding Caregiver Burnout
Make sure you are not forgetting about your own needs during this time. Remember what the flight attendants say at the start of an airplane ride, they say to put on your mask before you help other people.
Why do they say this? It's because if you are not taking care of yourself you will not have the strength, energy, or skills to be able to help somebody else. You will end up burning out before you can be helpful.
Action Steps:
Have activities and hobbies that you are engaging in
Seek your own therapy
Be sure you are taking your medications (if applicable)
Be sure you are taking care of yourself by eating and sleeping well
Conclusion
Remember that OCD is lifelong. It’s not your job to solve it for your loved one. But you play a critical role in your loved one’s recovery. If your loved one is in need of treatment, be sure they are working with a therapist that specializes in treating OCD using effective and evidence-based treatments available for OCD (such as ERP or ICBT).
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What is Pure O?
Pure O is a subtype of OCD that is not often recognized. In this video, Bryan Piatt shares more about how to identify Pure O.
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Deep Breathing in Action [Video]
In this video, Bryan Piatt discusses how to use your breath effectively to manage anxiety symptoms.
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Traveling with Anxious Flyer? Sidestep These 5 Common Pitfalls
If you are traveling with someone who is nervous about flying, it can be hard to know what to say or do. Most people have good intentions when attempting to alleviate another person’s anxiety. But sometimes those good intentions can lead to your travel partner feeling upset and unsupported.
5 mistakes to avoid when traveling with an anxious traveler:
Do not encourage the anxious flyer to drink alcohol or use drugs to handle their anxiety. Although alcohol can help people relax, it isn’t effective for everyone. It can cause additional problems for anxious traveler. For example, getting dehydrated from alcohol can increase their anxiety symptoms. If your travel partner gets intoxicated on the flight, it could cause other problems like saying something embarrassing or passing out and unable to wake in the event of an actual emergency. And some people are on medications that could be dangerous to take with alcohol, so it’s important not to suggest it if you don’t know the impact it could have on them.
Do not tell them to calm down. Rarely is this ever effective. If it was that simple then they would do this on their own. it is never helpful to hear that when you are anxious. Instead try offering something specific like a back rub or “lets take some deep breaths together” or “I’m here with you, you’re safe.”
Remember that there is nothing you can say to "talk them out of their fear." Most anxious flyers know that they are safe but their brain tricks them in the moment. Validate their feelings and let them know you understand how hard this for them. If you try to “fix their thinking” then you will only cause them to shut down and feel frustrated.
Don’t be late. A person who is nervous to fly does not need added stress on top of their worry. Allowing for plenty of time will allow them to keep their stress low so they keep their worry at bay.
Be aware of your behavior. Someone who is anxious is going to be easily irritable. So if you have any habits that they other person finds annoying (like chewing with your mouth open or talking loudly) then that may add to their stress. Try not to take it personally and realize that their tolerance for anything bothersome is really low. Do your best to mitigate the behavior to help them feel more relaxed.
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Guided Meditation for Intrusive Thoughts
Created by Bryan Piatt
Bryan Piatt is a practicum provider that helps people get untangled from obsessive thoughts and worries so they can find freedom and joy in their life. Interested in working with Bryan? Schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation below to get started.
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How To Stop Playing Whack a Mole with Worry
Do your worries change topics? Maybe you have spent tons of time squashing one worry, only to have a different one pop up. This can lead you to an endless game of "whack a mole." Where the game of getting rid of worry only keeps going, and going, and going...kind of like the energizer bunny.
If you don’t learn about this game that worry likes to play, you can easily get stuck in the worry trap for years. In this blog, you will learn our top tips for handling those jumping worries.
Identify the Theme Across All of Your Worries
Worry tends to be pretty predictable and thematic. It may not seem like it on the surface, but if you spend some time exploring this, you will find that there is a common theme across all of your worries.
Understanding the theme of your worry can really help you to not get caught off guard the next time it shows up.
So how do you find the theme?
Make a list of all your worries. Include current worries and ones that you have had in the past.
Put your worry into a “what if” question
Ask yourself, if that were to happen, what would that mean about me or about my life? What’s the bad thing that would happen?
Take a look at your list. What do your worries have in common? Maybe it’s about fear of accidentally harming someone you love. Or maybe it’s about you getting sick. Or maybe not being able to enjoy your life.
Write down the theme. This is the scary story that worry wants you get absorbed in. And once you aren’t absorbed into it, then it tries to find another way. This is when whack-a-mole shows up.
Acknowledge the Worry
So now that you know your theme (or scary story) of worry. You need to get really good at spotting it. Because worry will try to trick you into getting caught up in different way. It’s like the worry put on a different halloween costume to spook you. But don’t be fooled.
