How To Stop Playing Whack a Mole with Worry
Do your worries change topics? Maybe you have spent tons of time squashing one worry, only to have a different one pop up. This can lead you to an endless game of "whack a mole." Where the game of getting rid of worry only keeps going, and going, and going...kind of like the energizer bunny.
If you don’t learn about this game that worry likes to play, you can easily get stuck in the worry trap for years. In this blog, you will learn our top tips for handling those jumping worries.
Identify the Theme Across All of Your Worries
Worry tends to be pretty predictable and thematic. It may not seem like it on the surface, but if you spend some time exploring this, you will find that there is a common theme across all of your worries.
Understanding the theme of your worry can really help you to not get caught off guard the next time it shows up.
So how do you find the theme?
Make a list of all your worries. Include current worries and ones that you have had in the past.
Put your worry into a “what if” question
Ask yourself, if that were to happen, what would that mean about me or about my life? What’s the bad thing that would happen?
Take a look at your list. What do your worries have in common? Maybe it’s about fear of accidentally harming someone you love. Or maybe it’s about you getting sick. Or maybe not being able to enjoy your life.
Write down the theme. This is the scary story that worry wants you get absorbed in. And once you aren’t absorbed into it, then it tries to find another way. This is when whack-a-mole shows up.
Acknowledge the Worry
So now that you know your theme (or scary story) of worry. You need to get really good at spotting it. Because worry will try to trick you into getting caught up in different way. It’s like the worry put on a different halloween costume to spook you. But don’t be fooled.
When you notice that this worry has the same scary story as you’ve had in the past, acknowledge it.
You can practice saying “here is another scary story about being responsible for harming someone. I know what this is, I’ve seen it before.”
Or you can say “I don’t like these scary stories, but I can allow them to be there.”
Recognize Your Choice to Go Further
Believe it or not, you have to choice to engage in the scary story. It’s not an easy choice, but you do have one. Recognizing that you have a choice to begin with is very empowering. You don’t have to play the game. You can drop the rope.
You may find it helpful to think about what has happened in the past when you have bought into this story before. Did you get stuck in rumination? Did you seek endless reassurance from others? Did you spiral into panic?
Remembering the consequences you have experienced for engaging in the scary story can be useful for you in avoiding the trap. You can remind yourself “Yes, there is a scary story here. If I buy into it, it’s going to make it hard to enjoy time with my family, take away my energy, and so on.”
Once you have acknowledged the scary story and made your choice to not buy into it, then get back to being involved in your life. Get involved with what you want, regardless if worry wants to come with.
You don’t need the worry to be solved to get back to living your life (that can be another trap). Just get out there and keep living and use the skills along the way.
Written by Jenny Matthews, LMFT, LADC
Jenny is a therapist that specializes in helping over-thinkers and worriers get relief from anxiety so they can be more productive + do what matters so they can be present with their loved ones.
