Stop Should-ing Yourself (and 6 Other Word Swaps That Calm Anxiety)

Words matter more than we often realize. They don’t just describe what’s happening. They also shape how we think, feel, and respond.

One small shift in your words can add weight to anxiety, keep you stuck in cycles of avoidance, or pile on shame. On the other hand, shifting your language can open the door to growth, courage, and relief.

That’s why, when we’re working with clients, we often pause to notice the language they use about themselves and their struggles. Sometimes we’ll even lighten the moment with a playful phrase—like, “don’t should all over yourself.” It gets a laugh, but it also leads to a rich discussion about how our words aren’t neutral. Our language can either fuel anxiety or help us loosen its grip.

Below are seven of our favorite word shifts. We’ve included examples for general anxiety, OCD, and even flight anxiety, plus a tiny practice you can try right away.

1) “I should…” 

You’ve probably said things like:

• “I should be further along than this.”
  
  

• “I should be able to handle my anxiety.”
  
  

Why it backfires: “Should” statements add pressure and judgment. They carry an undertone of shame…as if you’ve already failed. In ACT terms, “should” fuses you to a rigid rule and disconnects you from values-based action in the moment.

Try instead: Turn “should” into “could” or “would like to”.

• “I want to take a step forward.”
  
  

• “I could work on this today.”
  
  

• “It would like to practice this skill.”
  
  

Examples:

• OCD: “I should stop ruminating” → “I’d like to practice redirecting my attention for 2 minutes.”
  
  

• Flight anxiety: “I should be able to get on a plane” → “I could get on a plane”
  
  

Practice: When you hear “should,” ask: “how could I rephrase this to be more gentle and acknowledge the choices I have?”

2) “I’ll try…” 

One of my favorite phrases is “trying is lying.” I first learned this when working in a chemical dependency treatment center, and it has stuck ever since.

Why it backfires: “Try” is a built‑in escape hatch. “I’ll try to face my fear” often means “I’m not committing, and if it doesn’t happen, I still get credit.” Your brain hears the loophole and defaults to avoidance when anxious.

Try instead: Replace “try” with do or will. Keep it specific and small:

• “I will sit with this urge for 60 seconds.”
  
  

• “I will board the flight and practice paced breathing during taxi.”
  
  

• “I will let this intrusive thought be and return to my task.”
  
  

Practice: Write a one‑line “will” statement for today. If it feels too big, shrink the action until it’s doable in under 2 minutes.

3) “But…” 

“But” is a word that cancels what came before:

• “I totally get what you’re saying, but…”
  
  

• “I know it’s not likely, but it’s possible.”
  
  

Why it backfires: In relationships, “but” invites defensiveness. In anxiety work, it dismisses what you already know and trust. It keeps you stuck in either/or thinking.

Try instead: Use “and.”

• “I totally get what you’re saying, and I want to share my perspective.”
  
  

• “I know I’m not likely to get sick, and I know that it’s possible. Anything can happen.”
  
  

Why it helps: “And” creates space for both/and truths—discomfort and action. Validation AND limits. Fear AND values.

Practice: Catch one “but” today and replace it with “and.” Read the sentence aloud. Notice how different it lands.

4) “I always…

All‑or‑nothing words fuel hopelessness:

• “I’ll always feel anxious.”
  
  

• “I’ll never get better.”
  
  

Why it backfires: Absolutes trick your brain into treating a temporary state as a permanent identity. This makes your motivation drops and lead to more avoidance.

Try instead: Ground in time‑limited, present moment language:

• “Right now, I feel anxious.”
  
  

• “Sometimes anxiety shows up.”
  
  

Examples:

• OCD: “I always give in to compulsions” → “Sometimes I give in, and sometimes I practice resisting.”
  
  

• Flight anxiety: “I never handle turbulence well” → “Right now, turbulence feels intense, and I can use my tools.”
  
  

Practice: Add the phrase “right now” to one stuck thought and see how it changes your next step.

5) “I can’t…” 

When we say “I can’t,” it’s often not about ability, but instead, it’s about avoidance: “I can’t stop worrying. I can’t face that fear.”

Why it backfires: “Can’t” reinforces powerlessness and turns effort into a pass/fail test. Your nervous system hears “impossible” and stops experimenting.

Try instead: Say “won’t” or “I don’t want to”

• “I won’t choose to shift my focus right now.”
  
  

• “I don’t want to practice my exposure today.”
  
  

It may sound harsher at first, but “won’t” or “I don’t want to” is more honest. It puts the decision back in your hands, and with ownership comes possibility: you can choose differently next moment.

Where this shows up:

• Rumination: “I can’t stop thinking about it” → “I won’t step out of the thought loop yet.”
  
  

• Avoidance: “I can’t fly” → “I don’t want to face my fear of flying.”
  
  

Practice: Practice owning your decision to not do something. You’re not perfect. You’re not always going to challenge yourself even when you know it’s the best thing for you in the long run. But own it.

6) Add “Yet”

“Yet” is small but powerful. Add it to the end of a sentence and the whole story changes:

• “I can’t handle this… yet.”
  
  

• “I don’t know how to face my fear… yet.”
  
  

Why it helps: “Yet” cues growth and psychological flexibility. It reminds your brain that ability is built with reps, any progress doesn’t happen overnight.

Practice: Pick one skill you’re building (exposure step, sitting with uncertainty, tolerating uncomfortable sensations). Write a “yet” mantra for it and put it on your phone lock screen for a week.

7) “Panic attack” 

Words around panic shape how frightening it feels. And the word “attack” sounds like danger is coming for you. No wonder it’s terrifying.

Try instead: Call it what it is physiologically: an adrenaline wave. The body released a big dose of adrenaline and your system will metabolize it with time.

Why it helps: This shift acknowledges intensity without the story of being under attack. One client told us that hearing this for the first time completely changed how she approached getting on a plane because it allowed her to see panic as temporary and ride it out with skills instead of bracing for disaster.

Bonus swap: “My anxiety” → “My mind is telling me…”

This one isn’t a single word, but it’s a powerful diffusion move. Instead of “my anxiety is ruining my day,” try, “my mind is telling me this is dangerous.” You’re not arguing with thoughts—just noticing them as mental events. That distance makes room for choice.

Practice: For one day, try using the phrase “My mind is telling me…” Notice how it changes your urge to engage with them.

Final Thoughts

These may seem like small changes, but don’t forget: language matters. The words you use shape your relationship with anxiety, panic, OCD—and with yourself. When you shift “should” into choice, “but” into “and,” or “panic attack” into “adrenaline wave,” you’re not just changing vocabulary—you’re changing how your brain and body respond in the moment.

Pick one language shift to practice this week. Keep it visible. Tell a supportive person what you’re trying. And if you notice the old words sneaking back in, that’s normal. Smile, correct the sentence, and keep going. Skills grow with reps.

If you’d like a guide as you build these habits—or you’re ready to apply them to exposure work for anxiety, OCD, or flight anxiety—we’re here to help.

Ready to shift your language—and your relationship with anxiety? Schedule your free 15‑minute consultation with one of our therapists today.

5 Ways to Catch Yourself Ruminating (and What to Do Instead)

You’ve probably said it before: “I just can’t shut my brain off.”

Maybe it’s endless what-ifs about the future. Or replaying a past conversation on repeat. Or mentally checking and reviewing to confirm you “didn’t do something wrong.”

Whatever the flavor, rumination can feel like being trapped on a Ferris wheel that never stops spinning, or like trying to solve a puzzle where none of the pieces actually fit.

The tricky part? Rumination often feels productive. Clients tell us all the time, “I’m just trying to figure it out,” or “if I keep thinking about it, maybe I’ll finally feel certain.” But instead of helping, rumination keeps you stuck in anxiety and OCD.

The good news: with awareness and practice, you can step off the ferris wheel. Here are five ways to catch yourself ruminating (and what to do instead).

1. Label Rumination for What It Is

Many people say, “I’m just worrying” or “I’m overthinking.” But in reality, they’re ruminating.

Here’s the difference:

• Obsessions show up automatically (you don’t control the thought about germs, your health, or whether you made a mistake).

• Rumination is what happens next—when you engage with the thought by mentally reviewing, analyzing, or checking.

Think of rumination like opening the door to an unwanted visitor. The thought will always knock. But whether you invite it in and serve it tea—that’s rumination.

Try this: The next time you notice yourself spinning on a thought, gently label it: “This is rumination.” Naming it helps you create distance and makes it easier to choose a different response.

2. Notice Your Attention vs. Awareness

Here’s a simple way to think about it:

• Awareness is what’s in the background (like noticing the sound of traffic outside or the feeling of your feet on the floor).

• Attention is what you choose to focus on (like reading these words).

Rumination hijacks your attention, pulling you deeper into the spin. Many people don’t realize how much their anxiety symptoms are maintained by where they’re directing attention—not just by the content of their thoughts.

Try this: Practice asking yourself: “Where is my attention right now?” If it’s locked on an intrusive thought, gently shift it. Redirecting your attention is like exercising a muscle…the more you do it, the stronger it gets.

3. Pause at the Choice Point

When a thought or fear shows up, you arrive at what we call the choice point.

You have two options:

• Engage with the thought (and keep ruminating), or

• Acknowledge it and redirect your attention elsewhere.

This doesn’t mean ignoring the thought. It means noticing it without feeding it.

Try this next time:

1. Acknowledge the thought: “I’m noticing the urge to figure this out.”

2. Allow the feeling with compassion, even if it’s uncomfortable.

3. Redirect your attention to something else—reading, working, or simply breathing.

4. Let the thought hang out in your awareness without needing to solve it.

The more you practice acknowledging you have a choice, the more you train your brain that you don’t have to follow every thought down the rabbit hole.

4. Watch Out for Mental Compulsions in Disguise

Rumination isn’t always obvious. Sometimes it shows up in sneaky ways:

• Positive self-talk (“I’ll be okay”)

• Excessive prayer or repeating phrases

• Googling symptoms or searching for reassurance

• Replaying a moment to “make sure” nothing bad happened

These behaviors feel like problem-solving, but they only strengthen anxiety and OCD.

Try this: If you catch yourself doing one of these, pause and ask: “Am I ruminating right now, even if it looks helpful?” Awareness is a critical first step in helping you make a different choice.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Slip Up

Here’s the truth: breaking free from rumination isn’t about being perfect. You will slip up—and that’s okay!

Noticing and interrupting rumination is hard work. But every time you catch it and redirect your attention, you’re strengthening mental flexibility. Over time, the urge to ruminate loses its grip.

Try this: When you catch yourself mid-rumination, instead of criticizing yourself, say: “There’s ruminating again. Let’s try redirecting.” Compassion makes the practice sustainable.

Putting It Into Practice

Breaking free from rumination isn’t about shutting off your brain (if only it were that east, right?)….it’s about learning to step off the ferris wheel.

With practice, your “attention muscle” gets stronger, your anxiety symptoms lighten, and exposure to your triggers becomes less overwhelming. Many of our clients notice real changes within just a few days of practicing consistently.

If rumination has been keeping you stuck, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Our therapists at State of Mind Therapy specialize in helping adults with anxiety and OCD build practical tools to break free from unhelpful thought loops.

👉 Schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation today and take the first step off the mental Ferris wheel.

Not Every Anxious Thought Deserves a Response: 4 Ways to Practice Non-Engagement

When Your Brain Says “What If…”

If you live with anxiety or OCD, you know how relentless the “what if” thoughts can be.

What if I get sick?
What if I embarrass myself?
What if something terrible happens?

Clients often ask me: “If I’m not supposed to argue with these thoughts, what am I supposed to do? Just let them be there? What do I say instead?”

It feels counterintuitive, because anxiety makes us feel like we have to do something about the thoughts. But here’s the thing: not every thought deserves a response. In fact, the more we debate, reassure, or try to “logic our way out,” the more stuck we get.

The Problem With Engaging Anxious Thoughts

Picture anxiety as that one person who can never let a debate go.

Anxiety says: “What if you get sick?”
You say: “No, I’m fine, I’ll be okay.”
Anxiety comes back: “Yeah, but what if the person next to you was just exposed?”
You counter again. Anxiety answers back.

And on and on it goes. It’s like having a devil and angel on your shoulder, only the devil has an endless supply of “yeah, but…” comebacks.

You probably don’t even realize how much time you spend in this internal debate. All day long, you’re stuck in a cycle of:

• Debating (“It’s fine, I’ll be okay… but what if…”)
  
  

• Ruminating (turning thoughts and scenarios over and over again to try and “solve the puzzle” in your mind)
  
  

• Reassuring yourself (over and over)
  
  

• Googling or checking (seeking certainty from outside sources)
  
  

This is why the practice of non-engagement responses is so powerful. It’s a way of acknowledging the thought without feeding it, so the conversation ends.

Think about when you set a firm boundary with your child: “That’s my answer. End of story.” You’re not being harsh—you’re being clear that the discussion is over. You need that same firm boundary with your anxious thoughts.

4 Non-Engagement Affirmations for Anxious Thoughts

1. Uncertainty

“I can’t know for sure, and that’s okay.”

Anxiety is fueled by the desperate need for certainty. But the truth is, most of what we worry about is unanswerable. We’ll never get 100% certainty.

Leaning into uncertainty—rather than trying to erase it—is a game-changer. It means saying: “Yes, I’d like to know for sure. But I can move forward even if I don’t.”

Example: Instead of Googling symptoms, you pause and say, “I don’t know why I have this headache, and that’s okay.”

2. Possibility

Anxiety craves 100% certainty. But unfortunately, nothing in life is without risk. Every time you try to reassure yourself that nothing bad will happen, your anxiety mind comes back with “yea but it could.” You just can’t seem to shake it if there is the slightest possibility.

So instead of reminding yourself of the likelihood that it won’t happen, try leaning into the possibility by agreeing with.

For instance, “yes, people could be judging me. Anything is possible.” This helps to pivot away from seeking certainty and towards accepting it.

3. Difficulty

This strategy is about validating the worst case scenario. Instead of debating with your worry thought, you validate that it would indeed but difficult if it happened. “Yep, that would be hard.”

So lets say you are worried about having a panic attack on a plane. Your worry mind might say “What if I get so anxious that I have a panic attack and embarrassed myself?” You could respond with “that would be uncomfortable and challenging, no doubt about it.”

Oddly enough, this ends the conversation. No need to debate back and forth, you are just simply acknowledging how difficult the situation would be if it were to occur.

4. Acknowledgment

Acknowledgment is like of like saying “hello” to someone as you pass them by on the street. You are stopping to chitchat and you are not ignoring them, you are simply saying “I see you” and continuing on.

Acknowledging your inner thoughts or feelings like this helps to create distance between you and the experience. Instead of spiraling into emotion, you name it for what it is: just a thought.

• “I’m having an anxious thought about the idea of the plane going down. Period.”
  
  

• “I have a nervous feeling about messing up. Period.”
  
  

And that word—period—is important. It means end of story. No adding reassurance, no debating, no “but maybe it’ll be fine.” Just acknowledging that you are experiencing a feeling or thought and stopping there.

The Power of “Less Is More”

When it comes to anxiety, our instinct is to do more: more debating, more checking, more relaxing, more figuring out. But the real power lies in doing less.

Non-engagement strategies are not about finding the perfect response. They’re about stepping out of the endless back-and-forth and reclaiming your mental energy.

Not all of your thoughts deserve airtime. Some of them are just noise. And the more you practice not engaging with them, the easier it gets to see your thoughts for what they are—just thoughts, not facts.

Final Note

If you’re feeling stuck in cycles of anxious thoughts, know that you’re not alone—and that support is available. At State of Mind Therapy, we specialize in helping adults with anxiety, OCD, and phobias learn how to step out of the worry spiral and into a fuller life.

Schedule a free consult below to see if we are the right fit for you.

What OCD Really Is (And Isn’t): Busting Common Myths

When someone casually says, “I’m so OCD” because they like things tidy or color-coded. Whenever we hear someone say that we have a knee-jerk reaction that wants to scream, please stop. OCD is not a personality trait. It’s not a funny quirk. And for people who live with OCD, those offhand comments can feel deeply invalidating.

Nobody with true OCD would describe it as cute. They’re often carrying shame, confusion, or fear about what their brain puts them through. Many hide their struggles because they know others won’t understand. And unlike quirks or preferences, OCD is a diagnosable mental health disorder — one that can be exhausting, time-consuming, and isolating.

Let’s bust some of the most common myths about OCD so you can better understand what it really is — and why finding the right treatment matters.

Myth #1: OCD Is Just About Cleanliness or Hand-Washing

This is probably the most common stereotype. While contamination fears and hand-washing rituals are one possible presentation, OCD goes far beyond being a “germaphobe.”

Some people experience fears about causing harm, intrusive sexual or religious thoughts, doubts about their relationships, or fears of losing control or doing something impulsive. Others may struggle with perfectionism, needing things to feel “just right,” or mental rituals that aren’t visible to anyone else.

OCD themes are diverse, and the compulsions don’t always look like checking locks or washing your hands all day. Sometimes they’re hidden — replaying events in your head, silently counting, or seeking reassurance from loved ones.

Myth #2: OCD Is Just a Quirk or Personality Type

We’ve all heard someone say, “I’m just a little OCD.” But OCD isn’t an adjective. You wouldn’t say, “I’m so diabetes.” OCD is a disorder that causes significant distress and impairment.

In fact, one diagnostic criterion is that obsessions and compulsions are time-consuming — often taking up more than an hour a day — or cause major disruption to daily life. For some, it means spending hours checking or redoing tasks. For others, it causes them to be late because they can’t get out the door without completing a series of rituals.

If organizing your desk makes you feel good, that’s a preference. OCD compulsions, by contrast, don’t feel optional. They’re driven by overwhelming anxiety or doubt. People with OCD usually recognize that their behaviors don’t really make sense — but they feel like they have to do them anyway in order to feel safe.

Myth #3: OCD Is Just Anxiety

While OCD often involves anxiety, it’s not the same as generalized anxiety or “overthinking.” OCD is categorized in the DSM under Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders, not as an anxiety disorder.

Why? Because OCD isn’t always anxiety-driven. Sometimes the dominant emotion is disgust, or even shame. And OCD goes beyond worry. It can make a person doubt their own common sense or the kind of person they believe they are (which is why OCD is often called “the doubting disease.”) Even if someone logically knows they locked the door, the doubt feels so strong and convincing that they can’t move on without checking again (and again, and again).

Myth #4: If You Don’t See Compulsions, It’s Not OCD

Many assume OCD is visible — repeated hand-washing, checking stoves, non-stop googling. But not all compulsions are external. Some are entirely mental: silently praying, counting, reviewing memories, or mentally “undoing” a thought. And others just straight up avoid doing things where they would need to do a compulsion (because they don’t want to deal with the ritual and/or don’t want others to see them ritualizing).

A person may look calm on the outside but be battling a storm of intrusive thoughts and mental rituals inside. Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

What OCD Really Is

At its core, OCD involves:

• Obsessions → intrusive, unwanted thoughts, images, urges, or sensations.

• Compulsions → behaviors (external or internal) done to neutralize the obsession, reduce distress, or prevent something bad from happening.

For example, someone might have the intrusive thought: “What if I screamed something offensive in this meeting?” Even though they don’t want to, the feelings and thoughts feel so real that they may mentally rehearse responses, sit on their hands, avoid being in meetings, or replay the meeting afterward to check if they slipped.

This is why OCD is considered ego-dystonic — the obsessions are the opposite of someone’s values. A person with harm-related OCD doesn’t want to hurt anyone. In fact, they’re often horrified by the thought. That’s what makes OCD so distressing.

There Is Hope — OCD Is Treatable

When new clients come to us, they’re often carrying shame, exhaustion, and hopelessness. They’ve had intrusive thoughts they’re afraid to share with anyone. Some have even seen therapists before who didn’t understand OCD — and walked away feeling more misunderstood than helped.

That’s why we always start with education: OCD does not define who you are. Your thoughts don’t mean anything about your character. And no matter how scary your obsessions feel, there is effective treatment.

The first-line treatment for OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), a form of CBT that teaches you to face fears without doing compulsions. At first, this feels counterintuitive — after all, compulsions are what bring temporary relief. But ERP helps break the cycle of doubt and teaches the brain a new way forward.

Other well-supported approaches for OCD include Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which focuses on building psychological flexibility and following your values, and Inference-Based CBT (I-CBT), which helps people resolve the doubt that fuels obsessions.

Clients often describe these approaches as empowering. Instead of endless talking, they leave sessions with a structured plan. They realize that the very things they’ve been doing to cope (like doing rituals and compulsions) are what keep them stuck. Learning how to resist those rituals is challenging, but it’s also the path to freedom.

Finding the Right Help

One of the most heartbreaking things we hear from new clients is: “I’ve been in therapy before, but no one ever taught me how to treat my OCD.”

Unfortunately, OCD is rarely covered in graduate training programs, which means many therapists simply aren’t equipped to treat it effectively. If you suspect you have OCD, it’s crucial to find someone with advanced training and experience in ERP and other evidence-based treatments.

At State of Mind Therapy, we specialize in OCD and related disorders. We know how isolating and exhausting this cycle can feel — and we also know how treatable it is with the right approach.

Next Step

If you’re wondering whether your experiences could be OCD, we encourage you to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation. It’s a simple, pressure-free way to talk through what’s been going on and learn how specialized therapy could help.

You don’t have to keep carrying the weight of doubt alone — effective help is out there. Schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation with one of our therapists to see if we are the right fit for you.

Help for Fear of Vomiting: How Therapy Can Help You Take Back Control

A Fear That Feels Impossible to Explain

Nobody likes to vomit. That’s a given. So when you tell someone you have a fear of vomiting, they might say, “Well yeah, I don’t like to get sick either.”

That’s the thing about emetophobia (aka the fear of vomiting), it’s incredibly misunderstood. Even in my personal life, when I share that I specialize in treating this phobia, people often respond with confusion. They don’t realize it’s a real, diagnosable condition. But it is. And for the people who experience it, it can be absolutely debilitating.

When you live with emetophobia, it’s not just about disliking vomiting. It’s an intense fear that runs your life.

It can feel like you would literally rather die than throw up.

It’s the feeling that vomiting (or seeing someone else vomit) is always lurking around the corner. Maybe from a virus, spoiled food, pregnancy, alcohol, or even motion sickness from a car or plane ride.

The fear isn’t just about the possibility of getting sick. It can also be about feeling like you can’t escape the situation if you (or someone else) was sick. And the anxiety and panic that comes from “being stuck” in that situation feels unbearable. 

Emetophobia can impact everything: what you eat, where you go, the choices you make about relationships, parenting, and travel. And since we all need food to survive, this fear can actually become medically concerning.

But the hardest part? You might look totally fine on the outside. People may have no idea how much mental chatter you’re managing in the background.

The constant what-ifs looping in your mind can sound like:
Who here has been sick in the last two weeks?
Does that person look pale or off?
Why does my stomach feel weird right now?

You’re doing all this internal scanning, all day long. It’s isolating, exhausting, and often invisible. And again, because so few people understand it—it can feel like you’re the only one. Or worse, that others might judge you for it.

But here’s the good news: even if you’ve tried therapy before and it didn’t help, this fear can get better. The key is using the right kind of therapy approach. 

What Emetophobia Really Looks Like

There’s no one way this fear shows up, but there are a lot of common patterns.

Some people are afraid of getting sick themselves. Others are terrified of seeing someone else get sick. Either way, the anxiety leads to a lot of calculating, controlling, and avoiding.

You might feel uneasy around children or people who are around children (daycare workers, teachers, etc.) because kids are often sick. You might feel nervous around people who are drinking or pregnant. You might even avoid public transportation or air travel, not because you don’t want to go somewhere, but because being enclosed triggers that fear: What if someone gets sick and I can’t escape?

Fall and winter can be especially tough with the rise in norovirus and other bugs. You may feel some relief in the spring or summer, but for many, this fear is present year-round.

Many people with emetophobia develop strict eating habits—only trusting certain foods, avoiding specific textures or temperatures, and cooking meat until it’s well beyond done.

Expiration dates might feel like a line you absolutely can’t cross. And when your stomach makes an unexpected noise or feels even slightly off? It’s enough to trigger a wave of anxiety that’s hard to shake.

There’s often a lot of mental scanning—both of your own body and of the people around you.

You might:

• Constantly check others for signs of illness
  
  

• Ask loved ones for reassurance (“Do you think this will make me sick?”)
  
  

• Overanalyze food expiration dates, especially for shelf-stable or pantry items
  
  

• Keep a “safety kit” with you—water, mints, medication, or distraction tools
  
  

• Avoid the word vomit altogether
  
  

• Feel like you can’t care for a sick child or partner, even if you want to
  
  

• Put off or avoid having children altogether, due to fear of morning sickness and germs
  
  

When your brain starts treating every queasy moment or sick-looking person as a full-on emergency, life becomes very small, very fast.

Why This Fear Feels So Stuck

If you’ve tried to logic your way through this, tried a million relaxation strategies, or even been in therapy and felt like it didn’t help—there’s a reason.

Emetophobia isn’t something that gets better through traditional talk therapy alone. It often needs a different approach—one that targets the patterns that keep the fear alive.

That includes:

• Avoidance (which reinforces the belief that you couldn’t handle it)
  
  

• Reassurance seeking (from Google, from ChatGPT, from loved ones)
  
  

• Safety behaviors (like always having a mint or sitting near an exit)
  
  

The more you try to not feel anxious, the more your brain stays convinced that vomit = danger = emergency. And that cycle keeps the fear alive.

This doesn’t mean you’re stuck forever. It just means we need to approach the fear differently.

How Therapy Can Help You Take Back Control

The right therapy can help you retrain your brain’s response to perceived threat.

Evidence-based treatments like CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention), and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) are some of the most effective approaches we have for emetophobia.

And because I know you are already wondering this, let me tell you that therapy doesn’t mean you’ll be asked to throw up to “get over it”. That’s not how this works.

Instead, we focus on helping you:

• Understand your specific core fear (Is it about losing control? Being judged? Feeling trapped?)
  
  

• Break the mental loop of avoidance and checking
  
  

• Learn how to sit with body sensations without assuming the worst
  
  

• Rebuild trust in your ability to handle uncertainty
  
  

• Regain a sense of freedom and choice in your life

At State of Mind Therapy, we also offer a bi-weekly online support group specifically for adult women with emetophobia. This group gives you the chance to feel less alone in your experience, connect with others who truly get it, and share challenges in a space that’s understanding—not judgmental.

The goal of treatment and your recovery isn’t to make you love the idea of vomiting. It’s to help you stop letting the fear run the show.

