5 Common Mistakes Loved Ones Make When Supporting Someone with Anxiety or OCD

Supporting someone with anxiety or OCD is complicated. You want to help, but sometimes, what feels like support can actually make things worse. Without realizing it, your efforts to comfort, protect, or “fix” the problem might be reinforcing their anxiety instead.

If you’ve ever thought:
“I just want to reassure them so they stop worrying.”
“Maybe if I help them avoid their triggers, they’ll feel better.”
“I don’t understand why they can’t just stop overthinking.”

…you’re not alone. These reactions come from a place of care, but they often feed the anxiety cycle rather than helping your loved one truly cope.

Here are five common mistakes to be aware of when supporting someone with anxiety or OCD.

1. Falling Into the Reassurance Trap

It’s natural to want to calm your loved one down by reassuring them that everything is okay. But if they struggle with anxiety or OCD, they’ve likely already told themselves that—and it hasn’t worked.

Reassurance provides temporary relief but keeps them stuck in the cycle of seeking external validation instead of building internal confidence. It’s not that they don’t believe you, but anxiety isn’t satisfied with just one reassurance. They may ask the same question over and over, looking for certainty they will never truly find.

If you’ve found yourself repeating the same reassurances only to have them ask again—that’s a sign they’re relying on reassurance as a coping mechanism rather than truly working through their anxiety.

2. Trying to "Fix" Instead of Support

If you’ve ever felt frustrated thinking, "Why can’t they just move on?"—you’re not alone. Watching someone you love struggle with anxiety or OCD can be incredibly hard, especially when the solution seems so obvious from the outside.

But here’s the thing: Logic doesn’t “fix” anxiety. Your loved one likely already knows their fears are irrational, but knowing isn’t the same as believing. Telling them to "just stop" can make them feel judged, ashamed, or misunderstood.

Another common mistake is trying to “fix” them by doing the work for them. Have you ever:
❌ Spent hours researching therapists, books, or solutions while they remained hesitant to take action?
❌ Gone out of your way to accommodate all of their triggers to keep them from feeling anxious?
❌ Taken on more emotional labor than they are in managing their anxiety?

If so, you might be working harder than they are on their recovery—and that’s a sign it’s time to step back.

3. Taking Their Anxiety Personally

Anxiety and OCD aren’t just about what’s happening externally—they also impact how someone feels internally about their relationships.

If your loved one cancels plans, avoids certain places, or seems emotionally distant, it’s easy to assume it’s about you. But often, it’s about their own struggle:
➡️ Social anxiety makes them hyperaware of their own discomfort, not yours.
➡️ Contamination fears may make them withdraw—not because they think you’re actually dirty, but because their anxiety tells them to.
➡️ Intrusive thoughts may cause them to avoid situations out of irrational fear.

It’s hard not to take avoidance personally, but it’s important to remember their anxiety is about them, not you.

4. Forcing Exposure Without Consent

Facing fears is essential for anxiety and OCD recovery—but it must be done at the right pace. Encouraging your loved one to challenge their fears is different from springing an exposure on them without their consent.

Just because someone is working on facing their fears does not mean it’s okay to trigger them on purpose. If your partner struggles with contamination OCD, throwing their belongings on the floor won’t “teach them” to get over it—it will likely overwhelm them and break trust in the relationship.

Instead of pushing them too hard, recognize that effective exposure therapy is gradual, intentional, and done in collaboration—not forced.

5. Neglecting Your Own Well-Being

Being a support system for someone with anxiety or OCD can feel all-consuming. You care deeply, so you put their needs first—even at the expense of your own. But when you constantly adjust your life around their anxiety, it leads to caregiver burnout . 

Signs you may be neglecting your own well-being include:
❌ Making constant accommodations to keep them comfortable.
❌ Feeling drained, exhausted, or resentful.
❌ Losing time for your own hobbies, friends, or self-care.

The truth? You cannot support someone else if you’re running on empty.

Setting healthy boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you care about both of you.

Want to Learn How to Actually Help?

Recognizing these patterns is the first step. But what do you do instead? How can you set boundaries, stop feeding anxiety, and support your loved one’s recovery?

That’s exactly what we break down inside the Family Resource Guide: 5 Ways to Support Your Loved One with Anxiety and OCD.

Inside, you’ll get:
✔️ Practical scripts to help you respond to reassurance-seeking in a way that supports, not enables.
✔️ Step-by-step guidance on how to set boundaries without guilt.
✔️ Specific strategies for supporting your loved one—without sacrificing your own well-being.

Download the family resource guide here

5 Ways to Support a Loved One with Anxiety and OCD DELIVERED!

Final Thoughts

Supporting someone with anxiety or OCD is a balancing act. You don’t have to get it perfect—just being aware of these mistakes is a huge step toward showing up in a way that’s truly helpful.

Remember: You are not responsible for fixing them. But you can be a strong, supportive presence that helps them move toward recovery.

Ready to work with an anxiety therapist?

State of Mind Therapy in Bloomington can help. Click the button below to sign-up for your free 15 minute phone consultation today.

Related Articles

The Illusion of Control: Why Letting Go is the Key to Overcoming Flight Anxiety

If you struggle with flight anxiety, you might find yourself caught in a common trap—the need to feel in control. Maybe it’s the fact that someone else is flying the plane. Or that you can’t just “pull over” if something feels wrong. The uncertainty, the sounds, the sensations—it all makes you feel powerless.

But here’s the truth: control is an illusion.

You don’t have control over most things in life, yet you move through them every day. Learning to let go doesn’t mean something bad will happen. It means accepting that everything going smoothly isn’t entirely up to you—and that’s okay!

Let’s break down why the illusion of control fuels anxiety and how shifting your mindset can help you feel more confident when you fly.

Why We Crave Control (And Why It’s a Trap)

Your anxious brain loves certainty and hates discomfort. It’s wired to predict the future to keep you safe. But the problem? Life doesn’t work that way.

Most anxious flyers want to know what’s happening at all times. If you’re like most of my clients, you’ve found yourself thinking:

• “What was that noise? Was that normal?”

• “How old is that pilot? Are they competent to fly?”

• “Why did the plane just dip? Is something wrong?”

• “How does the pilot know what they’re doing? Should I be worried?”

Your mind is grasping for control in a space where control isn’t needed. And ironically, the more you try to mentally control the experience, the more anxious you feel.

The "But I Can Pull Over in a Car" Myth

One of the biggest false beliefs anxious flyers have is:

“I’m safer in a car because I can pull over if I need to.”

This feels true because driving gives you the illusion of control. Partly because you are confident in it because you’ve been practicing it for years! But here’s the thing—just because you can pull over doesn’t mean you’re actually preventing danger.

Think about it:

• Do you check every mechanical part of your car before driving?

• Can you prevent another driver from running a red light?

• Are you actually in control, or do you just feel like you are?

The truth is, more people die in car accidents than in plane crashes every single day—even though they’re the ones steering.

Flying only feels riskier because the process in unfamiliar to you and you’re not the one making the decisions. But here’s the good news: Your pilot is the only one who should be in control. You wouldn’t want a random passenger stepping in to “help,” so why believe that your anxious brain needs to do something for the flight to be okay?

Practicing Letting Go (Even When It Feels Uncomfortable)

You don’t have to like the feeling of not being in control. But you can learn to sit with it instead of fighting it.

Here’s how to start practicing:

✅ Reframe your thoughts. Instead of “I need to be in control”, shift to “I feel uncomfortable not being in control and that’s ok.”

✅ Let the sensations be there. Your stomach dropping during turbulence? That’s just a sensations. Let your body feel it without attaching a scary story to it.

✅ Resist the urge to “figure it out.” You don’t need to Google wind speeds or track turbulence radars. If conditions weren’t safe, the pilots wouldn’t be flying (they have families too you know).

✅ Take small steps before your next flight. Challenge yourself in everyday situations where you feel the need to control (like letting someone else drive without giving directions).

The Next Step: Grab Your Flight Anxiety Toolkit

Letting go of control is a process, and you don’t have to do it alone. My Flight Anxiety Toolkit will help you learn 12 effective strategies for handling anxiety on your next flight.

👉 Click here to download your free Flight Anxiety Toolkit and start feeling more confident before your next flight.

Final Thought

You don’t need control to feel safe. You just need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Trust in the plane, the process, and—most importantly—your ability to handle uncertainty.

So next time you board a plane, remind yourself:

Your only job is to sit back and let the pilots do theirs.

You got this.

6 Sunday Scaries Habits You Need to Break (And What to Do Instead)

Sunday night is when your brain decides to spiral about everything. The emails you haven’t opened. The to-do list waiting for you. The meeting that may or may not go terribly. The one awkward thing you said at work last week.

The weight of the upcoming week creeps in, and suddenly, instead of enjoying the last few hours of the weekend, you're overwhelmed by everything ahead. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and—unfortunately—completely normal.

But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in this cycle.

If you find yourself stressed every Sunday night, it may be because of habits that unintentionally make anxiety worse. The good news? A few small shifts can help you feel more at ease on your hard earned Sundays and start the week feeling more in control.

Let’s break down six common Sunday Scaries habits and what you can do instead.

1. Doomscrolling Until Midnight

You tell yourself you’re just winding down, but before you know it, an hour has passed, and your brain is overloaded with information—half of which you didn’t need. Social media arguments, bad news headlines, random deep dives into topics you didn’t even care about ten minutes ago… sound familiar?

Your anxious brain is already on high alert about Monday, and scrolling is like pouring gasoline on the fire. The content you’re consuming is probably reinforcing stress, not relieving it.

Try this instead:

• Set a “social media curfew” and give yourself at least 30 minutes of tech-free time before bed.

• Swap the endless scrolling for something that actually helps you unwind—reading, stretching, listening to music, or even sitting outside for a few minutes.

• If you catch yourself reaching for your phone, ask, “Will this actually make me feel better?” If the answer is no, put it down.

