Why Avoiding the Feeling of Anxiety Keeps you Feeling like $h!t!
Written by Justin Matthews, LGSW
Don’t worry, we’ve all done it - that is, tried to PUSH anxiety away.
Nobody likes the feeling of anxiety. For many, It may cause muscle tension, constant worry, scary thoughts and images, poor sleep, and hundreds of other physical symptoms that make it miserable to live under your own skin. So what do we do when this all shows up? We scramble to find the quick remedies that “fix” us or we drown ourselves in alcohol or other substances that curb the anxious experience. Our culture also doesn’t help because media companies saturate us with these quick fixes, such as: positive thinking techniques, marketing elixirs that are supposed to magically make anxiety disappear, or trying to sell you a magic bracelet that supposedly makes your anxiety go “poof.” Essentially what our culture says is that anxiety is bad and you need to make it go away!
Why experiential avoidance is the MAIN reason many of us continue to struggle with mental health symptoms.
Experiential avoidance (EA) is a term often discussed in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). EA occurs when an individual attempts to avoid troublesome thoughts, memories, physical sensations, feelings, and other internal experiences. When I was deep in my anxiety battle, I would often try to keep myself busy in order to avoid my anxiety. I rarely allowed time to relax because I was afraid that would be a perfect opportunity for my anxiety to attack! So I would excessively read, go on social media, or read/listen to literature on anxiety disorders - and because of my magical thinking skills, I thought this behavior would magically make my anxiety implode. Unfortunately, all these behaviors did was (you guessed it) make my anxiety WORSE. It wasn’t until I applied the strategies in ACT when I began to get my life back.
ACT argues that internal experiences (thoughts, feelings, etc.) are not the problem, but rather how we choose to respond to these experiences. When we make the conscious choice to label these experiences as bad, attempt to push them away or avoid them, or try to change our “irrational” thoughts - is when we begin to struggle and amplify our uncomfortable internal experiences. Steven Hayes, the founder of the ACT model has previously stated that the science is clear, the more one tries to avoid their internal experiences, the more we will suffer. So what do we do about it?
Opening up and facing our demons.
When we engage in numerous avoidance strategies with our uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, memories, and sensations, it can often help us in the short-term (relief from anxiety). However, we often feel doomed when these internal experiences show back up (and sometimes with a stronger punch!). So what can we do instead? ACT would say - open up and be more willing to feel all the feels, and most importantly - do this without judgement. The more willing we are to feel all of our experiences, the more likely these uncomfortable thougths, feelings, memories, and sensations will be likely to pass with time. It’s when we begin to try to fight off and label these experiences as “bad” that we discover they will be more likely to stick around. Additionally, when we try to get rid of these experiences, we are no longer engaging in activities that bring our life meaning, purpose, and joy, which only opens the door to more suffering. So the next time you have an unhelpful thought, memory, or physical sensation - try to look at the experience with compassionate curiosity, and gently open up to the experience without judgement. Lastly, try to be willing to carry these experiences with you as you carry on your day in a more valued direction. As you begin to practice this new strategy, you will begin to see that life can still be fulfilling - even when you allow your demons a free ride in your backseat. You will also begin to see that your internal experiences don’t have the “pull” they once had before.
If you are avoiding anxiety and want to begin therapy with State of Mind Therapy, click here to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation.