What People Actually Learn in Emetophobia Recovery (That No One Tells You at the Start)

If you’re working through emetophobia, you’ve probably asked some version of this question:

“What am I supposed to learn to actually get better?”

Is it:

• That your fear isn’t likely?

• That you can handle it?

• That you need to stop responding to the anxiety?

The answer people want is usually something clear and comforting. But the answer people get in recovery is a lot more nuanced.

We recently asked a community of people working through emetophobia what they’ve learned in their recovery—and their answers point to something important:

Recovery isn’t about knowing for sure that you will not get sick.

It’s about changing your relationship with fear.

Let’s walk through what that actually looks like.

1. The Convincing Lies Anxiety Tells You

One of the most common takeaways:

“It’s never going to be as catastrophic as my anxiety anticipates it to be.”

“I learned how much anxiety lies.”

Emetophobia isn’t just fear—it’s a highly convincing scary story that your mind tells you.

It tells you:

• This will be unbearable

• This will never end

• You won’t be able to handle it

• You need to act right now to prevent it

And when your body feels off—even slightly—those thoughts get louder. But recovery isn’t about arguing with every thought or proving them wrong. It’s about learning to recognize:

“This is anxiety talking.”

Not truth.

Not intuition.

Not a warning you need to act on.

Just anxiety doing what anxiety does.

2. The Symptoms Feel Worse Than the Thing You Fear

Another powerful realization:

“The symptoms of the phobia are far worse than the act itself.”

This is a turning point for many people because what you start to notice is that the dread, spiraling thoughts, constant monitoring, and hours of anticipatory anxiety are often more distressing than the actual experience you fear.

Even people who do experience it often walk away thinking:

“That was unpleasant… but not what my brain told me it would be.”

This doesn’t mean the goal is to convince yourself it’s “not that bad.” Because that won’t get you very far. 

It means recognizing thatsuffering is coming more from the anxiety disorder, not necessarily the event itself.

3. You Can’t Think Your Way Out—You Have to Practice

A lot of people start recovery looking for the right thoughts.

But what people actually learn is:

“You have to practice not responding—otherwise you’re giving into the fear.”

“Each time I choose to respond differently, I build confidence.”

This is where recovery shifts from insight and understanding into taking action.  

Because:

• Reassurance feels good short-term

• Avoidance feels protective

• Checking, scanning, and controlling feel necessary

But each of those reinforces the fear long-term.

So recovery becomes about practicing things like:

• Not checking your body repeatedly

• Not seeking reassurance

• Not escaping the moment you feel uncomfortable

• Letting thoughts be there without solving them

Not perfectly everytime. But with a lot of repetition you will get stronger. This is how your brain learns: “I don’t need to sound the alarm here.”

4. Control Is an Illusion (and Letting Go Is the Work)

One of the most insightful responses:

“Acceptance that controlling any part of it is an illusion.”

This is one of the hardest—and most important—shifts.

Because emetophobia often builds around:

• Preventing getting sick

• Predicting who is already sick

• Controlling bodily sensations or what you eat

And when you try to control something that isn’t fully controllable, your world gets smaller.

Recovery isn’t about gaining better control.

It’s about practicing the belief that “I can handle uncertainty, even when I don’t like it.”

That might look like:

• Eating without overanalyzing every bite

• Going places without planning escape routes

• Letting nausea exist without trying to immediately fix it

Not because it’s comfortable but because it’s how you stop reinforcing fear.

5. “I Can Handle It” Isn’t a Feeling—It’s a Skill

You’ll often hear:

“I can handle it, whatever it is.”

But this doesn’t mean people suddenly feel confident. It means they’ve practiced responding differently enough times that:

Confidence becomes built—not assumed. So you don’t just wake up feeling ready, and then believe you can handle it. It’s actually “I’m willing to experience discomfort”  and then trust gets built from there. 

That trust comes from:

• Staying in situations longer than you used to

• Letting anxiety rise and fall

• Not rescuing yourself immediately

Over time, your brain starts to catch up with your behavior.

6. The Spiral Starts Small—And That’s Where the Work Is

One person described:

“I’m fine until I feel off or nauseous—then I spiral and feel like I can’t handle it.”

This is incredibly common. Because emetophobia doesn’t necessarily mean you are in a constant panic. It’s often a trigger followed by a rapid escalation.

That trigger can lead to:

• Hyper-focus

• Intrusive thoughts

• Catastrophic predictions

• Urgency to act

These are the opportunities for your recovery work. That doesn’t mean eliminating the thought—but by changing your response to it.

For example:

• Not analyzing the sensation

• Not asking “what if” questions

• Not immediately trying to escape or fix

This is where you remind yourself that this is the disorder talking, and your only job is to not make it worse. How do you make it worse? By listening to the disorder and acting like this is a real threat. 

7. Acceptance Isn’t Giving Up—It’s What Moves You Forward

One of the most complete reflections from the group included:

• Acceptance

• Trust

• Persistence

• Compassion

These factors are critically important because recovery is not linear.

There will be:

• Days where things feel easier

• Days where old patterns come back

• Moments where you respond in ways you’re trying to change

And this is where compassion becomes essential. You didn’t get here overnight and so it will take time to practice new skills. That’s normal. Being compassionate towards yourself might sound like:

“This is hard work. And I’m still doing it.”

What This All Means for Recovery

If you’re early in your recovery, you might still be looking for:

• The right mindset

• The right coping statement

• The thing that will make the fear go away

But what people further along tend to learn is:

• The goal isn’t eliminating fear

• The goal isn’t certainty

• The goal isn’t feeling ready

The goal is:

Changing how you respond when fear shows up.

That’s what creates long-term change.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re noticing these patterns in your own experience, you don’t have to figure it out on your own.

At State of Mind Therapy, we use evidence-based approaches like CBT and ERP to help you:

• Break out of the fear cycle

• Reduce compulsions and avoidance

• Build confidence through practice (not reassurance)

Inside Our MSP Airport Workshop: What Progress with Flight Anxiety Really Looks Like

When most people imagine someone struggling with flight anxiety, they picture obvious panic.

Shaking hands. Tears. Someone refusing to board the plane.

But after hosting another one of our fear of flying workshops at MSP Airport, we were reminded again that flight anxiety often looks much different than people expect.

Sometimes it looks like taking photos from the parking ramp because simply arriving at the airport feels overwhelming and stressful.

Sometimes it looks like noticing your anxiety rise while going through security or riding the tram.

Sometimes it looks like sitting on the plane with your eyes closed, grounding yourself while nobody around you realizes how hard you’re working internally.

And sometimes, it looks like showing up even though part of you still doubts whether flying will ever feel easier.

One of the most meaningful things about our MSP Airport Workshop is that people don’t have to hide those experiences. They get to practice being in the airport environment alongside other people who understand exactly what it feels like to fear flying.

And over and over again, we see the same important truth:

Progress with flight anxiety rarely looks perfect or linear.

The Biggest Misunderstanding About Flight Anxiety

Many people come to our workshop believing they need to figure out how to feel calm before they’ll be able to fly.

They think the goal is to eliminate anxiety, stop the physical sensations, or finally “logic” themselves out of fear.

But that’s usually not how progress actually works.

Instead, we help people learn how to respond differently to anxiety when it shows up.

Because anxiety itself is not the problem.

The problem is often what anxiety convinces people to do next:

• avoid

• escape

• over-monitor sensations

• seek reassurance

• mentally fight with fear

• decide anxiety means they can’t handle flying

At our workshop, people get the opportunity to practice staying engaged with the experience instead of automatically retreating from it.

That doesn’t mean anyone does it perfectly or without fear. But learning how to respond differently is what it’s all about. 

One Attendee’s Experience: Stepping Off the Plane…Then Trying Again

During our recent workshop, we closed the aircraft doors for part of the experience so attendees could practice sitting with that part of flying if they chose to.

One attendee decided to step off the plane once the doors closed.

There was no pressure or judgment around that decision. In fact, part of the workshop is recognizing that everyone’s fear shows up differently.

As we talked afterward, she shared concerns about an upcoming flight and worries about how panic might affect her ability to travel again. 

At one point, the conversation shifted toward the idea of taking future “practice flights.”

But instead of jumping several steps ahead, we gently brought the focus back to the present moment:

What if the practice could simply be trying again right now?

Not deciding about future flights or feeling calm. But taking one small step, right now, to get back on the plane and sit. Even if it’s just for one minute. 

She was hesitant, but willing.

Eventually, she chose to re-board and remain on the aircraft while the doors were closed.

It wasn’t because the fear suddenly disappeared.

In fact, it was clear she still felt uncomfortable. At one point, she stood near the fan for cool air while working through the physical sensations that had surfaced for her.

For her, progress was getting back on the plane and allowing herself to feel the panic even though she initially didn’t want to.

Sometimes progress is simply staying a little longer than you did before.

Why Repeat Attendees Matter

One of the most encouraging parts of this workshop was seeing several repeat attendees return.

For some people, attending once is enough to help them feel more prepared to fly again.

For others, the workshop becomes something they revisit before upcoming trips as a way to refresh skills, rebuild confidence, and practice being back in the airport environment.

One attendee shared that this was the third time she had attended the workshop.

And this time, while sitting on the plane, she rated her anxiety as only a 3 out of 10 — the lowest it had ever been for her during the workshop experience.

What made that moment especially meaningful was remembering where she started.

During her very first workshop, getting onto the aircraft itself felt incredibly difficult. She needed time to pause, ground herself, and work up to boarding.

This time it looked different.

She still used grounding strategies.
She still closed her eyes at moments.
She still practiced responding intentionally to anxiety.

But she stayed engaged with the experience in a way that once felt much harder for her.

By the end of the workshop, she shared that she finally felt ready to book a flight.

Not because all fear had disappeared, but because she trusted herself more in the presence of anxiety.

That’s the kind of progress we care about most.

Sometimes the Hardest Part Isn’t the Plane

One attendee shared something surprising in their feedback after the workshop:

They expected sitting on the plane to be the hardest part. Instead, they noticed more anxiety while going through airport security.

Experiences like this are important because they remind people that flight anxiety is often much bigger than turbulence or being in the air.

For many fearful flyers, anxiety begins long before takeoff:

• parking at the airport

• entering the terminal

• seeing security lines

• hearing gate announcements

• walking toward the aircraft

That’s part of why practicing in the actual airport environment can feel so valuable for attendees.

They’re not just imagining the experience from home.

They’re walking through it step-by-step while learning how to respond differently along the way.

The Power of Feeling Seen

Another theme we heard repeatedly throughout the workshop was how meaningful it felt to be around other people who truly understood.

One attendee shared that she was shocked by how many people raised their hands when discussing fear of having a panic attack on a plane.

For years, she thought she was one of the only people struggling with that fear.

Another repeat attendee shared that one of the most helpful parts of returning to the workshop each time is simply seeing other people “like him” in the room.

That sense of connection matters more than people realize.

Because many fearful flyers spend years believing:

• everyone else flies easily

• they’re overreacting

• they should be able to “just get over it”

• something is wrong with them for struggling

But flight anxiety is incredibly common.

And for many people, the fear is not actually about the plane crashing.

It’s about:

• feeling trapped

• panicking in public

• losing control

• not being able to escape uncomfortable sensations

When people realize others share those same fears, shame often begins to loosen its grip.

We Don’t Measure Success by Calm

One of the most important things we teach during our MSP Airport Workshop is this:

Success is not measured by whether you feel calm.

Success might look like:

• realizing anxiety can rise without needing to immediately escape it

• discovering you can stay engaged even while uncomfortable

• learning that panic sensation feel more manageable than you thought

• noticing your anxiety decreases over time with repeated practice

• becoming more willing to experience uncertainty in order to keep moving toward your travel goals

• recognizing that anxiety and capability can exist at the same time

Fearful flyers often assume they need to wait until anxiety disappears before moving forward.But many people discover something different:

Confidence is often built through practicing movement with discomfort present — not waiting for discomfort to fully disappear first.

That’s why we don’t expect attendees to be fearless.

We simply want them to leave with:

• more understanding

• more tools

• more willingness

• more confidence in their ability to respond differently when anxiety shows up

And for many people, that becomes the beginning of real change.

Looking Ahead

Since the workshop, several attendees have continued practicing flying and sharing updates with us on their progress.

Moments like that are incredibly meaningful to witness. Because people begin reconnecting with places, opportunities, and experiences that fear had started to shrink.

If you struggle with flight anxiety, you are not the only one.

And finding success to fly doesn’t happen overnight. But if you have willingness, community support, and the right tools, then it’s absolutely possible for you. 

Interested in Our MSP Airport Workshop?

Our fear of flying workshop at MSP Airport is designed to help people better understand flight anxiety, practice responding differently to fear, and experience the airport environment alongside others who truly get it.

You can learn more about the workshop and join the waitlist for future events here.

How to Stop Reinforcing Anxiety: Practical Ways to Reduce Safety Behaviors

When you live with anxiety, it’s easy to fall into habits that feel protective.

You might check your body for symptoms of a medical condition or illness. Or maybe you avoid certain places or situations like sitting in the middle row at the movie theater. Or you find yourself always asking others if you’ll be ok.

These habits—called safety behaviors—can make you feel safe and more in control in the moment.

But the thing is, these behaviors backfire. 

The more we rely on safety behaviors, the more anxiety sticks around.

Your goal isn’t to get rid of anxiety completely. It’s to stop reinforcing the cycle. 

And that starts with understanding what safety behaviors are—and how to begin reducing them over time so that you can build confidence in yourself and create new beliefs about your ability to handle hard things. 

What Are Safety Behaviors?

Safety behaviors are anything we do to:

• prevent a feared outcome

• reduce anxiety quickly

• or create a sense of certainty

Safety behaviors can show up in different ways:

• Always carrying a water bottle with you in case you get hot or nauseous 

• Having to do research in advance of where you are going or what you are doing 

• Always carrying medication “just in case”

• Sitting in a specific seat on an airplane 

For example:

• Someone with emetophobia might always carry gum, mints, or water in case of experiencing nausea 

• Someone with health anxiety might constantly check symptoms or seek multiple consultations 

• Someone with panic disorder might avoid caffeine or traveling too far away from home

All of these have one thing in common. They bring short-term relief. And that’s exactly why they stick.

Why Safety Behaviors Keep Anxiety Going

Every time you use a safety behavior, your brain learns something. And if you used something like a safety behavior, it will give the credit to the safety behavior instead of you. 

And over time:

• You lose confidence in your ability to handle situations without these safety behaviors

• Your list of safety behaviors grows

• Your world gets smaller

What starts as “just in case” becomes “I can’t handle this without it” over time. 

Why Reducing Safety Behaviors Works (Even When It Feels Hard)

When you start reducing safety behaviors, your brain gets new evidence:

“I felt anxious—and I was okay.”

“I didn’t check—and nothing bad happened.”

“I handled uncertainty.”

That’s how the power of anxiety changes over time. Not through endless reassurance, making yourself calm, or deep breathing. But through experience.

This is the foundation of evidence-based approaches like CBT and ERP—and it’s what actually helps anxiety lose its grip.

Step 1: Identify Your Safety Behaviors

Start with awareness.

Ask yourself:

• What do I do to feel safe or certain?

• What do I avoid?

• What do I check or repeat?

You might notice patterns like:

• Checking your body, symptoms, or surroundings

• Cleaning, organizing, or controlling your environment

• Seeking reassurance from others or online

• Avoiding discomfort entirely

Then ask:

• What am I afraid will happen if I don’t do this?

• What do I feel right after I do it?

If skipping it creates anxiety—and doing it brings relief—it’s likely a safety behavior.

Step 2: Choose One Small Target

You don’t need to eliminate these behaviors all at once. In fact, trying to do too much too quickly usually backfires.

Instead, pick one safety behavior.

For example:

• Wait a few minutes before checking

• Skip asking for reassurance once

• Stay in a situation slightly longer than usual

• Touch something you normally avoid

Step 3: Use the “Delay Technique”

When the urge hits, don’t fight it or immediately give in. Delay it.

Tell yourself:

“This is an urge, not an emergency.”

“I can feel uncomfortable for a few minutes.”

Start small:

• 1–2 minutes

• then build to 5–10 minutes

What you’ll notice over time is that urges rise…and then fall. You don’t actually need to act on them.

Step 4: Do It Anyway (Small Exposure Builds Confidence)

Sometimes the most powerful move is simple…do the thing anxiety tells you not to do.

• Eat the food

• Stay in the situation

• Skip the check

• Share the drink

• Don’t Google the symptom

Practicing facing your fear over and over again without the use of safety behaviors will not be a quick fix (or an easy one). But the work pays off when you are consistent. 

Because each time you do this, your brain learns “discomfort isn’t danger.” And confidence builds from there.

Step 5: Challenge the “Rational” Story

Anxiety is good at sounding logical. You might think, “it’s not harming anything” or “I’ll bring it just in case.” And sometimes—that’s true.

But here’s the key question:

Is this about safety… or about anxiety?

Try asking yourself:

• Would I tell a friend this is necessary?

• What would happen if I didn’t do this?

• Am I trying to feel better—or be in control?

You can even respond directly to your anxiety:

“Nice try. I don’t need to do that” or “We’re doing something different now.”

A little attitude back to anxiety goes a long way.

Step 6: Know the Difference Between Comfort and Safety

Not all coping is a problem. Sometimes the comfort and coping skills you use are helping you stay present.

• grounding

• slow breathing

• holding a fidget

• listening to music

That’s different from behaviors you need to feel okay.If skipping something would spike your anxiety significantly, it may be acting as a safety behavior.

The goal isn’t to remove all comfort. It’s to remove dependence.

Step 7: Expect Setbacks (They’re Part of Progress)

You will slip back into old patterns sometimes. That doesn’t mean you will be stuck back at square one. Setbacks are part of the process.

What matters is:

• noticing it

• interrupting it sooner

• trying again

Every time you choose discomfort over avoidance, you’re building something important:

confidence in your ability to handle uncertainty.

What Progress Actually Looks Like

Progress isn’t feeling calm all the time.

It might look like:

• Catching yourself mid-check

• Delaying a behavior instead of immediately doing it

• Staying in situations longer

• Thinking about your fear less—or recovering faster

These are real, meaningful shifts. And they add up, like pennies in the bank over time. 

Ready for Support?

If anxiety is still running the show, you don’t have to figure this out on your own.

At State of Mind Therapy, we use evidence-based approaches like CBT, ERP, and ACT to help you reduce safety behaviors and build real confidence.

Should You Tell a Flight Attendant You’re Anxious? Pros, Cons, and a Script

If you have flight anxiety, you’ve probably heard advice to tell a flight attendant that you’re nervous. So is it a good idea? Let's talk about it. 

For a lot of people, this question isn’t just logistical—it’s emotional.

Because underneath it is something deeper:

• What if I make a scene?

• What if they think I’m dramatic or a problem on the flight? 

• I don’t want others to hear me, what will they think of me?

And at the same time:

• I can’t let anyone see me panicking 

• I feel so afraid now.

So let’s walk through the pros and cons of informing the flight attendants of feeling anxious on the plane. 

First: There’s No “Right” Answer

You do not have to tell a flight attendant you’re anxious.

And you’re also allowed to.

This isn’t a test of whether you’re “doing exposure correctly” or whether you’re “strong enough” to handle things on your own.

Instead, the better question is:

👉 Why would I be telling them?
👉 And how will I relate to that choice?

Because the same action can either:

• reduce pressure and support you

  
  or

• reinforce anxiety and safety behaviors

When Telling a Flight Attendant Can Be Helpful

For many people, sharing ahead of time can actually lower the overall intensity of the experience.

Here’s why:

1. It reduces the pressure to “look okay”

A lot of flight anxiety isn’t just about the sensations—it’s about being seen having them.

When you’re trying to hide your anxiety symptoms, it adds another layer of pressure and tension.

Letting a flight attendant know can take that pressure off:

“I don’t have to pretend. Someone already knows.”

2. It softens the fear of “what if something happens?”

By telling a flight attendant, they will have a heads-up and likely check-in with you throughout the flight. This can make a big difference in your experience because you are not left to flag down a flight attendant mid-panic.

That alone can lower anticipatory anxiety.

When It Can Become Unhelpful

This is where nuance matters.

Telling a flight attendant can be helpful—but it can also turn into a safety behavior depending on how you’re using it.

1. If you need them to make you feel “safe”

If the goal is:

• “They’ll reassure me nothing bad will happen”

• “They’ll stop the panic”

• “I’ll be okay as long as they’re checking on me”

…it can keep you stuck.

Not because support is bad—but because your brain starts linking:

👉 “I can only get through anxiety with the help of someone else.”

2. If it becomes something you feel like you have to do

If you start thinking:

• “I can’t get on the plane unless I tell them”

• “If I don’t say something, I won’t be able to handle it”

That’s a sign it’s becoming a requirement and not a choice.

And anxiety tends to grow around anything that feels required.

3. If you’re using it to avoid feeling discomfort

This is subtle, but important.

The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety before it starts.

The goal is to build your capacity to feel it without spiraling or escaping.

So if telling a flight attendant is being used to prevent any discomfort, it can backfire long-term.

A More Helpful Way to Think About It

Instead of asking:

“Should I tell them or not?”

Try this:

• I can tell them

• I don’t have to

• My ability to get through the flight doesn’t depend on it

That mindset keeps the power with you.

A Simple, Low-Pressure Script

If you do decide to tell a flight attendant, it doesn’t need to be a big conversation.

In fact, simpler is better.

You might say something like:

“Hi, I just wanted to let you know I’m a bit of a nervous flyer. Sometimes I feel anxious or a little sick. I don’t need anything right now—I just wanted to give you a heads up.”

That’s it.

No over-explaining.

No apologizing.

No asking for reassurance.

Just giving them a heads-up.

If Saying It Out Loud Feels Like Too Much

If publicly sharing your anxiety about flying isn’t for you, there are some other options.

• Call the airline the day before your flights

• Mention it briefly while boarding

• Or even hand over a short note

Something like:

“I’m a nervous flyer sitting in row 16A, just wanted to give you a heads up.”

This can be especially helpful if you are concerned about drawing attention to you or already feeling activated. 

What Matters More Than the Decision

Whether you tell them or not is not what determines how the flight goes.

What matters more is how you respond when anxiety shows up:

• Can you notice sensations without immediately trying to stop them?

• Can you let thoughts be there without answering every “what if”?

• Can you come back to what you’d be doing if anxiety wasn’t in charge?

Watching something.

Resting.

Working.

Looking out the window.

Anxiety might still be there.

But it doesn’t have to run the entire experience.

A Final Thought

Not sure whether or not this is a good idea? Try it out! You won’t know what helps until you give it a go.

You might:

• tell them on one flight and not on another

• try it and decide it’s not for you

That’s all part of the process.

The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety before you fly.

It’s to learn, gradually:

👉 I can handle this—even when it’s uncomfortable.

If you’re working on flight anxiety and want more structured support, the Fearful Flyers Blueprint walks you through exactly how to break the fear cycle—without relying on avoidance or quick fixes.

The Hidden Emotional Toll of Supporting Someone with OCD

If you love someone with OCD, there’s a good chance you’ve felt things you didn’t expect.

Frustration.
Guilt.
Resentment.
Exhaustion.

And then maybe… guilt for feeling those things at all.

Because you love them.

And you want to help.

But somehow, no matter how much you try, it still feels hard.

The Part No One Talks About

When someone has OCD, it doesn’t just affect them.

It affects:

• Relationships

• Routines

• Decision-making

• Emotional bandwidth

It can feel like OCD slowly starts taking up space in your life too.

And that can be really disorienting.

Why Helping Feels So Confusing

Most people respond to anxiety the same way:

👉 Reduce it as quickly as possible.

So you:

• Reassure

• Step in

• Help them avoid triggers

• Try to solve the problem

Because that’s what makes sense.

And sometimes… it even works in the moment.

But then it comes back.

Stronger. Louder. More demanding.

The Trap: When Helping Starts to Hurt

This is where many loved ones get stuck.

You start to notice:

• You’re answering the same questions over and over

• You’re changing your behavior to prevent distress

• You feel responsible for how they feel

And slowly:

👉 Your world starts to shrink too.

This is not a failure.

It’s a very common response to something that’s really hard.

The Emotional Toll (That Makes Total Sense)

Many loved ones experience:

• Guilt → “Am I doing this wrong?”

• Anger → “Why is this still happening?”

• Resentment → “This is affecting my life too.”

• Grief → “Things didn’t used to be like this.”

These are not signs that you don’t care.

They are signs that you do.

The Shift That Changes Everything

At some point, support has to shift from:

👉 “How do I make this go away?”

to

👉 “How do I help them handle this?”

That’s a very different role.

It means:

• Allowing discomfort

• Setting boundaries

• Not fixing everything

And yes—it can feel like the hardest thing to do.

You’re Allowed to Exist in This Too

One of the most important things to remember:

👉 You matter in this dynamic too.

Your needs.
Your limits.
Your emotional experience.

Supporting someone with OCD doesn’t mean losing yourself.

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

There is a way to:

• Support your loved one

• Reduce OCD’s impact

• And feel more grounded in the process

Therapy can help you understand what’s happening and how to respond in a way that actually creates change.

Why Anxiety Feels Worse at Night

If you experience heightened anxiety at night, it’s a common struggle. It’s like when the house gets quiet, anxiety gets loud. It’s not fair. You didn’t ask for this, but here it is.

In this blog, I will provide you with some possibilities for why anxiety feel louder at night.

First of all, lets keep in mind that during the day, your mind has somewhere to go.

You’re answering messages, moving between tasks, having conversations, solving problems.

Even if anxiety is there, it’s competing with everything else.

But at night?

Everything slows down.

The distractions fade. The noise disappears. The responsibilities pause.

And suddenly, your brain has space.

For many people with anxiety or OCD, nighttime becomes the time when anxiety can be the most challenging to manage. 

Thoughts that felt manageable during the day start to spiral.

Your brain starts scanning.

“What if something’s wrong?”

“What if something happens tonight?”

“What if I can’t handle it?”

And just like that, your body goes into action mode.

So your heart rate increases. Muscles tense. Awareness sharpens.

It feels like something is wrong even when nothing actually is.

There are real reasons this happens.

Why Anxiety Often Feels Worse at Night

1. There’s less distraction

During the day, your brain is busy. Structure, conversations, and responsibilities act as buffers. At night, those buffers disappear. And your brain does what it’s wired to do when there’s space: it starts to scan for problems.

2. Your brain is already tired

By nighttime, your mental energy is depleted. You’ve spent the day making decisions, managing emotions, and navigating life. That exhaustion lowers your ability to challenge anxious thoughts. So instead of questioning them, your brain defaults to familiar patterns: fear, “what if” thinking, and worst-case scenarios.

3. Your body is more noticeable

At night, your body is still. And when you’re still, you feel more. A small sensation — like nausea, a tight chest, or a shift in breathing — suddenly feels so much more noticeable.

…and there’s nothing else competing for your attention. So your brain zooms in. And once it zooms in, it starts interpreting.

4. Your brain learns patterns

If anxiety or panic has happened at night before, your brain remembers. It starts to associate nighttime with danger. So even before anything happens, your brain prepares. Night becomes a cue. Not for rest — but for vigilance and worry about if you are going to be panicking again tonight. 

The Nighttime Anxiety Spiral

Here’s what often happens…You’re lying in bed, and then:

→ Your brain checks for danger
→ A “what if” thought appears
→ Your body reacts (adrenaline, tension, alertness)
→ You become more aware
→ You scan more
→ The spiral builds

Common thoughts might sound like:

• “What if something happens tonight?”

• “What if I actually caused something bad to happen earlier?” 

• “What if someone gets sick?”

• “What if I can’t handle it?”

• “What if I start to panic and am up all night?” 

Why Anticipatory Anxiety Is So Exhausting

Nighttime anxiety is often fueled by anticipatory anxiety.

That constant sense of “I might have anxiety tonight and then won’t be able to sleep.”

This can look like:

• Watching your child for signs they might get sick

• Checking your body for symptoms

• Mentally rehearsing worst-case scenarios

• Trying to stay one step ahead of uncertainty

And here’s why it’s so draining….your brain never turns off.

It stays in alert mode.

It keeps scanning, preparing, predicting.

You don’t get to fully rest — even when nothing is happening.

And over time, something subtle shifts:

The fear of not sleeping or anticipating something bad happening becomes more exhausting than the event itself.

What Actually Helps When Nighttime Anxiety Starts

I’m not into “quick fixes” or telling something to “just relax.” I believe that the only path to more peace is when you make realistic shifts that change your relationship with the anxiety.

1. Interrupt the spiral

If your brain is looping in bed, staying there often makes it louder.

Try:

• Getting out of bed

• Changing rooms

• Turning on a dim light

• Doing something simple (reading, stretching, folding laundry)

You’re changing the environment it’s feeding off of. Over time, your brain can start to associate your bed with sleep, not worry and rumination.

2. Let the thoughts exist

Instead of arguing with every thought:

Try:  “Yeah, that could happen.”

It sounds counterintuitive. But when you stop fighting the thought, you remove the struggle that requires all of your time, effort, and energy.

3. Use humor or exaggeration

Anxiety thrives on seriousness. And humor is a great way to change how you relate to all those what if thoughts. 

For example: Your automatic anxious thought might say “What if I panic on the flight?” Your less serious response might sound like: “Of course. Wouldn’t be a trip without my overly enthusiastic nervous system.” 

It doesn’t eliminate anxiety.

But it weakens its authority.

4. Remember you’re not the only one awake

Anxiety loves isolation.

It makes you believe that you’re crazy and nobody else thinks or feels this way. But at any given moment, thousands of people are lying awake having the exact same thoughts.

You’re not uniquely broken.

You’re experiencing a very human struggle.

5. Practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism

The spiral often gets worse when you start being hard on yourself. Thoughts like “Why am I like this?” or  “I should be able to handle this” can wreak havoc on your self-worth. 

Try shifting to:

“This is hard right now.”
“I’m doing the best I can in this moment.”

That shift doesn’t make it all better.

But it removes the second layer of suffering.

Nighttime Anxiety Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing

Feeling anxious at night doesn’t mean you’re doing recovery wrong. It doesn’t mean you’re back at square one. Progress doesn’t look like never feeling anxious again. It looks like:

• Feeling anxious and still staying present

• Feeling scared and still getting through the night

• Feeling uncertain and still continuing forward

• Two steps forward and one step backward. 

That’s real progress. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.

When the Night Feels Long

Nighttime anxiety can make the world feel smaller, quieter, and more lonely.

But here’s what’s also true:

Your brain is trying to protect you. These spiraling thoughts are common. And you are capable of getting through moments that feel overwhelming.

Even when your mind is loud, the night still passes. And so does the anxiety.

Next Steps for Help with Anxiety at Bedtime

Working with a therapist can help you understand your patterns, build tools that actually work, and help you change your relationship with anxiety — not just during the day, but at night too.

What I Notice at Our MSP Airport Workshop for Fear of Flying (And Why It Matters)

We just wrapped up our sixth workshop at MSP International Airport for anxious flyers.

And at this point, there are a few things I don’t even wonder about anymore because I see them every single time.

At the start of each workshop, we ask a simple question:

“How many of you are afraid of the plane crashing… versus something else?”

Almost every time, about 70% of people raise their hand for “something else.”

And while that number stands out, what matters more is what comes next.

Because even for the people who do say they’re afraid of the plane crashing, when we start talking more, there’s usually something underneath it.

It’s not just about what they believe to be the “worst case scenario.”.

It’s about the experience of being in it.

The uncertainty.

The lack of control.

The question of, “What if I can’t handle it?”

What Actually Shows Up

From the outside, fear of flying can look very different from person to person.

One person might be worried about turbulence.

Another about feeling trapped.

Another about getting sick on the plane.

Another about panicking and not being able to leave.

But underneath those different fears, there are a few common threads that connect almost everyone in the room.

Uncertainty. Lack of control. And a tendency to underestimate how well you’d actually cope if anxiety showed up.

I see this even in subtle ways.

Someone can look completely calm on the outside but when I check in with them, they’ll say something like, “I’m hanging in there.”

That’s often the reality of anxiety. It’s not always loud or visible…but it’s there.

What Surprises People the Most

One of the things I’ve come to witness each and every time is the shared connection participants feel when they are in a room full of others who get it.

Before the workshop even starts, there’s this moment where people look around are struck by how many people are there because they are struggling with the same fear and anxiety when it comes to flying. 

I’ve had participants share that they felt emotional just seeing how many others experience the same fear.

And as the workshop goes on and people begin talking with each other and that feeling only grows.

Because while the specific fears may be different, the experience of anxiety is incredibly similar.

“What If Being Around Other Anxious People Makes It Worse?”

This is something I don’t always hear out loud but I know people think about it.

There’s often a concern that being around other anxious flyers will make things more intense…
or that the group will somehow feed off each other’s fear.

What I see, over and over again, is the opposite.

People feel more grounded.

More understood.

Less alone.

There’s something powerful about being in an environment where you don’t have to explain yourself.

Where people just get it.

And instead of anxiety escalating, what tends to happen is that people begin to settle into the experience because they’re not carrying it by themselves anymore.

Why This Matters

If your fear of flying feels very specific—like it’s about turbulence, or panic, or getting sick, or the plane itself—it can feel isolating.

Like your fear is different.

Like you’re the only one who reacts this way.

But what I see every time we run this workshop is that, at the core, people are navigating very similar challenges.

Uncertainty. Lack of control. And the belief that they won’t be able to handle what they feel.

And those are things that can actually be worked with.

Not by eliminating anxiety completely—but by changing how you relate to it.

If You’ve Been Thinking About It…

If you’ve ever thought about coming to something like this but felt unsure…

You’re not alone in that either.

People show up nervous. We’ve even had people who didn’t show up because it felt like too much. And many others were surprised by how much more confidence they grew from a practice run in an actual airport and sitting in a real aircraft. 

Our MSP airport workshop is designed to give you the opportunity to be in that environment—to learn, observe, ask questions, and begin facing the fear in a way that feels manageable and supported.

And maybe most importantly, to see that you’re not the only one navigating this.

If you’ve been considering it, we’d love to have you join us at a future Navigating Flight Anxiety at MSP Airport event. 

The Power of Tiny Words: How Language Shapes Anxiety

Words you use may not seem like a big deal. 

But when it comes to anxiety, words don’t just describe your experience—they can influence it.

The way you talk to yourself in anxious moments can either tighten the spiral you’re in… or loosen it just enough for you to take a step forward.

Don’t misunderstand me…I’m not talking about using “positive thinking.”  

It’s about understanding something that goes a bit deeper. Let me explain.

Your brain responds to language as if it’s real.

And when anxiety is involved, even tiny words can change how stuck—or how flexible—you feel.

Why Language Matters More Than You Think

Most people assume their thoughts are the problem.

But in therapies like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we look at something slightly different:

Your relationship to your thoughts.

This is where language plays an important role. 

Your brain is constantly creating meaning, making connections, and predicting outcomes. (This is where Relational Frame Theory (RFT) comes in, but we’ll keep it simple.)

If your mind says:

• “This is dangerous”

• “I can’t handle this”

• “I should be better by now”

Your nervous system goes straight into the protector role.

It reacts by increasing your heart rate. Tensing your muscles. Sending you urges to escape or avoid. 

Not because the situation is actually dangerous—but because the language you used sends a signal to your brain. 

The Goal Isn’t to Change Your Thoughts

You might try to replace anxious thoughts with “better” ones. Or endlessly ruminate on why you became anxious. You try to remind yourself of the low chance of something bad happening.

These are all examples of ways people try to change their thoughts in effort to feel better.

But if you’ve ever tried to argue with anxiety, you know how that goes. (You’re usually left with more what ifs). 

So instead, we focus on something more effective:

Creating a little space between you and your thoughts

This is called cognitive defusion.

And one of the simplest ways to practice it?

Changing small pieces of language.

Not to trick your brain—but to change how tightly you’re hooked by what it’s saying.

5 Tiny Language Shifts That Change Your Relationship with Anxiety

Let's discuss 5 shifts in your language that create psychological flexibility. By practicing these shifts in your language, it will help you respond differently in anxious moments.

1. From “I should…” → “I could” or “I’m choosing to…”

“I should be able to handle this” or “I should be further along.”

“Should” sounds innocent—but it usually brings pressure and shame. So stop “shoulding” yourself.

Because it tells your brain you’re failing or not doing enough.

That pressure often leads to self-criticism—not action.

Try:

• “I could challenge myself, but I chose not to for now”

• “I’m choosing to ruminate/worry.”

This shift moves you from judgment → choice.

And choice is where accountability, honesty, and change actually happens.

2. From “I’ll try…” → “I will…” (make it small)

I was taught years ago that “trying is lying.”

“Sure, I’ll try to do that.”

“I’ll try to do that exposure”

The word “try” feels like a commitment—but it leaves the door open to back out.

Your brain hears:

👉 We’re not fully doing this.

Instead, try to make a commitment:

• “I will sit with this feeling for 60 seconds.”

• “I will stay in this situation for 2 minutes.”

• “I won’t promise to do it, but I hope I do.” 

3. From “but…” → “and…”

“I know it’s probably fine, but what if something goes wrong?”

“I want to go, but I feel anxious.”

“But” cancels out what came before it.

It keeps you stuck in either/or thinking:

👉 Safe OR anxious
👉 Ready OR not ready

Instead, try:

• “I feel anxious, and I’m still going.”

• “This is uncomfortable, and I can handle discomfort.”

This opens the door to both/and thinking:

You can feel anxious and take action.

4. From “I can’t…” → “I won’t…” (honest ownership)

“I can’t stop worrying.”

“I can’t do that.”

Often, “can’t” isn’t about ability—it’s about avoidance.

Try:

• “I don’t want to shift my attention right now.”

• “I’m choosing to not face this yet.”

This might feel uncomfortable at first.

But it does something important:

👉 It gives you your power back.

Because if it’s a choice, it’s something you can change—even if not in this moment.

5. Add “right now” or “yet”

“I’ll always feel this way.”

“I can’t handle this.”

These thoughts feel permanent.

But they’re not.

Try:

• “Right now, this feels overwhelming.”

• “I don’t know how to handle this yet.”

This simple shift tells your brain:

👉 This is temporary. This can change.

And that creates just enough space to keep going.

A Powerful Bonus Shift: “My mind is telling me…”

Instead of saying “my anxiety is out of control.”