2. “I’ll Just Relax” … But You Actually Worry the Whole Time

You plan to spend Sunday recharging, but your brain has other plans. While your body is on the couch, your mind is caught up in a mental loop of worst-case scenarios. You replay old conversations, obsess over what’s coming up this week, and mentally prepare for problems that may never happen.

This is classic “what If” thinking—and it keeps you trapped in anxiety instead of enjoying your time off.

Try this instead:

• Set a 10-minute worry window earlier in the day to get your concerns out of your head and onto paper. Once it’s done, remind yourself, “I’ve already given this time today.”

• Give your brain something else to focus on. Watch a show that makes you laugh. Go for a walk. Call a friend. Shift from “trying to relax” to actively doing something that brings you joy.

3. Procrastination Spiral—Saving All Chores for Sunday

If your Sunday is packed with catching up on laundry, meal prepping, and every other task you avoided during the week, of course it’s going to feel overwhelming.

Many people push everything to Sunday thinking they’ll “feel better” after getting it done. But what actually happens? Sunday turns into a second workday, and the stress of getting through all the tasks just feeds into the Sunday Scaries.

Try this instead:

• Spread out chores throughout the week so they don’t pile up.

• If that’s not possible, schedule breaks so it’s not an all-day task marathon.

• Be honest about what’s necessary. If doing laundry can wait until Tuesday, let it wait.

4. Overthinking Every Possible Monday Scenario

You tell yourself that thinking through all possible situations will make you feel prepared, but it only adds more stress. Instead of feeling more in control, you feel more uncertain.

This is your brain’s way of trying to find certainty where there isn’t any. The problem? The more you overanalyze, the more confused and overwhelmed you become.

Try this instead:

• When your brain starts spiraling, ask, “Is this a fact or just my brain trying to predict the worst?”

• Reframe the thought. Instead of, “What if tomorrow is a disaster?”, try “What if things actually go smoothly?”

• If there’s something practical you can do to prepare, do it. If not, let it go.

5. The Sunday Goodbye to Your Entire Life

For some people, Sunday isn’t just stressful—it feels like the end of all joy and freedom. You tell yourself things like:

• “This is my last chance to relax before work takes over my life again.”

• “The fun part of the week is over.”

• “It’s back to the grind. Nothing to look forward to now.”

This kind of all-or-nothing thinking makes Mondays feel like a punishment and makes it even harder to enjoy Sundays.

Try this instead:

• Schedule something small to look forward to on Mondays—a coffee date, your favorite lunch, a workout you love.

• Reframe Mondays as a fresh start instead of an ending.

• Keep your daily tasks realistic. After doing a brain dump of to do’s, circle 1-3 tasks that are the top priority of that day.

6. Staying Up Late to ‘Squeeze the Weekend In’

You stay up later than usual, trying to extend the weekend. But when Monday rolls around, you’re exhausted and even more anxious.

Losing sleep makes everything harder—concentration, emotional regulation, and your ability to manage stress.

Try this instead:

• Shift your mindset from “I need to make the most of my weekend” to “I want to feel good going into the week”.

• Set a consistent Sunday night routine that signals to your brain it’s time to wind down.

• Treat sleep as non-negotiable—because it is.

Stop Letting “What If” Thoughts Steal Your Time

The Sunday Scaries aren’t just about Mondays—they’re about how your brain handles uncertainty and overthinking.

If worst-case scenario thinking keeps hijacking your peace, now is the time to take back control.

If you need more help learning skills for handling overthinking, schedule a free 15 minute phone consultations with one of our therapists, to learn more about how we can support you.

The Hidden Toll of Overthinking: How ‘What If’ Thinking Hijacks Your Life

Ever feel like your brain just won’t turn off?

It starts with one thought— “What if I’m a bad person?” “Did I say something weird in that conversation?” “What if something goes wrong tomorrow?”

Before you know it, you’re spiraling, replaying scenarios, analyzing every possible outcome, and trying to mentally ‘fix’ things that haven’t even happened yet. Sound familiar?

If so, you’re not alone. This is what we call rumination….or in other words, overthinking—it’s a mental loop that keeps you stuck in worry, doubt, and stress.

Lets break down how overthinking impacts your life and, most importantly, how you can start breaking free.

5 Ways Overthinking Secretly Controls Your Life

Overthinking feels productive, like you’re “preparing” for problems. But in reality, it’s exhausting. Here’s how it silently drains your life:

1. Decision Paralysis – While you second-guess every choice, it keeps you further from actually making a decision. This creates another problem: procrastination. The endless cycle of trying to get to the ‘right’ decision wreaks havoc on your time and energy.

For example, you hesitate to RSVP to a gathering, overanalyzing every possible interaction. The fear of saying the wrong thing keeps you stuck in indecision, leading you to avoid social events altogether.

2. Anxiety & Self-Doubt – Overanalyzing creates more fear, not clarity. You spend hours googling for answers or asking loved ones for their opinions, but it’s a trap. The more options you’re given, the harder it becomes to decide, leaving you even more uncertain. 

For example, you notice a sensation in your body, then fall into a rabbit hole of online research, convinced it could be something serious. Each new possibility that comes up on google feeds more doubt, leading to more frantic searching rather than actual reassurance.

3. Strained Relationships – You replay conversations over and over again. Your loved ones have given you their two cents, yet you continue seeking reassurance. 

This can negatively impact your relationships—people may start sugar-coating their answers or avoiding giving opinions altogether to prevent worsening your anxiety. 

For example, you experience unwanted intrusive thoughts about being a bad person and repeatedly ask your loved one if they think you're a good person. 

Even when they reassure you, the doubt lingers, and you feel compelled to ask again, straining the relationship. The need for constant reassurance creates tension, making them feel pressured to manage your anxiety.

4. Physical Fatigue – Ever feel like you’ve run a marathon after a day of doing ‘nothing’? That’s because rumination is exhausting. Your body holds onto the tension, leading to headaches, muscle stiffness, and pure exhaustion. 

For example, days before a flight, you mentally rehearse every possible danger, tensing up as if you’re actually in danger. This leaves you drained before you even step on the plane.

That’s because rumination is exhausting. Your body holds onto the tension, leading to headaches, muscle stiffness, and pure exhaustion.

5. Missed Opportunities – Overthinking leads to hesitation, avoidance, and staying in your comfort zone—keeping you from taking action and truly living.

For example, you delay applying for a new job because you can’t stop second-guessing whether you’re qualified enough. So you miss out on potential career growth….or worse yet, stay in a job you hate.

The truth? Overthinking isn’t helping you—it’s keeping you from living fully.

Why Your Brain Won’t Let Go of ‘What Ifs’

Your brain craves certainty. When faced with uncertainty, it tries to ‘solve’ it by running endless worst-case scenarios. Your worry brain thinks it needs to do this to protect you from danger.

But here’s the kicker: most of these scenarios will never happen. Worry overestimates risk and underestimates your ability to cope.

This cycle is fueled by cognitive distortions, like:

• Catastrophizing – Expecting the worst (“If I mess up, I’ll fail, won’t get a job, and will end up living in my parents’ basement forever.”)

• All-or-Nothing Thinking – Seeing things as only good or bad (“If I don’t get this perfect, I’ve failed.”)

• Mind-Reading – Assuming others are judging you (“They probably think I sounded stupid.”)

Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward change.

How to Break Free From the Overthinking Loop

The next time you catch yourself spiraling, try this Acknowledge-Ask-Act method:

Acknowledge – Pause and recognize: “I’m overthinking right now.” 

Ask – “Is this thought a fact or just a story my brain is telling me?” 

Act – Get out of your head and into your life. Take effective action. Is there anything you can do right now to resolve this situation? If yes, take action. If no, accept that this is a difficult situation with multiple possibilities—but that spending more time and energy ruminating won’t help.

The goal isn’t to stop thoughts completely but to stop wasting time replaying endless possibilities so you can be more present in your life.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you see yourself in this blog post, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to stay stuck in the overthinking loop. In my upcoming live workshop, I’ll guide you through simple, science-backed techniques to quiet your mind and stop worst-case scenario thinking in its tracks.

Sign-up here to join the waitlist so you can be the first to know when enrollment for the Rumination and What if Thinking Workshop opens.

10 Lessons I Learned From Facing My Flight Anxiety

For years, flying terrified me. Just talking about booking a flight would make me shake, lose my appetite, and feel physically sick. I still pushed myself to get on planes, but I was miserable the entire time.

I tried everything to "trick" myself into feeling comfortable—pretending I wasn’t really on a plane, drinking alcohol, white-knuckling my way through takeoff. But no matter what I did, the fear always crept back in.

Now? I don’t need to prepare at all. Sure, if I haven’t flown in a while, I might still get a stomach ache—but I don’t have the scary thoughts anymore.

So how did I get here? These are the 10 biggest lessons I learned along the way.

1. Avoiding Anxiety Only Makes It Worse

For years, I treated anxiety like something I had to fight off or eliminate. If I could just “fix” it, then I’d finally feel comfortable flying.

But the truth? The more effort I put into avoiding anxiety, the worse it got.

The game-changer for me was learning to allow my anxious feelings instead of battling them. Instead of telling myself, "I shouldn’t feel this way," I started saying, "I can feel anxious and still handle this."

2. You Don’t Have to Feel 100% Ready—Action Comes First

I used to wait for the right time to fly. But here’s the thing—there is no right time.

If you’re waiting for your anxiety to magically disappear before you book a flight, you might be waiting forever. I had to make a decision: Do I want to keep letting fear control my life, or do I want to take action despite it?

Progress comes from doing, not waiting. The sooner you start taking small steps, the sooner flying will feel easier.

3. White-Knuckling It Won’t Help—You Have to Change Your Mindset

I kept pushing myself to fly, thinking repeated exposure alone would fix the fear. But because I was still white-knuckling it, I never really felt better.

I spent entire flights drinking alcohol, studying the flight attendants' faces for signs of worry, and gripping the armrest through turbulence. Sure, I made it through the flights, but my brain was still reinforcing the message that flying was dangerous.

Real progress happened when I stopped gripping onto every coping mechanism and started truly believing I could handle the discomfort.

