You Don’t Need to Meet the Pilot — Why That Advice Might Be Making Your Anxiety Worse

You wouldn’t get surgery without meeting your doctor—so should you really fly without meeting your pilot?

That’s the analogy I’ve heard some professionals use when they suggest anxious flyers should try to meet the pilot before takeoff. The idea is that if you can personally assess who’s in charge of the aircraft, you’ll feel calmer, more in control, and more reassured.

And in theory? Sure, it makes sense. There’s something comforting about meeting the person who holds your safety in their hands.

But actually, that advice, while well-meaning, can backfire for people with anxiety. Not only is it impractical for most travelers…but it can reinforce the very belief that’s keeping you stuck: that you can’t handle flying unless you feel 100% certain that it’s safe.

And if you're someone who's been caught in the exhausting loop of anticipatory worry or intrusive thoughts, you already know how unhelpful that standard can be.

The Trap of Needing to Feel 100% Safe

Anxiety craves certainty. It thrives on the idea that if you could just know for sure, you could finally relax and be done with this anxiety.

Just check one more time. Just make sure. Just meet the pilot.

That urge to meet the pilot starts to function as a crutch (a way to temporarily soothe fear). But it quietly reinforces the belief that unless you’re absolutely certain everything is safe, you shouldn’t proceed.

That’s not freedom. That’s anxiety calling the shots.

In anxiety treatment, we work toward something different. Not erasing fear, not gathering endless reassurance—but building trust in your ability to move forward anyway.

Flying safely doesn’t require knowing the pilot. It requires trusting that the safety systems, training, and protocols are already there (even if you never meet the pilot in the cockpit).

And to be honest? You already live this way in so many other areas of your life.

How You Already Trust Strangers With Real Risk

Let’s zoom out. If your brain is telling you that you must meet the pilot to feel safe, it might help to look at all the places you already hand over trust to strangers—with very real risks involved.

1. Eating at a Restaurant

You don’t meet the chef. You don’t inspect the kitchen. You don’t double-check whether the meat was stored at the right temperature or whether the cutting boards were sanitized.

You trust that someone behind the scenes is following the rules. You trust the restaurant staff to prepare and serve food safely.

And let’s be honest: if something went wrong, the consequence could be significant. You could get food poisoning. You could land in the ER. But even with that possibility, I’m guessing you still choose to eat out.

Because you trust the process—not because you know every player personally.

2. Taking Medication

When you fill a prescription, you probably don’t know the pharmacist. You’ve never met the scientist who developed the drug, the lab technician who mixed it, or the inspector who approved it.

And yet, you take your vitamins or medications anyway.

You trust that safeguards are in place. That standards were followed. That someone somewhere did their job…even if you’ll never know their name.

So here is my reminder to you: you don’t need personal proof to take meaningful action.

3. Driving Over Bridges

Most of us drive across massive bridges without a second thought. We don’t stop and think, Who built this? When was it last inspected? What if they missed something?

And yet, if something went wrong—if the structure failed—the consequences could be fatal.

Still, we drive across. Because we trust in systems and regulations. We take the risk, not because we’ve personally checked the bolts, but because we believe in the process.

But Flying Feels Different… And That’s Okay

It’s totally normal to feel like flying is a “bigger” risk. You’re thousands of feet in the air, moving fast, and you don’t feel in control. And in the event of a crash, the stakes are high. 

But here’s the truth: the feeling of risk doesn’t always match the reality of risk.

Flying is one of the safest ways to travel. It’s heavily regulated. Pilots are rigorously trained. And the systems in place are built to catch and correct human error.

So yes—it feels different. But that doesn’t mean it is more dangerous.

The work, then, isn’t about eliminating fear—it’s about learning to move with it.

Why This Mindset Shift Matters

Requiring personal proof of safety—like meeting the pilot—can quietly teach your brain that unless every single box is checked, you’re not safe to proceed.

It’s not a sustainable strategy. What happens when the pilot is busy? When the cockpit is closed? When you can’t get the reassurance you’re looking for?

You get stuck.

This doesn’t just apply to flying. This pattern can spill into other areas of life: work decisions, health anxiety, parenting, relationships.

Learning to tolerate some uncertainty and trust in your ability to handle what comes—is one of the most freeing mental shifts you can make.

The goal isn’t to trick yourself into feeling 100% safe. It’s to tell yourself, “I might not feel totally certain, but I can still do this.”

What to Focus on Instead

If you’re working on letting go of the “I need to meet the pilot” mindset, here’s what to try instead:

🔹 Name the Story

“Here’s that old ‘I need proof to feel safe’ story again.”
This gives you distance from the thought. It helps you see it as just that—a thought, not a fact.

🔹 Trust What You Already Know

“Pilots are highly trained. Commercial aviation is incredibly safe. This flight is no different.”

You don’t need to investigate every detail. You can choose to trust the big picture.

🔹 Reframe the Craving for Certainty

“It’s okay to want reassurance. But I don’t need to act on that urge every time it shows up.”

Even if you could meet the pilot, it wouldn’t eliminate the fear long-term. What does help? Learning to sit with uncertainty and not let it drive the bus.

🔹 Hold It Lightly

If you happen to meet the pilot and it calms you—great. But don’t let it become a condition for flying.

Think of it like a bonus, not a requirement.

🔹 Anchor to Your Why

What does flying make possible? What memories, connections, or growth live on the other side of this anxiety?

Your brain is focused on staying safe. Your heart wants to live fully. Let your values help lead the way.

Final Thought: You Already Know How to Trust

You don’t need to meet the pilot.

You need to trust your ability to fly—even when your brain tells you it’s too risky.
You need to trust the knowledge you already have.
You need to trust that discomfort doesn’t mean danger.
And most of all, you need to trust yourself.

Because you’ve already been practicing this trust—in restaurants, in pharmacies, on highways.

Flying is just one more place to apply the skill you already have.

Ready to Feel More Confident in the Air?

The Fearful Flyers Blueprint is a self-paced, step-by-step course that helps you gain the skills you need to stop fearing flying and learn the skills you need to handle anxiety so you can travel the world.

Available in video and private podcast format
Rooted in exposure-based therapy strategies
Designed by a therapist who gets it—and has helped hundreds of people with fear and anxiety

👉 Enroll in the Fearful Flyers Blueprint today and start building your roadmap to calmer skies.

Why Anxiety and OCD Feel So Real (And What to Do About It)

Have you ever had a thought that instantly made your heart race? One that didn’t just cross your mind—it stuck, and suddenly it felt like you were living through the very thing you were trying to avoid?

Happens to my clients all the time. They say, “I know it’s irrational, but it just feels so real.”

Anxiety and OCD are experts at making imagined fears feel like they’re happening right now. Even when you know something isn’t truly happening, your body and brain often respond as if it is.

So why does it “feel so real”—and how do you stop getting hooked?

Let’s talk about it.

Your Brain Reacts to Imaginary Threats Like They're Real Ones

Let’s try something for a second.

Imagine being in a classroom, and someone walks up to a chalkboard and slowly drags their fingernails down it. (Okay, I know schools don’t really use chalkboards anymore—but you get the point.)

Can you hear that screeching sound? Maybe you just got goosebumps or the hair on your arm stood up.

Now picture this: I hand you a bright, juicy lemon. You take a big bite, and all the tart juice floods your mouth. Your jaw clenches. Maybe your eyes squint or your mouth puckers just imagining it.

What did you notice in your body?

For me, just describing that chalkboard gave me goosebumps and made me shiver a little. And when I think about that lemon, I start to salivate.

None of it was actually happening. It was just something you imagined—but your body likely reacted anyway.

That’s the power of your brain. It creates real emotional and physical responses from imagined experiences. And when you live with anxiety or OCD, your brain is extra quick to react to anything that even resembles a threat—especially when you’ve already been sensitized to it.

Your Fight-or-Flight System Doesn’t Care If It’s Real

Your amygdala (your brain’s built-in alarm system) is wired to keep you safe. But it doesn’t stop to ask whether a threat is real or imagined. It just detects danger—and boom… your body responds.

I often explain it to my client’s like this:

Your amygdala works kind of like a smoke detector. Its only job is to alert you to smoke. It doesn’t care if there’s an actual fire or if you just burned the sausages on the stove. The alarm still goes off.

Same with anxiety. Your amygdala doesn’t know the difference between:

• A real emergency and turbulence on a plane
  
  

• An actual threat and a mental image of someone getting sick
  
  

• Something that’s happening now and something that might happen
  
  

And when that alarm goes off, your heart races, your stomach turns, and you start scanning for danger—even if it’s all happening in your imagination.

Feelings Aren’t Facts—But They Are Real Experiences

When anxiety shows up, your brain gives you a story—and your body reacts. That reaction can feel intense and immediate. And that’s what makes it tricky. When a feeling is that strong, it can override your logic.

For example:

• You know turbulence is safe. But then the moment the plane bumps or turns you suddenly started internally screaming, "This time might be different."
  
  

Or maybe you’re driving and have the thought “what if I hit someone?”—and your stomach drops.

You might catch yourself thinking:

• “But what if I missed something?”
  
  

• “I just feel like something bad is going to happen.”
  
  

• “What if this time it’s different?”
  
  

But pause for a second. Is this anxiety talking—or is it grounded in actual evidence?

You can feel something deeply without it being a reflection of what’s really happening. The story anxiety is telling you might feel urgent—but that doesn’t make it accurate.

How to Slow Down and Check the Story

Here’s a simple way to slow down your thoughts:

• Ask yourself: What’s happening right now?
  
  

• Then ask: Is this feeling coming from something that is actually happening—or is it based on something that might happen or could happen?
  
  

• Finally ask: Is there anything I truly need to do right now—or can I allow this feeling to pass without trying to fix or analyze it?
  
  

You don’t need to dissect every thought or trace its origin. You just need to recognize when your body is reacting to a story (one that lives entirely in your imagination) and remind yourself:

Imagination can be powerful, but it’s not always truthful.

Name the Story Without Adding to It

Try saying this to yourself next time you’re triggered by anxiety:

“Right now, all I know is that my heart is racing. The story my brain is telling me is that this means something bad is going to happen. But there’s nothing in this moment that proves that’s true.”

You’re not trying to argue with your brain—that often turns into a loop that makes anxiety stronger.

Instead, you’re stepping back and naming what’s actually happening:

✅ A physical feeling I’m having
✅ A story my mind is telling me about that feeling
❌ An urgent emergency I need to act on

This distinction matters.

You can also say:

“If something truly dangerous were happening, I could trust myself to respond. But right now, I don’t need to act on this feeling. I can let it pass.”

Just like with that lemon—your mouth might water, but you know there’s no lemon.
Same with anxiety: your heart might race, but that doesn’t mean you need to act on this worry in the present moment.

You Don’t Have to Figure It All Out Right Now

One of the hardest parts of anxiety and OCD is the urgency—that pressure to do something right now. But urgency is part of the trick.

The more you practice noticing your thoughts without reacting, the more you start to break the cycle.

And this takes practice and repetition. You’re building a new skill—one that helps you live with more clarity and confidence.

Therapy can help you strengthen that skill, especially if you feel hijacked by thoughts and sensations that feel true but aren’t grounded in the moment.

Ready to Feel More at Peace?

You don’t have to live in fear of your own mind.

If you're ready to slow down, untangle fear from fact, and start living more freely—we’d love to help.

Schedule a free phone consultation below to learn how we can support you or someone you love.

Why It’s So Hard to Fly With Kids When You’re Anxious (And What You Can Do About It)

You booked the trip because you want your kids to make memories. To see the world. To give them the kind of experiences you didn’t have (or to build on the ones you did).

But now the date is getting closer, and something familiar is starting to creep in: the anxiety. The what-ifs. The spiraling thoughts.

And now, it’s not just about you being scared of flying—it’s about whether your fear might impact them.

“What if I can’t hide it?”
“What if I cry in front of them?”
“What if they end up afraid of flying too—just like me?”

These layered fears aren’t just about turbulence or being trapped on a plane. They’re about the weight of being a parent and the pressure to hold it together… especially when you’re barely holding on.

Let’s talk about what’s really happening here (and what you can do about it). 

Why Flight Anxiety Often Gets Worse After You Have Kids

Many people notice that flying gets harder after becoming a parent… not easier, even if they’ve flown many times before.

There’s a reason for that.

When you become a parent, your brain becomes more attuned to risk. Your nervous system is now wired to protect your little people. And that makes sense, because they depend on you.

Your stress response kicks into high gear anytime your brain perceives a threat—even if that threat isn’t rational. (And you know anxiety isn’t interested in what’s rational.)

Add in the mental load of parenting (snacks, meltdowns, seat swaps, missed naps), the fear of something going wrong while you're responsible for someone else’s safety, and the vulnerability of being in a metal tube 30,000 feet in the air… it makes total sense that this would feel overwhelming.

The Layer of Anticipation: “What If My Kids See Me Lose It?”

For many anxious flyers, the worst part of flying happens before the plane ever leaves the ground.

It’s not just fear of flying—it’s fear of what might happen in front of your kids.

What if they see me anxious?
What if they start to worry because of me?
What if I pass this fear on to them forever?

This fear often weighs heavily in the days or weeks leading up to a flight. It’s tied to the pressure of being emotionally composed, the desire to protect your children from discomfort, and the guilt that can show up when you feel like you’re not modeling “calm.”

Here’s what’s helpful to remember:

• Your kids don’t need to see you as fearless. They need to know that it’s okay to have big feelings and that it’s possible to move through them.
  
  
  

• Being honest (in an age-appropriate way) can actually reduce their anxiety—not increase it.
  
  
  

• Just talking about your anxiety doesn’t mean your child will “catch” it. There’s a lot more that goes into the development of fear—like temperament, biology, and life experience.
  
  
  

You’re only responsible for the part you can influence: how you model regulation, self-awareness, and compassion.

Telling them you’re working on it shows strength, not weakness. And shows them that they can work through big feelings too. 

You might say something like:

“Flying makes me a little anxious sometimes, so if you see me taking deep breaths or closing my eyes, that’s just me helping myself feel better. It’s nothing for you to worry about.”

But Here’s the Good News: The Flight Itself Is Often Easier Than You Think

This part surprises a lot of people.

Many anxious parents spend weeks dreading the flight… only to realize once they’re on the plane, it’s way more manageable than they imagined.

Why? Because you’re distracted. You’re focused on your kids (assuming they’re young and still need your attention). You’re in the moment instead of in your imagination.

(And if you're not—if you have been struggling to cope in front of your kids—that’s worth paying attention to, too. That might be a sign that additional support or skills are needed, and that’s okay.)

For most people, though, the hard part is the anticipation—the build-up, the pressure, the rumination. That’s where anxiety has room to grow.

What You Can Do Now (Not the Night Before)

If flying anxiety is something you truly struggle with, don’t scramble at the last minute for affirmations or “quick fixes.”

Anxiety is workable (with the right support). What you need is a plan that helps you feel supported, prepared, and empowered…without needing to overcontrol everything.

Here’s where to start:

1. Change your perspective

Practice the things you want to remind yourself of before your flight.

Pro tip: Do this as early as possible because the stress of packing will likely override everything the closer it gets to your flight.

Even write them down so you can return to these mindset shifts when you need them.

• “My mind is trying to make predictions. That doesn’t mean they’re true.”

• “I’ve done hard things before. I can do this too.”

• “I can show my feelings without damaging my kids or causing them harm.”

• “I can’t control whether or not my child develops anxiety. I can only control how I respond to my own anxiety.”
  
  

2. Prep a simple way to explain it to your child

Use language that helps them understand and stay regulated:

“When I fly, my body gets nervous. I might get quiet or cranky, but I have tools I use to help myself. I plan to take some deep breaths to help me through it.”

3. Do the work ahead of time

This might mean:

• Practicing your tools in the weeks leading up to your flight

• Talking to a therapist about flight anxiety

• Taking a course that gives you structure and confidence
  
  
  

Need help getting started?

Our free Flight Anxiety Audio Series is a great place to begin learning about how to start handling your flight anxiety. It includes 4 short episodes that you can listen to on your favorite podcast app and includes a guided audio exercise you can use during your flight.

And if your flight is coming up soon, our Calm Before Takeoff course is a one-hour audio workshop that helps you learn how to handle the “what ifs” in the days leading up to your flight.

Final Thoughts: You’re Showing Up for Your Kids in a Powerful Way

It makes sense that you want to be a strong role model for your kids. You don’t want them to feel the things you’ve felt or go through the hard things you’ve gone through.

That’s what makes you a great parent.

But remember: you don’t need to hide from anxiety and pretend it doesn’t exist. Show your kids that you can have big feelings and still live a great life—like traveling to new places. It’s like giving them the golden ticket for handling hard things.

And that? That’s the kind of gift that keeps on giving. 🙂

Whether your flight is soon or still weeks away, we’ve got you.

→ Start with our free Flight Anxiety Audio Series to learn 12 therapist-led tips for starting to handle flight anxiety.
→ Or dive into the Calm Before Takeoff course if you need a quick crash course on handling the what if’s before your next flight.

How to Set Boundaries While Supporting a Loved One with Anxiety and OCD

When someone you love is struggling with anxiety or OCD, you don’t want to see them struggle and would do anything to help them. 

You want to make it better, soften the blow, solve the problem. And sometimes, without realizing it, that love turns into over-involvement. You start walking on eggshells. You give up pieces of your own life to keep theirs running. You lose sleep, cancel plans, and find yourself tiptoeing around triggers just to avoid an anxiety spiral.

If you are living with them, you might be wrapped up in their daily compulsions, part of rituals you never meant to join. Maybe you're answering reassurance questions over and over again, following “rules” to keep their anxiety at bay, or getting involved in their treatment in ways that blur healthy lines.

And somewhere along the way, you may have lost yourself in the process.

The truth is: it’s not selfish to need space. It’s not cold to want your peace back.
It’s not unloving to set a boundary.

What Boundaries Are (and What They’re Not)

Let’s be clear—boundaries aren’t about punishment, ultimatums, or walking away. They’re about protecting your own mental health and making the relationship healthier for both of you.

A boundary is simply a limit.

It might sound like:

• “I’m not available to talk about this right now, but I care about you.”
  
  

• “I can’t keep answering the same question. I know that’s hard—I believe you can get through it.”
  
  

• “I want to support your treatment, but I’m not your therapist.”
  
  

Boundaries say:
“I love you, and I love me too.”

When Support Becomes Over-Involvement

There is a fine line between being supportive and being consumed by your loved one’s anxiety or OCD.

You might notice you’re:

• Always the one fixing or managing the situation
  
  

• Trying to “push” them into exposures because they won’t do it themselves
  
  

• Rearranging your life to accommodate rituals or avoid triggers
  
  

• More anxious than ever—and you’re not even the one with OCD
  
  

Even when your intentions are to help, trying to make someone else change isn’t sustainable for your own wellbeing (or helpful). 

In fact, getting overly involved can make things worse. It may reinforce compulsions, delay their own motivation for real change, and cause strain or resentment in your relationship.

Signs You Might Need Healthier Boundaries 

Here are some signs that you need to practice healthier boundaries with your loved one:

• You feel constantly on edge…especially when around your loved one
  
  

• You’re spending excessive amounts of your time helping them manage their distress
  
  

• You’re answering the same worry questions over and over.
  
  

• You’ve tried to interfere with their compulsions out of frustration and desperation for them to get better.
  
  

• You’ve stopped doing things you enjoy because you’re exhausted or feel you need to be there for your loved one 

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re likely experiencing burn out. And that’s your cue to start making some changes. 

What Boundaries Can Look Like (With Examples)

Boundaries don’t have to be cruel or mean. They can be loving, kind, and clear.

• On reassurance:
  “I know your brain is spiraling right now. I care about you, but I’m not going to answer that again. Let’s try something different.”
  
  

• On emotional availability:
  “I’m here for you, but I need a break tonight. Can we talk in the morning?”
  
  

• On compulsions:
  “I’m not going to check your work. I know it’s hard—I also know you’ve got this.”
  
  

• On treatment involvement:
  “I want to support you, but I can’t run your treatment plan. That’s between you and your therapist.”
  
  

It can be hard to remember to say these, so write them down somewhere where you will remember them. 

What to Expect When You Set a Boundary

If your loved one is used to you responding in a particular way to their anxiety/OCD, and then you change that pattern, it’s very likely that they will have a strong reaction. 

But here’s the thing: that’s ok! 

Your loved one not liking the change should not mean that you don’t set the boundary. It will be hard at first, but if you can expect it, then you will be more likely to follow through. 

The Hardest Shift: Letting Them (Inspired by Mel Robbins)

There’s a powerful message in Mel Robbins’ book Let Them that hits home here:

“People only change when they want to.”

You can’t force your loved one into therapy or make them stop doing compulsions. No matter how much you want them to. You can only offer hope, encouragement, and support…but the rest is up to them.

And when you step into the role of rescuer, you’re not actually helping.
You might be reinforcing avoidance. You might be delaying the moment they feel discomfort enough to seek real help.

“Rescuing is not support. Enabling is not love.”

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is… let them:

• Let then miss the event.
  
  

• Let them be late.
  
  

• Let them feel uncomfortable.
  
  

• Let them sit with the consequences of avoiding.
  
  

Not because you don’t care—but because you care enough to stop standing in the way of growth.

Is this hard to watch? 100%. You may need your own outlet for support. Because being close to someone who is struggling can be painful. You’re allowed to get help for yourself, even if they’re not there yet.

Consider reading Let Them by Mel Robbins if this message resonates with you. It’s an empowering, compassionate guide to letting go of control and reclaiming your peace.

Final Thoughts: Boundaries Are an Act of Love

Boundaries don’t mean you don’t care. They mean you’re not willing to lose yourself in someone else’s suffering.

They mean you’re choosing honesty, clarity, and peace over guilt and exhaustion. They mean you’re supporting from a place of strength—not fear.

You can love someone and let them grow.

You can stay present without being consumed.

You can be supportive without being responsible.

Ready for More Support?

If you're looking for additional tips to help you set boundaries without guilt—
👉 Download our free Family Support Guide
This quick resource walks you through how to respond to compulsions, what to say (and not say), and how to support your loved one without losing yourself in the process.

Want something more in-depth?

🗓️ Join the waitlist for our upcoming workshop: Supporting a Loved One with Anxiety & OCD
We’ll dive into what actually helps (and what doesn’t), how to stop walking on eggshells, and how to care for yourself while showing up for someone you love. You’ll be the first to know when we open spots.

Ready to work with an anxiety therapist?

State of Mind Therapy in Bloomington can help. Click the button below to sign-up for your free 15 minute phone consultation today.

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Affirmations for Turbulence Anxiety: What to Say When the Plane Shakes

If you’re a fearful flyer, you’ve probably heard it before: “Turbulence is normal.”

And while that’s technically true, your anxious brain might not be convinced—especially when the plane starts to bump and shake mid-air.

That drop in your stomach? That tight grip on the armrest? That panicky inner voice that kicks in the moment the seatbelt sign dings?

Yeah. Been there.

Let’s talk about why turbulence can feel so terrifying—and how affirmations can be a surprisingly helpful tool to stop being afraid of turbulence.

Why Turbulence Feels So Scary (Even Though It’s Safe)

There are a few reasons turbulence sends anxiety into overdrive:

1. You can’t see it coming—and your brain hates that.
Unlike the pilot, you don’t have access to the radar. You can’t anticipate when a bump is going to happen or how long it’ll last. So every dip or shake feels sudden and unpredictable.

And if there’s one thing anxiety thrives on, it’s uncertainty.

When your brain doesn’t know what’s coming, it prepares for the worst—and that protective response can make even mild turbulence feel like a major threat.

2. It’s unfamiliar—and unfamiliar often feels unsafe.
If you’re like most people, you probably don’t fly every day. So when turbulence hits, it’s not just uncomfortable—it’s foreign.