When you notice that this worry has the same scary story as you’ve had in the past, acknowledge it.
You can practice saying “here is another scary story about being responsible for harming someone. I know what this is, I’ve seen it before.”
Or you can say “I don’t like these scary stories, but I can allow them to be there.”
Recognize Your Choice to Go Further
Believe it or not, you have to choice to engage in the scary story. It’s not an easy choice, but you do have one. Recognizing that you have a choice to begin with is very empowering. You don’t have to play the game. You can drop the rope.
You may find it helpful to think about what has happened in the past when you have bought into this story before. Did you get stuck in rumination? Did you seek endless reassurance from others? Did you spiral into panic?
Remembering the consequences you have experienced for engaging in the scary story can be useful for you in avoiding the trap. You can remind yourself “Yes, there is a scary story here. If I buy into it, it’s going to make it hard to enjoy time with my family, take away my energy, and so on.”
Once you have acknowledged the scary story and made your choice to not buy into it, then get back to being involved in your life. Get involved with what you want, regardless if worry wants to come with.
You don’t need the worry to be solved to get back to living your life (that can be another trap). Just get out there and keep living and use the skills along the way.
Written by Jenny Matthews, LMFT, LADC
Jenny is a therapist that specializes in helping over-thinkers and worriers get relief from anxiety so they can be more productive + do what matters so they can be present with their loved ones.
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A New Way of Treating OCD (A Non-Exposure Based Way)
The New Kid on The Block
For years we have known that ERP (exposure and response prevention) is the gold standard treatment for OCD. I have been using ERP with my clients for years, and many have been able to get their life back using this approach.
But the truth is, the research says that only 60% of clients will get better with ERP. So then what? Do those individuals just live with the suffering that OCD has caused them? Should they just give up? Accept that this is as good as it’s going to get?
Hell no. There has to be more. And luckily, there is.
For the past 9 months, I’ve been seeking ongoing training and consultation with hundreds of other OCD therapists across the country on a therapy called Inference Based CBT.
Is it new? Sort of, but not really.
What is Inference Based Therapy (ICBT)?
Inference Based Therapy has been around since the early 2000s. It has undergone many randomized controlled studies comparing it to ERP, and the data has shown to be just as effective as ERP.
This is great news. This means that we have more than one way to effectively treat OCD.
ICBT is a cognitive therapy for OCD. ICBT aims to resolve “inferential confusion.” Which is when someone confuses imagined possibility with reality.
ICBT works “upstream” by addressing the doubt (or what if?) that set the OCD into motion.
By working upstream, when you can resolve the doubt, then the anxiety and compulsions do not occur.
ICBT looks at what is behind the doubt. There is a reasoning process you use with obsessional doubts that you don’t use with normal doubts. You reason differently in OCD situations than every other area of your life. We teach you how to see the difference.
ICBT says that intrusive and obsessive thoughts do not occur by random, there is a story behind them. The story is absorbing and takes you behind your senses.
ICBT aims to help people return to trusting themselves and their senses.
What I love about ICBT
I’ve been using ICBT with the majority of my clients with OCD for the past 6 months. I still consider myself a beginner but many of my clients feel like this makes so much sense. It’s also common for some of my clients to feel confused. Because this is very different than what they were previously learning through an ERP approach.
This was my experience in learning ICBT too. It has (and still does) take a lot of work to see how this approach works.
I love how well rounded this model of therapy is. In ERP, there is no real in depth discussion about how a person came to become so consumed with their worries. And in ICBT, we really help people understand this and I have seen this be so validating to my clients to have a deeper understanding of themselves.
I love how interactive it is. We use games and exercises to apply the concepts so that clients can arrive at these conclusions on their own.
And mostly, I love having an additional treatment option for clients. Exposure will still be a treatment I use in my practice but when a client isn’t making progress or isn’t ready to try ERP, it’s nice to have other ways of helping them regain their life.
Questions about ICBT? Send me an email at jenny@stateofmindtherapy.com
Written by Jenny Matthews, LMFT, LADC
Jenny is a therapist that specializes in helping over-thinkers and worriers get relief from anxiety so they can be more productive + do what matters + be present with their loved ones.
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How You Can Change Your Relationship With Anxiety and OCD
Created by Bryan Piatt
Bryan is a practicum provider that specializes in helping people get untangled from obsessive thoughts and worries so they can live more freely in a life they love.
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How To Support an Anxious Flyer
Traveling with someone anxious about flying? Check out this article on Travel and Leisure Magazine that Jenny contributed to for helpful tips on how to support your loved one.
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How to Handle Big Feelings
Dropping Anchor: A Helpful Tool for Handling Anxiety, Panic, and other big feelings
Dropping anchor is a tool from ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) that can be really effective for any big feelings-anxiety, anger, shame, etc.