4. Your Body Will React—And That’s Okay

Before, my body would panic before my mind even had a chance to. I’d feel nauseous, my appetite would disappear, and my heart would race.

I used to take motion sickness meds just to get through it. Now, if I need them, I’ll take them—but I also make sure I eat, drink water, and take care of my body.

I know that if I don’t fuel myself properly, my symptoms will get way worse. Even when I don’t feel like eating, I’ll have small sips of water, crackers, applesauce—whatever I can tolerate.

5. If You Treat Flying Like a Life-Or-Death Event, Of Course You’ll Be Anxious

I used to prepare for flights like I was preparing for my funeral.

I’d update my will, say dramatic goodbyes to my kids, and act like I might not come back. And guess what? That only made my anxiety 10x worse.

Now, I treat flying like any other day. I don’t make it a big deal, because it isn’t.

6. Understanding Flight Safety Helps Correct the Stories in Your Head

I used to panic over every bump, noise, and sensation. My brain constantly asked:
❓ Was that normal?
❓ Is something wrong?
❓ Should I be worried?

Now? I know enough about aviation to understand what’s normal. That knowledge helps shut down my brain’s habit of making up scary stories.

For some people, learning about how planes work can be a game-changer in overcoming fear. For me, I got some of that education through my husband (who worked in aviation), but what helped even more was continuing to fly and applying the mindset shift and tools I learned as an anxiety specialist (yep-I practice what I preach). 

7. Distraction Helps—But Only If You Let It

In the past, I couldn’t even give myself permission to watch a show on a plane. I felt like I had to be on high alert at all times.

Now, I let myself engage in things that make the flight go by faster. Watching a familiar, lighthearted show is my go-to.

But here’s the key: Distraction is different from avoidance.
✔ Mindful distraction = Keeping yourself engaged with something positive.
❌ Avoidance distraction = Trying to “block out” the experience (which doesn’t work).

8. The Fear Fades When You Stop Engaging With It

The biggest difference today? I don’t fear flying anymore.

I still get some physical anxiety symptoms, but I don’t engage with them. I recognize it as just my old fight-or-flight response trying to "warn" me.

The moment I stopped analyzing every anxious sensation and just let it come and go, I realized… I didn’t need to be afraid of it anymore.

9. Progress Doesn’t Happen Overnight—But It’s 100% Possible

If you had told me 10 years ago that I’d one day fly without fear, no alcohol, no medication, no over-preparing—I wouldn’t have believed you.

But here I am. Not because I’m lucky, but because I put in the work.

Flight anxiety is so incredibly treatable. It takes practice and consistent effort, but it’s worth it. You don’t have to be an anxious flyer forever.

10. The First Step Is Just Deciding Enough Is Enough

The only way out of flight anxiety is through it.

If you’re waiting for the perfect time to start working on it… you’ll be waiting forever.

There is no magic formula. You just have to decide:
I’m done letting fear control me.

The first step? Start consuming content about evidence-based treatment for flight anxiety. Learn what actually works. If you’re ready for a structured approach, I created a course that walks you through every step of the process.

Want a Step-By-Step Plan to Conquer Flight Anxiety?

Join the Fearful Flyer’s Blueprint Course—where I teach you the exact mindset shifts and strategies I used to go from anxious flyer to confident traveler.

Click here to get started!

Overcoming the Fear of Making the Wrong Choice: How to Stop Overthinking and Start Deciding

You’re staring at the menu at a restaurant. You’ve checked the reviews, asked the server for recommendations, and gone back and forth between two dishes at least five times. You don’t want to pick the wrong thing. What if there’s something better? What if you regret your choice?

Sound familiar?

For many people, decision-making is an everyday challenge, whether it’s choosing what to eat or making major life choices like buying a house, changing careers, or deciding whether to have kids. And while it’s normal to put thought into big decisions, for perfectionists, overthinkers, and those with anxiety or OCD, making choices can feel paralyzing.

So, let’s talk about how to break free from the fear of making the wrong choice and start making decisions with more confidence.

Why Is It So Hard to Make Decisions?

If you struggle with decision-making anxiety, it’s not just about the choice itself—it’s about what emotion you’re trying to avoid.

• Are you trying to escape the possibility of regret?

• Are you afraid of making a mistake and feeling guilt or shame?

• Are you worried about disappointing others with your choice?

Overthinking and indecision are often fueled by the belief that there is a "right" choice—one that will prevent discomfort, regret, or failure. But the reality? There is no perfect choice. And chasing that illusion only keeps you stuck.

Behaviors That Keep You Stuck in Decision Paralysis

If you struggle with decision anxiety, you may notice these patterns:

✅ Excessive Research – Spending way too much time gathering information, reading reviews, and comparing options in search of certainty.

✅ Reassurance-Seeking – Asking others what they would do or deferring to someone else’s opinion instead of trusting your own.

✅ Avoidance or Delaying the Decision – Putting off making a choice to avoid the discomfort of committing.

✅ Second-Guessing – Even after making a decision, wondering if it was the right one and mentally “undoing” it in your head.

Does any of this sound like you? If so, let’s talk about how to break free.

How to Stop Overthinking and Start Deciding

If decision anxiety is keeping you stuck, it’s time to challenge the belief that you need certainty to move forward.

1. Set a Time Limit for Decisions

Not every choice needs endless deliberation. The amount of time you spend making a decision should be proportional to its importance.

• Small choices (what to eat, what to wear): Decide in 30 seconds.

• Medium choices (what to buy, weekend plans): Give yourself 10-15 minutes.

• Big choices (career moves, major purchases): Set a reasonable deadline and stick to it.

Here’s the surprising truth: The more time you spend analyzing, the more uncertain you’ll feel. Why? Because instead of clarity, you end up with more options that seem good—and suddenly, it's even harder to see the "right" one. The same happens when you ask too many people for their opinions.

More voices = more confusion.

At some point, thinking more doesn’t lead to a better choice—it just leads to more overthinking.

You might wondering…but Jenny, what if I really do need more time to decide?

If more time will help, give yourself a deadline—and stick to it.

But…also ask yourself:
✔ Is this extra time bringing me closer to a decision, or just keeping me stuck?
✔ What specific information am I still missing, and how will I know when I have enough?
✔ If I had to decide right now, what would I choose?

Clarity doesn’t always come before action—sometimes it follows it. Set a time limit, make the best choice you can with what you know, and move forward.

2. Accept That Mistakes Are Inevitable

It’s human nature to want to avoid mistakes—especially when they could cause discomfort or impact our loved ones. But here’s the truth: you cannot avoid all mistakes in life.

Instead of trying to control for every possible misstep, learn to shift your mindset to allowing mistakes.

Why?
✔ It saves you time and energy. Less time stuck = more time living your life.
✔ It helps you take action. Progress happens through movement, not endless analysis.
✔ Mistakes help you grow. Everyone makes them—so why should you be the exception?

You are always doing the best you can with the information you have at the time. And even if you make a choice you later regret, you will handle it.

3. Use the 5-Second Rule to Take Action

I’ve been listening to Mel Robbins a lot lately, and she has some great life hacks for getting unstuck. One of them is the 5-4-3-2-1 Rule.

Here’s how it works:

The moment you notice yourself hesitating on a decision, count down from five. When you hit "1," take action. Make the choice.

Why does this work? It interrupts overthinking and gives you a cue to act before anxiety talks you out of it. Even if the action isn’t perfect, progress beats paralysis every time.

Practicing Small Decisions to Build Confidence

Practicing making quick decision is something that I practice in my own life.

And I’ve noticed that restaurants are the perfect place to practice decision-making.

I can be the person who agonizes over what to order—reading reviews, asking the server, going back and forth on my options, trying to avoid regret. And even after ordering, I still wasn’t sure if I had made the “right” choice.

I realize, this is such a small thing in the grand scheme of life. But it’s a great opportunity to practice small changes.

When I go out to eat, I challenge myself to scan the menu quickly, pick something, and commit. No reviews, no reassurance. Could I end up with a meal I don’t love? Sure. But I’ll survive.

And the bigger lesson? Even if I make the wrong choice, I can live with it.

Practicing small decisions like this can help retrain your brain to tolerate uncertainty, making it easier to apply the same mindset to bigger choices.

Final Thoughts: Relief Comes After the Decision, Not Before

Indecision isn’t protecting you—it’s keeping you stuck. And the truth is, the relief you’re searching for won’t come from researching more or waiting for the perfect answer. The relief comes after you decide.

So the next time you find yourself spiraling over a choice, ask yourself:

➡️ What am I avoiding by not deciding?
➡️ What else am I giving up by staying stuck?
➡️ Will more time really give me a better answer?

And then, give yourself permission to just decide.

Struggling With Decision Anxiety? Let’s Work on It Together.

If decision-making anxiety is holding you back from living your life fully, we can help.

We offer individual therapy (for those in Minnesota, Iowa, and South Dakota) —so you can learn the exact tools we teach our clients to stop overthinking and start living with confidence.

Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.

7 Tips to Keep Your Fear of Flying in Check After a Scary News Headline

Hearing about a plane crash or other aviation incidents can be incredibly unsettling—especially if you already have a fear of flying. Your brain might immediately start to spiral, saying: “See? I shouldn’t fly. It could happen.”

And you know what? You’re not wrong—bad things can happen. But guess what? You don’t stop living your life because of what ifs. You still drive after hearing about car accidents, right? You still eat out even though food poisoning exists. The key is learning how to challenge the thoughts that are trying to keep you stuck.

Let’s break down how to handle this fear without letting it derail your progress.

1. Recognize and Challenge Your Thinking

If you find yourself thinking, “This is why I shouldn’t fly,” it’s a sign you need to do some work around your thought patterns. Anxiety thrives on confirmation bias—where your brain selectively focuses on evidence that supports your fear and ignores all the times things go right.

Instead of letting one scary event reinforce your fear, use it as an opportunity to strengthen your skills in handling uncertainty. Just because something happened doesn’t mean it will happen to you.

Ask yourself:

• Am I looking at this objectively, or is my fear making the decision for me?

• What other areas of life have I continued with, even after hearing about risks?