You might not understand what causes it or how planes are designed to handle it. And without that knowledge, your brain fills in the blanks: “The plane is shaking… that must mean something’s wrong.”

In reality, turbulence is a normal part of flying—but it’s easy to interpret it as danger.

3. It’s uncomfortable—and your body reacts fast.
Even small bumps can trigger big sensations in your body. A dip in the plane might make your stomach drop. A sudden shake might make you brace, grip the armrests, or scan the flight attendants’ faces.

Your brain is trying to protect you—interpreting the sensation as a threat, even when there’s no danger. That physical discomfort, paired with a fear-based story in your mind, creates a powerful anxiety loop.

Why Affirmations Can Actually Help

Affirmations often get a bad rap for being cheesy or overly positive. But used the right way, they can help you shift your inner voice—especially when fear is loud.

Affirmations are not about positive thoughts.

They’re about gently practicing new beliefs and helping your brain access more helpful thoughts—especially if your default is to spiral into worst-case scenarios.

When practiced regularly, affirmations help you:

• Reframe fear-based thoughts ahead of time

• Build new mental habits that support calm and resilience

• Shift from helplessness to in control, even if you still feel nervous

I often think back to the affirmations I used during childbirth as part of my hypnobabies practice. I repeated them daily to reshape how I thought about contractions and labor—from something painful and scary to something natural and manageable. I credit a lot of my ability to have an unmedicated birth with the work I did to shift my mindset.

Affirmations for flying work the same way. You might not believe them at first—but the more you practice, the more they start to feel true.

10 Empowering Affirmations for Turbulence Anxiety

1. Turbulence is uncomfortable, not dangerous—the plane is built to handle it.

2. This is just a sensation—a wave I’m riding, like a boat on the water.

3. No amount of worry will keep the plane in the air, so I might as well let go.

4. I can feel anxious and still stay grounded.

5. I don’t have to like turbulence—I just have to remember I can handle it.

6. Pilots are trained for this. I’m safe in their hands.

7. I’m allowed to feel nervous and keep moving forward.

8. I can focus on my breath while I wait for the turbulence to pass.

9. My fear is loud, but I’ve felt this before—and I’ve made it through.

10. The more I fly, the more I trust my ability to handle the ups and downs.

How to Practice Affirmations Effectively

Affirmations are most helpful when they’re part of your pre-flight routine. Here’s how to get started:

• Practice ahead of time. Don’t wait until you’re in the air. Start using affirmations when you’re calm, so they become easier to access when anxiety hits.

• Write them down or save them to your phone. You can even set reminders or screenshot your favorites. Pro tip: Download the YAPP app, and add these affirmations to randomly remind you of them throughout the day.

• Use your voice. Saying affirmations out loud helps reinforce the message. You can also record your voice and listen while getting ready, packing, or driving to the airport.

Final Thoughts

Turbulence might always feel a little uncomfortable. But with tools like affirmations, it doesn’t have to feel unmanageable. Even if your brain still shouts, “We’re not okay”—you can learn to respond without spiraling.

Ready to Practice Calming Your Turbulence Anxiety?

I created a free audio exercise called the Turbulence Tamer, designed specifically for anxious flyers who want help staying grounded when the bumps hit.

Get the free Turbulence Tamer audio exercise and take it on your next flight to help you ride the waves.

DOWNLOAD THE TURBULENCE TAMER AUDIO EXERCISE HERE

Anxiety Worse at Bedtime? How to Calm Racing Thoughts and Finally Get Some Sleep

You’re finally in bed. The lights are off. Your body is still.

And suddenly? Your brain acts like it just chugged a double espresso.

Racing thoughts. Worst-case scenarios. Emotional spirals over something that happened three days ago. Whether it’s worrying about tomorrow’s responsibilities, replaying awkward conversations from earlier, or suddenly spiraling over things that haven’t happened yet—your mind picks the worst time to feel the most awake.

If this sounds familiar, you’re in good company. So many of the clients we work with describe nighttime as one of the hardest times for managing anxiety and intrusive thoughts.

And the truth is—it makes sense.

Why Anxiety Shows Up at Night

During the day, you’re probably going nonstop. Even if anxious thoughts are there, they’re competing with emails, meetings, errands, or family responsibilities. But when night falls and things slow down? That’s often the first real quiet moment your brain’s had all day.

And all that unprocessed stuff—stress, emotions, unanswered questions—comes up for airtime.

You might notice…

• Worrying about how tired you’ll feel if you don’t sleep
  
  

• Ruminating about things that happened during the day
  
  

• Replaying tomorrow’s to-do list on a loop
  
  

• Getting intrusive thoughts that feel irrational but keep showing up anyway
  
  

• Worrying about worst case scenarios on your flight, a presentation, or a big event
  
  

These thoughts might feel urgent—but more often than not, they’re just leftover stress that finally got a chance to speak up.

Why It Feels So Hard to Fall Asleep

Worrying activates your nervous system. It tells your body: Be alert. Something might go wrong.

So your brain starts preparing you for danger—releasing adrenaline, keeping you on edge, and making it hard for your body to wind down.

And the more you worry about not sleeping, the more it reinforces that fear. It becomes a cycle of anxiety about sleep—which, of course, only makes it harder to fall asleep.

What’s Actually Going On?

It helps to get clear on what kind of worry is showing up.

• Worried about being late or missing something important? That’s a real problem you can plan around. Set alarms. Prep your clothes. Set reminders. Put your mind at ease.
  
  

• Feeling the “Sunday Scaries”? That anticipatory dread of the week ahead is real. Try taking time to reflect on what exactly feels heavy. Is it a particular meeting, social event, or just general overwhelm? (You can also read more in our blog on Sunday Scaries).
  
  

• Worried about your anxiety showing up? You may be developing anticipation anxiety about sleep itself. If that’s the case, the goal becomes learning how to respond to anxiety—not fearing it being there.

• Flooded with worry thoughts that don’t even feel connected to your day? These might be intrusive thoughts—random or irrational fears that pop up at the worst possible time. They’re not problems to solve. They're just thoughts your brain is cycling through when things are quiet.
  
  

Examples of How Worry Shows Up at Night

• “What if I can’t sleep tonight?”
  
  

• “I’ll be a wreck tomorrow.”
  
  

• “Why is this happening again?”
  
  

• “What if I panic on the plane?”
  
  

• “What if I mess up my presentation tomorrow?”
  
  

• “What if this keeps happening every night?”
  
  

Your brain is trying to keep you safe. But in doing so, it starts forecasting all the possible worst-case scenarios. And even though it feels like you need to solve these things to sleep, that pressure is exactly what makes it harder to rest.

What Actually Helps

Here are some of the most effective strategies I teach for nighttime anxiety:

✅ Don’t Overanalyze It
It’s easy to go down the rabbit hole of “Why am I not sleeping?” But too much focus often backfires. You don’t always need to solve it.

✅ Shift Your Self-Talk
Try saying:
– “If I sleep, I sleep.”
– “My job right now is to rest, not perform.”
– “Even if I’m tired tomorrow, I’ll get through it.”

✅ Do a Thought Dump Before Bed
Write down the stressors of the day or tasks for tomorrow. It tells your brain, “You don’t have to hold this all night.”

✅ Keep a Notebook Nearby
If something pops up while you’re in bed, jot it down. Just the act of writing it helps your mind let it go.

✅ Notice Without Overreacting
Instead of spiraling, try thinking: Here’s a worry thought.
That’s it. No judgment. No scary story. 

✅ Know What Your Tools Are Doing
TV, podcasts, background noise—these aren’t bad. But they’re distractions, not long-term skills. If they help you fall asleep, that’s fine—just don’t mistake them for solutions.

Mindfulness: Why It Actually Helps

Mindfulness teaches your brain to notice thoughts, feelings, and sensations—without clinging to them or avoiding them. This is a core skill for managing anxiety.

But here’s the thing: you have to practice it during the day when you’re alert and when your brain isn’t already in full-blown spiral mode. 

It’s like training for a race—you don’t wait until the week of the race to start running. Mindfulness builds your tolerance for discomfort and teaches you how to stay present—even when things feel hard.

Start with 2–5 minutes a day. No pressure. Just practice noticing.

Stop Chasing Perfect Sleep

You’re not a machine. Not every night will be ideal. That doesn’t mean something is wrong.

If your brain says, “I won’t be able to function if I don’t sleep,” challenge that.

Remind yourself: I’ve had tired days before. I still showed up. I can do it again.

You’re more resilient than your anxiety gives you credit for.

Final Thoughts

Nighttime anxiety is tough. But you don’t have to fear it. With a few simple shifts—both in how you think and how you respond—you can start to break the cycle.

You don’t need a perfect routine to sleep better. You just need tools that help you meet the moment with a little more calm and confidence

Ready to stop dreading bedtime?

If anxiety has been keeping you up at night—and you’re ready to feel more in control of your thoughts, your sleep, and your life—therapy can help.

Let’s talk about what support could look like for you.

👉 Schedule a free 15-minute consultation below and take the first step toward calmer nights and more rested mornings.

Is Full Recovery from Anxiety, Phobias, and OCD Possible?

…And What Life Can Look Like on the Other Side

 Anxiety, OCD, and phobias can feel like they take over everything—your thoughts, your time, your energy, and your ability to enjoy life. And when symptoms show up again after a period of progress, it’s easy to spiral into hopelessness.

But here’s the truth:
Recovery is absolutely possible.

Not a perfect, anxiety-free life—but one where you know how to respond to fear without letting it steer the ship.

Let’s talk about what recovery really means, how to recognize it in your own journey, and what life can look like when anxiety no longer runs the show.

What Recovery Really Means (and Doesn’t)

Recovery doesn’t mean you never feel anxious again.
Instead, it means you’ve built the tools, perspective, and confidence to handle it when it shows up.

It also means that you’re no longer avoiding your life, rearranging your day to sidestep triggers, or getting pulled into mental loops and compulsions.

You’re living—with more freedom, more purpose, and more peace.

✅ You believe anxiety is uncomfortable, but not dangerous
✅ Your daily life isn’t ruled by intrusive thoughts or compulsions
✅ You’ve let go of safety behaviors and avoidance
✅ You face hard things—even when they’re scary
✅ You’re no longer trying to eliminate anxiety—you’re focused on living

Recovery isn’t about perfection.

It’s about having a “bring it on” attitude when fear shows up.

Common Recovery Myths (That Might Be Holding You Back)

Myth 1: Recovery = the absence of anxiety.
Fear and anxiety are universal. Even in recovery, anxious thoughts or physical symptoms can still pop up—especially during times of stress or change.

The difference? You know what to do with them. You don’t spiral. You trust yourself to ride the wave.

Myth 2: Setbacks mean you’re starting over.
So many people hit a bump and think they’re back at square one. But setbacks are part of the process. They don’t erase your progress—they show you where more healing is needed.

A few booster sessions might be all it takes to get back on track.

Myth 3: I should be “done” by now.
There’s no timeline for recovery. Comparing your progress to someone else’s will only leave you feeling stuck.

Let go of the idea that you should be farther along. If you’re doing the work, you’re on the path.

What Recovery Actually Looks Like in Daily Life

You don’t need a big milestone to know you're making progress. Sometimes, it’s in the small, almost quiet moments that growth shows up.

• You go places you used to avoid—airports, restaurants, busy public spaces.
  
  

• You catch a “what if” spiral before it takes you down.
  
  

• You still get anxious... but you no longer fear the anxiety.
  
  

• You notice an urge to check or avoid—and you choose not to follow it.
  
  

• You realize you have more free time and energy now that you’re not avoiding, managing, or doing compulsions.
  
  

That’s when the question becomes:

What do I want to do with this freedom?

Life After Recovery: What Comes Next?

Once anxiety or OCD isn’t taking up as much space in your life, the next phase is about building something more meaningful.

It’s not just about symptom relief anymore—your focus turns to life-building.

Some people explore new hobbies. Others start traveling again, take on new roles, or create personal goals they once didn’t believe were possible.

Some of my clients have said that they realized anxiety didn’t go away in recovery, but they got better at living with it. 

If you’ve been in therapy, you may wonder about when you should stop going.