This work is about agency. About gently increasing your tolerance for discomfort. About learning that you can be okay, even if you feel a little off. You don’t have to wait until the fear is gone to start living again.

A Small Shift You Can Try Today

Here’s one gentle reframe you can carry with you the next time you have an anxious moment:

“This is a sensation. Not a certainty.”

Just because your stomach feels weird doesn’t mean something bad is about to happen. You can notice the sensation without jumping to conclusions.

Start small. You don’t need to do this perfectly.

Even just naming the fear by saying “this is my emetophobia talking” can start to create some space between you and the panic spiral.

Final Thought

If this fear has taken up too much space in your life… you’re not alone. And you’re not beyond help.

You deserve support that actually addresses the root of your fear and gives you a blueprint on how to get unstuck. 

If you’re curious about how to start loosening emetophobia’s grip on your life, I’d love to invite you to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with one of our therapists. 

Your fear might feel big right now. But it’s not bigger than your capacity to heal.

Start where you are. You don’t have to face it all at once. 

Ready to take the next step?

Book a free consultation with a therapist on our team. We’d love to help you figure out whether we’re the right fit.

When Plane Crash Headlines Shake You: Why Logic Isn’t Enough to Calm Flight Anxiety

You were doing okay.

You had a trip coming up. You were starting to feel a little more confident about flying. Maybe you’d even taken some real steps forward—researching fear of flying courses, practicing coping skills, or booking a flight you’d been putting off.

And then… that headline.

Maybe it was the recent crash in India. Or maybe it was another story that suddenly popped into your feed.

Either way, your brain did what anxious brains do:
“See? This is exactly why I shouldn’t fly.”

Even if you know flying is statistically safe, logic doesn’t seem to help anymore. You’re stuck between what you know and what you feel—and now your anxiety has evidence.

If that’s where you are right now, then it’s important for you to know that this does not have to mean you are stuck. Keep reading to learn more. 

Let’s talk about what’s really going on when anxiety hijacks your progress, and how you can move through it without spiraling into avoidance.

1. Recognize the Spiral (It’s Not Proof—It’s Your Brain Doing Its Job)

When a rare event confirms your worst-case scenario, your brain zeroes in.
That’s called confirmation bias. Which means your mind selectively looks for things that match what you already fear and ignores the rest.

So after a crash, your thoughts might race:

“See? I knew it wasn’t safe.”
“Now I really can’t fly.”

But that’s only one story..

 This fear makes sense. And it doesn’t have to be the only story you listen to.

What else is true?
Over 70,000 commercial flights took off and landed safely that same day. Your fear is valid—but it’s not the full picture.

2. Let Yourself Feel (Without Letting Fear Take Over)

Yes, it’s upsetting. Yes, it's scary. And yes, your anxiety spikes when something like this happens. That doesn’t mean you’re stuck and can’t get through this. It means you're human, and your brain is trying to protect you.

Try saying to yourself:

“I feel scared right now, and that’s okay.”
“This news is upsetting, but I don’t have to change my plans.”

Feeling fear doesn’t mean you have to act on it. You can feel anxious and keep moving toward your goals.

3. Be Mindful of the Headlines You Feed Your Brain

Anxiety wants certainty.

It makes you think, “If I can just learn what happened, I’ll be able to avoid it next time.”

So you start down an internet rabbit hole reading all the articles, watching videos, and commenting in forums. You want to understand it all so you can feel safe again. But what happens instead?

You feel worse.

You get pulled into speculation and clickbait. Most early news coverage after a crash is emotional, attention-grabbing, and not based on facts. You’re left swimming in what-ifs and fear-driven commentary.

Meanwhile, the algorithm is watching.
Now you’re being fed more and more aviation content: past crashes, speculative theories, safety debates. It feels like crashes are everywhere—even though nothing in the real world has changed.

It might seem like you’re just reading stories…but what you’re doing is accidentally training your brain (and your browser) to stay stuck in fear.

And here's what makes it even harder: this spiral doesn’t actually offer clarity. It just floods your nervous system, increasing the obsession without reducing the anxiety.

Instead of clarity, you get consumed.
Instead of peace, you feel paralyzed.

So here’s your reminder:

Learning doesn’t help when you’re dysregulated. Wait until you're grounded and have allowed time to pass to get the facts. 

4. Don’t Start Making New “Safety Rules”

This one’s sneaky.

After a crash, it’s natural to want to regain control. So your brain might offer rules like:

• “Only fly this airline.”
  
  

• “Only sit in the back.”
  
  

• “That one guy survived in 11A—I’ll only sit there from now on.”
  
  

These rules might give temporary relief. But long-term, they reinforce the idea that flying is only safe if you do everything perfectly—which keeps you anxious and locked in control-based thinking.

And the truth is? That seat didn’t save him.
Survival in accidents is often random and unpredictable. Trying to replicate outcomes doesn’t make you safer. And it just feeds the illusion of control.

True progress means moving away from control and toward trust—in yourself, your skills, and your resilience.

Why Logic Isn’t Helping (And What to Do Instead)

If you’ve been telling yourself,

“I know flying is safe. I’ve seen the stats. But now this happened and I can’t stop thinking about it,”

…then you already know: logic isn’t enough.

Most people with flight anxiety are highly intelligent. You already know the facts.
But when fear shows up, logic alone can’t compete with the emotional part of your brain.

You get stuck in the tug-of-war between your desire to travel and your brain screaming “Don’t do it.”

This is where most people give up.
But this is actually where healing begins.

What NOT to Do After a Plane Crash Makes Headlines

Let’s be honest—there are a few things your brain really wants to do after seeing a scary aviation headline. And they all feel helpful in the moment... but usually make things worse.

Here’s what to avoid:

Don’t fall down the research rabbit hole.
You’re not getting facts—you’re getting fear.

Don’t cancel your trip out of panic.
Decide from a regulated place, not a reactive one.

Don’t compare crash survival stories.
Trying to mimic someone else's outcome won’t bring certainty—just more anxiety.

Don’t create rigid flying “rules” to protect yourself.
They don’t actually make you safer—they just shrink your world.

Instead? Step away from the media. Breathe. Reconnect with your why for flying in the first place.

What to Say to Yourself Instead

When fear is loud and facts aren’t landing, try gently shifting the way you talk to yourself.

Here are a few self-talk statements I teach my clients to practice:

✨ “This fear makes sense right now. It’s okay that I’m feeling this way.”
✨ “Yes, something scary happened—and thousands of flights are happening safely today too.”
✨ “Just because I’m anxious doesn’t mean I’m in danger.”
✨ “I’ve gotten through tough moments before. I can ride this wave too.”
✨ “I don’t have to wait for the fear to go away before I move forward.”
✨ “There’s still a part of me that wants to travel and live fully—I can listen to that part too.”

Self-talk isn’t about tricking yourself into calm—it’s about creating a little space between you and the fear. Enough space to choose what happens next.

If That’s Where You Are, You’re Not Broken—You’re Ready for a New Approach

This is the exact moment where the real work begins—not trying to erase the fear, but learning how to move forward with it.

In the Fearful Flyers Blueprint, that’s what we focus on.

You’ll learn how to:

• Respond when anxiety spikes—even after scary headlines
  
  

• Stop relying on logic and start building trust in your ability to ride the waves of fear
  
  

• Take action even when you’re uncomfortable (because that’s how confidence is built)
  
  

It’s not about eliminating anxiety. It’s about learning how to stop running from it.

Final Thoughts

These moments are hard. The fear is loud. The headlines are heavy.

But you are capable of more than just white-knuckling it through.

You don’t have to wait until you feel fearless.
You don’t have to cancel your trip just because anxiety showed up again.

It’s okay to feel anxious and still show up for the life you want.

You’re capable of more than just surviving the flight—you can learn to thrive through it.

Want to Start Handling Fear Differently?

If you’re tired of relying on logic and reassurance that doesn’t stick, and you're ready to learn the skills that actually help—start the Fearful Flyers Blueprint to change how you experience flying.

Struggling to Find a Therapist Who Gets You? Try This ChatGPT Trick

Why Finding the Right Therapist Feels So Hard

Starting therapy can be one of the most meaningful decisions you ever make. But finding a therapist you actually vibe with can feel like trying to find a needle in a haystack. 

There are so many profiles to sift through, and if you’ve never been to therapy before, it’s hard to even know what you’re looking for. People often tell me they feel overwhelmed before they even begin—they want help, but they’re don’t know where to start.

That’s where tools like ChatGPT can help. In this post, I’ll walk you through how to use AI to make this process feel way more doable, plus a ready-to-copy prompt you can paste right into ChatGPT to narrow your search and actually get somewhere.

What Does “Fit” Really Mean in Therapy?

First of all, “fit” doesn’t mean “someone who’s available next Tuesday and takes your insurance.” It means someone you vibe with—and someone who has the skill set to actually help you.

This is a two-part equation. A therapist might be warm, validating, and easy to talk to—but if they don’t have the right training or experience for your specific concerns, your progress will be limited.

For example, at my practice, clients often tell me they really liked their last therapist. They felt supported and seen but they were still stuck. Why? Because that therapist didn’t specialize in OCD (which is what we are known for). They had great rapport, but not the clinical expertise to guide them through evidence-based treatment like Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). That mismatch led to months of time and money spent without much progress to show for it.

So what actually makes someone a good fit? It’s not just about connection—it’s about alignment in approach, style, and experience. Here are some of the key areas to consider:

• Therapist approach – Do you want practical tools and clear guidance? A more open-ended, insight-based approach? Someone who’s a teacher and coach—or someone reflective and gentle?

• Communication style – Direct and structured? Curious and conversational? Supportive and validating?

• Cultural identity & lived experience – Do you want a therapist who shares or deeply understands aspects of your background?

• Logistics – In-person or telehealth? Evening availability? Budget and location?

Therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all. The more intentional you are on the front end, the better the experience will be.

Step One: Pause and Reflect

Before you start your search, slow down and think through what matters to you. I often walk potential clients through this same reflection because getting clear on what you need upfront can make everything less overwhelming.

Use these as journal prompts or bullet points to jot down:

• What am I struggling with right now?

• What do I want to be different in my life six months from now?

• Have I tried therapy before? What worked (or didn’t)?

• What felt helpful or not helpful about my past therapist’s style?

• Do I want someone who gives structure and tools or more of a space to process?

• What are my “must-haves” and my “nice-to-haves” in a therapist?

• What’s my budget and location?

• Do I want in-person, telehealth, or flexibility with both?

Step Two: Let ChatGPT Help You Get Started

Here’s where ChatGPT can come in handy. It can help you:

• Clarify your needs and goals

• Create a personalized search prompt

• Understand what therapy terms (like ERP or ACT) actually mean

• Generate strategies for where and how to search

• It will show you local therapists that match your criteria.

Keep in mind, ChatGPT isn’t perfect. Use it as a helpful starting point. Not your only source, and follow up with your own research.

Step Three: Use This ChatGPT Prompt to Find a Good-Fit Therapist

Copy, paste, and customize the following prompt:

“Act as a mental health care concierge with expertise in helping individuals find local therapists who match their needs, preferences, and values. I’m looking for a therapist who would be the best fit for me based on my goals and challenges.

Here’s what I’m looking for:

• I’m struggling with [your concern, e.g., anxiety, OCD, trauma]

• I want to [feel less stuck, learn new coping skills, stop overthinking, etc.]

• My must-haves: [e.g., female therapist, CBT, anxiety experience]

• My nice-to-haves: [evening sessions, ACT approach, telehealth]

• I live near [your city or zip code] and prefer [in-person/telehealth/both]

• My budget is [your range or note if using insurance or HSA/FSA]

Please ask me any follow-up questions to better understand my needs. Then, help me figure out where and how to search for the best match therapist in my area.”

Examples of Prompts for Specific Goals

If you want to adjust your prompt, here’s how that might look:

Example 1: OCD and ERP in Minnesota “I have OCD with intrusive thoughts and compulsions. I want a therapist in Minneapolis who uses CBT and ERP. I prefer telehealth and need someone who can help me stop avoiding things. My budget is around $150/session and I’ll be using my HSA.”

Example 2: LGBTQ+ Affirming and Trauma-Informed “I’m a queer adult navigating past trauma and relationship anxiety. I want someone LGBTQ+ affirming, experienced in trauma, and who uses EMDR or ACT. I live near St. Paul and would like in-person sessions. I can use out-of-network benefits.”

Example 3: First-Time Therapy for Overthinking and Burnout “I’ve never done therapy before, but I feel burned out and stuck in overthinking. I’m in Bloomington, MN, and want a therapist who feels warm but gives tools. Female preferred. I’d like a mix of structure and support, and I’m open to insurance or private pay”

What to Do With the Results

Once you’ve got some names or direction, here’s how to move forward:

• Read their website – Does it speak directly to what you're going through?

• Check their fees and insurance info – Make sure their rates or reimbursement options work for your budget. Many therapists list their fees and insurance info on their website. If they don’t, you’ll need to ask directly.

• Check their focus – Are they generalists or do they specialize in the issue you want help with?

⚠️ If their profile lists everything under the sun (anxiety, depression, couples, teens, trauma, etc.), they’re likely more of a generalist. That doesn’t mean they’re not good—but if you're looking for someone who really gets how to treat a specific struggle you are facing, like OCD, emetophobia, or fear of flying, look for profiles that go deeper into that topic. Those therapists may get you to results faster.

