From Overwhelmed to Hopeful: The Power of One Word
Anxiety can make you feel stuck, as if you're trapped in a cycle of worrying thoughts or avoidance behaviors that you just can’t break. Whether it's avoiding flying, feeling overwhelmed by emotions, or struggling to make decisions, these patterns of anxiety can feel like they're carved in stone.
But here’s the good news: there’s a simple, powerful tool that can help you shift your mindset and see the possibility for growth, even when change feels impossible. And that tool, my friend, is the word “yet.”
The Power of Yet is simple but oh, so powerful. Instead of saying, “I’m not good at handling my anxiety,” try saying, “I’m not good at handling my anxiety yet.” That one little word opens the door to progress. It’s a reminder that just because you’re not where you want to be today doesn’t mean you’ll never get there. You are on your way, and it’s important to recognize that.
Feeling Stuck Is Part of the Process
If you’ve ever felt stuck in your anxiety, you’re not alone. In fact, it’s a normal part of the process. So many of my clients share these same struggles:
“I’m not good at handling my emotions.”
“I can’t deal with turbulence.”
“I don’t like flying and I’ll never be able to enjoy it.”
“I’m not good at sitting with discomfort.”
“I’m not confident in my ability to make decisions.”
“I can’t say no to OCD.”
These thoughts are rooted in fear and doubt. And while they feel heavy, they’re not permanent. The word “yet” adds a sense of possibility. It’s a small but powerful reminder that you are capable of growth.
Shifting From Fixed to Growth Mindset
When you embrace the Power of Yet, you make room for growth—no matter where you are in your journey. Instead of being stuck in the mindset of “I can’t,” you can shift to “I can’t yet.” This subtle change helps you approach challenges with more patience, knowing that skills take time to develop.
Here’s how you can reframe common anxiety-related thoughts using the Power of Yet:
Instead of: "I’m not good at handling my emotions."
Try: "I’m not good at handling my emotions yet, but I’m working on building that skill every day."Instead of: "I’ll never be able to relax during a flight."
Try: "I haven’t been able to relax during a flight yet, but I’m taking steps toward feeling more comfortable."Instead of: "I can’t handle turbulence."
Try: "I can’t handle turbulence yet, but I’m learning tools to manage my fear."Instead of: "I’m not good at sitting with discomfort."
Try: "I’m not good at sitting with discomfort yet, but I know I can build that muscle over time."Instead of: "I don’t trust myself to make decisions."
Try: "I’m not confident in my decision-making yet, but I’m working on trusting my judgment."Instead of: "I can’t say no to OCD."
Try: "I haven’t been able to say no to OCD yet, but I’m learning how to resist compulsions and sit with discomfort."
Practical Strategy: Create a Daily Affirmation Practice
Now that you understand the power of yet, it’s time to start using it in your daily life. I get it, this likely isn’t a mindset that comes naturally. It takes practice and intentionality to make the shift—but that’s where daily practice can make all the difference.
Here’s how you can create a simple daily affirmation practice to build the Power of Yet into your routine:
Identify areas where you feel stuck: Write down the thoughts that make you feel like you’re not making progress, such as "I can’t manage my anxiety."
Add 'yet': Reframe each thought by adding "yet" to the end. For example, "I can’t manage my anxiety yet, but I’m learning strategies to cope."
Repeat: Say these new statements out loud every day, preferably in the morning, to start your day with a growth-oriented mindset. Or, record yourself reading them and listen while you go about your day.
Track your progress: Over time, notice how your thinking shifts. Even small changes are signs of growth.
Reflective Questions: Embrace the Possibility of Growth
Incorporating the Power of Yet into your life can make a huge difference in how you approach challenges. But it’s also important to take time to reflect on where you might be holding yourself back. Consider these questions to keep you moving forward:
In what areas of your life do you feel stuck?
How might adding the word “yet” to your thoughts create a new sense of possibility for you?
What’s one area where you’ve already made progress, even if it feels small?
How can you be more patient with yourself as you work toward your goals?