For some, recovery means pausing therapy and checking in as needed. For others, quarterly maintenance sessions offer ongoing support.

There’s no “right” approach—but generally it’s best to phase out sessions over time.

Don’t be afraid to talk to your therapist about this and come up with a plan that works for you. 

And Yes—Setbacks Still Happen (But They Don’t Define You)

If you experience a setback, it’s reasonable to feel discouraged or disappointed. But try to shift it from “I’m disappointed in myself” to “I’m disappointed that this happened.” 

That difference is everything.
You’re allowed to feel discouraged. You’re allowed to be upset that something didn’t go the way you had hoped. 

But you don’t need to make that moment mean more than it does.

It’s not the end of recovery—it’s part of it.
You’ve been building resilience. You know how to reset, reflect, and move forward. That’s the work.

What Advice Would You Give to Someone Just Starting Recovery?

If you’re reading this and you’ve been through the recovery process—or you're partway through it—your voice matters.

Here’s what some people shared when reflecting on their recovery:

“Be open, be willing to feel uncomfortable, and stay curious. Let yourself explore what’s possible.”
“You might not see your progress in the moment, but one day you’ll realize just how far you’ve come.”
“It’s not all linear. That’s okay. Keep going.”
“You can do this. It’s hard—but it’s absolutely worth it.”

✨ What’s one thing you wish you’d known when you were starting recovery?
Drop it in the comments below. Your words might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

You don’t have to do this alone.

Whether you’re just starting out or looking for support after a setback, we’re here to help.

Schedule a free consultation today to talk about what recovery could look like for you.

“What If I Panic on the Plane?”: How to Manage the Fear of Feeling Trapped

“As soon as the door shuts, I feel this wave of panic—I’m trapped and I can’t get out.”

If you’ve ever had a similar thought before a flight, you’re not alone. One of the most common fears among anxious flyers isn’t the plane itself—it’s the fear of feeling trapped, with no way to escape if panic kicks in.

Maybe you’re fine until you hear the door close and suddenly it hits you: you can’t leave. That thought spirals quickly—What if I panic? What if I can’t calm down? What if I completely lose control?

This blog will help you understand what’s really going on beneath your fear of panic, and why feeling trapped feels so intense (and what to do next).

The Fear Isn’t the Plane. It’s the Feeling of No Escape.

It’s easy to assume the fear is about flying. But more often, it’s about what happens in your body when you feel stuck.

When the doors close, your brain sees it as a threat—not because you’re in danger, but because you believe you won’t be able to escape if something goes wrong.

That fear of “what if” ramps up your nervous system before the flight even begins. You start imagining scenarios—panic attacks, embarrassment, total loss of control—and your body responds as if it’s already happening.

Cue the racing heart, shallow breathing, muscle tension, nausea… and then your brain uses those sensations as proof that something is wrong or a prediction for how you’ll feel on the plane.

This hypervigilance creates a loop. You fear the fear. You scan for symptoms. You brace yourself before anything has even happened. And that constant scanning actually increases the symptoms you’re trying to avoid.

Panic Feels Awful. But It’s Not Dangerous.

Panic isn’t a sign you’re in danger. It’s a surge of adrenaline—your body’s way of trying to protect you, even when you’re not under real threat.

The tight chest, dizziness, or sweaty palms aren’t dangerous. They’re uncomfortable. And they always pass.

The problem isn’t the panic—it’s the story that the panic means you’re in danger, or that something terrible is about to happen.

When you believe that story, you start to avoid anything that might trigger it… including flights. And when you avoid, your brain learns: “yep, flying must really be dangerous.”

You’re not afraid of flying. You’re afraid of feeling panicked while flying—and not being able to escape.

Let’s change that narrative.

The Door Closing Isn’t a Threat—It’s Progress

Here’s a reframe worth practicing:

The door has to close to get you where you want to go.

Think about that. The door closing isn’t a trap. It’s the first step to your freedom. Your vacation. Your daughter’s wedding. That long-overdue girls' trip.

You don’t have to love that feeling of the doors closing. You just have to remember what it means: you’re in motion. You’re moving toward something you chose.

You’ve Faced Discomfort Before—and Survived

Anxiety tricks you into forgetting how strong you are.

But you’ve done hard things before. You’ve made it through job interviews where your voice shook. You’ve powered through long medical appointments or stressful work presentations. Maybe you’ve gone through childbirth, grief, a breakup, or sitting with someone you love in pain.

In all of those situations, you didn’t get to “just leave.” You stayed. You breathed through it. You kept going.

You survived that discomfort, and you’ll survive this, too.

Take a moment to think about the hardest thing you’ve ever gotten through. What made it possible? What did you learn about yourself? Let that remind you that this is just another challenge—and you’re capable of meeting it.

The Story You’re Telling Yourself Isn’t the Whole Truth

Thoughts can feel so convincing. But that doesn’t make them facts.

Just because your brain says, “I can’t do this,” doesn’t make it true. Just because you feel trapped, doesn’t mean you are.

You don’t need to believe every fear-based thought that pops up. You can pause, notice the story, and choose a new one.

This isn’t about pretending you love flying. It’s about reminding yourself that discomfort isn’t danger—and that fear doesn’t always deserve the final word.

Your Next Step Starts Here

You don’t need to get rid of your fear overnight. You just need to stop feeding the belief that panic is dangerous and that you can’t handle it.

You’ve handled hard things before. This is just another step forward.

Ready to go beyond coping and build real confidence in the air?
My self-paced course, the Fearful Flyers Blueprint, gives you the exact system I use with my therapy clients to overcome fear—not just manage it. Click here to enroll and start flying with more freedom.

Not ready for a full course yet?
That’s okay. Start small with my free Flight Anxiety Audio Series, where I’ll guide you through 12 calming tools to use before and during your next flight. Click here to download it free and take your first step toward flying without fear.

Saying No Without the Guilt: How to Stop Overthinking and Set Boundaries with Confidence

Ever said no to something and then spent hours (or days) overthinking it?

You finally set a boundary, declined an invite, or turned down a request that didn’t align with your time or energy. But instead of feeling proud of yourself, you’re replaying it in your head on a loop:

• “Did I sound rude?”

• “Should I have just said yes?”

• “What if they’re upset with me now?”

Your brain wants certainty—a guarantee that you didn’t upset anyone, that you made the "right" choice. But that’s the trap. Overthinking doesn’t bring certainty—it just keeps you emotionally stuck.

If you struggle with people-pleasing, anxiety, or overthinking, saying no can feel way harder than it should be. But the guilt and self-doubt that come after? That’s where most people get stuck.

Let’s talk about why this happens—and how you can start setting boundaries with more confidence and less anxiety.

Why Saying No Feels So Hard

It’s not just you—our brains are wired to want social approval. Humans are built for connection, and at some point, we learned that saying no = disappointing others…or getting rejected….or being judged. 

But here’s the thing:

• Avoiding discomfort doesn’t make the anxiety go away—it just reinforces the fear.

• Overanalyzing doesn’t change what happened—it just keeps you emotionally stuck.

• Guilt doesn’t necessarily mean you did something wrong—it just means you’re used to putting others first. 

Overthinking is your brain’s way of searching for certainty—but in situations like this, certainty doesn’t exist.

The truth? You can’t control how others feel about your boundaries.

But you can learn to sit with the discomfort and trust your decision.

Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory: A Game-Changer for Overthinkers

Mel Robbins talks about the Let Them Theory—the idea that people are going to think, feel, and react however they want, and it’s not your job to manage that.

Instead of spiraling about what others might think, let them.

Let them assume.
Let them be disappointed.
Let them react however they want.

Your job is to protect your time and energy, not to make sure everyone around you is comfortable at your expense.

I had a moment recently when grocery shopping that put this into practice.

I was loading up my cart of groceries when a couple approached me and said, “we’re in the business of making and giving prayers, can we make one for you?”

Insert major discomfort here. 

Now, here’s the thing—I knew they meant well. But in that moment, I also knew I didn’t want these strangers to pray over me while I’m standing in the parking lot with a cart full of groceries.. And I felt this immediate pressure to say yes, not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t want to seem mean.

But I also did not want to give away my time just to avoid the discomfort of disappointing a stranger.

So I said, "No, thank you."

They looked a little surprised, but guess what? Then it was over. 

And so instead of spiraling about whether I had been rude or how she might have felt, I felt proud. 

Proud that I didn’t give up my time or personal comfort just to avoid looking “mean.”

That moment was a reminder: Saying no is uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

How to Say No Without Overthinking It

The goal isn’t to never feel guilty—it’s to stop letting guilt dictate your actions. Here’s how:

1. Reframe the Guilt

• Instead of: “I feel guilty for saying no.”

• Try: “I didn’t do something bad—I just made a choice that was best for me.”

Guilt doesn’t always mean you did something wrong—it just means you’re doing something new. And new things feel uncomfortable.

2. Challenge ‘What If’ Thoughts (And Let Them Think That)

Overthinking thrives on worst-case scenarios, but most of them never happen.

• “What if they’re mad at me?” → Let them. I know I did the best that I could.

• “What if they never ask me for help again?” → So what? All i can do is let them know I’m not available today, but happy to help in the future. I can’t control what they decide from here.

If you’re going to play the what if game, at least give equal airtime to positive possibilities:

• What if they actually respect my boundary?

• What if saying no gives me more energy for things I actually want to do?

• What if I stop overthinking and move on?

You can’t control their reaction, but you can control how much mental energy you give to it.

3. Close the Mental Browser Tabs

When your brain starts spiraling, treat it like an overloaded internet browser.

You don’t need to keep clicking on the same tab over and over. You can close it and move on.

Try this when your thoughts start looping:
"I’ve already made my decision."
"I don’t need to keep replaying this."
"This thought isn’t serving me, so I’m choosing to let it go."

Give yourself permission to clear the mental clutter and move forward.

Quick Scripts to Say No (Without the Guilt)

If the hardest part is finding the words, here are some simple ways to decline without over-explaining:

👉 For Social Events:

• “I appreciate the invite, but I’m going to pass this time.”

• “I won’t be able to make it, but I hope you have a great time!”

👉 For Work Requests:

• “I don’t have the capacity to take this on right now.”

• “I can’t commit to that, but I’d be happy to help in a smaller way.”

👉 For Family & Friend Favors:

• “I’d love to help, but I have a lot on my plate right now.”

• “I can’t do that, but I hope you find what you need!”

Saying no doesn’t have to be dramatic. You’re allowed to be kind and still set a boundary.

The Bottom Line: Saying No is a Skill You Can Build

You don’t need to feel 100% confident before saying no. You just need to practice.
Each time you do, it will get easier, and the guilt and overthinking will fade.

You won’t always get it right. You might still feel a little uncomfortable. But every time you choose yourself, you’re rewiring your brain to trust that it’s okay to put your needs first.

Start small. Keep going. You’ve got this. 

Flying Soon? Here’s How to Calm Last-Minute Flight Anxiety

Spring break is here, and if you’re flying in the next few days, you might be feeling the pre-flight anxiety kicking in.

Maybe your mind is racing with thoughts about turbulence, delays, feeling trapped, or panicking mid-flight. Maybe you’re struggling to sleep the night before your flight or feeling like you just won’t be able to relax until you land.

I get it. The days leading up to a flight can be just as stressful as flying itself.

But here’s the thing—anticipation anxiety distorts reality. The fear you feel before flying often has nothing to do with the flight itself and everything to do with the worst-case scenarios playing out in your mind.

If that’s happening to you, you’re not alone. And the good news? You don’t have to spend the next few days stuck in an anxious spiral.

Let’s talk about why flight anxiety feels so intense before you even step foot on the plane—and what you can do to shift it.

Stop Trying to ‘Convince’ Yourself to Feel Calm

A lot of anxious flyers spend the days before a flight trying to force themselves to feel calm. They tell themselves, "If I can just think positively, I won’t feel anxious," or they look for reassurance that everything will be okay.

But that rarely works.

In fact, the harder you try to force calm, the stronger anxiety tends to get. When your brain is stuck on high alert, the goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety—it’s to stop feeding it.

