How to Overcome the Fear of Getting Help
Written by Justin Matthews, LICSW
"I know I need to get help, but my fear, anxiety, and ego won’t let me."
Let me take a guess: you’ve done your research and narrowed down a couple of providers who might be a good fit to treat your mental health concerns. But now, here you are—staring at your phone, desperate, wishing the conversation was already over.
The fear of calling makes it impossible to commit to that next step.
Maybe you imagine yourself freezing up, unable to get the words out. Or maybe you fear losing control and sounding foolish.
Or perhaps your ego is doing the talking: "Don't be such a pansy! Man up! There are people starving in Africa and you're whining about anxiety?!"
Here’s the good news: you’re not crazy, you’re human.
You're Not Alone in This
Many of us—especially men—are terrified of making that first phone call. Our minds churn out automatic thoughts like:
"I can’t believe it’s come to this."
"I used to be so normal. How did this happen to me?"
These thoughts fuel resistance, because our thoughts often drive our actions. And let’s be honest: mental health stigma still exists, even if we've made progress as a culture.
So how do we move through this? How do you get the help you need when fear keeps getting in the way?
Let me tell you a quick story.
My Turning Point: The Day I Finally Called
In the early days of my anxiety spiral, I reached a point where I was ready to get help. I had a therapist in mind, and I knew I wanted to work with them. But there I was, staring at my phone, frozen. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to speak clearly or explain what I needed. That fear kept me stuck for weeks.
Eventually, I made a decision.
Radical Acceptance: My First Step Toward Relief
I was tired of being tired. I told myself:
"Even if I freeze up, even if I don’t say everything perfectly—that’s okay."
Instead of fighting the fear, I gave it space. I didn’t judge it. I let it be there, and I made the call anyway.
Was I still anxious? Absolutely. But something amazing happened: after about 30 seconds and 30 words, my fear started to fade.
I can’t promise that will happen for everyone. But I can tell you this: the fear is often loudest before you make the call. Once the conversation begins, it usually gets easier. The fear might ebb and flow, but it becomes less intense.
Make the Call. Just Do It.
Do it for yourself. You don’t need the perfect words. You just need the courage to take one small step.
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