Try:

👉 “I noticed my mind telling me something is wrong.”

This is one of the most effective defusion tools.

You’re not arguing with the thought.

You’re noticing it.

And that small distance can reduce the urge to react automatically.

What’s Actually Happening When You Do This

These shifts work because they change how your brain relates ideas.

Instead of:

• “Anxiety = danger”

• “Discomfort = stop”

You start building new associations:

• “Anxiety = something I can carry”

• “Discomfort = something I can move through”

That’s the core of psychological flexibility.

Not eliminating anxiety—but changing how much control it has over your behavior.

Putting This Into Practice

Lets face it, change is hard. So expect this to be difficult at first. The first step is awareness. As you start to be aware of the words you use, you will catch it. And as you get better at catching it, you will be able to start making different choice. Here are a few pointers to help you practice:

👉 Pick one phrase you notice yourself using often
👉 Practice swapping it for one week
👉 Keep it visible (notes app, sticky note, lock screen)

You’re not going to be perfect at this. In fact, plan to really suck at it. 

Because it’s new. But don’t give up.

Final Thoughts

These are small shifts.

But they’re not superficial.

The words you use shape how your brain interprets your experience—and how your body responds.

When you change your language, even slightly, you’re changing your relationship with anxiety.

And that’s where real progress begins.

Ready for More Support?

If anxiety, OCD, or panic are keeping you stuck, you don’t have to figure this out on your own.

Our therapists specialize in evidence-based approaches like CBT, ERP, and ACT to help you build skills that actually work in real life.

When Fear Starts Deciding Your Life (And How to Take Your Choice Back)

Many people come to therapy saying they want their anxiety to go away. They’ll say things like:

“I just don’t want to feel like this anymore.” 

But over time, something else usually becomes clearer. The real problem isn’t just the feeling of anxiety — it’s how much influence fear has started to have over decisions. Without realizing it, you have been organizing your life around avoiding discomfort.

You decline invitations.
You change plans.
You leave early.
You have particular places you will or won’t go to feel safe.

And slowly, fear starts deciding things that matter. Not because that was your intention… but because anxiety can be very persuasive.

One of the exercises I sometimes use with clients early in treatment is called “What Fear Has Cost Me — and What I’m Choosing Instead.” It’s not meant to make someone feel bad about the past. It’s meant to help clarify what kind of life you want fear to have a say in.

When Avoidance Shrinks Your Life

Most people don’t realize how much fear has shaped their life until they put pen to paper and examine it. When our clients reflect on this, they often notice patterns like:

Declining social invitations because anxiety might show up.
Avoiding travel, events, or opportunities.
Leaving places early to feel safe.
Turning down work responsibilities that feel uncertain.
Needing others to accommodate their anxiety.

Sometimes the impact shows up in more subtle ways.

Parents may notice they feel less present or spontaneous with their children.
Partners may realize shared experiences have been limited.
Friendships may feel harder to maintain when anxiety shapes availability.

This has nothing to do with being weak or not caring about these things. But avoiding discomfort has become the top priority. In the moment, avoidance brings relief. But over time, it can start to shrink the life someone wants to live.

When Motivation Starts to Shift

When people begin reflecting on what fear has cost them, a lot of emotions can come up.

Shame.
Guilt.
Disappointment.
Frustration.
Even anger.

That reaction is very normal. 

Looking honestly at the impact of anxiety can feel heavy. But this reflection isn’t meant to create shame — it’s meant to create clarity.

When you are flooded with shame, you may start to tell yourself that you’re broken or flawed. But change rarely comes from shame.But when you can step out of the shame, you can notice how this is no longer the life you want to live. 

It comes from deciding that the life you want is worth working toward — even if anxiety shows up along the way.

A Different Question: What Are You Moving Toward?

Another part of this reflection asks a different kind of question. Instead of focusing only on what fear has taken away, we ask:

If this fear had less influence over your decisions, what would your life look like?

People often begin describing things like:

Traveling more freely
Being more present with their kids
Saying yes to opportunities
Showing up fully in relationships
Pursuing work or goals that matter

This part of the exercise shifts the focus away from eliminating anxiety. Instead, it focuses on the direction someone wants their life to move in. Because the goal of therapy is not to create a life without fear.

The goal is to build a life where fear no longer gets the final say.

When People Decide Fear Isn’t in Charge Anymore

One of the most powerful parts of this exercise involves writing a letter to fear. Not a letter asking fear to disappear. But a letter reclaiming your voice….and your choice.

The message often sounds something like this: "You can still show up. You can bring anxiety, doubt, and uncertainty. But you don't get to decide my actions anymore."

This mindset doesn’t mean anxiety suddenly goes away. What it means is that someone begins responding differently when it shows up.

Instead of organizing life around avoiding discomfort, they begin practicing moving toward what matters, even when fear comes along for the ride. And that’s where meaningful change usually begins.

A Final Thought

If anxiety has been shaping your decisions for a long time, it’s easy to assume things will always be that way. But the truth is that fear only has as much influence as we give it.

Maybe you discover that once you step back and look honestly at the life you want to live, you see that it’s possible. Not because anxiety will magically disappear. But because you decide fear doesn’t get to run the show anymore.

Ready to Start Working on This?

If anxiety has been limiting your life or keeping you from experiences that matter to you, working with a therapist can help you begin approaching fear in a different way.

At State of Mind Therapy, our therapists use evidence-based approaches like CBT, ERP, and ACT to help people change their relationship with anxiety and move toward the life they want.

Why Feeling Trapped on a Plane Doesn’t Always Mean You’re Claustrophobic

When people talk with us about their fear of flying, they often say that they are claustrophobic on planes. What they’re usually describing is a fear of feeling trapped on a plane rather than fearing the plane will crash or have some mechanical failure. 

People will say things like:

“I feel trapped when the plane doors close.”

“I can’t handle the feeling of being stuck up there.”

“What if I panic and I can’t get off?”

Because of that feeling, many people assume they must be claustrophobic.

And sometimes that’s true.

But not always.

In fact, a lot of people who describe feeling trapped on a plane aren’t actually afraid of enclosed spaces themselves. They’re afraid of something else entirely, such as what might happen if anxiety or panic shows up while they’re there.

Understanding that difference can help you make much more sense of your fear.

When Someone Says “I’m Claustrophobic on a Plane”

When a client tells us they feel claustrophobic when flying, we usually start by asking a few questions.

Things like:

• What exactly are you afraid might happen on the plane?
• Do you feel this way in other enclosed spaces such as elevators or small rooms?
• Do you avoid situations mainly because they feel physically closed in, or because you worry you might panic and not be able to escape or get help?

These questions help us figure out what their brain is actually reacting to.

Because the experience of “feeling trapped” can come from a few different anxiety patterns.

What Claustrophobia Actually Is

Claustrophobia is considered a specific phobia, meaning the fear is tied to a particular type of environment.

In this case, the fear centers around enclosed or restricted spaces.

People with claustrophobia might feel anxious in places like:

• Elevators
• MRI machines
• Tunnels
• Small rooms
• Crowded trains

The fear is about the space itself — the feeling of confinement or restriction.

Outside of those situations, anxiety may be relatively low.

But when someone enters that environment, the brain reacts quickly and sends a strong signal that the situation is unsafe.

When the Fear Is Actually About Panic or Escape

Other times, the fear isn’t really about the space at all.

Instead, it’s about what might happen if anxiety shows up in that space.

In these cases, the core fear sounds more like:

“What if I panic and can’t calm down?”

“What if I can’t breathe?”

“What if I lose control in front of everyone?”

“What if I’m stuck somewhere and can’t get away?”

This anxiety pattern often shows up in places where escape feels difficult, such as:

• Airplanes
• Long drives
• Concerts or crowded events
• Standing in long lines
• Being far from home
• Traveling somewhere unfamiliar

Notice that many of these situations aren’t small spaces at all.

They’re simply places where someone worries they might not be able to leave easily if anxiety suddenly spikes.

This pattern is often connected to panic-related or agoraphobic fears, where the brain becomes focused on avoiding situations where escape feels limited.

The Common Thread: Feeling Unable to Get Away

Even though these patterns are different, they share an important theme.

Both fears often revolve around the experience of not being able to get away easily.

But the reason that feeling is scary is slightly different.

With claustrophobia, the fear is more about the environment itself — the sense of being confined.

With panic or agoraphobic fears, the concern is more about having anxiety somewhere you can’t easily leave or get help.

That distinction can help explain why someone might feel completely fine in an elevator — but panic at the idea of being on a plane for several hours.

Why This Distinction Can Be Helpful

Understanding the difference can help clarify what your brain is actually reacting to.

But the good news is that both patterns are very workable when using evidence-based therapies.

Whether the fear is rooted in claustrophobia, panic, or escape concerns, the underlying process is similar: your nervous system has learned to treat certain situations as dangerous.

The goal of treatment is to help your brain learn through experience that these situations are uncomfortable — but not dangerous.

Over time, that learning can dramatically change how your body responds.

I explain more about how this retraining process works here:

How to Overcome Claustrophobia on a Plane (By Retraining Your Brain).

A Final Thought

Many people who struggle with flying anxiety discover that their fear isn’t really about the space itself.

It’s about the possibility of panic, loss of control, uncertainty, or feeling stuck.

Once you understand that pattern, it becomes much easier to work on the fear in a way that actually helps your brain move forward.

Need More Support With Your Fear of Flying?

If the fear of feeling trapped on a plane has been holding you back from traveling, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

Inside my online course, Fearful Flyers Blueprint, I walk you step-by-step through how to understand your anxiety, retrain your nervous system, and approach flying in a way that actually changes the fear over time.

Inside the program, you’ll learn how to:

• Understand why flying triggers panic or claustrophobic feelings
• Stop the cycle of avoidance and reassurance
• Retrain your brain so flying no longer feels like an emergency

Sunday Scaries: What That Anxiety Is Really About

Sunday afternoon starts out fine.

You’re slower. The pace is lighter. Maybe you slept in. Maybe you didn’t have much planned at all.

And then somewhere between 3:00 and 7:00 PM, your mood shifts.

You start thinking about Monday. About emails, responsibilities, conversations you might have to have. And about how much energy the week is going to require from you.

Then the dread creeps in.

This is what is known as the “Sunday Scaries”.

The Nervous System Shift No One Talks About

Weekends and weekdays ask very different things of your nervous system.

For many people, the weekend is lower demand:

• Less performance pressure
  
  

• Fewer decisions
  
  

• More autonomy
  
  

• More flexibility
  
  

Even if you’re busy with family or errands, it’s usually a different kind of energy.

Then Sunday night hits — and your brain starts anticipating a sharp shift:

• Structured schedule
  
  

• Cognitive load
  
  

• Emotional regulation
  
  

• Social interactions
  
  

• Productivity expectations
  
  

Your nervous system moves from “lower output” mode to “high demand” mode — before the week even begins.

That spike is anticipatory anxiety.

It’s not random. It’s your brain preparing for what’s ahead. 

When we understand that, it becomes less mysterious — and more workable.

Sometimes the Sunday Scaries Are Information

Anxiety is uncomfortable, no doubt about it. But it’s also dat that we can use to inform us about what’s important to us, what’s bothering us, and what needs to change. 

Instead of immediately trying to shut it down, it can help to ask:

What might this be signaling?

Here are a few common themes we see.

1. You Care About Your Performance

For many high-functioning adults, Sunday anxiety isn’t about hating work — it’s about caring deeply.

You want to do well.

You want to be prepared.

You don’t want to drop the ball.

The tighter the expectations you hold for yourself, the louder Sunday can feel.

This doesn’t mean you need to care less.

But it may mean examining:

• Are my standards realistic?
  
  

• Am I allowing room to be human?
  
  

• Do I equate productivity with worth?
  
  

2. You’re Carrying Too Many Demands

Sometimes Sunday anxiety is your nervous system flagging overload.

If every week feels like survival mode, Sunday becomes the preview of exhaustion.

Questions worth asking:

• Is my schedule actually sustainable?
  
  

• Where could I reduce one small demand?
  
  

• Have I built in any true recovery time?
  
  

Anxiety here may be trying to tell you that rest is not just a luxury — it’s necessary.

3. You’re Stuck in Self-Criticism

Sunday can become a mental audit of everything you didn’t do.

You think about unfinished tasks.

The email you forgot.

The meeting you replay in your head.

Self-criticism fuels anticipatory anxiety.

If your inner dialogue sounds like:

“I should be able to handle this.”
“I’m already behind.”
“I can’t mess up this week.”

That tone can have a great impact on your feelings.

Shifting from criticism to curiosity can soften the spike:

• What actually needs attention?
  
  

• What can wait?
  
  

• What would I say to someone else in this position?
  
  

4. Boundaries Are Blurry

With phones, laptops, and remote access, work rarely stays at work. Some people start checking emails Sunday afternoon “just to get ahead.”

And sometimes that helps.

But often, it moves you into work mode early — fueling the very anticipatory anxiety you’re trying to reduce.