Conclusion
Feeling stuck is a normal part of working through anxiety, but it doesn’t mean you’re destined to stay there. The Power of Yet reminds you that you are capable of change, even when it feels like you’re not. By shifting your language and mindset, you open the door to growth, possibility, and a more compassionate relationship with yourself.
Remember, progress takes time. Be patient with yourself, and keep adding "yet" to your journey.
Ready to work with an anxiety therapist?
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3 Essential Grounding Techniques to Help You Regain Control When Anxiety Strikes
When anxiety strikes in high-stress situations—whether it's on a plane, in a crowded room, or right before a big presentation—your emotions can quickly spiral out of control. The good news? You have the power to regulate those emotions with specific skills that help you stay grounded and calm, no matter the situation.
These are strategies you can rely on whether you’re mid-flight, navigating a stressful social situation, or managing everyday anxiety.
1. TIPP: Lower Your Intense Emotions Fast
When anxiety peaks—especially during panic or extreme distress—your body goes into fight-or-flight mode, making it hard to think clearly. That’s where TIPP comes in. This DBT skill is designed to lower the intensity of your emotions quickly by using Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, and Progressive Relaxation.
How to Use TIPP:
Temperature: When you're in a panic, holding your face in cold water (or splashing it) triggers the body’s dive reflex, slowing your heart rate and calming the nervous system.
Intense Exercise: If you can, do something physically intense for 1-2 minutes—jumping jacks, running in place, or anything to burn off the excess energy from your anxiety.
Paced Breathing: Slow, deep breathing helps regulate the body. Try inhaling for 4 counts, holding for 4, and exhaling for 6.
Progressive Relaxation: Gradually tense and release muscle groups, starting from your toes and working up to your head, to relieve tension in your body.
Example for Flight Anxiety:
Lets say you are about to board a flight and feel panic creeping in. Step into the restroom and splash cold water on your face, take deep breaths, and do a few stretches or tense-and-release exercises before getting on the plane. Using TIPP helps lower your panic so you can board the flight feeling more in control. Need more flying anxiety tips? Check out our free flight anxiety toolkit.
2. Dropping Anchor: Stay Grounded in the Present Moment
When your mind starts spinning with “what ifs” or spiraling thoughts, "Dropping Anchor" is a simple but powerful skill to pull you back into the present. The idea is to ground yourself by connecting with your body and your surroundings, helping you regain control when emotions feel like they're sweeping you away.
How to Drop Anchor:
Acknowledge: Name and notice your current feelings. “Here is anxiety” or “here is tightness in my chest.”
Notice Your Surroundings: Look around you and observe what you see, hear, and feel in the moment.
Engage Your Body: Push your feet into the floor, sit tall, and feel the sensations in your body. Move a little—stretch, roll your shoulders, or clench and release your fists to remind yourself of where you are.
Example for Public Speaking Anxiety:
Right before stepping up to speak, your mind races with fears of messing up. Drop anchor by feeling your feet firmly on the ground, taking a slow breath, and noticing the room around you. As you begin, stay connected to your body and surroundings, which will help keep your anxiety from taking over.
3. 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique: Bring Your Focus Back
When anxiety feels overwhelming and you're lost in your thoughts, the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique is a quick way to pull yourself out of your mind and into the present. This technique uses your senses to ground you, shifting your focus away from anxious thoughts and back to the here and now.
How to Use 5-4-3-2-1:
5: Look around and name 5 things you can see.
4: Notice 4 things you can touch (your clothes, the chair, your phone, etc.).
3: Listen for 3 sounds around you.
2: Identify 2 things you can smell.
1: Find 1 thing you can taste (even just the lingering taste of your last meal).
Example for Fearful Flyers:
Mid-flight, you start to feel panicked. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique to ground yourself: look around the cabin, feel the seatbelt, listen to the engines humming, notice the scent of your travel pillow, and focus on the taste of the drink you just had. By engaging your senses, you redirect your focus from the fear to the present.
Example for Intrusive Thoughts:
When intrusive thoughts begin to overwhelm you, use 5-4-3-2-1 to break the loop. Find 5 things you can see in the room, touch the chair you’re sitting on, notice the sound of your breath, identify the scent of the space you’re in, and focus on any taste you can notice. By actively engaging your senses, you shift your focus away from the intrusive thoughts and into the present.
Final Thoughts:
When anxiety hits, it can feel like everything is out of control. But by using these emotion regulation skills—TIPP to quickly regulate intense emotions, Dropping Anchor to stay grounded in the moment, and 5-4-3-2-1 to refocus your attention—you can regain control over your mind and body, no matter the situation.
P.S. We gave some helpful tips on flight anxiety in this blog. If you are looking for more specific strategies to manage flight anxiety, Click here and I’ll send you our free Flight Anxiety Toolkit right to your inbox.
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How to Navigate Anxiety in Everyday Life—No Matter the Situation
Anxiety can be sneaky. One moment, you’re living your life, and the next, your mind is hijacked by worries, doubts, or fears. Sometimes anxiety pops up when you’re about to board a plane, other times when you’re about to give a speech, or maybe when you hear about norovirus making its rounds in your community.
If you’re like many people I work with, your anxiety could revolve around specific fears—whether that’s a fear of flying, a fear of getting sick, or intrusive thoughts that make you question the kind of person you are. No matter the trigger, one thing is clear: anxiety wears many hats. But here’s the good news—it doesn’t have to control your life.
Let’s look at how anxiety shows up, and more importantly, what you can do about it in those difficult moments.
1. Recognize That Thoughts Are Not Facts
Anxiety loves to tell stories, but just because you think something, doesn’t mean it’s true. Your mind might race with worst-case scenarios, but those thoughts are just that—thoughts.
Example for the Anxious Flyer:
As you sit in the airport, waiting for your flight, your mind starts listing everything that could go wrong—turbulence, panic, feeling trapped. These are just possibilities, not realities. Practice saying, "These are just thoughts, not facts," and remind yourself that you're capable of handling discomfort without reacting to every anxious thought. Check out our flight anxiety toolkit for more effective strategies.
Example for Someone with Emetophobia (Fear of Vomiting):
When you hear about a stomach bug going around, your mind immediately jumps to “What if I get sick? What if I can’t stop it?” These thoughts may feel overwhelming, but they don’t predict the future. Remember, your brain is wired to protect you by imagining threats that may never happen.
Example for Those Struggling with Intrusive Thoughts:
You’re going about your day when suddenly, a disturbing thought pops into your mind: “What if I lose control? What if this means something about me?” These intrusive thoughts are not a reflection of your character. Let your actions define your real self, not your thoughts.
2. Allow Yourself to Be Uncomfortable
One of the biggest traps anxiety sets is the promise that you need to feel comfortable and certain to be okay. In reality, the more you try to avoid discomfort, the more anxious you become. True relief comes when you allow yourself to be uncomfortable.
Example for the Anxious Flyer:
Flying can bring a lot of uncertainty—delays, turbulence, confined spaces. Instead of trying to eliminate all discomfort, practice saying, "It’s okay to be uncomfortable right now." You don’t need certainty to feel safe. In fact, you already know this. In many other areas of your life you don’t require as much certainty.
Example for Someone with Emetophobia:
When you hear about an illness, it’s tempting to try and control everything—avoiding people, cleaning excessively, or researching symptoms. Instead, acknowledge that some discomfort is part of life. You can’t control every situation, but you can control how you respond. Practice sitting with that discomfort rather than scrambling to eliminate it.
Example for Those Struggling with Intrusive Thoughts:
Intrusive thoughts often leave you feeling unsettled and desperate for relief. Instead of trying to push the thoughts away, allow yourself to feel uncomfortable. The more you resist, the stronger they become. Practice saying, "I can tolerate this discomfort," and let the thought come and go without fighting it.
3. Focus on What You Can Control
Anxiety thrives when we focus on the things we can’t control. Instead, shift your attention to the aspects of the situation that are within your control. Let go of the rest.
