How to Overcome the Fear of Getting Help
Written by Justin Matthews, LGSW
I know I need to get help, but my fear, anxiety, and ego won’t let me.
Let me take a guess - you have done some research and you have decided on a couple of providers that may be a good fit to treat your mental health concerns. But now, here you are, staring at your phone - desperate, wanting so badly for the conversation to already be over, because the fear of calling is making it impossible to commit to the call. Maybe you visualize yourself freezing up, unable to get words out, or maybe you see yourself losing control on the phone and sounding like a fool. Or maybe your ego is stopping you from admitting that you need help, by screaming, “don't be such a pansy! Man up! There are people starving in Africa and you’re whining about your anxiety!?”
I have good news for you… you’re not crazy, you’re human.
The truth is, many of us (especially men) are terrified of making that initial phone call to request help. Our minds are excellent manufactures of automatic thoughts such as, “I can’t believe it’s come down to this.” Or “I use to be so normal, how could this happen to me!” These thoughts saturate our brains to the point of resisting help, because our thoughts often dictate our actions. Another point to consider is that our culture in the U.S. still stigmatizes mental health. We have made substantial progress in this area, but the stigma is still very relevant, which usually gets in our way of seeking therapy. So how do we do it? How does one overcome these obstacles to get help?? I’m here to tell you that it’s normal to be anxious. In the beginning stages of my anxiety Hell, I remember the day I was ready to make an appointment for therapy…it was after trying to “treat” myself for two years. However, once I had a therapist in mind and knew I wanted to work with this individual, I saw myself glaring at my phone and feeling the sensation of “freeze” and being fearful that I wouldn’t be able to speak or articulate enough information to the therapist. Because of this fear, I avoided the opportunity for weeks, which only fueled my anxiety and avoidance. Finally, I decided I need to do something about this. So how did I make it happen??
Radical Acceptance
I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired, I decided if I freeze up or if I wasn’t perfect with how I described my presenting problem to the therapist, I would be ok with that. In other words, I gave the anxiety and fear the space it needed (without judgement) while I made the call. I’m not gonna lie - I was anxious as hell! But, the interesting thing was, after about 30 seconds and 30 words out, my fear departed. I can’t guarantee this will happen for everyone, BUT, I can bet it will be easier for you once you begin your conversation. Remember this, your fear will most likely be more intense prior to the call, but once you have established communication, that fear will eventually dissolve - it may ebb and flow throughout the conversation, BUT, it will most likely be less intimidating.
MAKE THE CALL. Just do it - do it for yourself- it’s worth it.
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