The key question isn’t “Should I ever prep on Sunday?”

It’s:

• Does this lower my anxiety — or feed it?
  
  

• Is this intentional — or a habit I’ve developed?
  
  

There’s a difference between thoughtful preparation and anxiety-driven over-functioning.

The Productivity Trap (Especially for High Achievers)

If you struggle to rest, Sunday can feel especially uncomfortable. 

You tell yourself:

“I should use this time wisely.”
“I need to get ahead.”
“I can’t waste the weekend.”

But when rest feels unproductive, burnout isn’t far behind.

Rest is not the opposite of productivity.

It’s what makes sustainable productivity possible.

If your nervous system never truly powers down, Monday will always feel heavier.

Practical Ways to Ease the Shift

Understanding the Sunday Scaries is helpful. But skills matter too. Here are a few ways to reduce the intensity.

1. Practice Present-Moment Awareness

When you notice your brain jumping to Monday, gently redirect it.

It can sound like:

“There’s the sunday scaries.”

Then make the choice to continue hanging out with the sunday scaries or return to the present moment. For example, “I have a choice right now. I can keep hanging out with the sunday scaries or I can get back reading my book.” 

You may have to continue to redirect your attention because the sunday scaries wants you to focus on work. This is normal. Just keep applying the redirection. 

2. Contain the Planning

Instead of mentally rehearsing all evening, set a 20–30 minute “Monday prep” timer.

During that time:

• Look at your schedule.
  
  

• Identify 1–3 top priorities.
  
  

• Decide what can wait.
  
  

When the time is up, close it. Planning reduces anxiety. But over-planning increases it.

3. Schedule Something Worth Showing Up For

If Monday feels like pure output, add something that gives back.

• A lunch you enjoy
  
  

• A workout you like
  
  

• Coffee with a friend
  
  

• Listening to a favorite podcast on your commute
  
  

When there’s something small to look forward to, it can help make Sunday feel less daunting. 

4. Build a Sunday Evening Ritual

Transitions feel better when they’re intentional.

Instead of drifting into anxiety, create a consistent wind-down routine:

• Lay out clothes.
  
  

• Light a candle.
  
  

• Write or talk about what you are grateful for from the weekend
  
  

• Take a short walk.
  
  

This signals to your brain that you are closing the weekend… not under threat.

When Sunday Anxiety Might Be a Bigger Signal

If your Sunday Scaries are intense, persistent, or paired with dread every single week, it may be worth looking deeper.

Sometimes it reflects:

• Burnout
  
  

• Workplace misalignment
  
  

• Chronic perfectionism
  
  

• Generalized anxiety
  
  

You don’t have to figure that out alone.

Therapy can help you untangle whether your anxiety is about:

• Transitions
  
  

• Boundaries
  
  

• Self-expectations
  
  

• Or something more systemic
  
  

If Sunday nights feel heavier than they need to, therapists at State of Mind Therapy can help you sort through what’s driving that pattern.

Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with one of our therapists to get started.

How to Survive Winter in Minnesota (When It Feels Mentally Heavier Than It “Should”)

In Minnesota, winter isn’t always the hardest in November.

December has momentum. There are holidays, plans, lights, gatherings.

But by March the holidays are long over and yet talk of spring is everywhere, but we’re still wearing winter jackets and scraping ice off windshields. And it can start to feel like this winter will never end. 

One day it’s 45 degrees and feels hopeful. The next day we get dumped on with snow.

The calendar is quieter. The sky is still gray. The sidewalks are slushy. And if you don’t have a warm-weather vacation planned, you may also be trying to figure out what to do with your kids while it’s still too cold (or too gross) to be outside for long.

And you might notice:

• Lower motivation (even for things you usually enjoy)
  
  

• More irritability or emotional flatness
  
  

• A “what’s the point?” kind of fog
  
  

• More time indoors, more scrolling, more isolating
  
  

• A sense of dread when you realize there is still have weeks of winter left
  
  

If this happens to you, you’re not alone. And there are things that can help.

Your brain and body are responding to real challenges of living in Minnesota during the winter season. There is less light, less novelty, less connection, and fewer natural mood boosters built into daily life.

But when we treat it like a predictable season instead of “ughh winter sucks”, we can respond more skillfully.

Why Winter Blues Can Slide Into Hopeless Thinking

When your mood drops, your thoughts often get heavier and more negative. That’s how the brain works in a low state.

Here are a few common unhelpful thought patterns we see during Minnesota winters:

“This will never end.”

Even if you logically know winter ends, your brain talks like it won’t.

Instead of forced positivity, try time-limiting the story:

• This is a season.
  
  

• My mood is not a permanent forecast.
  
  

• I can take care of myself while it passes.
  
  

“If I feel this way, something must be wrong.”

Low mood shows up — and then self-judgment layers on top of it.

A more grounded response to try might be:

• Of course this feels harder right now.
  
  

• This is a predictable dip for me.
  
  

• I can respond intentionally instead of criticizing myself.
  
  

“Either I feel motivated, or I can’t do anything.”

This one keeps people stuck. In winter, we often have to flip the order:

We need to take action first and an improved mood follows later.

Not instantly. But gradually.

“I should be able to think my way out of this.”

When winter hits, a lot of people go into mental problem-solving mode:

• Why am I like this?
  
  

• Is this seasonal depression?
  
  

• What does this mean about my life?
  
  

Sometimes insight helps. But if you notice yourself looping and feeling worse, it may be time to shift from figuring it out to caring for it.

A Realistic Winter Mental Health Plan

If you live somewhere with heavy winters, being proactive is a must. It’s about accepting a reality: winter is a known stressor for many Minnesotans.

And we can plan around it the same way we plan around any predictable challenge.Here are three pillars we often recommend — with one concrete way to make each one doable.

1) Break the Rut: Do One Thing That’s Different

Winter sameness is one of the biggest mood killers.

When every week looks identical, your brain starts interpreting life as “stuck.”

Pick one “different” thing each week. You don’t need a full lifestyle overhaul — just one shift.

Examples:

• Try a new restaurant or coffee shop
  
  

• Visit a bookstore, museum, greenhouse, or library
  
  

• Plan a small day trip
  
  

• Start a short class or hobby group
  
  

• Put one event on the calendar that breaks up the week
  
  

If you’re thinking, “But I don’t feel like doing anything,” that’s part of the winter blues. The plan is to do something anyway — small enough that it’s doable.

2) Treat Adult Connection Like a Need, Not an Option

Adult-to-adult connection matters. If winter makes you withdraw, lower the bar and make it consistent:

• One 15-minute phone call per week
  
  

• One scheduled coffee every two weeks
  
  

• One recurring group activity
  
  

3) Movement + Light: Mood Support You Don’t Have to Overthink

In winter, movement and daylight exposure aren’t built into the day like they are in summer. So we have to be more intentional. Think of it like mood maintenance — not fitness goals.

Try:

• A 10-minute walk during daylight (even cloudy light helps)
  
  

• Standing outside for a few minutes midday
  
  

• Visit an indoor walking track (this change of scenery can make a big difference)

4. Make a “Winter Joy List”

One of the hardest parts of winter blues is that when you’re already low, nothing sounds appealing.

That’s why it helps to create a list before you need it. I like to call it a “Winter Joy List.” And it might include:

At-home options

• Movie + favorite snack
  
  

• Puzzle or craft
  
  

• Reading somewhere cozy
  
  

Out-of-the-house options

• Library or coffee shop
  
  

• Indoor conservatory or greenhouse
  
  

• Ice skating or snow tubing
  
  

Connection ideas

• Call a friend
  
  

• Invite someone for dinner
  
  

• Join a group or event
  
  

Future-you wins

• Meal prep
  
  

• Tidy or organize one space
  
  

• Schedule an appointment you’ve been putting off
  
  

The goal is to add structure and something to look forward to. 

Winter Blues vs. Seasonal Depression

Winter blues often look like:

• Lower energy
  
  

• More irritability
  
  

• Wanting to stay home more
  
  

• Feeling sluggish but still functioning
  
  

Seasonal depression may include:

• Persistent low mood most days
  
  

• Loss of interest in nearly everything
  
  

• Significant sleep or appetite changes
  
  

• Feeling stuck or hopeless for weeks at a time
  
  

If you’re unsure where you fall, you don’t have to sort that out alone. A conversation with a therapist can help clarify what’s seasonal, what’s situational, and what might need more support.

When to Get Extra Support

If your winter mood is sliding into persistent hopelessness, isolation, or feeling like you’re just “getting through the day,” therapy can help.

In therapy, we can help you:

• Identify patterns that show up each winter
  
  

• Untangle hopeless thinking
  
  

• Build a realistic winter plan for your life
  
  

• Practice tools that help you act even when motivation is low
  
  

If winter feels heavy, you don’t have to push through it alone. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with one of our therapists to get started.

How to Overcome Claustrophobia on a Plane (By Retraining Your Brain)

For many people, the fear of flying isn’t actually about flying. It’s about anxiety itself. More specifically, it’s the fear of having anxiety on a plane — and not being able to escape if it spirals.

If you’ve ever wondered how to overcome claustrophobia on a plane, then keep reading.

Many people describe feeling claustrophobic on planes — even if they don’t struggle in elevators, small rooms, or other enclosed spaces. What feels terrifying isn’t the aircraft. It’s the combination of confinement, anxiety sensations, and the belief that if things get uncomfortable, there’s no immediate way out.

People often tell me they’re not worried about the plane crashing. What scares them is the thought of panicking at 30,000 feet, surrounded by strangers, with no way to step outside, get fresh air, or reset.

When flying triggers a fear of being trapped, it’s not typically the plane that feels threatening. It’s the combination of anxiety, confinement, and the belief that if things escalate, you’re stuck.

When the Fear Is: “What If I Panic and Can’t Get Off the Plane?”

A lot of people describe their fear in very similar ways. They’re not afraid of crashing. They’re afraid of feeling trapped. They’re afraid of panicking in a place they can’t leave. Often, the fear sounds like:

• “What if I panic and can’t calm down?”
  
  

• “What if I can’t breathe?”
  
  

• “What if I lose control in front of everyone?”
  
  

• “What if I need to get off the plane and I can’t?”
  
  

In these moments, the fear doesn’t feel hypothetical. It feels urgent and physical. That’s because this type of flight anxiety isn’t driven by logic — it’s driven by your nervous system.

Why Claustrophobia on a Plane Feels So Intense

Claustrophobia on a plane hits differently because flying combines several triggers that anxiety is especially sensitive to:

• Physical containment
  
  

• Commitment to stay
  
  

• Lack of immediate exit
  
  

• Sensations you can’t control
  
  

• Social pressure to “hold it together”
  
  

Once your brain associates these cues with danger, it doesn’t pause to evaluate the facts. It reacts automatically.

That’s why anxiety often ramps up:

• When boarding
  
  

• When the doors close
  
  

• Before takeoff
  
  

• Or even while still at the gate
  
  

Your nervous system is preparing for what it believes is an emergency — even if, logically, you know you’re safe.

A Brief Note About Claustrophobia vs. Panic

Some people describe this fear as claustrophobia — and sometimes that’s accurate. Other times, the fear isn’t about small spaces in general. It’s about the possibility of panicking somewhere you can’t easily leave. Clinically, these patterns can fall into different categories, such as specific phobia (claustrophobia), panic disorder, or agoraphobic fears.

But regardless of the label, the underlying mechanism is similar: your nervous system has learned to associate confinement and limited escape with danger. And that’s what exposure-based work targets.

The goal isn’t a perfect diagnosis. It’s changing the fear response.

Why Coping Skills Alone Don’t Fix Claustrophobia on a Plane

When people try to deal with claustrophobia on a plane, they often turn to strategies that make sense on the surface:

• Reassuring themselves they’ll be okay
  
  

• Distracting heavily
  
  

• Monitoring breathing or heart rate
  
  

• Choosing seats that feel safer
  
  

• Avoiding flights when anxiety feels too intense
  
  

These strategies often bring temporary relief. But relief doesn’t equal learning. When anxiety decreases because you escaped, distracted, or reassured yourself, your brain doesn’t learn that the situation is safe.

It learns that you needed those strategies to survive it. And over time, that strengthens the fear. Your brain remembers: “that situation was dangerous. We barely got through it.” So the alarm comes back just as strong — or stronger — the next time.

How Exposure Therapy Helps You Overcome Claustrophobia on a Plane

Overcoming claustrophobia on a plane isn’t about needing to stay calm and relaxed. It’s about changing how your brain responds to the feeling of being trapped.

Exposure works differently than coping.

It doesn’t aim to eliminate anxiety. It doesn’t promise instant calm.

Instead, exposure retrains the nervous system through repeated, intentional experiences. Over time, your brain learns:

• Anxiety can rise without needing immediate escape
  
  

• Panic sensations are uncomfortable but not dangerous
  
  

• You don’t need total control to be safe
  
  

• The feeling of being trapped doesn’t equal actual danger
  
  

What once felt like an emergency starts to feel tolerable — not because anxiety disappears, but because your nervous system stops treating it like a threat.