This is something I help my students understand inside my course, Calm Before Takeoff. Most people think they need to make their anxiety disappear before flying, but the real shift comes when you stop seeing it as something to fight.

Why the Days Before a Flight Feel Worse Than the Flight Itself

The hardest part of flight anxiety often isn’t the flight itself—it’s the waiting.

When you have days (or weeks) to sit with anxious thoughts, your brain starts playing out every possible worst-case scenario. You imagine turbulence, delays, feeling trapped, losing control. And because the brain reacts to imagined fear the same way it reacts to real danger, the stress feels overwhelming.

That’s why so many anxious flyers experience trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, or physical symptoms leading up to their trip. It’s not because something bad is about to happen—it’s because your nervous system is on overdrive, trying to prepare for something that hasn’t even happened yet.

This is a huge part of what we work on inside Calm Before Takeoff. Anticipation anxiety makes your fear feel bigger than it really is, but there are ways to shift out of that spiral so it doesn’t take over.

Reframing the Unknown: What If You Don’t Need Certainty?

One of the hardest parts of flying is not knowing what to expect.

Will my flight be delayed?
Will we hit turbulence?
Will I feel trapped on the plane?

Your brain craves certainty, so it fixates on these questions—trying to prepare for every possible scenario.

But flying is unpredictable. No amount of planning will guarantee a perfectly smooth experience. That’s why the real skill isn’t finding ways to control the unknown—it’s learning how to handle uncertainty without spiraling.

Inside Calm Before Takeoff, I teach a simple mental shift that helps my students stop clinging to certainty. Because the truth is, you don’t need to predict the future to manage your anxiety. You just need to know how to respond to it in a way that keeps you feeling in control.

What If You Panic on the Plane?

A huge fear for anxious flyers is: What if I panic mid-flight and can’t escape?

But here’s something to remember—panic attacks don’t last forever. In fact, no feeling does.

Most people make the mistake of trying to “stop” panic when it shows up. They resist it, brace against it, or tell themselves they can’t handle it. But that only makes it worse.

One of the biggest mindset shifts I teach inside Calm Before Takeoff is that panic isn’t something you need to fight. The moment you stop treating it like an emergency, it starts to lose its power.

The Night Before: Get Out of Your Head & Into Your Body

If your anxiety is spiking the night before your flight, focus on shifting your energy away from overthinking and into something grounding.

Going for a short walk, using relaxation techniques, or even distracting yourself with a simple task can help. The key is to keep your brain from getting stuck in an anxious loop.

This is something I cover in detail inside my course—I break down simple self-care strategies to help you feel more grounded and in control before you even step foot in the airport.

Want More Support Before Takeoff?

If you’re struggling with pre-flight anxiety, my mini course, Calm Before Takeoff: Crush Anticipation Anxiety Before Your Next Flight, was designed for you.

It’s an audio-based mini course you can listen to while packing or driving to the airport, with practical strategies to help you feel more in control in the days leading up to your flight.

Inside, you’ll learn:

• Why anticipation anxiety feels so overwhelming (and how to stop spiraling)

• A science-backed mindset shift that makes flying feel less stressful

• What to do if anxiety spikes before or during your flight

Click here to access Calm Before Takeoff and take the stress out of your upcoming trip.

If You’re Flying Soon, Remember….You’ve Got This.

If you’re getting on a plane in the next few days, remember this:

You don’t have to love flying to handle it. Your anxiety doesn’t predict reality. You’re capable of more than your fear tells you.

Take it one step at a time. You’ve got this.

5 Common Mistakes Loved Ones Make When Supporting Someone with Anxiety or OCD

Supporting someone with anxiety or OCD is complicated. You want to help, but sometimes, what feels like support can actually make things worse. Without realizing it, your efforts to comfort, protect, or “fix” the problem might be reinforcing their anxiety instead.

If you’ve ever thought:
“I just want to reassure them so they stop worrying.”
“Maybe if I help them avoid their triggers, they’ll feel better.”
“I don’t understand why they can’t just stop overthinking.”

…you’re not alone. These reactions come from a place of care, but they often feed the anxiety cycle rather than helping your loved one truly cope.

Here are five common mistakes to be aware of when supporting someone with anxiety or OCD.

1. Falling Into the Reassurance Trap

It’s natural to want to calm your loved one down by reassuring them that everything is okay. But if they struggle with anxiety or OCD, they’ve likely already told themselves that—and it hasn’t worked.

Reassurance provides temporary relief but keeps them stuck in the cycle of seeking external validation instead of building internal confidence. It’s not that they don’t believe you, but anxiety isn’t satisfied with just one reassurance. They may ask the same question over and over, looking for certainty they will never truly find.

If you’ve found yourself repeating the same reassurances only to have them ask again—that’s a sign they’re relying on reassurance as a coping mechanism rather than truly working through their anxiety.

2. Trying to "Fix" Instead of Support

If you’ve ever felt frustrated thinking, "Why can’t they just move on?"—you’re not alone. Watching someone you love struggle with anxiety or OCD can be incredibly hard, especially when the solution seems so obvious from the outside.

But here’s the thing: Logic doesn’t “fix” anxiety. Your loved one likely already knows their fears are irrational, but knowing isn’t the same as believing. Telling them to "just stop" can make them feel judged, ashamed, or misunderstood.

Another common mistake is trying to “fix” them by doing the work for them. Have you ever:
❌ Spent hours researching therapists, books, or solutions while they remained hesitant to take action?
❌ Gone out of your way to accommodate all of their triggers to keep them from feeling anxious?
❌ Taken on more emotional labor than they are in managing their anxiety?

If so, you might be working harder than they are on their recovery—and that’s a sign it’s time to step back.

3. Taking Their Anxiety Personally

Anxiety and OCD aren’t just about what’s happening externally—they also impact how someone feels internally about their relationships.

If your loved one cancels plans, avoids certain places, or seems emotionally distant, it’s easy to assume it’s about you. But often, it’s about their own struggle:
➡️ Social anxiety makes them hyperaware of their own discomfort, not yours.
➡️ Contamination fears may make them withdraw—not because they think you’re actually dirty, but because their anxiety tells them to.
➡️ Intrusive thoughts may cause them to avoid situations out of irrational fear.

It’s hard not to take avoidance personally, but it’s important to remember their anxiety is about them, not you.

4. Forcing Exposure Without Consent

Facing fears is essential for anxiety and OCD recovery—but it must be done at the right pace. Encouraging your loved one to challenge their fears is different from springing an exposure on them without their consent.

Just because someone is working on facing their fears does not mean it’s okay to trigger them on purpose. If your partner struggles with contamination OCD, throwing their belongings on the floor won’t “teach them” to get over it—it will likely overwhelm them and break trust in the relationship.

Instead of pushing them too hard, recognize that effective exposure therapy is gradual, intentional, and done in collaboration—not forced.

5. Neglecting Your Own Well-Being

Being a support system for someone with anxiety or OCD can feel all-consuming. You care deeply, so you put their needs first—even at the expense of your own. But when you constantly adjust your life around their anxiety, it leads to caregiver burnout . 

Signs you may be neglecting your own well-being include:
❌ Making constant accommodations to keep them comfortable.
❌ Feeling drained, exhausted, or resentful.
❌ Losing time for your own hobbies, friends, or self-care.

The truth? You cannot support someone else if you’re running on empty.

Setting healthy boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you care about both of you.

Want to Learn How to Actually Help?

Recognizing these patterns is the first step. But what do you do instead? How can you set boundaries, stop feeding anxiety, and support your loved one’s recovery?

That’s exactly what we break down inside the Family Resource Guide: 5 Ways to Support Your Loved One with Anxiety and OCD.

Inside, you’ll get:
✔️ Practical scripts to help you respond to reassurance-seeking in a way that supports, not enables.
✔️ Step-by-step guidance on how to set boundaries without guilt.
✔️ Specific strategies for supporting your loved one—without sacrificing your own well-being.

Download the family resource guide here

5 Ways to Support a Loved One with Anxiety and OCD DELIVERED!

Final Thoughts

Supporting someone with anxiety or OCD is a balancing act. You don’t have to get it perfect—just being aware of these mistakes is a huge step toward showing up in a way that’s truly helpful.

Remember: You are not responsible for fixing them. But you can be a strong, supportive presence that helps them move toward recovery.

Ready to work with an anxiety therapist?

State of Mind Therapy in Bloomington can help. Click the button below to sign-up for your free 15 minute phone consultation today.

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The Illusion of Control: Why Letting Go is the Key to Overcoming Flight Anxiety

If you struggle with flight anxiety, you might find yourself caught in a common trap—the need to feel in control. Maybe it’s the fact that someone else is flying the plane. Or that you can’t just “pull over” if something feels wrong. The uncertainty, the sounds, the sensations—it all makes you feel powerless.

But here’s the truth: control is an illusion.

You don’t have control over most things in life, yet you move through them every day. Learning to let go doesn’t mean something bad will happen. It means accepting that everything going smoothly isn’t entirely up to you—and that’s okay!

Let’s break down why the illusion of control fuels anxiety and how shifting your mindset can help you feel more confident when you fly.

Why We Crave Control (And Why It’s a Trap)

Your anxious brain loves certainty and hates discomfort. It’s wired to predict the future to keep you safe. But the problem? Life doesn’t work that way.

Most anxious flyers want to know what’s happening at all times. If you’re like most of my clients, you’ve found yourself thinking:

• “What was that noise? Was that normal?”

• “How old is that pilot? Are they competent to fly?”

• “Why did the plane just dip? Is something wrong?”

• “How does the pilot know what they’re doing? Should I be worried?”

Your mind is grasping for control in a space where control isn’t needed. And ironically, the more you try to mentally control the experience, the more anxious you feel.

The "But I Can Pull Over in a Car" Myth

One of the biggest false beliefs anxious flyers have is:

“I’m safer in a car because I can pull over if I need to.”

This feels true because driving gives you the illusion of control. Partly because you are confident in it because you’ve been practicing it for years! But here’s the thing—just because you can pull over doesn’t mean you’re actually preventing danger.

Think about it:

• Do you check every mechanical part of your car before driving?

• Can you prevent another driver from running a red light?

• Are you actually in control, or do you just feel like you are?

The truth is, more people die in car accidents than in plane crashes every single day—even though they’re the ones steering.

Flying only feels riskier because the process in unfamiliar to you and you’re not the one making the decisions. But here’s the good news: Your pilot is the only one who should be in control. You wouldn’t want a random passenger stepping in to “help,” so why believe that your anxious brain needs to do something for the flight to be okay?

Practicing Letting Go (Even When It Feels Uncomfortable)

You don’t have to like the feeling of not being in control. But you can learn to sit with it instead of fighting it.

Here’s how to start practicing:

✅ Reframe your thoughts. Instead of “I need to be in control”, shift to “I feel uncomfortable not being in control and that’s ok.”

✅ Let the sensations be there. Your stomach dropping during turbulence? That’s just a sensations. Let your body feel it without attaching a scary story to it.

✅ Resist the urge to “figure it out.” You don’t need to Google wind speeds or track turbulence radars. If conditions weren’t safe, the pilots wouldn’t be flying (they have families too you know).

✅ Take small steps before your next flight. Challenge yourself in everyday situations where you feel the need to control (like letting someone else drive without giving directions).

The Next Step: Grab Your Flight Anxiety Toolkit

Letting go of control is a process, and you don’t have to do it alone. My Flight Anxiety Toolkit will help you learn 12 effective strategies for handling anxiety on your next flight.

👉 Click here to download your free Flight Anxiety Toolkit and start feeling more confident before your next flight.

Final Thought

You don’t need control to feel safe. You just need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Trust in the plane, the process, and—most importantly—your ability to handle uncertainty.

So next time you board a plane, remind yourself:

Your only job is to sit back and let the pilots do theirs.

You got this.

6 Sunday Scaries Habits You Need to Break (And What to Do Instead)

Sunday night is when your brain decides to spiral about everything. The emails you haven’t opened. The to-do list waiting for you. The meeting that may or may not go terribly. The one awkward thing you said at work last week.