Example for the Anxious Flyer:
While you can’t control turbulence or flight delays, you can control how you prepare for the flight. Bring things that calm you—your favorite podcast, a comforting snack, or a breathing exercise. Focus on these, and let go of trying to predict what might happen on the flight.
Example for Someone with Emetophobia:
You may not be able to control the presence of a stomach bug in your community, but you can control your own hygiene, rest, and stress management. Trying to control every potential risk is impossible, but you can focus on maintaining your own well-being.
Example for Those Struggling with Intrusive Thoughts:
You can’t control the random thoughts that pop into your mind, but you can control your reaction. Instead of engaging with the thought, remind yourself, "I don’t need to respond to every thought." You can choose to focus on something else—whether that’s an activity or a calming mantra like, "I can handle anything that comes my way."
4. Direct Your Attention Where It Serves You
Imagine your attention is like a flashlight—you control where to point it. When anxiety takes over, it’s as if the flashlight is focused directly on the fear. You get to choose to zoom out and redirect it.
Example for the Anxious Flyer:
When turbulence hits, your mind might fixate on the uncomfortable sensation and the “what ifs” that come with it. Instead of letting the flashlight focus on those fears, shift it to something within your control—maybe a breathing technique or visualizing your destination. Remind yourself, "I’m choosing where to point my attention."
Example for Someone with Emetophobia:
Anxiety might urge you to constantly check your body or your children for signs of illness. Instead of zooming in on every sensation, choose to focus your flashlight elsewhere. Maybe it’s a book you’re reading or a hobby you enjoy. The more you direct your attention, the less power anxiety has.
Example for Those Struggling with Intrusive Thoughts:
When an intrusive thought pops up, it’s easy to get stuck on it, replaying it over and over. But you have the power to redirect your focus. Picture yourself turning down the volume on the thought and shifting your focus to something neutral or calming. Your thoughts don’t have to control your attention.
Anxiety can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to dictate your life. By recognizing that your thoughts are not facts, allowing discomfort, focusing on what you can control, and redirecting your attention, you can start to break the cycle of anxiety.
Want more specific tips on overcoming a fear of flying? Click here to grab free flight anxiety toolkit to get started.
Ready to work with an anxiety therapist?
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Discover Our Favorite Books for Managing Anxiety and OCD 📚
Learning all you can about anxiety or OCD can make a significant difference in your recovery. By reading self-help books, you can increase your understanding of how OCD works, feel less alone, and learn helpful strategies to deal with OCD.
We've curated a list of some of our favorite books that have been incredibly helpful for many on their journey with anxiety or OCD.
These recommendations range from treatment strategies to memoirs that include various approaches and offer practical strategies to help you manage anxiety or OCD more effectively.
These are not affiliate links, just ones we think are great.
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The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living by Russ Harris
Worrying is Optional
Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks by Barry McDonagh
The Complete Guide to Overcoming Health Anxiety: How to Live Life to the Fullest...Because You're Not Dead (Yet) by Dr. Josh Spitalnick and Michael Stier
The Emetophobia Manual: Free Yourself from the Fear of Vomit and Reclaim Your Life by Ken Goodman
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Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by Jonathan Grayson, PhD
The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD by Jon Hershfield, MFT
Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally Winston, PsyD
ACT Workbook for OCD by Marisa Mazza, PsyD
The Imp of the Mind: Exploring the Silent Epidemic of Obsessive Bad Thoughts by Lee Baer
Pure OCD: The Invisible Side of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Chrissie Hodges
Relationship OCD: A CBT-Based Guide to Move Beyond Obssesive Doubt, Anxiety, and Fear of Commitment in Romantic Relationships by Sheva Rajaee, MFT
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What to Do When You Worry Too Much by Dawn Huebner, PhD
Be sure to check out her other books!