• How can I use this fear as motivation to learn coping strategies?

2. Educate Yourself on Flight Safety (Within Reason)

If you constantly struggle with trusting the safety of flying, a reasonable amount of education can help. But here’s the key—reasonable means getting information from trusted sources, not falling down an internet rabbit hole.

Learn the facts about aviation safety and how planes are designed to withstand various conditions. Understanding how thoroughly pilots are trained and how rare incidents are can provide reassurance. But remember, knowledge is a tool—not a crutch. Overconsumption of information can fuel anxiety rather than calm it.

3. Respond to Anxiety Differently

When anxious thoughts pop up, instead of taking them so seriously, try responding to them with acceptance of uncertainty and even a little humor. Some ways to do this:

• “Maybe, maybe not” or “If it’s my time, it’s my time.” 

• “Good one, Anxiety! I knew you’d throw this thought at me today.”

By not taking these thoughts so seriously, you take away their power. Anxiety loves when you engage and fight with it—so don’t. Acknowledge it, and then move on.

4. Accept Your Feelings (Without Letting Them Take Over)

It’s okay to feel sad, scared, or even angry when you hear tragic news about a plane crash. Just because you know your fear of flying is irrational doesn’t mean bad things don’t happen in the world. Allow yourself to feel those emotions without judgment.

Say to yourself:

• “I feel scared right now, and that’s okay.”

• “This news is upsetting, but I don’t have to dwell on it.”

Feeling your emotions doesn’t mean you have to act on them. You can experience fear and still take steps to move forward.

5. Don't Feed the Fear (Keep Scrolling!)

When you see something in the news about a plane crash, it’s tempting to dig deep—searching for answers, reading every article, and trying to figure out how to avoid the same fate. But here’s the truth:

• The media's job is to provoke emotion and fear, not provide reassurance.

• Digging for answers won’t eliminate anxiety… it will only fuel more of it.

• Engaging with these stories trains the internet algorithms to show you more flight-related incidents, which only further reinforce your fear.

Instead, practice the art of scrolling past. Think of all the scary headlines you see every day that you don’t click on. Do the same with flight-related ones.

6. Avoid Creating New Rules

After a plane incident, it might feel tempting to make new “rules” for yourself to feel safer—avoiding certain airlines, flying only on specific types of planes, or picking certain seats. While this might help you get on a plane in the short term, it’s ultimately reinforcing the belief that you have control over something that you don’t.

Instead of white-knuckling it through with safety rules, focus on strategies that actually help you to accept and allow your anxious feelings. 

Final Thoughts

It's completely understandable to feel anxious when hearing about plane related incidents, but don’t let fear steer your decisions. Instead, use this moment as an opportunity to challenge your anxious thoughts, stay informed in a healthy way, and continue moving toward your goal of confident travel.

You can handle this, and you don’t have to do it alone.

Need More Support?

Whether you’re looking for one-on-one support or self-paced learning, we’ve got options to help you overcome flight anxiety. If you’re in Minnesota, Iowa, or South Dakota, our individual therapy sessions provide personalized guidance. For those outside these states, our online courses offer the same proven strategies we teach our clients—so you can start building confidence, no matter where you are.

Click here to schedule a 15 minute phone consultation with one of our therapists.

Click here to explore our courses.

Illness Season Is Here—How to Manage Anxiety Without Letting Fear Take Over

So, it’s illness season. And you’re terrified. Maybe you’re avoiding gatherings or public places. Maybe you’re washing your hands until they bleed.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. A lot of my clients come to me and ask, “But Jenny, doesn’t it make sense to avoid these situations when there’s a real threat of getting sick or an outbreak of illness?”

That’s exactly what we’re diving into today.

What’s the Cost of Avoidance?

Yes, the risk of getting sick may be higher right now, and your anxiety or OCD might be screaming at you to stay home. But before you make that call, I want you to pause and ask yourself: At what cost?

• Who does this benefit? You, or the anxiety monster?

• Who does this hurt? You? Your children? Your relationships?

Think back to a time when you canceled plans to attend a party because of the possibility of getting sick. Sure, you may have felt temporary relief—phew, glad I dodged that one—but what did you miss out on?

You likely missed the connection with your friends and family. The shared laughter, the stories, the chance to be part of something meaningful. Maybe you even missed moments your kids will talk about for years, memories you could have been part of.

Yes, getting sick is unpleasant and inconvenient, but is avoiding that possibility (key word here is “possibility”-not guarantee!) worth giving up all the other beautiful things life has to offer?

Here’s the thing: there’s no right or wrong answer here. You get to decide how cautious you want to be. But let me ask you this:

• If you weren’t afraid of illness, how would you be living your life?

Anxiety loves black-and-white thinking—it convinces you that staying home is “safe” and going out is “dangerous.” But life isn’t black and white. It’s messy, full of gray areas. So instead of searching for the perfect answer, I encourage you to practice flexibility. What small step can you take today to prioritize connection over avoidance?

You might surprise yourself with how capable you are.

When Does Avoidance Make Sense?

There are absolutely times when staying home is the best choice—whether for your health, your priorities, or your values. But here’s the key: it’s important to know the difference between a decision rooted in facts and one fueled by fear.

Start by asking yourself:

• Am I avoiding this situation because it aligns with my values and goals, or because fear is calling the shots?

• If I weren’t feeling anxious, would I still make this choice?

Now, let’s get real—are you considering avoiding this situation because it’s truly the best option for you right now, or because it feels easier to give in to anxiety? Fear is sneaky, and it’s not always clear. That’s why it’s so important to be brutally honest with yourself.

Here’s an example:

• It might make perfect sense to send someone else to pick up groceries if you’re swamped at work or feeling under the weather.

• But it’s likely a fear-based choice if you’re avoiding the store altogether during flu season simply because you’re worried about touching shared surfaces or being near other people—even when there’s no real evidence of a high risk.

Here’s the truth: fear thrives on avoidance. The more you avoid, the bigger and scarier the fear becomes. Every time you choose avoidance over action, you reinforce anxiety’s grip on your life.

So, instead of letting fear make the call, take a moment to reflect. Is this decision coming from a place of flexibility and self-care, or is it being dictated by anxiety? Choosing action—even in small, manageable steps—helps shrink fear’s influence and builds confidence over time.

Rewriting the Story: You Can Handle It

One of the most common and unhelpful beliefs tied to fears of illness is the thought, “I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

Let’s rewrite that story. Even if you don’t fully believe you can handle getting sick right now, you can start telling yourself a different narrative. It might sound like this:

“I’m not able to handle getting sick yet, but I’m working on it.”

Think about it like starting a new job. You didn’t know everyone on your first day, and you weren’t 100% sure you’d be good at it. But if you had a supportive supervisor, they believed in you, cheered you on, and encouraged you.

Your boss didn’t know for certain you’d succeed, but they rooted for you anyway. Now imagine the opposite—if your boss constantly doubted you or put you down, how miserable would that experience have been?

Here’s the thing: you get to be the boss of your inner dialogue. Are you going to be the boss that builds you up, or the one that tears you down? Start showing yourself some belief, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Confidence grows from action, and you might just surprise yourself with what you can handle.

Fake It ’Til You Make It—For Now

This is where “fake it ’til you make it” comes into play. No, you don’t have to fully believe you can handle illness right now. But start acting like you can.

Changing your thoughts is a great goal, but let’s be honest: thoughts don’t always cooperate. What you can control is your behavior.

And here’s the good news: when your behavior changes, your thoughts will follow. Start by showing yourself you can handle more than your fear is telling you.

The Big Takeaway

Illness season doesn’t have to mean fear season. Yes, it’s okay to be cautious. But it’s also okay to step out of fear’s grip and live your life in a way that aligns with your values.

Remember:

• Ask yourself who your actions are serving—fear or your true self?

• Practice flexibility instead of looking for black-and-white answers.

• Start rewriting the story by showing yourself you’re more capable than you think.

You’ve got this.

Getting help with anxiety around illness

If illness season has you feeling stuck in fear, we can help. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to explore how our therapists at State of Mind Therapy can help you regain control, build confidence, and face this season with less anxiety.

Top 6 Packing Tips for Anxious Flyers

Travel can be stressful—even for those without a fear of flying. When anxiety about flying is added to the mix, it can feel downright overwhelming. 

From planning and packing to navigating the airport, every step can drain your energy and make focusing even harder. 

But with the right preparation, you can reduce the stress and even find moments of ease during your journey. 

Here are some practical tips to make your next trip more manageable.

1. Simplify Your Packing with a Capsule Wardrobe

Now, this tip isn’t just for anxious flyers, but for everyone. The more I’ve traveled the more I’ve learned about how to keep stress and anxiety down…and being wise about packing has been a game-changer for me.

 Overpacking adds unnecessary stress over decisions like “what if I need this?” or “how do I fit everything?” Instead, pack versatile pieces that mix and match effortlessly. 

Pro tip: Ask ChatGPT to create a custom capsule wardrobe tailored to your destination, activities, number of days, and weather.

2. Prepare for Physical Symptoms of Anxiety

Anxiety can wreak havoc on your body, making you feel nauseous, hot, or even shaky. Here’s how to prepare for comfort:

• Nausea relief: Ginger chews, saltine crackers, or applesauce pouches can be lifesavers. Please do not skip meals—an empty stomach will only make your anxiety symptoms worse. That’s why these easy to tolerate foods can be helpful. 

• Temperature control: Wear layers and pack a handheld fan or cooling towel. Bring an ice pack or thermos to fill with ice after security for quick relief if needed.

• Hydration: Pack electrolyte packets to mix with water, which will help keep you hydrated since the air on the planes is so dry (and lets not forget the dry mouth caused by anxiety). 

3. Create a Toolkit for Calm

Having strategies at your fingertips can be incredibly grounding. Before your trip, jot down a few calming techniques in a note on your phone or on a physical notecard. Include:

• A list of grounding exercises, like 5-4-3-2-1 to help you reconnect with the present moment

• Intense Candy: If you're prone to panic attacks, consider carrying a candy with a bold, intense flavor like sour or spicy (like WarHeads). The strong sensation in your mouth can be a powerful sensory distraction.