The weight of the upcoming week creeps in, and suddenly, instead of enjoying the last few hours of the weekend, you're overwhelmed by everything ahead. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and—unfortunately—completely normal.

But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in this cycle.

If you find yourself stressed every Sunday night, it may be because of habits that unintentionally make anxiety worse. The good news? A few small shifts can help you feel more at ease on your hard earned Sundays and start the week feeling more in control.

Let’s break down six common Sunday Scaries habits and what you can do instead.

1. Doomscrolling Until Midnight

You tell yourself you’re just winding down, but before you know it, an hour has passed, and your brain is overloaded with information—half of which you didn’t need. Social media arguments, bad news headlines, random deep dives into topics you didn’t even care about ten minutes ago… sound familiar?

Your anxious brain is already on high alert about Monday, and scrolling is like pouring gasoline on the fire. The content you’re consuming is probably reinforcing stress, not relieving it.

Try this instead:

• Set a “social media curfew” and give yourself at least 30 minutes of tech-free time before bed.

• Swap the endless scrolling for something that actually helps you unwind—reading, stretching, listening to music, or even sitting outside for a few minutes.

• If you catch yourself reaching for your phone, ask, “Will this actually make me feel better?” If the answer is no, put it down.

2. “I’ll Just Relax” … But You Actually Worry the Whole Time

You plan to spend Sunday recharging, but your brain has other plans. While your body is on the couch, your mind is caught up in a mental loop of worst-case scenarios. You replay old conversations, obsess over what’s coming up this week, and mentally prepare for problems that may never happen.

This is classic “what If” thinking—and it keeps you trapped in anxiety instead of enjoying your time off.

Try this instead:

• Set a 10-minute worry window earlier in the day to get your concerns out of your head and onto paper. Once it’s done, remind yourself, “I’ve already given this time today.”

• Give your brain something else to focus on. Watch a show that makes you laugh. Go for a walk. Call a friend. Shift from “trying to relax” to actively doing something that brings you joy.

3. Procrastination Spiral—Saving All Chores for Sunday

If your Sunday is packed with catching up on laundry, meal prepping, and every other task you avoided during the week, of course it’s going to feel overwhelming.

Many people push everything to Sunday thinking they’ll “feel better” after getting it done. But what actually happens? Sunday turns into a second workday, and the stress of getting through all the tasks just feeds into the Sunday Scaries.

Try this instead:

• Spread out chores throughout the week so they don’t pile up.

• If that’s not possible, schedule breaks so it’s not an all-day task marathon.

• Be honest about what’s necessary. If doing laundry can wait until Tuesday, let it wait.

4. Overthinking Every Possible Monday Scenario

You tell yourself that thinking through all possible situations will make you feel prepared, but it only adds more stress. Instead of feeling more in control, you feel more uncertain.

This is your brain’s way of trying to find certainty where there isn’t any. The problem? The more you overanalyze, the more confused and overwhelmed you become.

Try this instead:

• When your brain starts spiraling, ask, “Is this a fact or just my brain trying to predict the worst?”

• Reframe the thought. Instead of, “What if tomorrow is a disaster?”, try “What if things actually go smoothly?”

• If there’s something practical you can do to prepare, do it. If not, let it go.

5. The Sunday Goodbye to Your Entire Life

For some people, Sunday isn’t just stressful—it feels like the end of all joy and freedom. You tell yourself things like:

• “This is my last chance to relax before work takes over my life again.”

• “The fun part of the week is over.”

• “It’s back to the grind. Nothing to look forward to now.”

This kind of all-or-nothing thinking makes Mondays feel like a punishment and makes it even harder to enjoy Sundays.

Try this instead:

• Schedule something small to look forward to on Mondays—a coffee date, your favorite lunch, a workout you love.

• Reframe Mondays as a fresh start instead of an ending.

• Keep your daily tasks realistic. After doing a brain dump of to do’s, circle 1-3 tasks that are the top priority of that day.

6. Staying Up Late to ‘Squeeze the Weekend In’

You stay up later than usual, trying to extend the weekend. But when Monday rolls around, you’re exhausted and even more anxious.

Losing sleep makes everything harder—concentration, emotional regulation, and your ability to manage stress.

Try this instead:

• Shift your mindset from “I need to make the most of my weekend” to “I want to feel good going into the week”.

• Set a consistent Sunday night routine that signals to your brain it’s time to wind down.

• Treat sleep as non-negotiable—because it is.

Stop Letting “What If” Thoughts Steal Your Time

The Sunday Scaries aren’t just about Mondays—they’re about how your brain handles uncertainty and overthinking.

If worst-case scenario thinking keeps hijacking your peace, now is the time to take back control.

If you need more help learning skills for handling overthinking, schedule a free 15 minute phone consultations with one of our therapists, to learn more about how we can support you.

The Hidden Toll of Overthinking: How ‘What If’ Thinking Hijacks Your Life

Ever feel like your brain just won’t turn off?

It starts with one thought— “What if I’m a bad person?” “Did I say something weird in that conversation?” “What if something goes wrong tomorrow?”

Before you know it, you’re spiraling, replaying scenarios, analyzing every possible outcome, and trying to mentally ‘fix’ things that haven’t even happened yet. Sound familiar?

If so, you’re not alone. This is what we call rumination….or in other words, overthinking—it’s a mental loop that keeps you stuck in worry, doubt, and stress.

Lets break down how overthinking impacts your life and, most importantly, how you can start breaking free.

5 Ways Overthinking Secretly Controls Your Life

Overthinking feels productive, like you’re “preparing” for problems. But in reality, it’s exhausting. Here’s how it silently drains your life:

1. Decision Paralysis – While you second-guess every choice, it keeps you further from actually making a decision. This creates another problem: procrastination. The endless cycle of trying to get to the ‘right’ decision wreaks havoc on your time and energy.

For example, you hesitate to RSVP to a gathering, overanalyzing every possible interaction. The fear of saying the wrong thing keeps you stuck in indecision, leading you to avoid social events altogether.

2. Anxiety & Self-Doubt – Overanalyzing creates more fear, not clarity. You spend hours googling for answers or asking loved ones for their opinions, but it’s a trap. The more options you’re given, the harder it becomes to decide, leaving you even more uncertain. 

For example, you notice a sensation in your body, then fall into a rabbit hole of online research, convinced it could be something serious. Each new possibility that comes up on google feeds more doubt, leading to more frantic searching rather than actual reassurance.

3. Strained Relationships – You replay conversations over and over again. Your loved ones have given you their two cents, yet you continue seeking reassurance. 

This can negatively impact your relationships—people may start sugar-coating their answers or avoiding giving opinions altogether to prevent worsening your anxiety. 

For example, you experience unwanted intrusive thoughts about being a bad person and repeatedly ask your loved one if they think you're a good person. 

Even when they reassure you, the doubt lingers, and you feel compelled to ask again, straining the relationship. The need for constant reassurance creates tension, making them feel pressured to manage your anxiety.

4. Physical Fatigue – Ever feel like you’ve run a marathon after a day of doing ‘nothing’? That’s because rumination is exhausting. Your body holds onto the tension, leading to headaches, muscle stiffness, and pure exhaustion. 

For example, days before a flight, you mentally rehearse every possible danger, tensing up as if you’re actually in danger. This leaves you drained before you even step on the plane.

That’s because rumination is exhausting. Your body holds onto the tension, leading to headaches, muscle stiffness, and pure exhaustion.

5. Missed Opportunities – Overthinking leads to hesitation, avoidance, and staying in your comfort zone—keeping you from taking action and truly living.

For example, you delay applying for a new job because you can’t stop second-guessing whether you’re qualified enough. So you miss out on potential career growth….or worse yet, stay in a job you hate.

The truth? Overthinking isn’t helping you—it’s keeping you from living fully.

Why Your Brain Won’t Let Go of ‘What Ifs’

Your brain craves certainty. When faced with uncertainty, it tries to ‘solve’ it by running endless worst-case scenarios. Your worry brain thinks it needs to do this to protect you from danger.

But here’s the kicker: most of these scenarios will never happen. Worry overestimates risk and underestimates your ability to cope.

This cycle is fueled by cognitive distortions, like:

• Catastrophizing – Expecting the worst (“If I mess up, I’ll fail, won’t get a job, and will end up living in my parents’ basement forever.”)

• All-or-Nothing Thinking – Seeing things as only good or bad (“If I don’t get this perfect, I’ve failed.”)

• Mind-Reading – Assuming others are judging you (“They probably think I sounded stupid.”)

Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward change.

How to Break Free From the Overthinking Loop

The next time you catch yourself spiraling, try this Acknowledge-Ask-Act method:

Acknowledge – Pause and recognize: “I’m overthinking right now.” 

Ask – “Is this thought a fact or just a story my brain is telling me?” 

Act – Get out of your head and into your life. Take effective action. Is there anything you can do right now to resolve this situation? If yes, take action. If no, accept that this is a difficult situation with multiple possibilities—but that spending more time and energy ruminating won’t help.

The goal isn’t to stop thoughts completely but to stop wasting time replaying endless possibilities so you can be more present in your life.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you see yourself in this blog post, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to stay stuck in the overthinking loop. In my upcoming live workshop, I’ll guide you through simple, science-backed techniques to quiet your mind and stop worst-case scenario thinking in its tracks.

Sign-up here to join the waitlist so you can be the first to know when enrollment for the Rumination and What if Thinking Workshop opens.

10 Lessons I Learned From Facing My Flight Anxiety

For years, flying terrified me. Just talking about booking a flight would make me shake, lose my appetite, and feel physically sick. I still pushed myself to get on planes, but I was miserable the entire time.

I tried everything to "trick" myself into feeling comfortable—pretending I wasn’t really on a plane, drinking alcohol, white-knuckling my way through takeoff. But no matter what I did, the fear always crept back in.

Now? I don’t need to prepare at all. Sure, if I haven’t flown in a while, I might still get a stomach ache—but I don’t have the scary thoughts anymore.

So how did I get here? These are the 10 biggest lessons I learned along the way.

1. Avoiding Anxiety Only Makes It Worse

For years, I treated anxiety like something I had to fight off or eliminate. If I could just “fix” it, then I’d finally feel comfortable flying.

But the truth? The more effort I put into avoiding anxiety, the worse it got.

The game-changer for me was learning to allow my anxious feelings instead of battling them. Instead of telling myself, "I shouldn’t feel this way," I started saying, "I can feel anxious and still handle this."

2. You Don’t Have to Feel 100% Ready—Action Comes First

I used to wait for the right time to fly. But here’s the thing—there is no right time.

If you’re waiting for your anxiety to magically disappear before you book a flight, you might be waiting forever. I had to make a decision: Do I want to keep letting fear control my life, or do I want to take action despite it?

Progress comes from doing, not waiting. The sooner you start taking small steps, the sooner flying will feel easier.

3. White-Knuckling It Won’t Help—You Have to Change Your Mindset

I kept pushing myself to fly, thinking repeated exposure alone would fix the fear. But because I was still white-knuckling it, I never really felt better.

I spent entire flights drinking alcohol, studying the flight attendants' faces for signs of worry, and gripping the armrest through turbulence. Sure, I made it through the flights, but my brain was still reinforcing the message that flying was dangerous.

Real progress happened when I stopped gripping onto every coping mechanism and started truly believing I could handle the discomfort.

4. Your Body Will React—And That’s Okay

Before, my body would panic before my mind even had a chance to. I’d feel nauseous, my appetite would disappear, and my heart would race.

I used to take motion sickness meds just to get through it. Now, if I need them, I’ll take them—but I also make sure I eat, drink water, and take care of my body.

I know that if I don’t fuel myself properly, my symptoms will get way worse. Even when I don’t feel like eating, I’ll have small sips of water, crackers, applesauce—whatever I can tolerate.

5. If You Treat Flying Like a Life-Or-Death Event, Of Course You’ll Be Anxious

I used to prepare for flights like I was preparing for my funeral.

I’d update my will, say dramatic goodbyes to my kids, and act like I might not come back. And guess what? That only made my anxiety 10x worse.