Wilma Jean the Worry Machine by Julia Cook
Outsmarting Worry (An Older Kid's Guide to Managing Anxiety) by Dawn Huebner
What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming OCD by Dawn Huebner
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When a Family Member Has OCD: Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Skills to Help Families Affected by OCD by Jon Hershfield
The Family Guide to Getting Over OCD by Jonathan Abramowitz
Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD by Eli Lebowitz
When A Loved One Won't Seek Mental Health Treatment by Alec Pollard, PhD
Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous and Independent Children by Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons
Whether you're dealing with OCD yourself, supporting a loved one, or helping children and teens navigate their anxiety, these books offer practical tools to help you or your loved ones manage OCD and anxiety more effectively.
Remember, the journey through OCD and anxiety can be challenging, but with the right resources and support, it gets easier. Don't give up!
Written by Jenny Matthews, LMFT, LADC
Jenny is a therapist that specializes in helping over-thinkers and worriers get relief from anxiety so they can be more productive + do what matters + be present with their loved ones.
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Unmasking the Perfectionist Within: Overcoming Anxiety and Fostering Self-Compassion
Unmasking the Perfectionist Within: Overcoming Anxiety and Fostering Self-Compassion
Perfectionism, though not a clinical disorder, is an identity many can relate to. The constant pursuit of flawlessness can be paralyzing, delaying tasks and amplifying self-doubt. Enter imposter syndrome, that nagging feeling that your success is undeserved and impending exposure is inevitable. The inner critic, relentless in its scrutiny, perpetuates a challenging cycle that seems impossible to break.
Breaking the Chains of Perfectionism: Practical Strategies
1. Set Intentional Boundaries:
Consider intentionally setting boundaries for your tasks. Allocate a specific amount of time for each task, and stick to it. Before starting, set a timer, and once it rings, consider the task complete. While this might initially feel uncomfortable, think about the cost of procrastination or overchecking. Is it worth the toll on your well-being and productivity?
2. Reflect on Your Process:
Ask yourself if you'd want others, especially those close to you, to adopt your approach to tasks. If the answer is a resounding "no," it's time to reevaluate your methods. Recognize that being overly critical of yourself may hinder your progress. Challenge the belief that perfectionism is the only path to success.
3. Treat Yourself with Kindness:
Imagine treating yourself the way you would treat a close friend or loved one who made a mistake. Be your own ally, responding to your errors with kindness and understanding. If you wouldn't criticize someone you care about, why hold yourself to a harsher standard?
4. Break the Reassurance Cycle:
If you find yourself constantly seeking reassurance from others or relying on external validation, consider breaking free from this cycle. Overdependence on external opinions, be it from friends or Google, may keep you stuck in the perfectionism loop. Trust your capabilities and judgment.You are so much more capable than you give yourself credit for.
Remember, the journey to overcome perfectionism is a shared one. Embrace your imperfections—they are what make you uniquely human. As you navigate this path, may you find growth and the courage to release the heavy burden of perfectionism. Wishing you a lighter, more joyful journey ahead.
How Should OCD Be Treated?
One of the most common things we hear from clients who come to us for OCD treatment is that they have done years of talk therapy without much improvement.
This doesn't mean talk therapy isn't helpful. Many people find it helpful to talk with someone about their feelings and get validations. But most people with OCD will not see improvement in their symptoms by talking alone.
In fact, much of the time talk therapy can involve "co-compulsing" with the therapist by analyzing thoughts, seeking reassurance, and making meaning out of thoughts by looking for hidden traumas.
It's important for you to know that there are treatment approaches for OCD that have been backed by research. And this may come as a surprise to you, but most therapists have no idea how to use this treatment approach.
The majority of graduate school programs for therapists do not include training on OCD assessment, diagnosis, and treatment. Therefore, the only therapists that can adequately treat OCD are ones that have sought more specialized training.
What is the most effective treatment approach for OCD?
Research has shown that Exposure and Response Prevention in the most effective way of treating OCD. There are some additional treatment approaches proven to be helpful as well. A combination of medication has also shown to improve OCD symptoms. There is also a growing amount of research on the use of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for the treatment of OCD (which blends very well with ERP!)