• Book a consult call – Ask how they work, what to expect, and whether they’ve helped people like you before.

What If the Therapist You Want Is Out-of-Network?

That doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker. A lot of specialized therapists (like those who treat OCD or flight anxiety) work outside of insurance networks. It gives them more flexibility in how they work and often leads to better results for clients.

I’ve personally chosen to work with out-of-network therapists when they specialized in exactly what I needed help with. Which meant that I got what I needed faster.

If you’re using out-of-network benefits, ask your insurance company:

• What are my out-of-network mental health benefits?

• What is my deductible?

• How much will be reimbursed per session (CPT codes 90834 or 90837)?

You can also use HSA or FSA funds to pay for therapy. At State of Mind Therapy, we provide superbills and walk clients through how to request reimbursement—or even a single case agreement if it applies.

How We Support Clients at State of Mind Therapy

We specialize in helping people who want to break free from the worry loop and be more present in their lives. 

If you’ve tried therapy before and it didn’t quite land—or if you’re new and unsure where to start—we focus on helping you stop spiraling and have more control over life using evidence-based treatment strategies. 

We work with clients across Minnesota, Iowa, and South Dakota. We offer both in-person and virtual therapy. Learn more about our approach and team here.

A Word of Encouragement

This process can feel like a lot. But finding a therapist who really gets you—and has the tools to help—is worth it. Let this blog be your starting point.

Try the ChatGPT prompt above and take one step forward. Or send this blog to a friend who keeps saying they should find someone.

Need a Little Extra Support While You Search?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed while looking for a therapist, these resources might give you clarity or encouragement along the way:

• Overcoming Your Fear of Getting Help

• Creating Your Personal Anxiety Toolkit: 10 Essentials to Keep Calm

• Why Common Strategies for Dealing with Anxiety Don’t Work

Ready to take the next step?

Book a free consultation with a therapist on our team. We’d love to help you figure out whether we’re the right fit.

You might also like:

• Is Full Recovery from Anxiety, Phobias, and OCD Possible?

• [Coming Soon: What First-Time Therapy Clients Often Ask Us]

• [Coming Soon: How to Prepare for Your First Therapy Session]

You Don’t Need to Meet the Pilot — Why That Advice Might Be Making Your Anxiety Worse

You wouldn’t get surgery without meeting your doctor—so should you really fly without meeting your pilot?

That’s the analogy I’ve heard some professionals use when they suggest anxious flyers should try to meet the pilot before takeoff. The idea is that if you can personally assess who’s in charge of the aircraft, you’ll feel calmer, more in control, and more reassured.

And in theory? Sure, it makes sense. There’s something comforting about meeting the person who holds your safety in their hands.

But actually, that advice, while well-meaning, can backfire for people with anxiety. Not only is it impractical for most travelers…but it can reinforce the very belief that’s keeping you stuck: that you can’t handle flying unless you feel 100% certain that it’s safe.

And if you're someone who's been caught in the exhausting loop of anticipatory worry or intrusive thoughts, you already know how unhelpful that standard can be.

The Trap of Needing to Feel 100% Safe

Anxiety craves certainty. It thrives on the idea that if you could just know for sure, you could finally relax and be done with this anxiety.

Just check one more time. Just make sure. Just meet the pilot.

That urge to meet the pilot starts to function as a crutch (a way to temporarily soothe fear). But it quietly reinforces the belief that unless you’re absolutely certain everything is safe, you shouldn’t proceed.

That’s not freedom. That’s anxiety calling the shots.

In anxiety treatment, we work toward something different. Not erasing fear, not gathering endless reassurance—but building trust in your ability to move forward anyway.

Flying safely doesn’t require knowing the pilot. It requires trusting that the safety systems, training, and protocols are already there (even if you never meet the pilot in the cockpit).

And to be honest? You already live this way in so many other areas of your life.

How You Already Trust Strangers With Real Risk

Let’s zoom out. If your brain is telling you that you must meet the pilot to feel safe, it might help to look at all the places you already hand over trust to strangers—with very real risks involved.

1. Eating at a Restaurant

You don’t meet the chef. You don’t inspect the kitchen. You don’t double-check whether the meat was stored at the right temperature or whether the cutting boards were sanitized.

You trust that someone behind the scenes is following the rules. You trust the restaurant staff to prepare and serve food safely.

And let’s be honest: if something went wrong, the consequence could be significant. You could get food poisoning. You could land in the ER. But even with that possibility, I’m guessing you still choose to eat out.

Because you trust the process—not because you know every player personally.

2. Taking Medication

When you fill a prescription, you probably don’t know the pharmacist. You’ve never met the scientist who developed the drug, the lab technician who mixed it, or the inspector who approved it.

And yet, you take your vitamins or medications anyway.

You trust that safeguards are in place. That standards were followed. That someone somewhere did their job…even if you’ll never know their name.

So here is my reminder to you: you don’t need personal proof to take meaningful action.

3. Driving Over Bridges

Most of us drive across massive bridges without a second thought. We don’t stop and think, Who built this? When was it last inspected? What if they missed something?

And yet, if something went wrong—if the structure failed—the consequences could be fatal.

Still, we drive across. Because we trust in systems and regulations. We take the risk, not because we’ve personally checked the bolts, but because we believe in the process.

But Flying Feels Different… And That’s Okay

It’s totally normal to feel like flying is a “bigger” risk. You’re thousands of feet in the air, moving fast, and you don’t feel in control. And in the event of a crash, the stakes are high. 

But here’s the truth: the feeling of risk doesn’t always match the reality of risk.

Flying is one of the safest ways to travel. It’s heavily regulated. Pilots are rigorously trained. And the systems in place are built to catch and correct human error.

So yes—it feels different. But that doesn’t mean it is more dangerous.

The work, then, isn’t about eliminating fear—it’s about learning to move with it.

Why This Mindset Shift Matters

Requiring personal proof of safety—like meeting the pilot—can quietly teach your brain that unless every single box is checked, you’re not safe to proceed.

It’s not a sustainable strategy. What happens when the pilot is busy? When the cockpit is closed? When you can’t get the reassurance you’re looking for?

You get stuck.

This doesn’t just apply to flying. This pattern can spill into other areas of life: work decisions, health anxiety, parenting, relationships.

Learning to tolerate some uncertainty and trust in your ability to handle what comes—is one of the most freeing mental shifts you can make.

The goal isn’t to trick yourself into feeling 100% safe. It’s to tell yourself, “I might not feel totally certain, but I can still do this.”

What to Focus on Instead

If you’re working on letting go of the “I need to meet the pilot” mindset, here’s what to try instead:

🔹 Name the Story

“Here’s that old ‘I need proof to feel safe’ story again.”
This gives you distance from the thought. It helps you see it as just that—a thought, not a fact.

🔹 Trust What You Already Know

“Pilots are highly trained. Commercial aviation is incredibly safe. This flight is no different.”

You don’t need to investigate every detail. You can choose to trust the big picture.

🔹 Reframe the Craving for Certainty

“It’s okay to want reassurance. But I don’t need to act on that urge every time it shows up.”

Even if you could meet the pilot, it wouldn’t eliminate the fear long-term. What does help? Learning to sit with uncertainty and not let it drive the bus.

🔹 Hold It Lightly

If you happen to meet the pilot and it calms you—great. But don’t let it become a condition for flying.

Think of it like a bonus, not a requirement.

🔹 Anchor to Your Why

What does flying make possible? What memories, connections, or growth live on the other side of this anxiety?

Your brain is focused on staying safe. Your heart wants to live fully. Let your values help lead the way.

Final Thought: You Already Know How to Trust

You don’t need to meet the pilot.

You need to trust your ability to fly—even when your brain tells you it’s too risky.
You need to trust the knowledge you already have.
You need to trust that discomfort doesn’t mean danger.
And most of all, you need to trust yourself.

Because you’ve already been practicing this trust—in restaurants, in pharmacies, on highways.

Flying is just one more place to apply the skill you already have.

Ready to Feel More Confident in the Air?

The Fearful Flyers Blueprint is a self-paced, step-by-step course that helps you gain the skills you need to stop fearing flying and learn the skills you need to handle anxiety so you can travel the world.

Available in video and private podcast format
Rooted in exposure-based therapy strategies
Designed by a therapist who gets it—and has helped hundreds of people with fear and anxiety

👉 Enroll in the Fearful Flyers Blueprint today and start building your roadmap to calmer skies.

Why Anxiety and OCD Feel So Real (And What to Do About It)

Have you ever had a thought that instantly made your heart race? One that didn’t just cross your mind—it stuck, and suddenly it felt like you were living through the very thing you were trying to avoid?

Happens to my clients all the time. They say, “I know it’s irrational, but it just feels so real.”

Anxiety and OCD are experts at making imagined fears feel like they’re happening right now. Even when you know something isn’t truly happening, your body and brain often respond as if it is.

So why does it “feel so real”—and how do you stop getting hooked?

Let’s talk about it.

Your Brain Reacts to Imaginary Threats Like They're Real Ones

Let’s try something for a second.

Imagine being in a classroom, and someone walks up to a chalkboard and slowly drags their fingernails down it. (Okay, I know schools don’t really use chalkboards anymore—but you get the point.)

Can you hear that screeching sound? Maybe you just got goosebumps or the hair on your arm stood up.

Now picture this: I hand you a bright, juicy lemon. You take a big bite, and all the tart juice floods your mouth. Your jaw clenches. Maybe your eyes squint or your mouth puckers just imagining it.

What did you notice in your body?

For me, just describing that chalkboard gave me goosebumps and made me shiver a little. And when I think about that lemon, I start to salivate.

None of it was actually happening. It was just something you imagined—but your body likely reacted anyway.

That’s the power of your brain. It creates real emotional and physical responses from imagined experiences. And when you live with anxiety or OCD, your brain is extra quick to react to anything that even resembles a threat—especially when you’ve already been sensitized to it.

Your Fight-or-Flight System Doesn’t Care If It’s Real

Your amygdala (your brain’s built-in alarm system) is wired to keep you safe. But it doesn’t stop to ask whether a threat is real or imagined. It just detects danger—and boom… your body responds.

I often explain it to my client’s like this:

Your amygdala works kind of like a smoke detector. Its only job is to alert you to smoke. It doesn’t care if there’s an actual fire or if you just burned the sausages on the stove. The alarm still goes off.

Same with anxiety. Your amygdala doesn’t know the difference between:

• A real emergency and turbulence on a plane
  
  

• An actual threat and a mental image of someone getting sick
  
  

• Something that’s happening now and something that might happen
  
  

And when that alarm goes off, your heart races, your stomach turns, and you start scanning for danger—even if it’s all happening in your imagination.

Feelings Aren’t Facts—But They Are Real Experiences

When anxiety shows up, your brain gives you a story—and your body reacts. That reaction can feel intense and immediate. And that’s what makes it tricky. When a feeling is that strong, it can override your logic.

For example:

• You know turbulence is safe. But then the moment the plane bumps or turns you suddenly started internally screaming, "This time might be different."
  
  

Or maybe you’re driving and have the thought “what if I hit someone?”—and your stomach drops.

You might catch yourself thinking:

• “But what if I missed something?”
  
  

• “I just feel like something bad is going to happen.”
  
  

• “What if this time it’s different?”
  
  

But pause for a second. Is this anxiety talking—or is it grounded in actual evidence?

You can feel something deeply without it being a reflection of what’s really happening. The story anxiety is telling you might feel urgent—but that doesn’t make it accurate.

How to Slow Down and Check the Story

Here’s a simple way to slow down your thoughts:

• Ask yourself: What’s happening right now?
  
  

• Then ask: Is this feeling coming from something that is actually happening—or is it based on something that might happen or could happen?
  
  

• Finally ask: Is there anything I truly need to do right now—or can I allow this feeling to pass without trying to fix or analyze it?
  
  

You don’t need to dissect every thought or trace its origin. You just need to recognize when your body is reacting to a story (one that lives entirely in your imagination) and remind yourself:

Imagination can be powerful, but it’s not always truthful.

Name the Story Without Adding to It

Try saying this to yourself next time you’re triggered by anxiety:

“Right now, all I know is that my heart is racing. The story my brain is telling me is that this means something bad is going to happen. But there’s nothing in this moment that proves that’s true.”

You’re not trying to argue with your brain—that often turns into a loop that makes anxiety stronger.

Instead, you’re stepping back and naming what’s actually happening:

✅ A physical feeling I’m having
✅ A story my mind is telling me about that feeling
❌ An urgent emergency I need to act on

This distinction matters.

You can also say:

“If something truly dangerous were happening, I could trust myself to respond. But right now, I don’t need to act on this feeling. I can let it pass.”

Just like with that lemon—your mouth might water, but you know there’s no lemon.
Same with anxiety: your heart might race, but that doesn’t mean you need to act on this worry in the present moment.

You Don’t Have to Figure It All Out Right Now

One of the hardest parts of anxiety and OCD is the urgency—that pressure to do something right now. But urgency is part of the trick.

The more you practice noticing your thoughts without reacting, the more you start to break the cycle.

And this takes practice and repetition. You’re building a new skill—one that helps you live with more clarity and confidence.

Therapy can help you strengthen that skill, especially if you feel hijacked by thoughts and sensations that feel true but aren’t grounded in the moment.

Ready to Feel More at Peace?

You don’t have to live in fear of your own mind.

If you're ready to slow down, untangle fear from fact, and start living more freely—we’d love to help.