Now, I treat flying like any other day. I don’t make it a big deal, because it isn’t.

6. Understanding Flight Safety Helps Correct the Stories in Your Head

I used to panic over every bump, noise, and sensation. My brain constantly asked:
❓ Was that normal?
❓ Is something wrong?
❓ Should I be worried?

Now? I know enough about aviation to understand what’s normal. That knowledge helps shut down my brain’s habit of making up scary stories.

For some people, learning about how planes work can be a game-changer in overcoming fear. For me, I got some of that education through my husband (who worked in aviation), but what helped even more was continuing to fly and applying the mindset shift and tools I learned as an anxiety specialist (yep-I practice what I preach). 

7. Distraction Helps—But Only If You Let It

In the past, I couldn’t even give myself permission to watch a show on a plane. I felt like I had to be on high alert at all times.

Now, I let myself engage in things that make the flight go by faster. Watching a familiar, lighthearted show is my go-to.

But here’s the key: Distraction is different from avoidance.
✔ Mindful distraction = Keeping yourself engaged with something positive.
❌ Avoidance distraction = Trying to “block out” the experience (which doesn’t work).

8. The Fear Fades When You Stop Engaging With It

The biggest difference today? I don’t fear flying anymore.

I still get some physical anxiety symptoms, but I don’t engage with them. I recognize it as just my old fight-or-flight response trying to "warn" me.

The moment I stopped analyzing every anxious sensation and just let it come and go, I realized… I didn’t need to be afraid of it anymore.

9. Progress Doesn’t Happen Overnight—But It’s 100% Possible

If you had told me 10 years ago that I’d one day fly without fear, no alcohol, no medication, no over-preparing—I wouldn’t have believed you.

But here I am. Not because I’m lucky, but because I put in the work.

Flight anxiety is so incredibly treatable. It takes practice and consistent effort, but it’s worth it. You don’t have to be an anxious flyer forever.

10. The First Step Is Just Deciding Enough Is Enough

The only way out of flight anxiety is through it.

If you’re waiting for the perfect time to start working on it… you’ll be waiting forever.

There is no magic formula. You just have to decide:
I’m done letting fear control me.

The first step? Start consuming content about evidence-based treatment for flight anxiety. Learn what actually works. If you’re ready for a structured approach, I created a course that walks you through every step of the process.

Want a Step-By-Step Plan to Conquer Flight Anxiety?

Join the Fearful Flyer’s Blueprint Course—where I teach you the exact mindset shifts and strategies I used to go from anxious flyer to confident traveler.

Click here to get started!

Overcoming the Fear of Making the Wrong Choice: How to Stop Overthinking and Start Deciding

You’re staring at the menu at a restaurant. You’ve checked the reviews, asked the server for recommendations, and gone back and forth between two dishes at least five times. You don’t want to pick the wrong thing. What if there’s something better? What if you regret your choice?

Sound familiar?

For many people, decision-making is an everyday challenge, whether it’s choosing what to eat or making major life choices like buying a house, changing careers, or deciding whether to have kids. And while it’s normal to put thought into big decisions, for perfectionists, overthinkers, and those with anxiety or OCD, making choices can feel paralyzing.

So, let’s talk about how to break free from the fear of making the wrong choice and start making decisions with more confidence.

Why Is It So Hard to Make Decisions?

If you struggle with decision-making anxiety, it’s not just about the choice itself—it’s about what emotion you’re trying to avoid.

• Are you trying to escape the possibility of regret?

• Are you afraid of making a mistake and feeling guilt or shame?

• Are you worried about disappointing others with your choice?

Overthinking and indecision are often fueled by the belief that there is a "right" choice—one that will prevent discomfort, regret, or failure. But the reality? There is no perfect choice. And chasing that illusion only keeps you stuck.

Behaviors That Keep You Stuck in Decision Paralysis

If you struggle with decision anxiety, you may notice these patterns:

✅ Excessive Research – Spending way too much time gathering information, reading reviews, and comparing options in search of certainty.

✅ Reassurance-Seeking – Asking others what they would do or deferring to someone else’s opinion instead of trusting your own.

✅ Avoidance or Delaying the Decision – Putting off making a choice to avoid the discomfort of committing.

✅ Second-Guessing – Even after making a decision, wondering if it was the right one and mentally “undoing” it in your head.

Does any of this sound like you? If so, let’s talk about how to break free.

How to Stop Overthinking and Start Deciding

If decision anxiety is keeping you stuck, it’s time to challenge the belief that you need certainty to move forward.

1. Set a Time Limit for Decisions

Not every choice needs endless deliberation. The amount of time you spend making a decision should be proportional to its importance.

• Small choices (what to eat, what to wear): Decide in 30 seconds.

• Medium choices (what to buy, weekend plans): Give yourself 10-15 minutes.

• Big choices (career moves, major purchases): Set a reasonable deadline and stick to it.

Here’s the surprising truth: The more time you spend analyzing, the more uncertain you’ll feel. Why? Because instead of clarity, you end up with more options that seem good—and suddenly, it's even harder to see the "right" one. The same happens when you ask too many people for their opinions.

More voices = more confusion.

At some point, thinking more doesn’t lead to a better choice—it just leads to more overthinking.

You might wondering…but Jenny, what if I really do need more time to decide?

If more time will help, give yourself a deadline—and stick to it.

But…also ask yourself:
✔ Is this extra time bringing me closer to a decision, or just keeping me stuck?
✔ What specific information am I still missing, and how will I know when I have enough?
✔ If I had to decide right now, what would I choose?

Clarity doesn’t always come before action—sometimes it follows it. Set a time limit, make the best choice you can with what you know, and move forward.

2. Accept That Mistakes Are Inevitable

It’s human nature to want to avoid mistakes—especially when they could cause discomfort or impact our loved ones. But here’s the truth: you cannot avoid all mistakes in life.

Instead of trying to control for every possible misstep, learn to shift your mindset to allowing mistakes.

Why?
✔ It saves you time and energy. Less time stuck = more time living your life.
✔ It helps you take action. Progress happens through movement, not endless analysis.
✔ Mistakes help you grow. Everyone makes them—so why should you be the exception?

You are always doing the best you can with the information you have at the time. And even if you make a choice you later regret, you will handle it.

3. Use the 5-Second Rule to Take Action

I’ve been listening to Mel Robbins a lot lately, and she has some great life hacks for getting unstuck. One of them is the 5-4-3-2-1 Rule.

Here’s how it works:

The moment you notice yourself hesitating on a decision, count down from five. When you hit "1," take action. Make the choice.

Why does this work? It interrupts overthinking and gives you a cue to act before anxiety talks you out of it. Even if the action isn’t perfect, progress beats paralysis every time.

Practicing Small Decisions to Build Confidence

Practicing making quick decision is something that I practice in my own life.

And I’ve noticed that restaurants are the perfect place to practice decision-making.

I can be the person who agonizes over what to order—reading reviews, asking the server, going back and forth on my options, trying to avoid regret. And even after ordering, I still wasn’t sure if I had made the “right” choice.

I realize, this is such a small thing in the grand scheme of life. But it’s a great opportunity to practice small changes.

When I go out to eat, I challenge myself to scan the menu quickly, pick something, and commit. No reviews, no reassurance. Could I end up with a meal I don’t love? Sure. But I’ll survive.

And the bigger lesson? Even if I make the wrong choice, I can live with it.

Practicing small decisions like this can help retrain your brain to tolerate uncertainty, making it easier to apply the same mindset to bigger choices.

Final Thoughts: Relief Comes After the Decision, Not Before

Indecision isn’t protecting you—it’s keeping you stuck. And the truth is, the relief you’re searching for won’t come from researching more or waiting for the perfect answer. The relief comes after you decide.

So the next time you find yourself spiraling over a choice, ask yourself:

➡️ What am I avoiding by not deciding?
➡️ What else am I giving up by staying stuck?
➡️ Will more time really give me a better answer?

And then, give yourself permission to just decide.

Struggling With Decision Anxiety? Let’s Work on It Together.

If decision-making anxiety is holding you back from living your life fully, we can help.

We offer individual therapy (for those in Minnesota, Iowa, and South Dakota) —so you can learn the exact tools we teach our clients to stop overthinking and start living with confidence.

Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.

7 Tips to Keep Your Fear of Flying in Check After a Scary News Headline

Hearing about a plane crash or other aviation incidents can be incredibly unsettling—especially if you already have a fear of flying. Your brain might immediately start to spiral, saying: “See? I shouldn’t fly. It could happen.”

And you know what? You’re not wrong—bad things can happen. But guess what? You don’t stop living your life because of what ifs. You still drive after hearing about car accidents, right? You still eat out even though food poisoning exists. The key is learning how to challenge the thoughts that are trying to keep you stuck.

Let’s break down how to handle this fear without letting it derail your progress.

1. Recognize and Challenge Your Thinking

If you find yourself thinking, “This is why I shouldn’t fly,” it’s a sign you need to do some work around your thought patterns. Anxiety thrives on confirmation bias—where your brain selectively focuses on evidence that supports your fear and ignores all the times things go right.

Instead of letting one scary event reinforce your fear, use it as an opportunity to strengthen your skills in handling uncertainty. Just because something happened doesn’t mean it will happen to you.

Ask yourself:

• Am I looking at this objectively, or is my fear making the decision for me?

• What other areas of life have I continued with, even after hearing about risks?

• How can I use this fear as motivation to learn coping strategies?

2. Educate Yourself on Flight Safety (Within Reason)

If you constantly struggle with trusting the safety of flying, a reasonable amount of education can help. But here’s the key—reasonable means getting information from trusted sources, not falling down an internet rabbit hole.

Learn the facts about aviation safety and how planes are designed to withstand various conditions. Understanding how thoroughly pilots are trained and how rare incidents are can provide reassurance. But remember, knowledge is a tool—not a crutch. Overconsumption of information can fuel anxiety rather than calm it.

3. Respond to Anxiety Differently

When anxious thoughts pop up, instead of taking them so seriously, try responding to them with acceptance of uncertainty and even a little humor. Some ways to do this:

• “Maybe, maybe not” or “If it’s my time, it’s my time.” 

• “Good one, Anxiety! I knew you’d throw this thought at me today.”

By not taking these thoughts so seriously, you take away their power. Anxiety loves when you engage and fight with it—so don’t. Acknowledge it, and then move on.

4. Accept Your Feelings (Without Letting Them Take Over)

It’s okay to feel sad, scared, or even angry when you hear tragic news about a plane crash. Just because you know your fear of flying is irrational doesn’t mean bad things don’t happen in the world. Allow yourself to feel those emotions without judgment.

Say to yourself:

• “I feel scared right now, and that’s okay.”

• “This news is upsetting, but I don’t have to dwell on it.”

Feeling your emotions doesn’t mean you have to act on them. You can experience fear and still take steps to move forward.

5. Don't Feed the Fear (Keep Scrolling!)

When you see something in the news about a plane crash, it’s tempting to dig deep—searching for answers, reading every article, and trying to figure out how to avoid the same fate. But here’s the truth:

• The media's job is to provoke emotion and fear, not provide reassurance.

• Digging for answers won’t eliminate anxiety… it will only fuel more of it.

• Engaging with these stories trains the internet algorithms to show you more flight-related incidents, which only further reinforce your fear.

Instead, practice the art of scrolling past. Think of all the scary headlines you see every day that you don’t click on. Do the same with flight-related ones.

6. Avoid Creating New Rules

After a plane incident, it might feel tempting to make new “rules” for yourself to feel safer—avoiding certain airlines, flying only on specific types of planes, or picking certain seats. While this might help you get on a plane in the short term, it’s ultimately reinforcing the belief that you have control over something that you don’t.

Instead of white-knuckling it through with safety rules, focus on strategies that actually help you to accept and allow your anxious feelings. 

Final Thoughts

It's completely understandable to feel anxious when hearing about plane related incidents, but don’t let fear steer your decisions. Instead, use this moment as an opportunity to challenge your anxious thoughts, stay informed in a healthy way, and continue moving toward your goal of confident travel.

You can handle this, and you don’t have to do it alone.

Need More Support?