That’s the shift.

Why Understanding the Fear Isn’t Enough

Many people who struggle with claustrophobia on planes understand their fear intellectually.

They know:

• They’ve never actually lost control
  
  

• Panic eventually peaks and passes
  
  

• The plane itself isn’t dangerous
  
  

And yet, their body still reacts. That’s because this fear lives in the learning and survival centers of the brain — not the logical one.

You can’t reason your way out of a learned alarm. You have to teach your nervous system — through experience — that it doesn’t need to panic when escape isn’t immediately available.

What Progress Looks Like When You’re Afraid of Being Trapped on a Plane

Progress doesn’t mean flying without anxiety. It often looks like:

• Feeling anxious and staying anyway
  
  

• Letting sensations rise without urgently fixing them
  
  

• Using fewer safety behaviors over time
  
  

• Trusting yourself a little more with each experience
  
  

These shifts may feel subtle — but they’re meaningful. And they compound. Over time, the plane stops feeling like a trap because your brain learned it doesn’t need to sound the alarm.

Closing Thoughts

When flying triggers claustrophobia, the problem isn’t the aircraft. It’s the meaning your nervous system has learned to assign to confinement, anxiety sensations, and lack of escape.

Exposure helps because it changes that meaning at the level where fear actually lives — in your nervous system, not your logic.

By retraining your brain to stay on the plane — even when discomfort shows up — you are telling your brain that you can handle more than anxiety predicts.

If claustrophobia on a plane is interfering with your life or limiting your travel, working with a therapist trained in CBT and exposure therapy can help you approach it in a way that’s gradual, intentional, and effective.

You don’t have to white-knuckle every flight forever.

When You Love Someone With Anxiety, “Protecting Them” Makes Sense… and Might Be Keeping Them Stuck

If someone you love struggles with anxiety, panic, OCD, or a specific phobia, your instincts kick in fast.

You want to help. You want to reduce their distress. You want to prevent the thing that scares them from happening. So you start doing small, loving things—often without even thinking:

• You avoid certain topics around them.
  
  

• You don’t tell them when you’re not feeling well.
  
  

• You quietly change plans so they won’t spiral.
  
  

• You handle the “hard part” for them.
  
  

• You reassure them, explain, double-check, or “make sure” they’re okay.
  
  

From the outside, it looks like support. And in the moment? It often works. Their anxiety drops and is able to move forward. There is peace… for now.

But here’s the part that’s hard to hear:

The short-term relief that comes from protecting someone can unintentionally train their anxiety to get stronger.

This isn’t because you’re intentionally doing anything wrong. It’s because anxiety learns from outcomes.

Why Protecting Someone Makes So Much Sense

Let’s name the truth: if someone you love is panicking, it’s brutally painful to witness. Watching them suffer can bring up your own fear, guilt, or urgency:

• I don’t want them to feel this way.
  
  

• I don’t want to make it worse.
  
  

• If I can prevent this, I should.
  
  

• I’ll just handle it this time.
  
  

That’s not weakness. That’s attachment. That’s caregiving. And above all, that’s love.

And in real danger, protecting people is exactly what we’re supposed to do. The problem is that anxiety treats discomfort like danger, even when it isn’t. And when we respond to anxiety like it’s danger too, we accidentally reinforce the fear.

The Difference Between Support and Accommodation

Support says: “I’m with you” and “you’ve got this.”

Accommodation says: “We need to make sure you never have to feel this.”

Accommodation usually looks like:

• Changing the environment to remove triggers
  
  

• Helping someone avoid the feared situation
  
  

• Offering repeated reassurance or certainty
  
  

• Doing the “scary” task for them
  
  

• Keeping secrets to prevent them from worrying
  
  

It often comes from a caring place. But it teaches one core message: “This situation is so threatening that you need help to get through it.”

And that’s the exact message anxiety wants your loved one to believe.

Why Accommodation Makes Anxiety Stronger Over Time

Here’s the cycle:

1. Your loved one feels anxious.
   
   

2. You protect them (reassure, avoid, rescue, cover).
   
   

3. Their anxiety drops.
   
   

4. Their brain learns: “That worked. We need that again next time.”
   
   

That’s how anxiety gets trained. So over time, your loved one may become:

• more sensitive to triggers
  
  

• more dependent on reassurance
  
  

• more avoidant
  
  

• more vigilant and on edge
  
  

Even though everyone is trying so hard to keep things calm.

The “Mirroring” Effect: Why Your Reaction Matters

When someone has anxiety, they’re constantly scanning:

• How serious is this?
  
  

• Can I handle it?
  
  

• Is this dangerous?
  
  

They take cues from the people around them.

So if a family member or partner is:

• tiptoeing around topics
  
  

• hiding information
  
  

• quickly fixing or preventing discomfort
  
  

…their nervous system often interprets that as:

“Everyone agrees this is unsafe.”

This is why loved ones responses matter so much in recovery. Your response helps shape what anxiety believes.

What It Looks Like to Help Without Feeding Anxiety

Here’s the shift we want:

Instead of preventing discomfort, we want to communicate:

“This is uncomfortable—but it’s manageable.”

That’s the sweet spot.

It doesn’t minimize the fear.
It doesn’t shame them for having it.
It doesn’t force exposure in a harsh way.

It simply stops cooperating with the anxiety.

What this can sound like

• I can see you’re anxious. I’m here.
  
  

• I’m not going to reassure you about this, but I know you can handle the uncertainty.
  
  

• We’re not going to reorganize our whole day around the fear.
  
  

• You can be uncomfortable and still be okay.
  
  

• Let’s focus on what you want to do next, even with anxiety here.
  
  

This is supportive, steady, and calm.

And it helps your loved one learn the real skill:

Tolerating discomfort without escaping.

“But Won’t That Make Them More Anxious?”

In the short-term: yes, it might.

When you stop accommodating, anxiety often spikes first. That doesn’t mean you’re harming them. It means the pattern is changing.

Think of it like physical therapy:

If someone has avoided using an injured muscle, the first time they use it again… it’s uncomfortable. But that discomfort is part of rebuilding strength.

It’s the same with anxiety and phobias.

Your loved one doesn’t get stronger by avoiding the hard moment. They get stronger by staying with it long enough for their brain to learn:“I can handle this.”

A Practical Way to Start Reducing Accommodations

If you’re used to protecting someone, going cold-turkey can feel harsh. So start small.

Step 1: Name what you normally do

• I usually reassure.
  
  

• I usually hide information.
  
  

• I usually take over the task.
  
  

• I usually change plans.
  
  

Step 2: Choose one small change

• Offer presence instead of reassurance
  
  

• Pause before “fixing”
  
  

• Let them feel the wave without immediately interrupting it
  
  

Step 3: Stay kind and firm

You can be warm and not accommodate.

That’s the goal.

What If You’re Also Anxious?

Sometimes loved ones accommodate because they’re anxious too. It’s stressful to sit with someone else’s panic. It can feel easier to:

• reassure them so you feel better
  
  

• avoid conflict
  
  

• prevent the feared outcome so you can relax
  
  

If that’s you, you’re not alone. In fact, accommodating is the normal thing to do.

But supporting someone through anxiety often requires you to practice the same thing your loved one has to practice:

tolerating discomfort without scrambling to fix it.

If You Love Them, Don’t Help Their Anxiety Win

If there’s one takeaway we want you to remember, it’s this:

Protecting someone from discomfort is not the same as helping them recover.

The most loving thing you can do is often:

• stay steady
  
  

• stop rescuing
  
  

• remind them (with your actions) that they can cope
  
  

That’s the message that changes anxiety long-term.

Want Help Navigating This as a Family, Couple, or Support System?

If you’re supporting someone with anxiety, OCD, or a phobia—and you’re not sure what “helpful” looks like anymore—we can help.

In therapy, we teach both the person struggling and the loved ones around them how to respond in ways that support recovery.

Schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation to get started.

Social Anxiety and the Fear of Being Judged: Why It Keeps You Stuck (and What Actually Helps)

If you struggle with social anxiety, there’s a good chance you spend a lot of time worrying about what other people think of you.

You might logically know you’re competent, intelligent, and likable. And yet those beliefs all go out the window the moment you put yourself out there.

So you stay quiet in meetings.

You replay conversations afterward.

You cancel plans, or avoid speaking up, or leave social situations feeling exhausted and embarrassed.

Most people assume this means they just “lack confidence.”

But that’s not actually what’s going on.

In this blog, we’ll talk about why fear of judgment feels so powerful, how it keeps you stuck in anxiety, and what actually helps you loosen its grip.

“I Know I’m Capable… So Why Do I Still Doubt Myself?”

One of the most frustrating parts of social anxiety is how often it exists alongside self-awareness.

We hear things like:

“I know I’m good at my job.”

“I’ve done well in school.”

“There are days I feel confident about how I look.”

And yet…

The moment attention turns outward, doubt rushes in.

Did I say that wrong?

Did that sound stupid?

What if they think I’m awkward?

What if they don’t like me?

When this happens, people often assume the problem is low self-esteem.

But here’s the thing I’ve learned from working with my clients, the issue usually isn’t ability or worth—it’s where your attention goes.

When your focus turns inward and starts scanning for mistakes, your brain interprets that as danger. And anxiety takes over.

When Confidence Becomes Conditional

Waiting until you get approval or praise won’t lead to feeling more confident. 

So if you feel like you will gain more confidence after your boss gives you a positive review or someone compliments your appearance, then you are giving other people power over how you view yourself. 

Confidence shouldn’t be something that only exists after approval from others.

How Fear of Judgment Shapes Your Behavior

Fear of judgment doesn’t just consume your thoughts. It also shapes your choices and how you show up in the world. 

We often see it show up as:

Withdrawing
You stay quiet in meetings
You only share ideas when you’re “100% sure”
You make yourself smaller in groups

Avoiding
You skip social plans
You don’t reach out to people you want to connect with
You wait for others to initiate

Reassurance-seeking
You fish for validation instead of asking directly
You scan for signs that you did “okay”
You replay conversations to check for mistakes

All of these make sense. They’re attempts to feel “better.” 

But here’s the thing, these behaviors also teach your brain that judgment is dangerous—and that avoidance is necessary.

That’s how the anxiety loop stays alive.

Why Waiting to “Feel Confident” Keeps You Stuck

One of the biggest mindset shifts we work on in therapy is this:

Confidence doesn’t come before action. It comes after.

We don’t feel confident and then speak up.

We speak up while uncomfortable—and confidence grows later.

Think about anything you’ve learned:

• Public speaking
  
  

• Dating
  
  

• Networking
  
  

• Playing an instrument
  
  

Confidence came from repetition, not readiness.

Waiting until you feel calm enough often means waiting forever.

“But People Actually Are Judging Me… Right?”

This part can feel uncomfortable (but also freeing). 

Everyone judges.

You’ve likely had fleeting judgments about people you genuinely like and respect: 

• My mom is so annoying when she laughs like that. 

• Your partner snaps at the kids and you think, “I wouldn’t have done that.” 

• Your coworker makes a mistake during their presentation and you think “that was awkward.”
  
  

And yet…

You didn’t reject them.

You didn’t stop caring.

You didn’t reduce them to that one moment.

Social anxiety tells us that if someone around us experiences any judgment towards us that it equals total rejection of us. 

That’s simply not how most humans work.

Why What Other People Think Is Usually Not Helpful Information

One helpful reframe we often teach to our clients is that: “What other people think of me is none of my business.” 

Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions. 

I say this with love, you’re not the thought police. 

So let other people have their thoughts, and remind yourself that it’s not your job to control what they are thinking of you. '

Ask yourself: Would knowing someone judged me actually help me? Would it improve my performance? Would it make me more authentic? 

For most situations, the answer is no.

It usually leads to feeling worse about yourself. 

A More Helpful Skill: Non-Engagement

When your mind spirals into “what if they’re judging me,” try seeing it for what it is: a thought, not a fact.

Instead of debating or analyzing it, practice non-engagement.

That means:

• Not arguing with the thought
  
  

• Not seeking certainty
  
  

• Not following the spiral
  
  

Examples:

• “Maybe they’re judging me. Maybe they’re not. I don’t need to know.”
  
  

• “This thought isn’t helpful, and I’m not engaging with it.”
  
  

• “I’m noticing the judgment story again.”
  
  

The goal isn’t to eliminate anxious thoughts.  It’s to stop feeding them.

Acting “As If” (Even When It’s Uncomfortable)

One of the most effective approaches for social anxiety is values-based exposure.

That might look like:

• Speaking up once in a meeting—even if you blush
  
  

• Showing up to a social plan for 20 minutes instead of canceling
  
  

• Initiating a hangout instead of waiting
  
  

This isn’t about proving you are confident. It’s about practicing the life you want while anxious.

Over time, your brain learns:
“I can tolerate discomfort—and I don’t need to fix it.”

That’s where confidence actually grows.

