You Don’t Need to Meet the Pilot — Why That Advice Might Be Making Your Anxiety Worse

You wouldn’t get surgery without meeting your doctor—so should you really fly without meeting your pilot?

That’s the analogy I’ve heard some professionals use when they suggest anxious flyers should try to meet the pilot before takeoff. The idea is that if you can personally assess who’s in charge of the aircraft, you’ll feel calmer, more in control, and more reassured.

And in theory? Sure, it makes sense. There’s something comforting about meeting the person who holds your safety in their hands.

But actually, that advice, while well-meaning, can backfire for people with anxiety. Not only is it impractical for most travelers…but it can reinforce the very belief that’s keeping you stuck: that you can’t handle flying unless you feel 100% certain that it’s safe.

And if you're someone who's been caught in the exhausting loop of anticipatory worry or intrusive thoughts, you already know how unhelpful that standard can be.

The Trap of Needing to Feel 100% Safe

Anxiety craves certainty. It thrives on the idea that if you could just know for sure, you could finally relax and be done with this anxiety.

Just check one more time. Just make sure. Just meet the pilot.

That urge to meet the pilot starts to function as a crutch (a way to temporarily soothe fear). But it quietly reinforces the belief that unless you’re absolutely certain everything is safe, you shouldn’t proceed.

That’s not freedom. That’s anxiety calling the shots.

In anxiety treatment, we work toward something different. Not erasing fear, not gathering endless reassurance—but building trust in your ability to move forward anyway.

Flying safely doesn’t require knowing the pilot. It requires trusting that the safety systems, training, and protocols are already there (even if you never meet the pilot in the cockpit).

And to be honest? You already live this way in so many other areas of your life.

How You Already Trust Strangers With Real Risk

Let’s zoom out. If your brain is telling you that you must meet the pilot to feel safe, it might help to look at all the places you already hand over trust to strangers—with very real risks involved.

1. Eating at a Restaurant

You don’t meet the chef. You don’t inspect the kitchen. You don’t double-check whether the meat was stored at the right temperature or whether the cutting boards were sanitized.

You trust that someone behind the scenes is following the rules. You trust the restaurant staff to prepare and serve food safely.

And let’s be honest: if something went wrong, the consequence could be significant. You could get food poisoning. You could land in the ER. But even with that possibility, I’m guessing you still choose to eat out.

Because you trust the process—not because you know every player personally.

2. Taking Medication

When you fill a prescription, you probably don’t know the pharmacist. You’ve never met the scientist who developed the drug, the lab technician who mixed it, or the inspector who approved it.

And yet, you take your vitamins or medications anyway.

You trust that safeguards are in place. That standards were followed. That someone somewhere did their job…even if you’ll never know their name.

So here is my reminder to you: you don’t need personal proof to take meaningful action.

3. Driving Over Bridges

Most of us drive across massive bridges without a second thought. We don’t stop and think, Who built this? When was it last inspected? What if they missed something?

And yet, if something went wrong—if the structure failed—the consequences could be fatal.

Still, we drive across. Because we trust in systems and regulations. We take the risk, not because we’ve personally checked the bolts, but because we believe in the process.

But Flying Feels Different… And That’s Okay

It’s totally normal to feel like flying is a “bigger” risk. You’re thousands of feet in the air, moving fast, and you don’t feel in control. And in the event of a crash, the stakes are high. 

But here’s the truth: the feeling of risk doesn’t always match the reality of risk.

Flying is one of the safest ways to travel. It’s heavily regulated. Pilots are rigorously trained. And the systems in place are built to catch and correct human error.

So yes—it feels different. But that doesn’t mean it is more dangerous.

The work, then, isn’t about eliminating fear—it’s about learning to move with it.

Why This Mindset Shift Matters

Requiring personal proof of safety—like meeting the pilot—can quietly teach your brain that unless every single box is checked, you’re not safe to proceed.

It’s not a sustainable strategy. What happens when the pilot is busy? When the cockpit is closed? When you can’t get the reassurance you’re looking for?

You get stuck.

This doesn’t just apply to flying. This pattern can spill into other areas of life: work decisions, health anxiety, parenting, relationships.

Learning to tolerate some uncertainty and trust in your ability to handle what comes—is one of the most freeing mental shifts you can make.

The goal isn’t to trick yourself into feeling 100% safe. It’s to tell yourself, “I might not feel totally certain, but I can still do this.”

What to Focus on Instead

If you’re working on letting go of the “I need to meet the pilot” mindset, here’s what to try instead:

🔹 Name the Story

“Here’s that old ‘I need proof to feel safe’ story again.”
This gives you distance from the thought. It helps you see it as just that—a thought, not a fact.

🔹 Trust What You Already Know

“Pilots are highly trained. Commercial aviation is incredibly safe. This flight is no different.”

You don’t need to investigate every detail. You can choose to trust the big picture.

🔹 Reframe the Craving for Certainty

“It’s okay to want reassurance. But I don’t need to act on that urge every time it shows up.”

Even if you could meet the pilot, it wouldn’t eliminate the fear long-term. What does help? Learning to sit with uncertainty and not let it drive the bus.

🔹 Hold It Lightly

If you happen to meet the pilot and it calms you—great. But don’t let it become a condition for flying.

Think of it like a bonus, not a requirement.

🔹 Anchor to Your Why

What does flying make possible? What memories, connections, or growth live on the other side of this anxiety?

Your brain is focused on staying safe. Your heart wants to live fully. Let your values help lead the way.

Final Thought: You Already Know How to Trust

You don’t need to meet the pilot.

You need to trust your ability to fly—even when your brain tells you it’s too risky.
You need to trust the knowledge you already have.
You need to trust that discomfort doesn’t mean danger.
And most of all, you need to trust yourself.

Because you’ve already been practicing this trust—in restaurants, in pharmacies, on highways.

Flying is just one more place to apply the skill you already have.

Ready to Feel More Confident in the Air?

The Fearful Flyers Blueprint is a self-paced, step-by-step course that helps you gain the skills you need to stop fearing flying and learn the skills you need to handle anxiety so you can travel the world.

Available in video and private podcast format
Rooted in exposure-based therapy strategies
Designed by a therapist who gets it—and has helped hundreds of people with fear and anxiety

👉 Enroll in the Fearful Flyers Blueprint today and start building your roadmap to calmer skies.