Schedule a free phone consultation below to learn how we can support you or someone you love.

Why It’s So Hard to Fly With Kids When You’re Anxious (And What You Can Do About It)

You booked the trip because you want your kids to make memories. To see the world. To give them the kind of experiences you didn’t have (or to build on the ones you did).

But now the date is getting closer, and something familiar is starting to creep in: the anxiety. The what-ifs. The spiraling thoughts.

And now, it’s not just about you being scared of flying—it’s about whether your fear might impact them.

“What if I can’t hide it?”
“What if I cry in front of them?”
“What if they end up afraid of flying too—just like me?”

These layered fears aren’t just about turbulence or being trapped on a plane. They’re about the weight of being a parent and the pressure to hold it together… especially when you’re barely holding on.

Let’s talk about what’s really happening here (and what you can do about it). 

Why Flight Anxiety Often Gets Worse After You Have Kids

Many people notice that flying gets harder after becoming a parent… not easier, even if they’ve flown many times before.

There’s a reason for that.

When you become a parent, your brain becomes more attuned to risk. Your nervous system is now wired to protect your little people. And that makes sense, because they depend on you.

Your stress response kicks into high gear anytime your brain perceives a threat—even if that threat isn’t rational. (And you know anxiety isn’t interested in what’s rational.)

Add in the mental load of parenting (snacks, meltdowns, seat swaps, missed naps), the fear of something going wrong while you're responsible for someone else’s safety, and the vulnerability of being in a metal tube 30,000 feet in the air… it makes total sense that this would feel overwhelming.

The Layer of Anticipation: “What If My Kids See Me Lose It?”

For many anxious flyers, the worst part of flying happens before the plane ever leaves the ground.

It’s not just fear of flying—it’s fear of what might happen in front of your kids.

What if they see me anxious?
What if they start to worry because of me?
What if I pass this fear on to them forever?

This fear often weighs heavily in the days or weeks leading up to a flight. It’s tied to the pressure of being emotionally composed, the desire to protect your children from discomfort, and the guilt that can show up when you feel like you’re not modeling “calm.”

Here’s what’s helpful to remember:

• Your kids don’t need to see you as fearless. They need to know that it’s okay to have big feelings and that it’s possible to move through them.
  
  
  

• Being honest (in an age-appropriate way) can actually reduce their anxiety—not increase it.
  
  
  

• Just talking about your anxiety doesn’t mean your child will “catch” it. There’s a lot more that goes into the development of fear—like temperament, biology, and life experience.
  
  
  

You’re only responsible for the part you can influence: how you model regulation, self-awareness, and compassion.

Telling them you’re working on it shows strength, not weakness. And shows them that they can work through big feelings too. 

You might say something like:

“Flying makes me a little anxious sometimes, so if you see me taking deep breaths or closing my eyes, that’s just me helping myself feel better. It’s nothing for you to worry about.”

But Here’s the Good News: The Flight Itself Is Often Easier Than You Think

This part surprises a lot of people.

Many anxious parents spend weeks dreading the flight… only to realize once they’re on the plane, it’s way more manageable than they imagined.

Why? Because you’re distracted. You’re focused on your kids (assuming they’re young and still need your attention). You’re in the moment instead of in your imagination.

(And if you're not—if you have been struggling to cope in front of your kids—that’s worth paying attention to, too. That might be a sign that additional support or skills are needed, and that’s okay.)

For most people, though, the hard part is the anticipation—the build-up, the pressure, the rumination. That’s where anxiety has room to grow.

What You Can Do Now (Not the Night Before)

If flying anxiety is something you truly struggle with, don’t scramble at the last minute for affirmations or “quick fixes.”

Anxiety is workable (with the right support). What you need is a plan that helps you feel supported, prepared, and empowered…without needing to overcontrol everything.

Here’s where to start:

1. Change your perspective

Practice the things you want to remind yourself of before your flight.

Pro tip: Do this as early as possible because the stress of packing will likely override everything the closer it gets to your flight.

Even write them down so you can return to these mindset shifts when you need them.

• “My mind is trying to make predictions. That doesn’t mean they’re true.”

• “I’ve done hard things before. I can do this too.”

• “I can show my feelings without damaging my kids or causing them harm.”

• “I can’t control whether or not my child develops anxiety. I can only control how I respond to my own anxiety.”
  
  

2. Prep a simple way to explain it to your child

Use language that helps them understand and stay regulated:

“When I fly, my body gets nervous. I might get quiet or cranky, but I have tools I use to help myself. I plan to take some deep breaths to help me through it.”

3. Do the work ahead of time

This might mean:

• Practicing your tools in the weeks leading up to your flight

• Talking to a therapist about flight anxiety

• Taking a course that gives you structure and confidence
  
  
  

Need help getting started?

Our free Flight Anxiety Audio Series is a great place to begin learning about how to start handling your flight anxiety. It includes 4 short episodes that you can listen to on your favorite podcast app and includes a guided audio exercise you can use during your flight.

And if your flight is coming up soon, our Calm Before Takeoff course is a one-hour audio workshop that helps you learn how to handle the “what ifs” in the days leading up to your flight.

Final Thoughts: You’re Showing Up for Your Kids in a Powerful Way

It makes sense that you want to be a strong role model for your kids. You don’t want them to feel the things you’ve felt or go through the hard things you’ve gone through.

That’s what makes you a great parent.

But remember: you don’t need to hide from anxiety and pretend it doesn’t exist. Show your kids that you can have big feelings and still live a great life—like traveling to new places. It’s like giving them the golden ticket for handling hard things.

And that? That’s the kind of gift that keeps on giving. 🙂

Whether your flight is soon or still weeks away, we’ve got you.

→ Start with our free Flight Anxiety Audio Series to learn 12 therapist-led tips for starting to handle flight anxiety.
→ Or dive into the Calm Before Takeoff course if you need a quick crash course on handling the what if’s before your next flight.

How to Set Boundaries While Supporting a Loved One with Anxiety and OCD

When someone you love is struggling with anxiety or OCD, you don’t want to see them struggle and would do anything to help them. 

You want to make it better, soften the blow, solve the problem. And sometimes, without realizing it, that love turns into over-involvement. You start walking on eggshells. You give up pieces of your own life to keep theirs running. You lose sleep, cancel plans, and find yourself tiptoeing around triggers just to avoid an anxiety spiral.

If you are living with them, you might be wrapped up in their daily compulsions, part of rituals you never meant to join. Maybe you're answering reassurance questions over and over again, following “rules” to keep their anxiety at bay, or getting involved in their treatment in ways that blur healthy lines.

And somewhere along the way, you may have lost yourself in the process.

The truth is: it’s not selfish to need space. It’s not cold to want your peace back.
It’s not unloving to set a boundary.

What Boundaries Are (and What They’re Not)

Let’s be clear—boundaries aren’t about punishment, ultimatums, or walking away. They’re about protecting your own mental health and making the relationship healthier for both of you.

A boundary is simply a limit.

It might sound like:

• “I’m not available to talk about this right now, but I care about you.”
  
  

• “I can’t keep answering the same question. I know that’s hard—I believe you can get through it.”
  
  

• “I want to support your treatment, but I’m not your therapist.”
  
  

Boundaries say:
“I love you, and I love me too.”

When Support Becomes Over-Involvement

There is a fine line between being supportive and being consumed by your loved one’s anxiety or OCD.

You might notice you’re:

• Always the one fixing or managing the situation
  
  

• Trying to “push” them into exposures because they won’t do it themselves
  
  

• Rearranging your life to accommodate rituals or avoid triggers
  
  

• More anxious than ever—and you’re not even the one with OCD
  
  

Even when your intentions are to help, trying to make someone else change isn’t sustainable for your own wellbeing (or helpful). 

In fact, getting overly involved can make things worse. It may reinforce compulsions, delay their own motivation for real change, and cause strain or resentment in your relationship.

Signs You Might Need Healthier Boundaries 

Here are some signs that you need to practice healthier boundaries with your loved one:

• You feel constantly on edge…especially when around your loved one
  
  

• You’re spending excessive amounts of your time helping them manage their distress
  
  

• You’re answering the same worry questions over and over.
  
  

• You’ve tried to interfere with their compulsions out of frustration and desperation for them to get better.
  
  

• You’ve stopped doing things you enjoy because you’re exhausted or feel you need to be there for your loved one 

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re likely experiencing burn out. And that’s your cue to start making some changes. 

What Boundaries Can Look Like (With Examples)

Boundaries don’t have to be cruel or mean. They can be loving, kind, and clear.

• On reassurance:
  “I know your brain is spiraling right now. I care about you, but I’m not going to answer that again. Let’s try something different.”
  
  

• On emotional availability:
  “I’m here for you, but I need a break tonight. Can we talk in the morning?”
  
  

• On compulsions:
  “I’m not going to check your work. I know it’s hard—I also know you’ve got this.”
  
  

• On treatment involvement:
  “I want to support you, but I can’t run your treatment plan. That’s between you and your therapist.”
  
  

It can be hard to remember to say these, so write them down somewhere where you will remember them. 

What to Expect When You Set a Boundary

If your loved one is used to you responding in a particular way to their anxiety/OCD, and then you change that pattern, it’s very likely that they will have a strong reaction. 

But here’s the thing: that’s ok! 

Your loved one not liking the change should not mean that you don’t set the boundary. It will be hard at first, but if you can expect it, then you will be more likely to follow through. 

The Hardest Shift: Letting Them (Inspired by Mel Robbins)

There’s a powerful message in Mel Robbins’ book Let Them that hits home here:

“People only change when they want to.”

You can’t force your loved one into therapy or make them stop doing compulsions. No matter how much you want them to. You can only offer hope, encouragement, and support…but the rest is up to them.

And when you step into the role of rescuer, you’re not actually helping.
You might be reinforcing avoidance. You might be delaying the moment they feel discomfort enough to seek real help.

“Rescuing is not support. Enabling is not love.”

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is… let them:

• Let then miss the event.
  
  

• Let them be late.
  
  

• Let them feel uncomfortable.
  
  

• Let them sit with the consequences of avoiding.
  
  

Not because you don’t care—but because you care enough to stop standing in the way of growth.

Is this hard to watch? 100%. You may need your own outlet for support. Because being close to someone who is struggling can be painful. You’re allowed to get help for yourself, even if they’re not there yet.

Consider reading Let Them by Mel Robbins if this message resonates with you. It’s an empowering, compassionate guide to letting go of control and reclaiming your peace.

Final Thoughts: Boundaries Are an Act of Love

Boundaries don’t mean you don’t care. They mean you’re not willing to lose yourself in someone else’s suffering.

They mean you’re choosing honesty, clarity, and peace over guilt and exhaustion. They mean you’re supporting from a place of strength—not fear.

You can love someone and let them grow.

You can stay present without being consumed.

You can be supportive without being responsible.

Ready for More Support?

If you're looking for additional tips to help you set boundaries without guilt—
👉 Download our free Family Support Guide
This quick resource walks you through how to respond to compulsions, what to say (and not say), and how to support your loved one without losing yourself in the process.

Want something more in-depth?

🗓️ Join the waitlist for our upcoming workshop: Supporting a Loved One with Anxiety & OCD
We’ll dive into what actually helps (and what doesn’t), how to stop walking on eggshells, and how to care for yourself while showing up for someone you love. You’ll be the first to know when we open spots.

Ready to work with an anxiety therapist?

State of Mind Therapy in Bloomington can help. Click the button below to sign-up for your free 15 minute phone consultation today.

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Affirmations for Turbulence Anxiety: What to Say When the Plane Shakes

If you’re a fearful flyer, you’ve probably heard it before: “Turbulence is normal.”

And while that’s technically true, your anxious brain might not be convinced—especially when the plane starts to bump and shake mid-air.

That drop in your stomach? That tight grip on the armrest? That panicky inner voice that kicks in the moment the seatbelt sign dings?

Yeah. Been there.

Let’s talk about why turbulence can feel so terrifying—and how affirmations can be a surprisingly helpful tool to stop being afraid of turbulence.

Why Turbulence Feels So Scary (Even Though It’s Safe)

There are a few reasons turbulence sends anxiety into overdrive:

1. You can’t see it coming—and your brain hates that.
Unlike the pilot, you don’t have access to the radar. You can’t anticipate when a bump is going to happen or how long it’ll last. So every dip or shake feels sudden and unpredictable.

And if there’s one thing anxiety thrives on, it’s uncertainty.

When your brain doesn’t know what’s coming, it prepares for the worst—and that protective response can make even mild turbulence feel like a major threat.

2. It’s unfamiliar—and unfamiliar often feels unsafe.
If you’re like most people, you probably don’t fly every day. So when turbulence hits, it’s not just uncomfortable—it’s foreign.

You might not understand what causes it or how planes are designed to handle it. And without that knowledge, your brain fills in the blanks: “The plane is shaking… that must mean something’s wrong.”

In reality, turbulence is a normal part of flying—but it’s easy to interpret it as danger.

3. It’s uncomfortable—and your body reacts fast.
Even small bumps can trigger big sensations in your body. A dip in the plane might make your stomach drop. A sudden shake might make you brace, grip the armrests, or scan the flight attendants’ faces.

Your brain is trying to protect you—interpreting the sensation as a threat, even when there’s no danger. That physical discomfort, paired with a fear-based story in your mind, creates a powerful anxiety loop.