Naming the Pattern Gives You Choice

Many people find it helpful to name what’s happening:

• “Here’s the judgment story.”
  
  

• “This is my ‘not enough’ loop.”
  
  

• “This is my brain trying to protect me.”
  
  

Once you can recognize the pattern, you’re no longer stuck inside it. You can respond instead of react.

Confidence Isn’t the Absence of Anxiety

Think about someone in your life who seems confident. Now ask yourself (or them if you’re able!):

Do they never feel awkward? Do they never worry about being judged? Probably not.

Real confidence isn’t:

• Never feeling anxious
  
  

• Never being judged
  
  

• Never doubting yourself
  
  

It’s:

• Speaking anyway
  
  

• Showing up anyway
  
  

• Trusting yourself without constant reassurance
  
  

If fear of judgment is keeping you quiet, small, or stuck—therapy can help you practice responding differently.

Not by fixing you. But by helping you show up the way you want to.

Ready to Work With an Anxiety Therapist?

If social anxiety or fear of judgment is impacting your work, relationships, or self-trust, we can help. State of Mind Therapy specializes in helping with anxiety disorders and OCD using evidence based approaches like CBT, ERP, and ACT.

It’s Not the Plane: Why Flying Triggers the Fear of Being Trapped

Many people who struggle with flying anxiety will say something like:

“I’m not afraid of the plane.”
“I’m not scared of heights.”
“I know flying is safe.”

And they mean it.

What actually scares them is something else entirely.

It’s the fear of what might happen once they’re on the plane—and the fact that they can’t just get off if anxiety spikes.

What if I panic?
What if I have a medical emergency?
What if I need to escape and can’t?

For a lot of people, flying anxiety isn’t about fear of the plane crashing.
It’s about the fear of being trapped or stuck. 

If claustrophobia is the main driver of your flight anxiety, I wrote more about this in depth here:
Overcoming Flight Anxiety When Claustrophobia Takes Control

Why the Word “Trapped” Makes Everything Feel Worse

Let’s start with the power of the word, “trapped”, for a moment.

Trapped is a powerful, anxiety-producing word. It implies:

• No control
  
  

• No choice
  
  

• No way out
  
  

And honestly, who would feel okay being “trapped”? Of course your nervous system reacts strongly to that idea.

The problem is that anxiety often uses emergency language to describe situations that are uncomfortable, but not actually dangerous.

Just like the term panic attack makes it sound like something is attacking you—when in reality it’s a surge of adrenaline—the word trapped exaggerates what’s happening on a plane.

You’re not actually trapped.

You’re temporarily in a contained space.

You don’t have immediate exit.

You’ve committed to being on a flight for a period of time.

Those may not feel pleasant—but they’re very different from being trapped.

The Scary Story Anxiety Tells You

Here’s a reframe that I often share with my clients:

You’re not afraid of flying. You’re afraid of the scary story your anxiety tells you about being trapped.

That story usually sounds something like:

• “What if I panic and lose control?”
  
  

• “What if I can’t handle the sensations?”
  
  

• “What if I need to get off and can’t?”
  
  

• “What if something happens and I’m stuck?”
  
  

Once that story starts playing, your brain reacts as if the threat is imminent—even though nothing is actually going wrong in the present moment.

So your heart races. Your chest tightens. Your thoughts speed up. And that physical reaction makes the story feel even more real.

It’s Not About Escape — It’s About Trusting Yourself

When people say they’re afraid of being trapped, what they’re often really afraid of is this:

“I don’t trust myself to handle my anxiety if it shows up.”

The desire to escape isn’t about leaving the plane—it’s about wanting relief.

Relief from:

• Panic sensations
  
  

• Fear
  
  

• Uncertainty
  
  

• Loss of control
  
  

Flying removes the option of immediate escape, and anxiety doesn’t like that. It wants certainty and control. It wants an exit plan. It wants to know that if things get uncomfortable, you can leave.

But needing certainty in order to feel safe is the trap.

You’re Not Trapped — You’re a Willing Passenger

This is another language shift that can be surprisingly grounding.

You didn’t end up on a plane against your will (hopefully).

You chose to book the flight.

You paid for the ticket.

You want to go somewhere.

You are a willing passenger in a vehicle that’s taking you where you want or need to go.

That doesn’t mean anxiety won’t show up. It means you’re not powerless—even if anxiety tries to tell you otherwise.

Restoring this sense of agency matters. Anxiety thrives when situations are framed as something happening to you, rather than something you’re choosing to move through.

Why Flying Intensifies This Fear

Flying combines several triggers that anxiety is especially sensitive to:

• Physical containment
  
  

• Uncertainty
  
  

• Sensations you can’t control
  
  

• Social pressure to “stay put”

The Role of Safety Behaviors (And Why They Backfire)

When anxiety tells you you’re trapped, it pushes you to regain control in whatever ways it can.

That might look like:

• Sitting in a specific seat
  
  

• Monitoring flight attendants closely (“are the doors still open!?)
  
  

• Constantly checking how you feel
  
  

• White-knuckling the flight
  
  

• Needing reassurance to feel okay
  
  

Some advice even suggests things like meeting the pilot to feel safe.

And while that might feel reassuring in the moment, it teaches your brain an unhelpful lesson:
“I can only tolerate this if I get reassurance.”

What happens if you don’t get to meet the pilot? What if they don’t look as competent or experienced as you hoped?

Anxiety will always ask for more certainty.

The goal isn’t to eliminate fear by controlling every variable—it’s to reduce the belief that you need certainty in order to be okay.

The Real Work: Learning to Stay Without Escaping

This is where meaningful change happens. It doesn’t include magically erasing anxiety and it’s also not by convincing yourself nothing bad will happen.

But the real work includes slowly learning that:

• Anxiety can rise and fall without you escaping
  
  

• Discomfort is temporary
  
  

• You don’t need total control to be safe
  
  

What Progress Actually Looks Like

So how long does it take to overcome your fear of flying? The brutal truth is that it depends. And it takes time. If anyone tries to sell you on a quick fix, then run. 

But that doesn’t mean progress can’t happen quickly. 

I’ve had clients who took a flight two weeks after working with me and found drastic improvement. But let me be clear, progress doesn’t mean flying without anxiety.

Progress often looks like:

• Feeling anxious and staying anyway
  
  

• Letting panic sensations be there without urgently fixing them
  
  

• Using fewer safety behaviors
  
  

• Trusting yourself a little more each time
  
  

Closing Thoughts

Fear of flying is rarely about the plane.

It’s about the meaning anxiety assigns to being “stuck,” the language it uses to describe discomfort, and the belief that you can’t handle what might come up.

When you begin to change that relationship—to fear, to control, to uncertainty—the experience of flying can start to shift.

And if this pattern feels familiar or overwhelming, working with a therapist trained in evidence-based approaches can help you practice staying with discomfort instead of needing to escape it.

If you need help with your fear of flying, State of Mind Therapy can help in a number of ways. We can work with you individually, you can take an on-demand course, or you join us at one of our in-person workshops at the MSP Airport. 

10 Signs You’re Stuck in a Mental Rabbit Hole (And Not Actually Solving Anything)

Overthinking doesn’t usually feel like a problem at first.

Some people call it ruminating. Others call it worrying, overthinking, or being stuck in their head.

Whatever word you use, the experience is often the same.

It feels like responsibility. Like you’re being careful. Like you’re trying to make the right decision.

But many people we work with tell us they know they ruminate too much— but they just don’t know how to stop. Others don’t use that word at all. They say things like:

• “I can’t get this thought out of my head.”
  
  

• “I worry about this constantly.”
  
  

• “I know I’m spiraling, but it feels risky to stop thinking about it.”
  
  

That’s because a mental rabbit hole often looks like problem-solving on the outside—while keeping anxiety going underneath.

Here are some signs that what you’re doing isn’t actually solving anything, even though it feels like it should.

1. You feel mentally exhausted, not clearer

You’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the issue, but instead of feeling resolved, you feel drained, fatigued, or overwhelmed.

Problem-solving usually leads to a sense of direction and an ability to decide and move on. But mental rabbit holes leave you tired from going over it repeatedly. 

2. You can’t fully be present because the thought keeps pulling you back in

Even when you’re doing other things, the thought is always there—running in the background, waiting for your attention.

You might be able to distract yourself briefly, but it never really feels gone.

3. Your body feels tense or on edge while you’re thinking about it

This isn’t the same as having a calm reflection period.

Your nervous system is activated—hypervigilant, alert, scanning for danger or certainty. The urgency in your body matches the urgency in your thoughts.

4. “But what if…” keeps showing up

The details of the thing you are worried about may look different, but the structure stays the same.

There’s always another angle. Another possibility. Another scenario to consider. Anxiety is very good at convincing you that this version of the question is the one that finally matters.

5. You keep revisiting the same information without gaining clarity

This can look like:

• Replaying conversations
  
  

• Reviewing facts you already know
  
  

• Weighing the same options over and over
  
  

• Venting about the same situation
  
  

You’re not learning anything new—you’re just looping.

6. You can’t seem to decide and move forward

Sometimes the problem is genuinely unanswerable. Other times, it is answerable—but committing to a decision feels impossible.

You stay stuck not because you lack options, but because anxiety keeps you spinning instead of choosing.

7. You keep researching or asking for reassurance—and it makes things worse

You might Google, ask friends, replay memories, or even turn to tools like ChatGPT—hoping that this time you’ll finally feel certain.

Instead, you end up with more information… and more uncertainty.

8. Time disappears when you’re thinking about it

Hours go by. Sleep gets disrupted. The thought takes over so completely that it’s hard to focus on anything else.

Mental rabbit holes don’t just take up mental space—they take up time.

9. You know it’s excessive, but you feel unable to stop

You recognize that the thinking isn’t helping. You may even wish you could stop—but the pull to keep analyzing feels stronger than your ability to disengage.

10. You feel worse afterward, not better

This is one of the clearest signs. Instead of relief, you’re left feeling more confused, anxious, frustrated, or even guilty and ashamed for getting pulled in again.

A mental rabbit hole promises relief if you just think a little more—but it never delivers.

Why Mental Rabbit Holes Are So Convincing

Mental rabbit holes feel productive because anxiety frames them as necessary.

Thinking becomes a way to:

• Avoid regret
  
  

• Avoid discomfort
  
  

• Avoid uncertainty
  
  

• Avoid making the “wrong” choice
  
  

In other words, rumination often functions as a protective behavior. It feels safer to stay in your head than to sit with not knowing.

The problem is that anxiety is never satisfied. The more you respond, the more it asks for.

A Gentle Reframe

Here’s the truth, if thinking were the solution, you would have thought your way out of this by now.

A mental rabbit hole feels like you’re doing something—but it usually only leads to more confusion and overwhelm. Anxiety promises relief if you just think a little more. The opposite happens.

Closing Thought

Learning to recognize when you’re stuck in a mental rabbit hole is an important first step—not so you can force yourself to stop thinking, but so you can relate differently to the urge to keep going.

Overthinking and rumination often show up as a promise of relief. Anxiety convinces you that if you just think a little more, things will finally settle. But more thinking rarely brings the relief it promises.

With time, support, and practice, it is possible to change this pattern.

If you want help learning how to work with rumination and worry more effectively, we invite you to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with one of our therapists to see if we’re a good fit for you.

After a Rough Flight: When You’re Not Sure You Can Do It Again

You took the flight.

You got where you needed to go.

And instead of feeling relieved or proud, you feel exhausted. Discouraged. Maybe even a little defeated.

A lot of people who are anxious about flying will take a flight but have so much anxiety during it that they don’t know if they can keep doing it.

They might say “that was really hard…too hard.” Or “I don’t know if I can do that again.” or “Why does this feel like such a big deal for me?”

If that’s where you are right now, I see you. And keep reading to learn about how to not let your anxiety get the best of you when flying.

What People Usually Mean by a “Rough” Flight

When someone says they had a rough flight, they’re not always talking about the plane itself.

Sometimes the flight was turbulent.

Sometimes it was smooth.

What made it “rough” was the anxiety.

A rough flight might look like:

• Feeling panicked or on edge the entire time
  
  

• White-knuckling through takeoff, turbulence, or landing
  
  

• Constantly monitoring your body for signs of panic
  
  

• Crying quietly (or not so quietly)
  
  

• Feeling stuck on the tarmac and counting the minutes
  
  

• Never really relaxing for a second
  
  

From the outside, it may not have looked like you were struggling.

But on the inside, it was exhausting.

The Post-Flight Mental Spiral

After a rough flight, it’s very common for your mind to start spiraling.

Maybe you start thinking:

• “That was awful.”
  
  

• “I barely got through that.”
  
  

• “What if next time is even worse?”
  
  

• “I don’t think I can do that again.”
  
  

This is often the moment when anxiety starts telling a bigger story—one that goes beyond this flight and turns into questions about your future, your limits, or what this says about you.

That story can feel convincing, especially when you’re worn down.

Why Flying Again Doesn’t Always Make It Easier

Many people are surprised—and frustrated—to find that their fear of flying hasn’t improved, even though they’ve continued to take flights.