• Motivational reminders, such as your reason for flying (like to reunite with loved ones or experience something new).

• Short empowering phrases like, “I can handle this,” or “This is temporary.”

Keeping these tools easily accessible for when anxiety peaks will help you to use them when you need them most because anxiety doesn’t remember new things in the moment! 

4. Block Out Distractions

Planes can be noisy, bright, and overstimulating—not exactly anxiety-friendly. Packing these items can help:

• Noise-canceling headphones: Tune out the roar of the engines and relax with calming music or a favorite podcast.

• Eye mask: To help you sleep! Even if you can’t fall asleep (thanks anxiety!), the eye mask can help to block out light and help your mind rest. 

5. Stay Engaged During the Flight

Boredom can leave too much room for anxious thoughts to spiral. To counteract this, plan for a variety of activities:

• Download movies, audiobooks, or a new podcast series.

• Bring a puzzle book, sketchpad, or journal.

• Prepare for moments of productivity, like drafting an itinerary or organizing your week ahead.

My rule of thumb? Pack one activity for every hour of the flight to keep your mind occupied.

6. Adopt a Positive Mindset

Lastly, pack your mental toolkit. Flying is an opportunity to challenge yourself and grow. Anxiety might tell you, “You can’t handle this,” but remind yourself: “I’ve prepared, and I’m ready for this adventure.”

Remember This:

These tips are a starting point. Modify them based on what you like the best. My pro tip to you is to have a variety of options to keep yourself busy and calm so that you can switch it up as needed.

Don’t expect any one single tip here to eliminate your anxiety completely. Your anxiety doesn’t work like a light switch that you can just switch off. But these items can help you navigate the discomfort with a little more ease.

If you need more help with flying anxiety,  Grab the Free Flight Anxiety Toolkit for my top 12 tips here.

Refocusing After Holiday Setbacks: A Compassionate Approach to Progress

The holidays can include a whirlwind of emotions, and if you struggle with anxiety or OCD, they can feel even more overwhelming. With all the heightened stress, busy environments, and disrupted routines, setbacks or challenges with handling anxiety or OCD are bound to happen—and that’s okay.

Setbacks don’t erase progress. They’re part of the process, a normal part of learning and growing. It’s important to take a moment to reflect on what happened, learn from it, and refocus for the days ahead.

Why Setbacks Are Normal

The holidays are packed with potential triggers:

• Decisions to make under pressure.

• Crowded gatherings that can feel overstimulating.

• Eating food prepared by others when you’re not in control.

• Managing family expectations that add another layer of stress.

When these challenges pile up, it’s no surprise that anxiety or OCD can feel louder. But here’s the thing: setbacks aren’t failures—they’re learning opportunities. They’re a chance to step back, understand what happened, and use that knowledge to keep moving forward.

Your progress is not erased by one tough moment or even a series of them. Growth doesn’t come from perfection; it comes from showing up, learning, and trying again.

Journal Prompts for Reflection

Take a few minutes to reflect on how you handled anxiety over the holidays. Use these questions to guide your thoughts:

• What did I handle well this holiday season?

• What felt the most challenging, and why?

• What can I do differently next time to feel more confident or prepared?

As you reflect, approach yourself with kindness and curiosity—not criticism. Think of this as gathering information, not judging yourself.

Learning from Challenges

You have a choice in how you view your challenges. You can get upset with yourself for how you handled a situation (or blame others for making it difficult). But let’s be honest—that approach won’t help you move forward.

Instead, let these challenges be fuel for motivation to keep working on yourself. Every difficult moment is a reminder of why you’re working to face your fears and resist anxiety or OCD’s rules.

Maybe you felt overwhelmed at a family gathering and spent most of it ruminating over a comment someone made. Or perhaps your anxiety was so high that you had to leave early or even say no to the gathering altogether.

That’s okay. These moments aren’t failures—it’s just information. Information about where you’re at right now and what you need to continue to work on.

Reflect on them. What can you take away? What can you try differently next time?

Practical Tips for Moving Forward

The holidays don’t define you or your journey. What matters is what you choose to do next.

• Stop self-criticism: If you’ve been hard on yourself, make the decision right now to stop. Instead, remind yourself: “I did the best I could with what I thought I could at the time.”

• Identify one small action to regain momentum: This could be practicing mindfulness for a few minutes, journaling your thoughts, or setting a boundary with family or friends. Choose one step that feels manageable and take it.

Every action, no matter how small, is a step toward growth and resilience.

Conclusion

The holidays are just one part of your journey—they don’t define it. Setbacks are simply reminders of the work you’re already doing and the progress you’re capable of making.

Be kind to yourself as you reflect, learn, and move forward. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure this out on your own.

If you’re ready to take the next step toward navigating anxiety or OCD with more peace and confidence, let’s talk.

Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with one of our therapists to explore how we can support you on your journey.

Reflecting on Your 2024 Journey with Anxiety and OCD

As the year winds down, it’s the perfect time to pause and reflect on the progress you’ve made with handling anxiety and OCD. Even if you’re not exactly where you hoped to be, you’ve likely made progress—whether you realize it or not. Sometimes, when you’re still struggling, it’s easy to lose sight of how far you’ve come. Let’s take a moment to recognize your growth and set intentions for the year ahead.

This reflection isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. You don’t have to have everything figured out. Every small win, every step forward, every lesson learned from setbacks matters.

Why Reflection Matters

When you’re dealing with anxiety or OCD, it’s easy to focus on what’s not going well. Maybe you think, “I should have made more progress by now,” or “Why can’t I just get over this?” But beating yourself up won’t get you closer to where you want to be.

Here’s the truth: progress isn’t linear. Setbacks are part of the process, but they don’t erase the progress you’ve made. You’re building resilience with every challenge you face. Even if you had a setback, you didn’t lose what you’ve learned—you’re adding to it.

For example, if you struggle with emetophobia (fear of vomiting) and worked hard to eat at a restaurant for the first time in years, that win doesn’t disappear because you avoided another outing later. 

Or maybe you’re afraid of flying, and you needed medication to get on the plane…you were hoping to do it without medication, but the important win here is that you still got on the plane. 

Those are wins that count, and they build a foundation for future growth.

Take 20 minutes this week to reflect on your progress. Write it down in a notes app or a journal so you can look back on it when anxiety feels overwhelming.

Journal Prompts for Reflection

Here are some questions to guide you:

• What small victories have you achieved this year?
  Did you resist the urge to check for reassurance once? Did you let yourself feel anxiety during a tough moment instead of avoiding it?

• What challenges taught you the most?
  Maybe a setback helped you see where you need more support or what skills you want to build next year.

• What do you want to be different next year?
  Be as specific as possible.

• Vague: “I want to feel less anxious about germs.”

• Specific: “I want to reduce my handwashing by 50%.”

• What is one step you can take toward your goals in 2025?
  Maybe you want to start therapy, join a support group, or start a tracker to see your progress. 

Celebrating Wins (Big and Small)

Progress doesn’t have to be dramatic to matter. Every step counts. 

Did you practice sitting with discomfort for just 30 seconds longer than usual? Did you say no to an OCD compulsion once, even though it felt scary? 

These are huge wins because they’re part of building your ability to handle anxiety or OCD over time.

For example, if you’re working on reducing avoidance, and you managed to stay in the grocery store for 5 minutes even though your anxiety was high, that’s something to celebrate. Recognizing these moments helps shift your mindset from “I’m not getting better” to “look how far I’ve come.”

Setting Goals for 2025

I’m a huge fan of New Year’s resolutions, but I think there’s even more value in setting aside time to reflect on where you are and where you want to go. And this shouldn’t just happen once a year—checking in 2-3 times throughout the year can help you stay grounded and focused.

When it comes to setting goals, focus on things you can realistically achieve. Aim for small, actionable steps that move you closer to your larger goals.

Here are a few ideas:

• Practice mindfulness 3 times a week to help you stay present during moments of anxiety.

• Face one small fear each month, like walking into a crowded space or letting a worry pass without seeking reassurance.

• Track your wins in a journal or your phone app so you can see your growth over time.

Remember, it’s not about setting perfect goals—it’s about taking small, consistent steps that align with what matters most to you.

Take the Next Step

You don’t have to do this alone. If you’re ready to make 2025 a year of more peace and calm, let’s talk.

Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with one of our therapists to explore how we can support you on your journey. Whether it’s managing anxiety, OCD, or life’s challenges, we’re here to help you take the next step toward a calmer, more confident future. Click here to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation.

Your Holiday Overwhelm Survival Guide

Sometimes the holidays feel chaotic—like, “running around like a chicken with your head cut off” kind of chaotic. You’ve got a million tasks, half a plan, and zero time to breathe. Something’s got to give, but what? Will it be work, the kids, your health, or (gulp) your last shred of sanity?

Feeling like you're drowning in tasks is as universal as that ugly holiday sweater everyone pretends to love. But don’t panic—I’ve got your back with simple, no-nonsense strategies, a free worksheet, and an audio track to help you navigate this chaos with grace (or at least less panic).

1. Communication is Queen

If you’re drowning, don’t suffer in silence—ask for help! Whether it’s your partner, family, or friends, let them know how you are feeling and what you need. 

Be specific about what would make a difference:

• “Mom, can you take the kids overnight so I can catch up?”

• “Babe, can you handle groceries this week?”
  
  

People want to help, but they can’t read your mind. Asking for what you need is hard, but so necessary—and it might just save your sanity.

2. Rethink Work-Life Balance

We hear it all the time: “Find balance!” But let’s be real—balance is a myth, especially during chaotic seasons. Instead, try reframing your situation.

Ask yourself:

• Is this a temporary season of life?

• Can I let go of the expectation that I need to do it all right now?

If chaos feels like your current normal, remember—it’s temporary. Lean on your loved ones, set realistic expectations, and take things one step at a time. Balance isn’t the goal; surviving (and maybe even thriving) is.