Why Affirmations Can Actually Help

Affirmations often get a bad rap for being cheesy or overly positive. But used the right way, they can help you shift your inner voice—especially when fear is loud.

Affirmations are not about positive thoughts.

They’re about gently practicing new beliefs and helping your brain access more helpful thoughts—especially if your default is to spiral into worst-case scenarios.

When practiced regularly, affirmations help you:

• Reframe fear-based thoughts ahead of time

• Build new mental habits that support calm and resilience

• Shift from helplessness to in control, even if you still feel nervous

I often think back to the affirmations I used during childbirth as part of my hypnobabies practice. I repeated them daily to reshape how I thought about contractions and labor—from something painful and scary to something natural and manageable. I credit a lot of my ability to have an unmedicated birth with the work I did to shift my mindset.

Affirmations for flying work the same way. You might not believe them at first—but the more you practice, the more they start to feel true.

10 Empowering Affirmations for Turbulence Anxiety

1. Turbulence is uncomfortable, not dangerous—the plane is built to handle it.

2. This is just a sensation—a wave I’m riding, like a boat on the water.

3. No amount of worry will keep the plane in the air, so I might as well let go.

4. I can feel anxious and still stay grounded.

5. I don’t have to like turbulence—I just have to remember I can handle it.

6. Pilots are trained for this. I’m safe in their hands.

7. I’m allowed to feel nervous and keep moving forward.

8. I can focus on my breath while I wait for the turbulence to pass.

9. My fear is loud, but I’ve felt this before—and I’ve made it through.

10. The more I fly, the more I trust my ability to handle the ups and downs.

How to Practice Affirmations Effectively

Affirmations are most helpful when they’re part of your pre-flight routine. Here’s how to get started:

• Practice ahead of time. Don’t wait until you’re in the air. Start using affirmations when you’re calm, so they become easier to access when anxiety hits.

• Write them down or save them to your phone. You can even set reminders or screenshot your favorites. Pro tip: Download the YAPP app, and add these affirmations to randomly remind you of them throughout the day.

• Use your voice. Saying affirmations out loud helps reinforce the message. You can also record your voice and listen while getting ready, packing, or driving to the airport.

Final Thoughts

Turbulence might always feel a little uncomfortable. But with tools like affirmations, it doesn’t have to feel unmanageable. Even if your brain still shouts, “We’re not okay”—you can learn to respond without spiraling.

Ready to Practice Calming Your Turbulence Anxiety?

I created a free audio exercise called the Turbulence Tamer, designed specifically for anxious flyers who want help staying grounded when the bumps hit.

Get the free Turbulence Tamer audio exercise and take it on your next flight to help you ride the waves.

DOWNLOAD THE TURBULENCE TAMER AUDIO EXERCISE HERE

Anxiety Worse at Bedtime? How to Calm Racing Thoughts and Finally Get Some Sleep

You’re finally in bed. The lights are off. Your body is still.

And suddenly? Your brain acts like it just chugged a double espresso.

Racing thoughts. Worst-case scenarios. Emotional spirals over something that happened three days ago. Whether it’s worrying about tomorrow’s responsibilities, replaying awkward conversations from earlier, or suddenly spiraling over things that haven’t happened yet—your mind picks the worst time to feel the most awake.

If this sounds familiar, you’re in good company. So many of the clients we work with describe nighttime as one of the hardest times for managing anxiety and intrusive thoughts.

And the truth is—it makes sense.

Why Anxiety Shows Up at Night

During the day, you’re probably going nonstop. Even if anxious thoughts are there, they’re competing with emails, meetings, errands, or family responsibilities. But when night falls and things slow down? That’s often the first real quiet moment your brain’s had all day.

And all that unprocessed stuff—stress, emotions, unanswered questions—comes up for airtime.

You might notice…

• Worrying about how tired you’ll feel if you don’t sleep
  
  

• Ruminating about things that happened during the day
  
  

• Replaying tomorrow’s to-do list on a loop
  
  

• Getting intrusive thoughts that feel irrational but keep showing up anyway
  
  

• Worrying about worst case scenarios on your flight, a presentation, or a big event
  
  

These thoughts might feel urgent—but more often than not, they’re just leftover stress that finally got a chance to speak up.

Why It Feels So Hard to Fall Asleep

Worrying activates your nervous system. It tells your body: Be alert. Something might go wrong.

So your brain starts preparing you for danger—releasing adrenaline, keeping you on edge, and making it hard for your body to wind down.

And the more you worry about not sleeping, the more it reinforces that fear. It becomes a cycle of anxiety about sleep—which, of course, only makes it harder to fall asleep.

What’s Actually Going On?

It helps to get clear on what kind of worry is showing up.

• Worried about being late or missing something important? That’s a real problem you can plan around. Set alarms. Prep your clothes. Set reminders. Put your mind at ease.
  
  

• Feeling the “Sunday Scaries”? That anticipatory dread of the week ahead is real. Try taking time to reflect on what exactly feels heavy. Is it a particular meeting, social event, or just general overwhelm? (You can also read more in our blog on Sunday Scaries).
  
  

• Worried about your anxiety showing up? You may be developing anticipation anxiety about sleep itself. If that’s the case, the goal becomes learning how to respond to anxiety—not fearing it being there.

• Flooded with worry thoughts that don’t even feel connected to your day? These might be intrusive thoughts—random or irrational fears that pop up at the worst possible time. They’re not problems to solve. They're just thoughts your brain is cycling through when things are quiet.
  
  

Examples of How Worry Shows Up at Night

• “What if I can’t sleep tonight?”
  
  

• “I’ll be a wreck tomorrow.”
  
  

• “Why is this happening again?”
  
  

• “What if I panic on the plane?”
  
  

• “What if I mess up my presentation tomorrow?”
  
  

• “What if this keeps happening every night?”
  
  

Your brain is trying to keep you safe. But in doing so, it starts forecasting all the possible worst-case scenarios. And even though it feels like you need to solve these things to sleep, that pressure is exactly what makes it harder to rest.

What Actually Helps

Here are some of the most effective strategies I teach for nighttime anxiety:

✅ Don’t Overanalyze It
It’s easy to go down the rabbit hole of “Why am I not sleeping?” But too much focus often backfires. You don’t always need to solve it.

✅ Shift Your Self-Talk
Try saying:
– “If I sleep, I sleep.”
– “My job right now is to rest, not perform.”
– “Even if I’m tired tomorrow, I’ll get through it.”

✅ Do a Thought Dump Before Bed
Write down the stressors of the day or tasks for tomorrow. It tells your brain, “You don’t have to hold this all night.”

✅ Keep a Notebook Nearby
If something pops up while you’re in bed, jot it down. Just the act of writing it helps your mind let it go.

✅ Notice Without Overreacting
Instead of spiraling, try thinking: Here’s a worry thought.
That’s it. No judgment. No scary story. 

✅ Know What Your Tools Are Doing
TV, podcasts, background noise—these aren’t bad. But they’re distractions, not long-term skills. If they help you fall asleep, that’s fine—just don’t mistake them for solutions.

Mindfulness: Why It Actually Helps

Mindfulness teaches your brain to notice thoughts, feelings, and sensations—without clinging to them or avoiding them. This is a core skill for managing anxiety.

But here’s the thing: you have to practice it during the day when you’re alert and when your brain isn’t already in full-blown spiral mode. 

It’s like training for a race—you don’t wait until the week of the race to start running. Mindfulness builds your tolerance for discomfort and teaches you how to stay present—even when things feel hard.

Start with 2–5 minutes a day. No pressure. Just practice noticing.

Stop Chasing Perfect Sleep

You’re not a machine. Not every night will be ideal. That doesn’t mean something is wrong.

If your brain says, “I won’t be able to function if I don’t sleep,” challenge that.

Remind yourself: I’ve had tired days before. I still showed up. I can do it again.

You’re more resilient than your anxiety gives you credit for.

Final Thoughts

Nighttime anxiety is tough. But you don’t have to fear it. With a few simple shifts—both in how you think and how you respond—you can start to break the cycle.

You don’t need a perfect routine to sleep better. You just need tools that help you meet the moment with a little more calm and confidence

Ready to stop dreading bedtime?

If anxiety has been keeping you up at night—and you’re ready to feel more in control of your thoughts, your sleep, and your life—therapy can help.

Let’s talk about what support could look like for you.

👉 Schedule a free 15-minute consultation below and take the first step toward calmer nights and more rested mornings.

Is Full Recovery from Anxiety, Phobias, and OCD Possible?

…And What Life Can Look Like on the Other Side

 Anxiety, OCD, and phobias can feel like they take over everything—your thoughts, your time, your energy, and your ability to enjoy life. And when symptoms show up again after a period of progress, it’s easy to spiral into hopelessness.

But here’s the truth:
Recovery is absolutely possible.

Not a perfect, anxiety-free life—but one where you know how to respond to fear without letting it steer the ship.

Let’s talk about what recovery really means, how to recognize it in your own journey, and what life can look like when anxiety no longer runs the show.

What Recovery Really Means (and Doesn’t)

Recovery doesn’t mean you never feel anxious again.
Instead, it means you’ve built the tools, perspective, and confidence to handle it when it shows up.

It also means that you’re no longer avoiding your life, rearranging your day to sidestep triggers, or getting pulled into mental loops and compulsions.

You’re living—with more freedom, more purpose, and more peace.

✅ You believe anxiety is uncomfortable, but not dangerous
✅ Your daily life isn’t ruled by intrusive thoughts or compulsions
✅ You’ve let go of safety behaviors and avoidance
✅ You face hard things—even when they’re scary
✅ You’re no longer trying to eliminate anxiety—you’re focused on living

Recovery isn’t about perfection.

It’s about having a “bring it on” attitude when fear shows up.

Common Recovery Myths (That Might Be Holding You Back)

Myth 1: Recovery = the absence of anxiety.
Fear and anxiety are universal. Even in recovery, anxious thoughts or physical symptoms can still pop up—especially during times of stress or change.

The difference? You know what to do with them. You don’t spiral. You trust yourself to ride the wave.

Myth 2: Setbacks mean you’re starting over.
So many people hit a bump and think they’re back at square one. But setbacks are part of the process. They don’t erase your progress—they show you where more healing is needed.

A few booster sessions might be all it takes to get back on track.

Myth 3: I should be “done” by now.
There’s no timeline for recovery. Comparing your progress to someone else’s will only leave you feeling stuck.

Let go of the idea that you should be farther along. If you’re doing the work, you’re on the path.

What Recovery Actually Looks Like in Daily Life

You don’t need a big milestone to know you're making progress. Sometimes, it’s in the small, almost quiet moments that growth shows up.

• You go places you used to avoid—airports, restaurants, busy public spaces.
  
  

• You catch a “what if” spiral before it takes you down.
  
  

• You still get anxious... but you no longer fear the anxiety.
  
  

• You notice an urge to check or avoid—and you choose not to follow it.
  
  

• You realize you have more free time and energy now that you’re not avoiding, managing, or doing compulsions.
  
  

That’s when the question becomes:

What do I want to do with this freedom?

Life After Recovery: What Comes Next?

Once anxiety or OCD isn’t taking up as much space in your life, the next phase is about building something more meaningful.

It’s not just about symptom relief anymore—your focus turns to life-building.

Some people explore new hobbies. Others start traveling again, take on new roles, or create personal goals they once didn’t believe were possible.

Some of my clients have said that they realized anxiety didn’t go away in recovery, but they got better at living with it. 

If you’ve been in therapy, you may wonder about when you should stop going.

For some, recovery means pausing therapy and checking in as needed. For others, quarterly maintenance sessions offer ongoing support.

There’s no “right” approach—but generally it’s best to phase out sessions over time.

Don’t be afraid to talk to your therapist about this and come up with a plan that works for you. 

And Yes—Setbacks Still Happen (But They Don’t Define You)

If you experience a setback, it’s reasonable to feel discouraged or disappointed. But try to shift it from “I’m disappointed in myself” to “I’m disappointed that this happened.” 

That difference is everything.
You’re allowed to feel discouraged. You’re allowed to be upset that something didn’t go the way you had hoped. 

But you don’t need to make that moment mean more than it does.

It’s not the end of recovery—it’s part of it.
You’ve been building resilience. You know how to reset, reflect, and move forward. That’s the work.

What Advice Would You Give to Someone Just Starting Recovery?

If you’re reading this and you’ve been through the recovery process—or you're partway through it—your voice matters.

Here’s what some people shared when reflecting on their recovery:

“Be open, be willing to feel uncomfortable, and stay curious. Let yourself explore what’s possible.”
“You might not see your progress in the moment, but one day you’ll realize just how far you’ve come.”
“It’s not all linear. That’s okay. Keep going.”
“You can do this. It’s hard—but it’s absolutely worth it.”

✨ What’s one thing you wish you’d known when you were starting recovery?
Drop it in the comments below. Your words might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

You don’t have to do this alone.

Whether you’re just starting out or looking for support after a setback, we’re here to help.

Schedule a free consultation today to talk about what recovery could look like for you.

“What If I Panic on the Plane?”: How to Manage the Fear of Feeling Trapped

“As soon as the door shuts, I feel this wave of panic—I’m trapped and I can’t get out.”

If you’ve ever had a similar thought before a flight, you’re not alone. One of the most common fears among anxious flyers isn’t the plane itself—it’s the fear of feeling trapped, with no way to escape if panic kicks in.