They’ll say things like,

“I’ve flown so many times. I’ve done exposure. And it never got better.”

What they’re usually describing isn’t exposure in a therapeutic sense—it’s endurance.

White-knuckling through flights, bracing for anxiety, monitoring every sensation, and just trying to “get through it” can absolutely prove that you can fly. But it doesn’t teach your nervous system that you can handle it.

In fact, when you endure a flight by staying on high alert the entire time, your body learns something very different:

This was dangerous, and I had to work extremely hard to survive it.

That’s why flying again doesn’t feel easier. You’re not failing at exposure—your nervous system just hasn’t had the chance to learn anything new yet.

Why White-Knuckling Leaves You Feeling Worse, Not Better

When you brace your way through a flight, you may get to your destination—but you also leave the experience feeling depleted.

You might logically know you “did it,” but you also know how miserable it felt.

For many people, that’s the real fear—not the plane itself, but the idea of having to endure hours of intense anxiety again, plus all the anticipatory anxiety leading up to it.

Enduring anxiety doesn’t build confidence.

It builds avoidance.

What a Rough Flight Does Not Mean

A rough flight does not mean:

• You’re back at square one
  
  

• You’ll always feel this way when you fly
  
  

• You’ve failed
  
  

• This anxiety will never change
  
  

It means your nervous system worked very hard—and it didn’t yet have the tools it needed to respond differently.

One difficult experience doesn’t define your future relationship with flying.

Using This Moment Differently

As uncomfortable as this moment is, it’s often an important one.

For many people, a rough flight is the point where they realize:

I don’t want this to keep controlling my life.

I want travel to feel different than this.

I might need more than willpower or white-knuckling.

That realization isn’t a failure. It’s information.

It can be the moment where the question shifts from “how do I force myself to get through this?” to “what do I need so this doesn’t have to feel this way next time?”

Everything about this is workable.

If You’ve Made Progress with Flying Anxiety Before

If flying has felt more manageable in the past and this flight felt especially hard, that doesn’t erase the progress you’ve made.

Flying is a unique fear because most people don’t do it often enough for confidence to build consistently. Old anxiety responses can resurface easily, especially after a stressful experience.

Setbacks happen. They’re part of the process—not proof that things aren’t working.

Closing Thought

If you’ve just had a rough flight and are feeling unsure about the future, this doesn’t mean you’re stuck like this forever.

It means your anxiety is asking for something different—different skills, different support, a different way of responding.

And that is possible.

If you want help learning how to change your relationship with flying anxiety—so future flights don’t have to feel this overwhelming—we invite you to work with us.

We help people learn how to fly with more peace and confidence through various ways, such as individual therapy, on demand courses, and in-person workshops to help you learn how to fly with more peace. 

What I Noticed at the MSP Fear of Flying Workshop

After our most recent Fear of Flying workshop at MSP Airport, I found myself reflecting on the experience — not just this one event, but the shared experiences that show up every single time we offer this workshop.

What stands out most is how powerful the environment itself is.

Being in the airport, walking through security, and sitting on a plane while learning anxiety management skills is something that simply can’t be replicated in a Zoom meeting or a conference room.

Even though everyone knew we weren’t actually going anywhere, stepping onto a plane — sitting in the seats, closing the doors, staying — was a big step. For some participants, that alone brought up strong emotions.

Just Being There Was the Exposure

One of the most powerful parts of the workshop was seeing how emotional some people became just sitting on the plane.

Not because we were flying anywhere. Not because we were taking off. But because their nervous systems were responding to the experience of being there.

This is something anxious flyers often minimize or judge themselves for:

“I’m not even flying — why is this so hard?” But it makes complete sense.

For someone who fears flying or being trapped, simply placing your body in that environment can activate the alarm system. And because we aren’t flying anywhere, it gives people a chance to stay with those feelings and see that they are safe to have.

“It Feels Good to Not Feel So Alone”

Another thing that stood out was how quickly people connected with one another.

Over and over, participants commented on how relieving it felt to hear others describe the same fears:

• The fear of being stuck
  
  

• The fear of panicking with no way out
  
  

• The frustration of knowing flying is safe but still feeling overwhelmed
  
  

Flight anxiety can be deeply isolating. Many people feel embarrassed by it or assume they’re the only ones who react this way.

Watching people realize, “Oh — it’s not just me,” is incredibly powerful.

That sense of shared understanding often brings relief before any technique ever does.

Two Different Fears — One Shared Struggle

Something I notice in nearly every workshop — and this one was no exception — is that participants often fall into two groups.

About half are primarily afraid of the plane crashing. The other half aren’t worried about crashing at all. Their fear is more about:

• Feeling trapped
  
  

• Being stuck for hours
  
  

• Not being able to leave if they start to panic
  
  

Different fears — but the same underlying struggle with uncertainty, loss of control, and bodily anxiety.

Understanding what you’re actually afraid of matters, because it shapes how you work on the fear. Many people don’t realize until they’re in a space like this that flying itself isn’t the real problem.

A Moment of Confidence That Matters

At the end of the workshop, one participant shared something that really stuck with me.

They said they felt like they could get on a plane that day.

Not because their anxiety was gone. Not because flying suddenly felt easy. But because they felt more capable.

That’s what real progress usually looks like. Not the absence of fear — but a shift in how much power it has over you.

What I Wish More Anxious Flyers Knew

If there’s one thing I wish more anxious flyers understood, it’s this:

This fear is workable.

Not in a “just push through it” way — but in a real, lasting way.

During the workshop, my husband shared something personal with the group. Years ago, he struggled with panic disorder and agoraphobia. Today, that’s no longer something that runs his life.

I also shared my own experience. I once had a fear of flying myself. Now, flying is something I do regularly. I plan trips intentionally. I keep practicing. I don’t wait for fear to disappear before living my life.

That distinction matters.

Skills Help You Get Through the Moment — But They Don’t Change the Fear

There’s a place for in-the-moment coping skills like distraction and deep breathing. If you have tools that help you get through an upcoming flight, that’s important — especially if you haven’t done the deeper work yet.

But skills alone don’t change the fear.

They help you survive the moment — not retrain your nervous system.

Lasting change comes from learning how to stay with discomfort, reduce avoidance, and teach your brain that flying isn’t an emergency it needs to protect you from.

That’s the work we focus on — not just helping people “get through” a flight, but helping the fear itself lose its grip over time.

Change doesn’t happen overnight, but it does happen when fear is worked with intentionally, gradually, and with the right support.

Closing Thoughts

Our Navigating Flight Anxiety Workshop helps others learn that fear of flying isn’t about willpower or logic. (If it were, you would have solved it by now.)

It’s about willingness, commitment, and realizing you’re not alone.

If you’ve been avoiding flights, dreading upcoming travel, or feeling overwhelmed by the thought of being stuck on a plane, support can make a difference — whether that’s through therapy, workshops, or guided programs designed specifically for flight anxiety.

Click here to learn more about our in-person workshop at the MSP Airport.

When Anxiety Pulls You Into Imagined Problems

Anxiety doesn’t always show up as panic or fear. Sometimes, it shows up as thinking.

You’re lying in bed replaying a conversation from earlier in the day. You’re mentally rehearsing how something might go wrong tomorrow. You’re running through scenarios that haven’t happened—but feel urgent, convincing, and hard to ignore.

Worrying can feel confusing. On one hand, you may recognize that you’re spiraling or that your fears don’t fully make sense. On the other hand, it can feel irresponsible—or even risky—not to pay attention to them.

And before you realize it, you’re absorbed in a mental loop that feels almost impossible to step out of.

Anxiety’s Favorite Trick: Turning “What If” Into “Right Now”

One of the most frustrating parts of anxiety and OCD is that it doesn’t always feel irrational.

Often, it feels like you’re doing exactly what you should be doing:

• Preparing
  
  

• Problem-solving
  
  

• Making sure nothing bad happens
  
  

But anxiety has a way of pulling your attention out of the present moment and into imagined scenarios—future threats, past mistakes, or unanswered questions—and convincing you they require immediate action.

These are what we can think of as imagined problems.

Not “imaginary” in the sense of being made up or silly. Anxiety is very good at using logic, evidence, and things that could happen—or have happened before—to keep you stuck in a mental loop.

They’re imagined because they aren’t happening right now—even though your body reacts as if they are.

What Are Imagined Problems?

Imagined problems can show up in a few different ways.

Sometimes they’re future-oriented:

• What if the plane crashes?
  
  

• What if I get sick?
  
  

• What if something goes wrong and I can’t handle it?
  
  

Other times, they feel more present-focused, even though there’s no clear evidence that something is wrong.

For example, you might be driving and suddenly worry that you hit someone with your car. You’re fairly certain you didn’t—but you noticed someone in your peripheral vision, and now doubt takes over. There are no external cues that an accident occurred, yet your mind treats the possibility as serious enough to keep analyzing, replaying, and questioning.

Being absorbed in the imagination can also look like:

• Replaying something you said to figure out what it “meant”
  
  

• Mentally rehearsing how you’ll handle a future situation
  
  

• Analyzing a thought, sensation, or feeling to determine what it says about you
  
  

• Running worst-case scenarios in an attempt to feel prepared
  
  

This doesn’t mean you lack insight or intelligence. It means that once you’re triggered, your mind moves very quickly toward imagined danger—and it can be hard to stay anchored in the world around you.

Why Imagined Problems Feel So Real

Your brain’s number one job is to keep you safe.

So even when you know your worrying is irrational, your brain is still doing what it believes is necessary to protect you.

When your mind detects potential danger, it doesn’t wait to confirm whether the threat is real. It reacts as if it is.

That’s why:

• A thought can cause your heart to race
  
  

• A future scenario can trigger nausea or dread
  
  

• A mental image can feel physically overwhelming
  
  

Your nervous system doesn’t differentiate very well between something happening right now and something vividly imagined.

For example, if you imagine someone dragging their nails across a chalkboard, you may instantly feel goosebumps or discomfort—even though you know it’s not actually happening. Your body still reacts.

That’s how powerful the mind–body connection is.

So when anxiety pulls you into an imagined scenario, your body responds accordingly—and that physical reaction makes the problem feel even more real. This is why telling yourself to “just stop thinking about it” rarely works

How People Get Stuck in Imagined Problems

Most people don’t realize they’ve crossed from reality into imagination because it happens quickly and automatically.

Another concern we often hear from clients is the belief that they don’t have any control over this process. This is something we actively work on in therapy—helping people learn how to relate differently to their thoughts, rather than feeling at the mercy of them.

People tend to stay stuck because ignoring worry feels dangerous. There’s often a fear that if you don’t analyze the thought, prepare enough, or think it through fully, something catastrophic could happen—or you’ll miss an important warning.

From the inside, this doesn’t feel like anxiety. It feels like responsibility.

How to Tell When You’ve Slipped Into an Imagined Problem

To stay grounded in the present moment, you’ll need to practice slowing your thinking down.

The next time you feel pulled into worry, try asking yourself:

• Is this happening right now, or is it hypothetical?
  
  

• Am I responding to something in front of me—or something in my head?
  
  

• Is engaging with this leading to clarity, or more looping?
  
  

• Am I trying to solve uncertainty, or respond to reality?
  
  

These questions won’t automatically shut your thoughts down. Instead, they help you identify when you’ve slipped into your imagination. Once you recognize that, the next step is choosing whether to keep engaging—or to move on.

How to Step Out of the Imagination

Stepping out of imagined problems does not mean:

• Pushing thoughts away
  
  

• Reassuring yourself
  
  

• Proving the thought wrong
  
  

• Trying to feel better immediately
  
  

Instead, it means redirecting your attention.

Some gentle ways to practice this include:

• Naming the process:
  “This is my mind pulling me into an imagined scenario.”
  
  

• Redirecting to what’s required right now:
  What actually needs your attention in this moment?
  
  

• Allowing uncertainty to exist:
  Without answering it, fixing it, or resolving it.
  
  

• Returning to the present without urgency:
  Not because the thought is unimportant—but because it isn’t happening now.
  
  

This is a skill that needs to be practiced—not once, but over and over again. There is no quick off-switch. You will mess up. That’s part of learning something new. Don’t let that be the reason you give up.

What Progress Actually Looks Like

You’re not going to eliminate anxious or triggering thoughts altogether.

The goal is to respond more effectively so you can move on with your life instead of getting pulled into mental loops.

Progress often looks like:

• Noticing the loop sooner
  
  

• Spending less time absorbed in it
  
  

• Redirecting attention more quickly
  
  

• Feeling less pressure to solve every thought
  
  

Closing Thought

Learning to notice when anxiety has pulled you into imagined problems—and practicing coming back to the present—is a powerful skill that can reduce suffering across many forms of anxiety and OCD.

It takes time and consistent effort, but with practice, it does get easier.

And if this pattern feels familiar or overwhelming, working with a therapist trained in evidence-based approaches can help you build these skills in a supportive, structured way over time.