3. Brain Dump Your Chaos

When the to-do list in your head feels like a hundred ping pong balls, a brain dump is your best friend. Write down:

• All your thoughts

• Every task

• Every worry

Get it all out on paper—it doesn’t have to be pretty. The goal is to clear mental space so you can focus. Bonus: I’ve created a free worksheet to guide you through this process (you’ll find it below!).

4. Categorize and Conquer (or Not)

Once you’ve dumped it all, it’s time to triage. Look at each task and decide:

• Keep it: Must be done.

• Eliminate it: It’s not worth your time.

• Modify it: Find a shortcut.

• Delegate it: Someone else can handle this.

For example, if you’re supposed to bring a dish to a party but life’s thrown you a curveball, ditch the elaborate recipe and buy something pre-made. Costco’s deli section is a lifesaver. Trust me—no one’s going to care, and your sanity is worth it.

5. Own Your Choices

Sometimes, chaos can be joyful—if it aligns with your values. If a task sparks joy (thanks, Marie Kondo!), choose to embrace it, even if it adds to the circus.

For example, I love cooking with my kids. Is it messy? Yes. Is it less efficient? Absolutely. But the memories we make are worth the chaos, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

When you own your choices, you turn overwhelm into intentional chaos. It’s no longer about what you have to do but what you choose to do.

The Lifeline You’ve Been Waiting For

I’ve created the Undo List Worksheet to help you effectively sort those endless tasks, so you can feel a whole lot lighter this holiday season. Plus, you’ll get my 2-Minute Guided Audio Track for those moments when you just need a break.

Totally free.

Download your free Undo List Worksheet and 2 Minute Guided Meditation Audio Track now—because everyone needs a break sometimes…even circus performers!

Grab Your Worksheet+Audio Track Here

Email Me the Undo List

Start the New Year Ready to Fly: Tackling Flight Anxiety in 2025

Another year has come and gone. Hello, 2025! As you reflected on last year, maybe there was some sadness about the opportunities to travel you missed out on.

You dream of hopping on a plane without a second thought, ready to see all that this world has to offer. But the fear is still there.

This year can be different. Let’s talk about how you can set yourself up for success in 2025, so fear doesn’t hold you back from living your life fully.

Understanding Flight Anxiety

If you’ve ever felt gripped by fears of turbulence, takeoff, or losing control while flying, you’re not alone. These fears are incredibly common—and, the good news is, they’re manageable.

But managing flight anxiety doesn’t mean waking up one day and simply being over it. It requires focused effort and intentional action. (And I know you’re not afraid of a little hard work!) The payoff—freedom to travel—will be worth it.

The key isn’t about “getting rid of” the fear; it’s about learning to face it with tools that make it easier. If you’re ready to stop letting fear dictate your desire to travel, now is the time to take action.

Practical Strategies to Build Confidence

1. Exposure Practice
Exposure helps retrain your brain to see flying as safe, not something to fear or avoid. You can gradually build confidence by confronting your fears in small, manageable steps. For flight anxiety, exposure might look like:

• Watching videos of takeoff and landing.

• Listening to in-flight sounds like engine noise or cabin announcements.

• Visiting an airport to familiarize yourself with the environment.

• Practicing related fears, like heights or feeling “trapped,” by riding an elevator or a rollercoaster.

2. Mindfulness Techniques
Mindfulness is one of the most powerful tools for managing anxiety. It keeps you grounded in the present moment, helping you stay with your thoughts and feelings instead of running from them. When practiced regularly—especially outside of flying—mindfulness can make it easier to manage the “what-ifs” that fuel anxiety.

For example, if turbulence triggers your anxiety, try this grounding technique:

• Notice your surroundings by naming things around you that you can see, feel, hear, and smell. Like the sensation of the seat beneath you, the hum of the cabin, the rhythm of your breathing. 

3. Create an In-Flight Toolkit
Everyone handles flight anxiety differently, so finding what works for you is key. Build a personalized toolkit with strategies that help you stay calm and keep your mind occupied. Having a plan in place can make flying feel less intimidating and help you build confidence for your next trip.

Consider including:

• Affirmations like, “I can handle this moment.”

• Calming playlists (or even upbeat, motivational music).

• Noise-canceling headphones to block out triggers.

• Distractions like puzzles, books, or podcasts.

Reframing Setbacks and Progress

If you’ve had bad experiences with flying before, it’s understandable that the fear feels stronger. But setbacks don’t mean failure. They’re part of the process.

Think of it like getting back into a car after an accident—it’s not easy at first, but avoiding it only makes the fear grow stronger. Similarly, with flying, avoiding the experience reinforces the fear and makes it harder to break free.

Start small. Maybe that’s learning about flight safety or practicing coping skills at home. The longer you wait, the more daunting it may feel—but every small step adds up.

Personally, I’ve struggled with flight anxiety, and one of the most important parts of my progress has been committing to fly regularly. Every flight builds my confidence and provides proof that flying is safe. Small wins, like watching a flight video or booking a short trip, lead to long-term growth.

Encouragement for the Year Ahead

Every flight you take is an opportunity to practice courage and build resilience. 2025 can be the year you reclaim your freedom to travel.

It won’t happen overnight, but just imagine where you could be six months from now if you make tackling your fear of flying a priority. Whether that means visiting family, taking your dream vacation, or exploring new adventures, it’s absolutely within reach. I see it happen with my clients all the time, and I know you can do it too.

Conclusion

This year, take small, intentional steps toward managing flight anxiety. Whether it’s seeking therapy, enrolling in a fear of flying course, or simply starting with exposure practice at home, you don’t have to do this alone.

If you need support, State of Mind Therapy is here to help. We offer online courses and individual therapy designed to help you gain confidence and overcome flight anxiety.

Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to learn how we can help you take the first steps toward your travel goals. Click here to schedule today.

Why Avoiding Anxiety Makes It Worse (and How to Finally Break Free)

We’ve All Tried to Push Anxiety Away

We’ve all been there—feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and desperately trying to make it stop. Maybe you’ve distracted yourself with endless scrolling on your phone, filled your calendar to avoid downtime, or even leaned on “quick fixes” like a glass of wine to take the edge off. It’s a natural response. After all, who wouldn’t want to escape the muscle tension, racing thoughts, or sleepless nights that anxiety brings?

But here’s the problem: those quick fixes don’t actually fix anything. In fact, they often make things worse. The more we try to avoid anxiety, the more it seems to stick around.

Why?

Because avoidance isn’t the solution—it’s part of the problem.

What Is Experiential Avoidance (and Why Does It Backfire)?

In the world of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), there’s a term for this: experiential avoidance (EA). EA happens when we try to avoid or suppress uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, or sensations instead of allowing ourselves to feel them.

Think about it like holding a beach ball underwater. At first, it might seem manageable, but the longer you hold it down, the harder it gets. Eventually, the ball shoots up with even more force than before. Anxiety works the same way—the more we push it away, the stronger it bounces back.

When I was deep in my own anxiety battle, I’d do anything to avoid feeling it. I’d distract myself with social media, obsessively research anxiety “cures,” and keep myself so busy that I barely had time to think. And for a while, it worked—until it didn’t. Instead of making me feel better, these strategies only made my anxiety worse.

Why Avoidance Feels Good in the Moment

Avoidance works… at least in the short term. It can give you a temporary sense of relief, like pressing snooze on an alarm clock. But just like that alarm, anxiety doesn’t go away—it just comes back after a while.

ACT research shows that the more we avoid our uncomfortable internal experiences, the more we suffer. Why? Because avoidance teaches your brain that anxiety is dangerous, something to be feared and escaped. The cycle only reinforces itself.

How to Break Free from the Avoidance Trap

So, if avoidance isn’t the answer, what is? The key lies in opening up to your anxiety instead of fighting it. This doesn’t mean giving in to it or letting it control you—it means learning to let it exist without judgment or resistance.

Here’s how to start:

1. Name the Feeling.
   The next time anxiety shows up, pause and acknowledge it. Try saying, “I notice I’m feeling anxious right now.” Naming your feelings can help create distance and reduce their intensity.

2. Practice Acceptance.
   Remind yourself that anxiety isn’t dangerous—it’s just your brain’s way of trying to protect you. You don’t have to like it, but you can allow it to be there.

3. Focus on Your Values.
   Instead of spending your energy trying to get rid of anxiety, ask yourself, “What matters most to me right now?” Then take one small step in that direction, even if anxiety comes along for the ride.

   Shifting Your Mindset: Anxiety as Necessary Medicine

What if we thought of anxiety differently? Instead of seeing it as a problem to fix, we could view it as a necessary part of growth. Like working out at the gym, facing anxiety is uncomfortable, but it makes you stronger.

The next time you feel the pull to avoid, try telling yourself:

• “This is what it feels like to get better.”

• “This is the exact feeling I need to practice handling right now.”

Reframing anxiety this way can help you approach it with curiosity and even a little bit of gratitude for the opportunity to grow.

Living with Anxiety (Instead of Fighting It)

When we stop avoiding anxiety, something incredible happens: it starts to lose its grip on us. That doesn’t mean you’ll never feel anxious again, but it does mean you can live a full, meaningful life even when anxiety tags along.

Think of anxiety as a passenger in your car. You don’t have to like it, but you also don’t have to let it drive. As you practice sitting with anxiety instead of pushing it away, you’ll start to see it for what it really is—just another part of your experience, not the whole story.

Take the First Step

Breaking free from the avoidance trap isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Start small. The next time anxiety shows up, name it, accept it, and take one step toward what matters most to you. Over time, you’ll discover that anxiety doesn’t have the power to hold you back—unless you let it.

Remember: freedom from anxiety doesn’t mean getting rid of it—it means learning to carry it lightly. You’ve got this.

If you are avoiding anxiety and want to begin therapy with State of Mind Therapy, click here to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation.

Blog written by Justin Matthews, LICSW

Dreading the Chaos of Thanksgiving? 3 Simple Steps to Stay Grounded

Thanksgiving is here, and while it’s meant to be a joyful time, it can feel anything but. Being out of your comfort zone—whether it’s traveling, facing family pressures, or managing expectations—can turn the holiday into a breeding ground for anxiety. The good news? It doesn’t have to.