Maybe you’re fine until you hear the door close and suddenly it hits you: you can’t leave. That thought spirals quickly—What if I panic? What if I can’t calm down? What if I completely lose control?

This blog will help you understand what’s really going on beneath your fear of panic, and why feeling trapped feels so intense (and what to do next).

The Fear Isn’t the Plane. It’s the Feeling of No Escape.

It’s easy to assume the fear is about flying. But more often, it’s about what happens in your body when you feel stuck.

When the doors close, your brain sees it as a threat—not because you’re in danger, but because you believe you won’t be able to escape if something goes wrong.

That fear of “what if” ramps up your nervous system before the flight even begins. You start imagining scenarios—panic attacks, embarrassment, total loss of control—and your body responds as if it’s already happening.

Cue the racing heart, shallow breathing, muscle tension, nausea… and then your brain uses those sensations as proof that something is wrong or a prediction for how you’ll feel on the plane.

This hypervigilance creates a loop. You fear the fear. You scan for symptoms. You brace yourself before anything has even happened. And that constant scanning actually increases the symptoms you’re trying to avoid.

Panic Feels Awful. But It’s Not Dangerous.

Panic isn’t a sign you’re in danger. It’s a surge of adrenaline—your body’s way of trying to protect you, even when you’re not under real threat.

The tight chest, dizziness, or sweaty palms aren’t dangerous. They’re uncomfortable. And they always pass.

The problem isn’t the panic—it’s the story that the panic means you’re in danger, or that something terrible is about to happen.

When you believe that story, you start to avoid anything that might trigger it… including flights. And when you avoid, your brain learns: “yep, flying must really be dangerous.”

You’re not afraid of flying. You’re afraid of feeling panicked while flying—and not being able to escape.

Let’s change that narrative.

The Door Closing Isn’t a Threat—It’s Progress

Here’s a reframe worth practicing:

The door has to close to get you where you want to go.

Think about that. The door closing isn’t a trap. It’s the first step to your freedom. Your vacation. Your daughter’s wedding. That long-overdue girls' trip.

You don’t have to love that feeling of the doors closing. You just have to remember what it means: you’re in motion. You’re moving toward something you chose.

You’ve Faced Discomfort Before—and Survived

Anxiety tricks you into forgetting how strong you are.

But you’ve done hard things before. You’ve made it through job interviews where your voice shook. You’ve powered through long medical appointments or stressful work presentations. Maybe you’ve gone through childbirth, grief, a breakup, or sitting with someone you love in pain.

In all of those situations, you didn’t get to “just leave.” You stayed. You breathed through it. You kept going.

You survived that discomfort, and you’ll survive this, too.

Take a moment to think about the hardest thing you’ve ever gotten through. What made it possible? What did you learn about yourself? Let that remind you that this is just another challenge—and you’re capable of meeting it.

The Story You’re Telling Yourself Isn’t the Whole Truth

Thoughts can feel so convincing. But that doesn’t make them facts.

Just because your brain says, “I can’t do this,” doesn’t make it true. Just because you feel trapped, doesn’t mean you are.

You don’t need to believe every fear-based thought that pops up. You can pause, notice the story, and choose a new one.

This isn’t about pretending you love flying. It’s about reminding yourself that discomfort isn’t danger—and that fear doesn’t always deserve the final word.

Your Next Step Starts Here

You don’t need to get rid of your fear overnight. You just need to stop feeding the belief that panic is dangerous and that you can’t handle it.

You’ve handled hard things before. This is just another step forward.

Ready to go beyond coping and build real confidence in the air?
My self-paced course, the Fearful Flyers Blueprint, gives you the exact system I use with my therapy clients to overcome fear—not just manage it. Click here to enroll and start flying with more freedom.

Not ready for a full course yet?
That’s okay. Start small with my free Flight Anxiety Audio Series, where I’ll guide you through 12 calming tools to use before and during your next flight. Click here to download it free and take your first step toward flying without fear.

Saying No Without the Guilt: How to Stop Overthinking and Set Boundaries with Confidence

Ever said no to something and then spent hours (or days) overthinking it?

You finally set a boundary, declined an invite, or turned down a request that didn’t align with your time or energy. But instead of feeling proud of yourself, you’re replaying it in your head on a loop:

• “Did I sound rude?”

• “Should I have just said yes?”

• “What if they’re upset with me now?”

Your brain wants certainty—a guarantee that you didn’t upset anyone, that you made the "right" choice. But that’s the trap. Overthinking doesn’t bring certainty—it just keeps you emotionally stuck.

If you struggle with people-pleasing, anxiety, or overthinking, saying no can feel way harder than it should be. But the guilt and self-doubt that come after? That’s where most people get stuck.

Let’s talk about why this happens—and how you can start setting boundaries with more confidence and less anxiety.

Why Saying No Feels So Hard

It’s not just you—our brains are wired to want social approval. Humans are built for connection, and at some point, we learned that saying no = disappointing others…or getting rejected….or being judged. 

But here’s the thing:

• Avoiding discomfort doesn’t make the anxiety go away—it just reinforces the fear.

• Overanalyzing doesn’t change what happened—it just keeps you emotionally stuck.

• Guilt doesn’t necessarily mean you did something wrong—it just means you’re used to putting others first. 

Overthinking is your brain’s way of searching for certainty—but in situations like this, certainty doesn’t exist.

The truth? You can’t control how others feel about your boundaries.

But you can learn to sit with the discomfort and trust your decision.

Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory: A Game-Changer for Overthinkers

Mel Robbins talks about the Let Them Theory—the idea that people are going to think, feel, and react however they want, and it’s not your job to manage that.

Instead of spiraling about what others might think, let them.

Let them assume.
Let them be disappointed.
Let them react however they want.

Your job is to protect your time and energy, not to make sure everyone around you is comfortable at your expense.

I had a moment recently when grocery shopping that put this into practice.

I was loading up my cart of groceries when a couple approached me and said, “we’re in the business of making and giving prayers, can we make one for you?”

Insert major discomfort here. 

Now, here’s the thing—I knew they meant well. But in that moment, I also knew I didn’t want these strangers to pray over me while I’m standing in the parking lot with a cart full of groceries.. And I felt this immediate pressure to say yes, not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t want to seem mean.

But I also did not want to give away my time just to avoid the discomfort of disappointing a stranger.

So I said, "No, thank you."

They looked a little surprised, but guess what? Then it was over. 

And so instead of spiraling about whether I had been rude or how she might have felt, I felt proud. 

Proud that I didn’t give up my time or personal comfort just to avoid looking “mean.”

That moment was a reminder: Saying no is uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

How to Say No Without Overthinking It

The goal isn’t to never feel guilty—it’s to stop letting guilt dictate your actions. Here’s how:

1. Reframe the Guilt

• Instead of: “I feel guilty for saying no.”

• Try: “I didn’t do something bad—I just made a choice that was best for me.”

Guilt doesn’t always mean you did something wrong—it just means you’re doing something new. And new things feel uncomfortable.

2. Challenge ‘What If’ Thoughts (And Let Them Think That)

Overthinking thrives on worst-case scenarios, but most of them never happen.

• “What if they’re mad at me?” → Let them. I know I did the best that I could.

• “What if they never ask me for help again?” → So what? All i can do is let them know I’m not available today, but happy to help in the future. I can’t control what they decide from here.

If you’re going to play the what if game, at least give equal airtime to positive possibilities:

• What if they actually respect my boundary?

• What if saying no gives me more energy for things I actually want to do?

• What if I stop overthinking and move on?

You can’t control their reaction, but you can control how much mental energy you give to it.

3. Close the Mental Browser Tabs

When your brain starts spiraling, treat it like an overloaded internet browser.

You don’t need to keep clicking on the same tab over and over. You can close it and move on.

Try this when your thoughts start looping:
"I’ve already made my decision."
"I don’t need to keep replaying this."
"This thought isn’t serving me, so I’m choosing to let it go."

Give yourself permission to clear the mental clutter and move forward.

Quick Scripts to Say No (Without the Guilt)

If the hardest part is finding the words, here are some simple ways to decline without over-explaining:

👉 For Social Events:

• “I appreciate the invite, but I’m going to pass this time.”

• “I won’t be able to make it, but I hope you have a great time!”

👉 For Work Requests:

• “I don’t have the capacity to take this on right now.”

• “I can’t commit to that, but I’d be happy to help in a smaller way.”

👉 For Family & Friend Favors:

• “I’d love to help, but I have a lot on my plate right now.”

• “I can’t do that, but I hope you find what you need!”

Saying no doesn’t have to be dramatic. You’re allowed to be kind and still set a boundary.

The Bottom Line: Saying No is a Skill You Can Build

You don’t need to feel 100% confident before saying no. You just need to practice.
Each time you do, it will get easier, and the guilt and overthinking will fade.

You won’t always get it right. You might still feel a little uncomfortable. But every time you choose yourself, you’re rewiring your brain to trust that it’s okay to put your needs first.

Start small. Keep going. You’ve got this. 

Flying Soon? Here’s How to Calm Last-Minute Flight Anxiety

Spring break is here, and if you’re flying in the next few days, you might be feeling the pre-flight anxiety kicking in.

Maybe your mind is racing with thoughts about turbulence, delays, feeling trapped, or panicking mid-flight. Maybe you’re struggling to sleep the night before your flight or feeling like you just won’t be able to relax until you land.

I get it. The days leading up to a flight can be just as stressful as flying itself.

But here’s the thing—anticipation anxiety distorts reality. The fear you feel before flying often has nothing to do with the flight itself and everything to do with the worst-case scenarios playing out in your mind.

If that’s happening to you, you’re not alone. And the good news? You don’t have to spend the next few days stuck in an anxious spiral.

Let’s talk about why flight anxiety feels so intense before you even step foot on the plane—and what you can do to shift it.

Stop Trying to ‘Convince’ Yourself to Feel Calm

A lot of anxious flyers spend the days before a flight trying to force themselves to feel calm. They tell themselves, "If I can just think positively, I won’t feel anxious," or they look for reassurance that everything will be okay.

But that rarely works.

In fact, the harder you try to force calm, the stronger anxiety tends to get. When your brain is stuck on high alert, the goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety—it’s to stop feeding it.

This is something I help my students understand inside my course, Calm Before Takeoff. Most people think they need to make their anxiety disappear before flying, but the real shift comes when you stop seeing it as something to fight.

Why the Days Before a Flight Feel Worse Than the Flight Itself

The hardest part of flight anxiety often isn’t the flight itself—it’s the waiting.

When you have days (or weeks) to sit with anxious thoughts, your brain starts playing out every possible worst-case scenario. You imagine turbulence, delays, feeling trapped, losing control. And because the brain reacts to imagined fear the same way it reacts to real danger, the stress feels overwhelming.

That’s why so many anxious flyers experience trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, or physical symptoms leading up to their trip. It’s not because something bad is about to happen—it’s because your nervous system is on overdrive, trying to prepare for something that hasn’t even happened yet.

This is a huge part of what we work on inside Calm Before Takeoff. Anticipation anxiety makes your fear feel bigger than it really is, but there are ways to shift out of that spiral so it doesn’t take over.

Reframing the Unknown: What If You Don’t Need Certainty?

One of the hardest parts of flying is not knowing what to expect.

Will my flight be delayed?
Will we hit turbulence?
Will I feel trapped on the plane?

Your brain craves certainty, so it fixates on these questions—trying to prepare for every possible scenario.

But flying is unpredictable. No amount of planning will guarantee a perfectly smooth experience. That’s why the real skill isn’t finding ways to control the unknown—it’s learning how to handle uncertainty without spiraling.

Inside Calm Before Takeoff, I teach a simple mental shift that helps my students stop clinging to certainty. Because the truth is, you don’t need to predict the future to manage your anxiety. You just need to know how to respond to it in a way that keeps you feeling in control.

What If You Panic on the Plane?

A huge fear for anxious flyers is: What if I panic mid-flight and can’t escape?

But here’s something to remember—panic attacks don’t last forever. In fact, no feeling does.

Most people make the mistake of trying to “stop” panic when it shows up. They resist it, brace against it, or tell themselves they can’t handle it. But that only makes it worse.

One of the biggest mindset shifts I teach inside Calm Before Takeoff is that panic isn’t something you need to fight. The moment you stop treating it like an emergency, it starts to lose its power.

The Night Before: Get Out of Your Head & Into Your Body

If your anxiety is spiking the night before your flight, focus on shifting your energy away from overthinking and into something grounding.

Going for a short walk, using relaxation techniques, or even distracting yourself with a simple task can help. The key is to keep your brain from getting stuck in an anxious loop.

This is something I cover in detail inside my course—I break down simple self-care strategies to help you feel more grounded and in control before you even step foot in the airport.

Want More Support Before Takeoff?

If you’re struggling with pre-flight anxiety, my mini course, Calm Before Takeoff: Crush Anticipation Anxiety Before Your Next Flight, was designed for you.

It’s an audio-based mini course you can listen to while packing or driving to the airport, with practical strategies to help you feel more in control in the days leading up to your flight.

Inside, you’ll learn:

• Why anticipation anxiety feels so overwhelming (and how to stop spiraling)

• A science-backed mindset shift that makes flying feel less stressful

• What to do if anxiety spikes before or during your flight

Click here to access Calm Before Takeoff and take the stress out of your upcoming trip.

If You’re Flying Soon, Remember….You’ve Got This.

If you’re getting on a plane in the next few days, remember this:

You don’t have to love flying to handle it. Your anxiety doesn’t predict reality. You’re capable of more than your fear tells you.