The 3-part excercise is meant to help you gain more control over your actions (instead of freezing up, ruminating, or lashing out). This exercise also helps reduce the impact or power of the big feelings.
Please note, the goal is NOT to eliminate the big feelings or difficult thoughts. When that becomes the goal, we can easily get hooked further by these experiences.
Remember this acronym: ACE
It stands for Acknowledge, Connect, and Engage
Check out the exercise below. If you prefer to practice this exercise through audio, check out this recording I made that will walk you through it.
Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings
Notice them with curiosity and without judgment. It helps to say them in a matter of fact way, like “here is worry,” or “I’m noticing a racing heart.” You can also be more vague such as “here are difficult thoughts/feelings” or “I’m noticing pain.”
This part of the skill is critical. Many other strategies like grounding, deep breathing are good at getting you connected with your body but they are also aimed at distraction. The acknowledge part of this skill is helping you to not avoid or distract, by naming your experience you are actively accepting it and creating distance from it.
Come back into your body
Do any small movement to reconnect with your body. Have a gentle stretch. Wiggle your toes and fingers, walk, or shift in your chair.
While doing this movement, continue to practice acknowledging your thoughts and feelings (so this doesn’t become a distraction technique).
Engage in the world
Now it’s important to refocus and engage with an activity. The purpose of this exercise is to help you be able to take effective action, even if you are experiencing difficult thoughts or feelings. This can be done in several ways:
Actively notice the environment you are in right now. Name something you can see, hear, smell, touch, or taste.
Take note of where you can put your attention next to make the most of this situation. Maybe that means returning to some work you were doing. Taking the dog for a walk. Or maybe engaging in a game with your kids.
Dropping Anchor Audio Recording
When practicing a new skill, it can be more effective to listen and be guided through the exercise instead of reading instructions. So I made an audio recording that you can use to listen to when you are practicing this skill. After awhile, you won’t even need the recording, the skill will become natural to you.
Written by Jenny Matthews, LMFT, LADC
Jenny is a therapist that specializes in helping over-thinkers and worriers get relief from anxiety so they can be more productive + do what matters + be present with their loved ones.
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How to Overcome Your Fear of Flying
5 Strategies to Help You Overcome Your Fear of Flying
Get Started with Our Flight Anxiety Toolkit
What’s Your Core Fear of Flying?
Your afraid of this behemoth machine crashing?
You’re afraid of turbulence breaking the airplane apart?
You’re afraid of flying into a thunderstorm and crashing?
You had a panic attack on the airplane last time and you’re afraid that the panic will return?
You’re claustrophobic, so the slightest idea of sitting in this tiny cylinder would drive you mad?
You’ve seen media stories of passengers losing control on the airplane and trying to escape out of the emergency exit and now you’re afraid that could be you?
You have a history of health anxiety and the idea of being too far away from a hospital is keeping you from boarding that airplane?
Why Do You Want to Fly?
Is it something else? If so, dig deep to see if you can extract your core fear.
I yearn to participate in a family vacation (without having to drive alone)?
I yearn to apply for a job that requires air travel?
I yearn to tap into my adventurous side and see the world?
I yearn to break away from the shackles of fear and develop confidence in myself?
Is it something else?
3. take action
If your fear is centered around not understanding how airplanes operate or weather/turbulence related fears, commit to learning how airplanes work.
If your fear is FEAR OF FEAR, try to become more mentally flexible with scary, uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, memories, and bodily sensations:
Practice using your attention muscle (that thing you use to read and communicate) to not engage with all of the “What if’s” that pop into your awareness. Learn more about attention vs. awareness and rumination here.
Increase your willingness to FEEL ANXIETY and not try to push it away, fight it it, or pull you into more avoidance or rumination.
Remind yourself why you’re willing to expand your comfort zone and face your fear. (I want to be able to get away in the winter months, I want to visit my relatives, etc)
4. Anxiety is uncomfortable but not dangerous
Remind yourself that after you face your fear, you will learn that fear is simply an emotion that can’t harm you. You will also learn that fear loses its power after you face it head on!
5. Seek Additional Support for Your Fear
Overcoming fear is not easy, and you don’t have to do it alone. Having a professional, like a therapist that specializes in treating anxiety disorders and phobias, that can walk you through this challenge can be a game changer.
A therapist can help you create an individual plan to how to work on facing your fear. Therapists can be great for accountability if you know you have a tendency on letting avoidance take over.
At State of Mind Therapy, our therapists are skilled at treating flying anxiety. We work with clients one-on-one and have digital courses that you can join to give you the tools you need to overcome your fear.
Scheduled a free 15 minute phone consultation to get started working with one of our therapists at State of Mind Therapy.