You don’t need to let anxiety steal the joy this season has to offer. Here’s how to navigate common triggers with calm, confidence, and flexibility.

Step 1: Acceptance

Anxiety often shows up with a long list of “rules”:

• “You can’t handle this if you’re not in control.”

• “What if something goes wrong?”

• “You need to do everything perfectly.”

Start by acknowledging the anxiety when it shows up. Instead of fighting it, try saying:

• “Here’s anxiety, telling me I need to control everything.”

• “I don’t have to like this feeling, but I can let it be here.”

When you accept that anxiety may show up, you free yourself from its grip. It’s just a feeling—it doesn’t have to define your experience.

Step 2: Reframe

Anxiety likes to tell you that unless you control everything, you won’t be okay. That’s simply not true. You can handle discomfort, even when things don’t go perfectly.

Try reframing anxious thoughts:

• Instead of: “I need everything to be perfect.”
  Try: “Connection matters more than perfection.”

• Instead of: “What if something goes wrong?”
  Try: “I may not control everything, but I can handle it.”

Flexibility isn’t a failure—it’s an opportunity to focus on what truly matters: connection, joy, and the moments that make Thanksgiving meaningful.

Step 3: Challenge Yourself in Small Ways

Anxiety often convinces us that we need to follow its rules 100% or risk falling apart. But the truth? You don’t have to choose between “all or nothing.” Growth happens in small, manageable steps.

Ask yourself:

• “Where can I challenge anxiety, even in the slightest way?”

• “What’s one small step I can take to push back against anxiety’s grip?”

For example:

• If you feel pressure to make everything perfect, delegate one task—even if it means things might get messy.

• If germs are a concern, try taking precautions without following every anxious ritual.

• If family dynamics feel overwhelming, commit to staying present for just one moment at a time.

Each time you challenge anxiety’s rules, you build confidence. Can you imagine how it would feel to go against anxiety’s grip and see that everything turns out just fine?

Remember This

Anxiety loves to convince you that you can’t handle things unless you’re in control. But you are capable. You may not control every aspect of Thanksgiving, but you can handle whatever comes your way.

This holiday, it’s not about eliminating anxiety—it’s about showing up anyway. Each small step away from anxiety’s rules is a step toward freedom and joy.

You’ve got this. Anxiety may try to call the shots, but you have the power to push back. This Thanksgiving, embrace flexibility, let go of control, and focus on creating memories.

Final Thoughts

Imagine sitting at the Thanksgiving table feeling calm and connected. No overthinking, no spiraling—just being in the moment. That’s the holiday you deserve, and it’s within your reach.

Take it one step at a time, and remind yourself: “I may not control everything, but I can handle it.”

Anticipation Anxiety Explained: Why It Happens and What You Can Do

That overwhelming feeling of dread that creeps in days or even weeks before something important—it's called anticipation anxiety. Unlike typical pre-event nerves, anticipation anxiety can feel like a mental tug-of-war, making you question your plans, consider backing out, and lose precious sleep. It’s the kind of worry that can gnaw at you and cast a shadow on even the most exciting occasions.

Understanding Anticipation Anxiety

Anticipation anxiety isn’t just about being nervous—it’s the anxious buildup that happens when we fixate on upcoming situations, like travel, presentations, or even doctor visits. The mind starts playing out “what if” scenarios, almost like watching a horror movie in your head. The details can become so vivid and consuming that you’re left feeling drained before the event even happens. This cycle can be hard to break, especially without clear guidance on how to disrupt it.

The Science Behind Anticipation Anxiety

Why does the brain fixate on worst-case scenarios? It’s part of our brain’s survival programming. In the past, this instinct helped keep us safe from threats. But now, even modern-day events—like taking a flight or speaking in front of a crowd—can set off that same response. Our Calm Before Takeoff Workshop dives into how this response shapes our thoughts and offers strategies to counter it.

When you anticipate a stressful situation, your brain signals that you’re in “danger” mode, flooding your body with energy to prepare for action. Even just thinking about a big trip or public speaking can activate this response, convincing you that you shouldn’t do it. And because our minds are naturally inclined to notice patterns, the more often you feel anxious about something, the faster your brain is to react the next time.

Can You Treat Anticipation Anxiety? Absolutely!

Good news: anticipation anxiety isn’t a disorder—it’s a pattern. And patterns can be changed. Evidence-based therapies like ERP, CBT, and ACT offer powerful ways to disrupt this cycle. Our workshop walks anxious flyers through techniques inspired by these therapies to help you start reducing anxiety.

• Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): By gradually facing the fears that trigger your anxiety, ERP helps you learn that the worst-case scenario rarely happens.

• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): ACT encourages you to get a little distance from anxious thoughts, helping you learn to “thank” your mind when it sends scary signals.

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT helps you examine whether your worst-case thoughts are as realistic as they feel.

  In our workshop, we teach students how to practice techniques like these to help you stay grounded, even when anxiety kicks in.

How to Handle Anticipation Anxiety Right Now

When your mind starts racing through worst-case scenarios, mindfulness and self-compassion can bring you back to the present. Mindfulness keeps you focused on the here and now, helping you step away from the horror story playing in your head. Practicing mindfulness can train your brain to recognize when it’s spiraling and bring you back to reality.

Relaxation techniques can ease physical symptoms, like a racing heart or tense muscles. Though they don’t eliminate anxiety, they make the physical sensations less overwhelming, helping you stay calm.

Reframe Your Thoughts: When you catch yourself telling the scary story, try to remind yourself: “This is just a story. It’s not reality.”

Setting Realistic Goals and Expectations

Even with all these strategies, it’s natural to feel some anxiety. Managing anticipation anxiety is about progresOur workshopction. Each time you practice a skill or shift your mindset, you’re building resilience. Our Calm Before Takeoff workshop will help you practice specific strategies to manage the dreaded “what ifs” so you can stay committed to your plans without letting anxiety take over.

Moving Forward

Anticipation anxiety is manageable, and there’s a path to a calmer, more peaceful experience. Therapists trained in CBT, ACT, and ERP, like those at State of Mind Therapy, can guide you through this journey, offering tailored support and effective tools.

If you’re ready to start feeling more in control of your mind before big events, join me in my upcoming Calm Before Takeoff workshop. Together, we’ll cover the step-by-step strategies to tackle your anticipation anxiety and make even the scariest “what if” thoughts easier to manage.

Ready to Crush Anticipation Anxiety Before Your Next Flight?

Related Articles

The Secret to a Calm Flight Starts Weeks Before You Take Off

Days and weeks before your flight can leave you in a “zombie” state, feeling completely consumed by worry. Feeling zapped of all your energy and unable to think about anything else is something I hear all the time from anxious flyers.

But here’s something you might not know: managing flight anxiety doesn’t begin when you step on the plane. The key to a calm flight starts much earlier. It all comes down to the work you put in during the days and weeks leading up to your trip.

The Power of Mindset Preparation

The good news? Feeling calm on flight day doesn’t have to be a last-minute scramble. By preparing your mind now, you can create the foundation for a smoother, more confident experience when the big day comes.

How Mindfulness Can Help

One of the most impactful ways to do this is through mindfulness. Mindfulness isn’t about trying to change or stop your thoughts—it’s about practicing how to come back to the present moment when your mind drifts to worried thoughts.

When we’re anxious, it’s easy to get stuck in spirals of “what if” scenarios. Mindfulness helps you gently guide your attention back to the here and now, creating a sense of calm and space between you and those anxious thoughts.

Try This Simple Mindfulness Practice

Here’s something you can try today: Set aside five minutes to sit quietly and focus on your breathing. When your mind drifts to worried thoughts (and it will), gently bring your attention back to what’s around you—what can you see, hear, and feel in this moment? This simple practice can calm your mind and help you stay more grounded.

When I work with fearful flyers in my programs, we often focus on skills for coming back to the present moment, and mindfulness is on of my favorite. It’s incredible to see how practicing this over time helps reduce worry and build confidence leading up to a flight.

What about you?

Have you tried using mindfulness to ease your pre-flight anxiety? Or is there something else that helps you feel more grounded? I’d love to hear what’s worked for you—drop your reply in the comments and let me know!

Remember, you can start managing your anxiety weeks before your flight by gently returning to the present moment whenever your mind drifts into worry. By practicing this now, you’ll make more mental space for calm and confidence on flight day.

You’ve got this!

If you need more help with flying anxiety,  Grab the Free Flight Anxiety Toolkit for my top 12 tips here for more ease on your next flight.

Follow-Us on Social

From Overwhelmed to Hopeful: The Power of One Word

Anxiety can make you feel stuck, as if you're trapped in a cycle of worrying thoughts or avoidance behaviors that you just can’t break. Whether it's avoiding flying, feeling overwhelmed by emotions, or struggling to make decisions, these patterns of anxiety can feel like they're carved in stone.

But here’s the good news: there’s a simple, powerful tool that can help you shift your mindset and see the possibility for growth, even when change feels impossible. And that tool, my friend, is the word “yet.”

The Power of Yet is simple but oh, so powerful. Instead of saying, “I’m not good at handling my anxiety,” try saying, “I’m not good at handling my anxiety yet.” That one little word opens the door to progress. It’s a reminder that just because you’re not where you want to be today doesn’t mean you’ll never get there. You are on your way, and it’s important to recognize that.

Feeling Stuck Is Part of the Process

If you’ve ever felt stuck in your anxiety, you’re not alone. In fact, it’s a normal part of the process. So many of my clients share these same struggles:

• “I’m not good at handling my emotions.”

• “I can’t deal with turbulence.”

• “I don’t like flying and I’ll never be able to enjoy it.”

• “I’m not good at sitting with discomfort.”

• “I’m not confident in my ability to make decisions.”

• “I can’t say no to OCD.”

These thoughts are rooted in fear and doubt. And while they feel heavy, they’re not permanent. The word “yet” adds a sense of possibility. It’s a small but powerful reminder that you are capable of growth.