Take it one step at a time. You’ve got this.

5 Common Mistakes Loved Ones Make When Supporting Someone with Anxiety or OCD

Supporting someone with anxiety or OCD is complicated. You want to help, but sometimes, what feels like support can actually make things worse. Without realizing it, your efforts to comfort, protect, or “fix” the problem might be reinforcing their anxiety instead.

If you’ve ever thought:
“I just want to reassure them so they stop worrying.”
“Maybe if I help them avoid their triggers, they’ll feel better.”
“I don’t understand why they can’t just stop overthinking.”

…you’re not alone. These reactions come from a place of care, but they often feed the anxiety cycle rather than helping your loved one truly cope.

Here are five common mistakes to be aware of when supporting someone with anxiety or OCD.

1. Falling Into the Reassurance Trap

It’s natural to want to calm your loved one down by reassuring them that everything is okay. But if they struggle with anxiety or OCD, they’ve likely already told themselves that—and it hasn’t worked.

Reassurance provides temporary relief but keeps them stuck in the cycle of seeking external validation instead of building internal confidence. It’s not that they don’t believe you, but anxiety isn’t satisfied with just one reassurance. They may ask the same question over and over, looking for certainty they will never truly find.

If you’ve found yourself repeating the same reassurances only to have them ask again—that’s a sign they’re relying on reassurance as a coping mechanism rather than truly working through their anxiety.

2. Trying to "Fix" Instead of Support

If you’ve ever felt frustrated thinking, "Why can’t they just move on?"—you’re not alone. Watching someone you love struggle with anxiety or OCD can be incredibly hard, especially when the solution seems so obvious from the outside.

But here’s the thing: Logic doesn’t “fix” anxiety. Your loved one likely already knows their fears are irrational, but knowing isn’t the same as believing. Telling them to "just stop" can make them feel judged, ashamed, or misunderstood.

Another common mistake is trying to “fix” them by doing the work for them. Have you ever:
❌ Spent hours researching therapists, books, or solutions while they remained hesitant to take action?
❌ Gone out of your way to accommodate all of their triggers to keep them from feeling anxious?
❌ Taken on more emotional labor than they are in managing their anxiety?

If so, you might be working harder than they are on their recovery—and that’s a sign it’s time to step back.

3. Taking Their Anxiety Personally

Anxiety and OCD aren’t just about what’s happening externally—they also impact how someone feels internally about their relationships.

If your loved one cancels plans, avoids certain places, or seems emotionally distant, it’s easy to assume it’s about you. But often, it’s about their own struggle:
➡️ Social anxiety makes them hyperaware of their own discomfort, not yours.
➡️ Contamination fears may make them withdraw—not because they think you’re actually dirty, but because their anxiety tells them to.
➡️ Intrusive thoughts may cause them to avoid situations out of irrational fear.

It’s hard not to take avoidance personally, but it’s important to remember their anxiety is about them, not you.

4. Forcing Exposure Without Consent

Facing fears is essential for anxiety and OCD recovery—but it must be done at the right pace. Encouraging your loved one to challenge their fears is different from springing an exposure on them without their consent.

Just because someone is working on facing their fears does not mean it’s okay to trigger them on purpose. If your partner struggles with contamination OCD, throwing their belongings on the floor won’t “teach them” to get over it—it will likely overwhelm them and break trust in the relationship.

Instead of pushing them too hard, recognize that effective exposure therapy is gradual, intentional, and done in collaboration—not forced.

5. Neglecting Your Own Well-Being

Being a support system for someone with anxiety or OCD can feel all-consuming. You care deeply, so you put their needs first—even at the expense of your own. But when you constantly adjust your life around their anxiety, it leads to caregiver burnout . 

Signs you may be neglecting your own well-being include:
❌ Making constant accommodations to keep them comfortable.
❌ Feeling drained, exhausted, or resentful.
❌ Losing time for your own hobbies, friends, or self-care.

The truth? You cannot support someone else if you’re running on empty.

Setting healthy boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you care about both of you.

Want to Learn How to Actually Help?

Recognizing these patterns is the first step. But what do you do instead? How can you set boundaries, stop feeding anxiety, and support your loved one’s recovery?

That’s exactly what we break down inside the Family Resource Guide: 5 Ways to Support Your Loved One with Anxiety and OCD.

Inside, you’ll get:
✔️ Practical scripts to help you respond to reassurance-seeking in a way that supports, not enables.
✔️ Step-by-step guidance on how to set boundaries without guilt.
✔️ Specific strategies for supporting your loved one—without sacrificing your own well-being.

Download the family resource guide here

5 Ways to Support a Loved One with Anxiety and OCD DELIVERED!

Final Thoughts

Supporting someone with anxiety or OCD is a balancing act. You don’t have to get it perfect—just being aware of these mistakes is a huge step toward showing up in a way that’s truly helpful.

Remember: You are not responsible for fixing them. But you can be a strong, supportive presence that helps them move toward recovery.

Ready to work with an anxiety therapist?

State of Mind Therapy in Bloomington can help. Click the button below to sign-up for your free 15 minute phone consultation today.

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The Illusion of Control: Why Letting Go is the Key to Overcoming Flight Anxiety

If you struggle with flight anxiety, you might find yourself caught in a common trap—the need to feel in control. Maybe it’s the fact that someone else is flying the plane. Or that you can’t just “pull over” if something feels wrong. The uncertainty, the sounds, the sensations—it all makes you feel powerless.

But here’s the truth: control is an illusion.

You don’t have control over most things in life, yet you move through them every day. Learning to let go doesn’t mean something bad will happen. It means accepting that everything going smoothly isn’t entirely up to you—and that’s okay!

Let’s break down why the illusion of control fuels anxiety and how shifting your mindset can help you feel more confident when you fly.

Why We Crave Control (And Why It’s a Trap)

Your anxious brain loves certainty and hates discomfort. It’s wired to predict the future to keep you safe. But the problem? Life doesn’t work that way.

Most anxious flyers want to know what’s happening at all times. If you’re like most of my clients, you’ve found yourself thinking:

• “What was that noise? Was that normal?”

• “How old is that pilot? Are they competent to fly?”

• “Why did the plane just dip? Is something wrong?”

• “How does the pilot know what they’re doing? Should I be worried?”

Your mind is grasping for control in a space where control isn’t needed. And ironically, the more you try to mentally control the experience, the more anxious you feel.

The "But I Can Pull Over in a Car" Myth

One of the biggest false beliefs anxious flyers have is:

“I’m safer in a car because I can pull over if I need to.”

This feels true because driving gives you the illusion of control. Partly because you are confident in it because you’ve been practicing it for years! But here’s the thing—just because you can pull over doesn’t mean you’re actually preventing danger.

Think about it:

• Do you check every mechanical part of your car before driving?

• Can you prevent another driver from running a red light?

• Are you actually in control, or do you just feel like you are?

The truth is, more people die in car accidents than in plane crashes every single day—even though they’re the ones steering.

Flying only feels riskier because the process in unfamiliar to you and you’re not the one making the decisions. But here’s the good news: Your pilot is the only one who should be in control. You wouldn’t want a random passenger stepping in to “help,” so why believe that your anxious brain needs to do something for the flight to be okay?

Practicing Letting Go (Even When It Feels Uncomfortable)

You don’t have to like the feeling of not being in control. But you can learn to sit with it instead of fighting it.

Here’s how to start practicing:

✅ Reframe your thoughts. Instead of “I need to be in control”, shift to “I feel uncomfortable not being in control and that’s ok.”

✅ Let the sensations be there. Your stomach dropping during turbulence? That’s just a sensations. Let your body feel it without attaching a scary story to it.

✅ Resist the urge to “figure it out.” You don’t need to Google wind speeds or track turbulence radars. If conditions weren’t safe, the pilots wouldn’t be flying (they have families too you know).

✅ Take small steps before your next flight. Challenge yourself in everyday situations where you feel the need to control (like letting someone else drive without giving directions).

The Next Step: Grab Your Flight Anxiety Toolkit

Letting go of control is a process, and you don’t have to do it alone. My Flight Anxiety Toolkit will help you learn 12 effective strategies for handling anxiety on your next flight.

👉 Click here to download your free Flight Anxiety Toolkit and start feeling more confident before your next flight.

Final Thought

You don’t need control to feel safe. You just need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Trust in the plane, the process, and—most importantly—your ability to handle uncertainty.

So next time you board a plane, remind yourself:

Your only job is to sit back and let the pilots do theirs.

You got this.

6 Sunday Scaries Habits You Need to Break (And What to Do Instead)

Sunday night is when your brain decides to spiral about everything. The emails you haven’t opened. The to-do list waiting for you. The meeting that may or may not go terribly. The one awkward thing you said at work last week.

The weight of the upcoming week creeps in, and suddenly, instead of enjoying the last few hours of the weekend, you're overwhelmed by everything ahead. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and—unfortunately—completely normal.

But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in this cycle.

If you find yourself stressed every Sunday night, it may be because of habits that unintentionally make anxiety worse. The good news? A few small shifts can help you feel more at ease on your hard earned Sundays and start the week feeling more in control.

Let’s break down six common Sunday Scaries habits and what you can do instead.

1. Doomscrolling Until Midnight

You tell yourself you’re just winding down, but before you know it, an hour has passed, and your brain is overloaded with information—half of which you didn’t need. Social media arguments, bad news headlines, random deep dives into topics you didn’t even care about ten minutes ago… sound familiar?

Your anxious brain is already on high alert about Monday, and scrolling is like pouring gasoline on the fire. The content you’re consuming is probably reinforcing stress, not relieving it.

Try this instead:

• Set a “social media curfew” and give yourself at least 30 minutes of tech-free time before bed.

• Swap the endless scrolling for something that actually helps you unwind—reading, stretching, listening to music, or even sitting outside for a few minutes.

• If you catch yourself reaching for your phone, ask, “Will this actually make me feel better?” If the answer is no, put it down.

2. “I’ll Just Relax” … But You Actually Worry the Whole Time

You plan to spend Sunday recharging, but your brain has other plans. While your body is on the couch, your mind is caught up in a mental loop of worst-case scenarios. You replay old conversations, obsess over what’s coming up this week, and mentally prepare for problems that may never happen.

This is classic “what If” thinking—and it keeps you trapped in anxiety instead of enjoying your time off.

Try this instead:

• Set a 10-minute worry window earlier in the day to get your concerns out of your head and onto paper. Once it’s done, remind yourself, “I’ve already given this time today.”

• Give your brain something else to focus on. Watch a show that makes you laugh. Go for a walk. Call a friend. Shift from “trying to relax” to actively doing something that brings you joy.

3. Procrastination Spiral—Saving All Chores for Sunday

If your Sunday is packed with catching up on laundry, meal prepping, and every other task you avoided during the week, of course it’s going to feel overwhelming.

Many people push everything to Sunday thinking they’ll “feel better” after getting it done. But what actually happens? Sunday turns into a second workday, and the stress of getting through all the tasks just feeds into the Sunday Scaries.

Try this instead:

• Spread out chores throughout the week so they don’t pile up.

• If that’s not possible, schedule breaks so it’s not an all-day task marathon.

• Be honest about what’s necessary. If doing laundry can wait until Tuesday, let it wait.

4. Overthinking Every Possible Monday Scenario

You tell yourself that thinking through all possible situations will make you feel prepared, but it only adds more stress. Instead of feeling more in control, you feel more uncertain.

This is your brain’s way of trying to find certainty where there isn’t any. The problem? The more you overanalyze, the more confused and overwhelmed you become.

Try this instead:

• When your brain starts spiraling, ask, “Is this a fact or just my brain trying to predict the worst?”

• Reframe the thought. Instead of, “What if tomorrow is a disaster?”, try “What if things actually go smoothly?”

• If there’s something practical you can do to prepare, do it. If not, let it go.

5. The Sunday Goodbye to Your Entire Life

For some people, Sunday isn’t just stressful—it feels like the end of all joy and freedom. You tell yourself things like:

• “This is my last chance to relax before work takes over my life again.”

• “The fun part of the week is over.”

• “It’s back to the grind. Nothing to look forward to now.”

This kind of all-or-nothing thinking makes Mondays feel like a punishment and makes it even harder to enjoy Sundays.

Try this instead:

• Schedule something small to look forward to on Mondays—a coffee date, your favorite lunch, a workout you love.

• Reframe Mondays as a fresh start instead of an ending.

• Keep your daily tasks realistic. After doing a brain dump of to do’s, circle 1-3 tasks that are the top priority of that day.

6. Staying Up Late to ‘Squeeze the Weekend In’

You stay up later than usual, trying to extend the weekend. But when Monday rolls around, you’re exhausted and even more anxious.

Losing sleep makes everything harder—concentration, emotional regulation, and your ability to manage stress.

Try this instead:

• Shift your mindset from “I need to make the most of my weekend” to “I want to feel good going into the week”.

• Set a consistent Sunday night routine that signals to your brain it’s time to wind down.

• Treat sleep as non-negotiable—because it is.

Stop Letting “What If” Thoughts Steal Your Time

The Sunday Scaries aren’t just about Mondays—they’re about how your brain handles uncertainty and overthinking.

If worst-case scenario thinking keeps hijacking your peace, now is the time to take back control.

If you need more help learning skills for handling overthinking, schedule a free 15 minute phone consultations with one of our therapists, to learn more about how we can support you.