Whether you’re looking for one-on-one support or self-paced learning, we’ve got options to help you overcome flight anxiety. If you’re in Minnesota, Iowa, or South Dakota, our individual therapy sessions provide personalized guidance. For those outside these states, our online courses offer the same proven strategies we teach our clients—so you can start building confidence, no matter where you are.

Click here to schedule a 15 minute phone consultation with one of our therapists.

Click here to explore our courses.

Illness Season Is Here—How to Manage Anxiety Without Letting Fear Take Over

So, it’s illness season. And you’re terrified. Maybe you’re avoiding gatherings or public places. Maybe you’re washing your hands until they bleed.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. A lot of my clients come to me and ask, “But Jenny, doesn’t it make sense to avoid these situations when there’s a real threat of getting sick or an outbreak of illness?”

That’s exactly what we’re diving into today.

What’s the Cost of Avoidance?

Yes, the risk of getting sick may be higher right now, and your anxiety or OCD might be screaming at you to stay home. But before you make that call, I want you to pause and ask yourself: At what cost?

• Who does this benefit? You, or the anxiety monster?

• Who does this hurt? You? Your children? Your relationships?

Think back to a time when you canceled plans to attend a party because of the possibility of getting sick. Sure, you may have felt temporary relief—phew, glad I dodged that one—but what did you miss out on?

You likely missed the connection with your friends and family. The shared laughter, the stories, the chance to be part of something meaningful. Maybe you even missed moments your kids will talk about for years, memories you could have been part of.

Yes, getting sick is unpleasant and inconvenient, but is avoiding that possibility (key word here is “possibility”-not guarantee!) worth giving up all the other beautiful things life has to offer?

Here’s the thing: there’s no right or wrong answer here. You get to decide how cautious you want to be. But let me ask you this:

• If you weren’t afraid of illness, how would you be living your life?

Anxiety loves black-and-white thinking—it convinces you that staying home is “safe” and going out is “dangerous.” But life isn’t black and white. It’s messy, full of gray areas. So instead of searching for the perfect answer, I encourage you to practice flexibility. What small step can you take today to prioritize connection over avoidance?

You might surprise yourself with how capable you are.

When Does Avoidance Make Sense?

There are absolutely times when staying home is the best choice—whether for your health, your priorities, or your values. But here’s the key: it’s important to know the difference between a decision rooted in facts and one fueled by fear.

Start by asking yourself:

• Am I avoiding this situation because it aligns with my values and goals, or because fear is calling the shots?

• If I weren’t feeling anxious, would I still make this choice?

Now, let’s get real—are you considering avoiding this situation because it’s truly the best option for you right now, or because it feels easier to give in to anxiety? Fear is sneaky, and it’s not always clear. That’s why it’s so important to be brutally honest with yourself.

Here’s an example:

• It might make perfect sense to send someone else to pick up groceries if you’re swamped at work or feeling under the weather.

• But it’s likely a fear-based choice if you’re avoiding the store altogether during flu season simply because you’re worried about touching shared surfaces or being near other people—even when there’s no real evidence of a high risk.

Here’s the truth: fear thrives on avoidance. The more you avoid, the bigger and scarier the fear becomes. Every time you choose avoidance over action, you reinforce anxiety’s grip on your life.

So, instead of letting fear make the call, take a moment to reflect. Is this decision coming from a place of flexibility and self-care, or is it being dictated by anxiety? Choosing action—even in small, manageable steps—helps shrink fear’s influence and builds confidence over time.

Rewriting the Story: You Can Handle It

One of the most common and unhelpful beliefs tied to fears of illness is the thought, “I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

Let’s rewrite that story. Even if you don’t fully believe you can handle getting sick right now, you can start telling yourself a different narrative. It might sound like this:

“I’m not able to handle getting sick yet, but I’m working on it.”

Think about it like starting a new job. You didn’t know everyone on your first day, and you weren’t 100% sure you’d be good at it. But if you had a supportive supervisor, they believed in you, cheered you on, and encouraged you.

Your boss didn’t know for certain you’d succeed, but they rooted for you anyway. Now imagine the opposite—if your boss constantly doubted you or put you down, how miserable would that experience have been?

Here’s the thing: you get to be the boss of your inner dialogue. Are you going to be the boss that builds you up, or the one that tears you down? Start showing yourself some belief, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Confidence grows from action, and you might just surprise yourself with what you can handle.

Fake It ’Til You Make It—For Now

This is where “fake it ’til you make it” comes into play. No, you don’t have to fully believe you can handle illness right now. But start acting like you can.

Changing your thoughts is a great goal, but let’s be honest: thoughts don’t always cooperate. What you can control is your behavior.

And here’s the good news: when your behavior changes, your thoughts will follow. Start by showing yourself you can handle more than your fear is telling you.

The Big Takeaway

Illness season doesn’t have to mean fear season. Yes, it’s okay to be cautious. But it’s also okay to step out of fear’s grip and live your life in a way that aligns with your values.

Remember:

• Ask yourself who your actions are serving—fear or your true self?

• Practice flexibility instead of looking for black-and-white answers.

• Start rewriting the story by showing yourself you’re more capable than you think.

You’ve got this.

Getting help with anxiety around illness

If illness season has you feeling stuck in fear, we can help. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to explore how our therapists at State of Mind Therapy can help you regain control, build confidence, and face this season with less anxiety.

Top 6 Packing Tips for Anxious Flyers

Travel can be stressful—even for those without a fear of flying. When anxiety about flying is added to the mix, it can feel downright overwhelming. 

From planning and packing to navigating the airport, every step can drain your energy and make focusing even harder. 

But with the right preparation, you can reduce the stress and even find moments of ease during your journey. 

Here are some practical tips to make your next trip more manageable.

1. Simplify Your Packing with a Capsule Wardrobe

Now, this tip isn’t just for anxious flyers, but for everyone. The more I’ve traveled the more I’ve learned about how to keep stress and anxiety down…and being wise about packing has been a game-changer for me.

 Overpacking adds unnecessary stress over decisions like “what if I need this?” or “how do I fit everything?” Instead, pack versatile pieces that mix and match effortlessly. 

Pro tip: Ask ChatGPT to create a custom capsule wardrobe tailored to your destination, activities, number of days, and weather.

2. Prepare for Physical Symptoms of Anxiety

Anxiety can wreak havoc on your body, making you feel nauseous, hot, or even shaky. Here’s how to prepare for comfort:

• Nausea relief: Ginger chews, saltine crackers, or applesauce pouches can be lifesavers. Please do not skip meals—an empty stomach will only make your anxiety symptoms worse. That’s why these easy to tolerate foods can be helpful. 

• Temperature control: Wear layers and pack a handheld fan or cooling towel. Bring an ice pack or thermos to fill with ice after security for quick relief if needed.

• Hydration: Pack electrolyte packets to mix with water, which will help keep you hydrated since the air on the planes is so dry (and lets not forget the dry mouth caused by anxiety). 

3. Create a Toolkit for Calm

Having strategies at your fingertips can be incredibly grounding. Before your trip, jot down a few calming techniques in a note on your phone or on a physical notecard. Include:

• A list of grounding exercises, like 5-4-3-2-1 to help you reconnect with the present moment

• Intense Candy: If you're prone to panic attacks, consider carrying a candy with a bold, intense flavor like sour or spicy (like WarHeads). The strong sensation in your mouth can be a powerful sensory distraction.

• Motivational reminders, such as your reason for flying (like to reunite with loved ones or experience something new).

• Short empowering phrases like, “I can handle this,” or “This is temporary.”

Keeping these tools easily accessible for when anxiety peaks will help you to use them when you need them most because anxiety doesn’t remember new things in the moment! 

4. Block Out Distractions

Planes can be noisy, bright, and overstimulating—not exactly anxiety-friendly. Packing these items can help:

• Noise-canceling headphones: Tune out the roar of the engines and relax with calming music or a favorite podcast.

• Eye mask: To help you sleep! Even if you can’t fall asleep (thanks anxiety!), the eye mask can help to block out light and help your mind rest. 

5. Stay Engaged During the Flight

Boredom can leave too much room for anxious thoughts to spiral. To counteract this, plan for a variety of activities:

• Download movies, audiobooks, or a new podcast series.

• Bring a puzzle book, sketchpad, or journal.

• Prepare for moments of productivity, like drafting an itinerary or organizing your week ahead.

My rule of thumb? Pack one activity for every hour of the flight to keep your mind occupied.

6. Adopt a Positive Mindset

Lastly, pack your mental toolkit. Flying is an opportunity to challenge yourself and grow. Anxiety might tell you, “You can’t handle this,” but remind yourself: “I’ve prepared, and I’m ready for this adventure.”

Remember This:

These tips are a starting point. Modify them based on what you like the best. My pro tip to you is to have a variety of options to keep yourself busy and calm so that you can switch it up as needed.

Don’t expect any one single tip here to eliminate your anxiety completely. Your anxiety doesn’t work like a light switch that you can just switch off. But these items can help you navigate the discomfort with a little more ease.

If you need more help with flying anxiety,  Grab the Free Flight Anxiety Toolkit for my top 12 tips here.

Refocusing After Holiday Setbacks: A Compassionate Approach to Progress

The holidays can include a whirlwind of emotions, and if you struggle with anxiety or OCD, they can feel even more overwhelming. With all the heightened stress, busy environments, and disrupted routines, setbacks or challenges with handling anxiety or OCD are bound to happen—and that’s okay.

Setbacks don’t erase progress. They’re part of the process, a normal part of learning and growing. It’s important to take a moment to reflect on what happened, learn from it, and refocus for the days ahead.

Why Setbacks Are Normal

The holidays are packed with potential triggers:

• Decisions to make under pressure.

• Crowded gatherings that can feel overstimulating.

• Eating food prepared by others when you’re not in control.

• Managing family expectations that add another layer of stress.

When these challenges pile up, it’s no surprise that anxiety or OCD can feel louder. But here’s the thing: setbacks aren’t failures—they’re learning opportunities. They’re a chance to step back, understand what happened, and use that knowledge to keep moving forward.

Your progress is not erased by one tough moment or even a series of them. Growth doesn’t come from perfection; it comes from showing up, learning, and trying again.

Journal Prompts for Reflection

Take a few minutes to reflect on how you handled anxiety over the holidays. Use these questions to guide your thoughts:

• What did I handle well this holiday season?

• What felt the most challenging, and why?

• What can I do differently next time to feel more confident or prepared?

As you reflect, approach yourself with kindness and curiosity—not criticism. Think of this as gathering information, not judging yourself.

Learning from Challenges

You have a choice in how you view your challenges. You can get upset with yourself for how you handled a situation (or blame others for making it difficult). But let’s be honest—that approach won’t help you move forward.

Instead, let these challenges be fuel for motivation to keep working on yourself. Every difficult moment is a reminder of why you’re working to face your fears and resist anxiety or OCD’s rules.

Maybe you felt overwhelmed at a family gathering and spent most of it ruminating over a comment someone made. Or perhaps your anxiety was so high that you had to leave early or even say no to the gathering altogether.

That’s okay. These moments aren’t failures—it’s just information. Information about where you’re at right now and what you need to continue to work on.

Reflect on them. What can you take away? What can you try differently next time?

Practical Tips for Moving Forward

The holidays don’t define you or your journey. What matters is what you choose to do next.

• Stop self-criticism: If you’ve been hard on yourself, make the decision right now to stop. Instead, remind yourself: “I did the best I could with what I thought I could at the time.”

• Identify one small action to regain momentum: This could be practicing mindfulness for a few minutes, journaling your thoughts, or setting a boundary with family or friends. Choose one step that feels manageable and take it.

Every action, no matter how small, is a step toward growth and resilience.

Conclusion

The holidays are just one part of your journey—they don’t define it. Setbacks are simply reminders of the work you’re already doing and the progress you’re capable of making.

Be kind to yourself as you reflect, learn, and move forward. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure this out on your own.

If you’re ready to take the next step toward navigating anxiety or OCD with more peace and confidence, let’s talk.

Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with one of our therapists to explore how we can support you on your journey.