Shifting From Fixed to Growth Mindset

When you embrace the Power of Yet, you make room for growth—no matter where you are in your journey. Instead of being stuck in the mindset of “I can’t,” you can shift to “I can’t yet.” This subtle change helps you approach challenges with more patience, knowing that skills take time to develop.

Here’s how you can reframe common anxiety-related thoughts using the Power of Yet:

• Instead of: "I’m not good at handling my emotions."
  Try: "I’m not good at handling my emotions yet, but I’m working on building that skill every day."

• Instead of: "I’ll never be able to relax during a flight."
  Try: "I haven’t been able to relax during a flight yet, but I’m taking steps toward feeling more comfortable."

• Instead of: "I can’t handle turbulence."
  Try: "I can’t handle turbulence yet, but I’m learning tools to manage my fear."

• Instead of: "I’m not good at sitting with discomfort."
  Try: "I’m not good at sitting with discomfort yet, but I know I can build that muscle over time."

• Instead of: "I don’t trust myself to make decisions."
  Try: "I’m not confident in my decision-making yet, but I’m working on trusting my judgment."

• Instead of: "I can’t say no to OCD."
  Try: "I haven’t been able to say no to OCD yet, but I’m learning how to resist compulsions and sit with discomfort."

Practical Strategy: Create a Daily Affirmation Practice

Now that you understand the power of yet, it’s time to start using it in your daily life. I get it, this likely isn’t a mindset that comes naturally. It takes practice and intentionality to make the shift—but that’s where daily practice can make all the difference.

Here’s how you can create a simple daily affirmation practice to build the Power of Yet into your routine:

1. Identify areas where you feel stuck: Write down the thoughts that make you feel like you’re not making progress, such as "I can’t manage my anxiety."

2. Add 'yet': Reframe each thought by adding "yet" to the end. For example, "I can’t manage my anxiety yet, but I’m learning strategies to cope."

3. Repeat: Say these new statements out loud every day, preferably in the morning, to start your day with a growth-oriented mindset. Or, record yourself reading them and listen while you go about your day.

4. Track your progress: Over time, notice how your thinking shifts. Even small changes are signs of growth.

Reflective Questions: Embrace the Possibility of Growth

Incorporating the Power of Yet into your life can make a huge difference in how you approach challenges. But it’s also important to take time to reflect on where you might be holding yourself back. Consider these questions to keep you moving forward:

• In what areas of your life do you feel stuck?

• How might adding the word “yet” to your thoughts create a new sense of possibility for you?

• What’s one area where you’ve already made progress, even if it feels small?

• How can you be more patient with yourself as you work toward your goals?

Conclusion

Feeling stuck is a normal part of working through anxiety, but it doesn’t mean you’re destined to stay there. The Power of Yet reminds you that you are capable of change, even when it feels like you’re not. By shifting your language and mindset, you open the door to growth, possibility, and a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

Remember, progress takes time. Be patient with yourself, and keep adding "yet" to your journey.

Ready to work with an anxiety therapist?

State of Mind Therapy in Bloomington can help. Click the button below to sign-up for your free 15 minute phone consultation today.

Related Articles

How to Talk Back to Your Flight Anxiety

When anxiety shows up before or during a flight, it can feel overwhelming. It’s like that annoying relative who won’t stop giving you advice that you never asked for.

But guess what?

You don’t have to listen!

Talking back to your flight anxiety is one of the most effective ways to take control and feel empowered. By challenging the anxious thoughts, you remind your mind who’s really in charge—you!

Here are 15 powerful things you can say to talk back to your anxiety and regain control:

15 Ways Talk Back to Flight Anxiety

• "Hey, anxiety, I’m not falling for your tricks today!"
  Anxiety loves to tell you that something is wrong, but you know better. This phrase lets your mind know that you’re not buying into the fear.

• "You can’t stop me—I’m stronger than you think!"
  Remind yourself that you’ve faced challenges before, and you’ve made it through. Anxiety may show up, but it doesn’t have the final say.

• "I’ve flown before, and I can do it again."
  You’ve already proven you can handle flying, and this time is no different. Use this to remind yourself of past successes.

• "Nice try, anxiety, but I’m still going on this adventure!"
  Anxiety tries to convince you to back out, but you’ve got a trip to enjoy! This phrase empowers you to stay excited about your journey.

• "I’m the boss here, not you!"
  Put anxiety in its place. You’re the one making the decisions, not your fears.

• "Feeling nervous? That’s okay, but I’m in charge now."
  Acknowledge that feeling anxious is normal, but you’re still in control of what happens next.

• "I know you’re just trying to scare me, but I won’t listen."
  Anxiety often tries to frighten you, but you don’t have to give in. This phrase helps you create some distance between your feelings and your actions.

• "You can’t keep me from having fun!"
  Remind yourself that you’re flying for a reason—whether it’s an exciting trip or seeing loved ones. Anxiety won’t take that away from you.

• "I see what you’re doing, but I’m not afraid of you."
  By calling out your anxiety, you take away its power. You can acknowledge its presence without letting it control you.

• "I’ve got my deep breaths ready—watch me stay calm!"
  You’ve got tools, like deep breathing, to help you manage. Remind yourself that you’re prepared to handle the situation.

• "You’re just a feeling, and feelings don’t control me!"
  Feelings come and go, but they don’t have the power to dictate your actions. You’re stronger than that.

• "You can show up, but I’m still getting on this plane."
  Anxiety may tag along, but you’re still following through with your plans. You don’t need to feel 100% calm to take action.

• "Nope, anxiety, you’re not winning today!"
  Sometimes, the best way to handle anxiety is with a firm “no.” This statement reinforces your decision to move forward.

• "I’m brave enough to fly, even if you try to stop me."
  Courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s acting even when fear is present. Remind yourself that you’re brave enough to do this.

• "I’ve got all the tools I need, so back off, anxiety!"
  You’re equipped with skills like deep breathing and grounding techniques. You’ve got this under control.

Final Thoughts: When anxiety shows up, it doesn’t get to decide how your flight goes—you do. Talking back to your anxiety is a powerful way to take charge and remind yourself of your own strength. Whether you’re at the gate, mid-flight, or dealing with pre-flight nerves, these phrases can help shift your mindset and keep you grounded (hopefully not literally grounded, because I want you in the air!).

You’ve got this!

If you need more help with flying anxiety,  Grab the Free Flight Anxiety Toolkit for my top 12 tips here for more ease on your next flight.

Follow-Us on Social

How to Manage Anxiety When You’re Afraid of Flying

Flying can feel overwhelming, especially if you struggle with flight anxiety. You’re not alone—so many people face the same fear. Whether it’s the thought of being trapped in the air, turbulence, or worrying about things going wrong, your mind tends to latch onto worst-case scenarios.

But here’s the thing: while flying may trigger your anxiety, it doesn’t have to be something you dread or stop you from traveling all together.

Here are four powerful strategies to help you manage your fear of flying, so you can get on that plane with more confidence and less panic:

1. Remember: Thoughts Are Not Facts

When you’re anxious, your mind can be filled with “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios—“What if I panic mid-flight? What if the plane isn’t safe?” While these thoughts can feel very real, they are just thoughts. They aren’t facts, and they don’t predict the future.

Example:
You’re sitting at the gate, and the thought crosses your mind: “What if there’s turbulence?” Or “what if I have a panic attack and I lose control?” Recognize that this is just your anxiety speaking. Acknowledge the thought without judgment—"Okay, I’m having this thought, but it doesn’t mean it’s going to happen." You can choose not to engage with it or let it dictate your experience.

Quick Tip:
Whenever an anxious thought pops up, practice saying, “This is just a thought, not a fact.” Over time, this practice helps you take the power away from those thoughts.

2. Allow Yourself to Be Uncomfortable

One of the hardest things about flying anxiety is the constant need to feel comfortable and in control. But the truth is, the more you strive for comfort, the more anxious you become. Real relief comes when you let yourself be okay with discomfort.

Example:
Turbulence hits, and your heart starts racing. You immediately feel the urge to tighten your grip on the armrests or control your surroundings. Instead, try this: say to yourself, “It’s okay to feel uncomfortable right now. I can handle these feelings.” 

Quick Tip:
Practice allowing the discomfort to exist without trying to get rid of it. The more you practice sitting with the anxiety, the less power it holds over you.

3. Focus on What You Can Control

When you’re anxious about flying, it’s easy to focus on things beyond your control—like the weather, turbulence, or what’s happening in the cockpit. But this only fuels your anxiety. Instead, shift your focus to the things you can control.

Example:
You can’t control the weather or the movements of the plane, but you can control how you prepare for the flight. Create a calming playlist, bring a good book, or practice deep breathing exercises during takeoff. These small actions can make a big difference in how you feel during the flight.

Quick Tip:
Ask yourself, “What can I control in this moment?” When you focus on these small, manageable tasks, you take back some of the power that anxiety tries to steal from you.

4. Direct Your Attention Away from the Fear

Anxiety wants you to focus all of your attention on the fear. It’s like shining a flashlight directly on the worst-case scenario. But the truth is, you control the flashlight—you can choose where to focus your attention. It’s not easy when your anxiety is spiked, but when you are intentional you can continue to redirect back to the present moment.

Example:
If you notice yourself fixating on every bump or noise during the flight, ask yourself, “Where am I pointing my flashlight right now?” Instead of shining it on the fear, direct your focus elsewhere—whether it’s a conversation with the person next to you, a movie you’re watching, or a breathing exercise you’ve practiced.

Quick Tip:
Remember, rumination (obsessively focusing on your fear) is like a marinade for anxiety—the longer you stew in it, the stronger it becomes. 

Flying can be scary, but by recognizing your anxious thoughts for what they are, allowing discomfort, focusing on what you can control, and directing your attention away from fear, you can manage your anxiety and fly with more peace.

Want even more specific strategies to overcome your fear of flying? Click here and I’ll send you personalized tips straight to your inbox.

If you need more help with flying anxiety,  Grab the Free Flight Anxiety Toolkit for my top 12 tips here for more ease on your next flight.

Follow-Us on Social