At State of Mind Therapy, Jenny and Justin use both ERP and ACT in treatment of anxiety disorders and OCD.
What is ERP?
ERP stands for Exposure and Response Prevention. In its most simple form, it means to gradually expose yourself to your fear while not engaging in any behaviors that may serve to reduce your anxiety.
When you engage in an anxiety reduction behavior, you reinforce the need to keep doing the behavior. This prevents you from learning that anxiety is safe and tolerable. And it can make your world a lot smaller by keeping you from doing the things you love in life.
ERP helps you to change the relationship you have to the feared stimuli. Its helps you to be more flexible with how you respond and makes you better able to handle difficult thoughts and feelings.
We know it can feel scary but it's worth it.
You can check out some related videos here that we did on this topic:
How to Effectively Treat OCD (video)
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Common Sub-Types of OCD
Many people think OCD is characterized by symptoms of excessive handwashing, counting, checking, and having things be "perfect." Although these are indeed symptoms of OCD, it is a limiting description of the possible ways OCD presents itself.
Why are sub-types helpful for OCD?
Because the symptoms of OCD are not widely understood, many people are still under-diagnosed with OCD. And this means people are not recognizing it and likely not getting treated...especially the most appropriate type of treatment. So by identifying sub-types and talking openly about them, more people may get the help they really need. Many of our clients with OCD had thought they were "just weird" or "had anxiety." There is relief in knowing there is an explanation and name for your symptoms.
The downside of sub-types for OCD
Although sub-types are helpful in some ways, it can common with some issues too. It's important for people to know that these subtypes are not separate diagnoses. They are under the OCD diagnosis. It can actually be a slippery slope to over-identify with a subtype because it can make people more susceptible to relapse. For instance, if you are focused on your symptoms of Harm OCD, you could make great improvements in therapy but years down the road OCD could come back in a different theme, such as sexual orientation OCD, you could struggle with applying your previous skills to this theme because it "feels different." This is why it's important in treatment to not focus too much "on the content" of what OCD says, but instead understanding the ways it can play it's game and suck you in. This way, no matter what theme shows up, you can use your skills
Common Subtypes of OCD
Contamination OCD-fear of getting sick, fearing of spreading illness, fear of disgust, fearing of becoming a "dirty" person
Responsibility/Checking OCD-fear of items (like appliances) being left on, items being unlocked or properly secured
Just Right OCD-excessive awareness of something not being symmetrical, unease when completing routine activity, concerned an item doesn't belong somewhere
Harm OCD-fear of snapping and harming others or yourself, fear of acting on intrusive thoughts, fear of being responsible for a tragedy caused by an error you made, fear of hitting someone with a car and not knowing it
Sexual Orientation OCD-fear of living in denial of your sexual orientation
Pedophile OCD-fear of snapping and becoming a pedophile, fear of touching a child inappropriately, fear of being in denial of being a pedophile
Relationship OCD-fear of not really loving significant other, fear of partner leaving
Scrupulosity/Moral OCD-fear of interpreting scripture incorrectly, concern about words/symbols being a sign of condemnation, fear of being judged for not following religion perfectly
Hyperawareness OCD-excessive awareness of involuntary bodily processes such as breathing, swallowing, blinking, etc.
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Asking to be cured of OCD is for dead people
Wait, I can’t be completely cured of OCD?
Let’s begin by first acknowledging that OCD SUCKS!! There is a reason you are looking for help, and I’m guessing it’s because you’re suffering and becoming sick and tired of being sick and tired. Trying to get rid of obsessive thoughts through compulsions is exhausting. And it makes your world smaller and smaller. The suffering is often evident once OCD begins to rob you of your time, relationships, work performance, and simply just makes you feel very uncomfortable under your own skin. However, asking to be completely free of OCD can only be achieved once you’re 6 feet under. I know, that sounds dark and dramatic - but it’s true. OCD is a chronic disorder, which means it cannot get better without treatment. When I tell my clients that I can’t completely cure them of their OCD, I often see their body posture almost collapse. But the truth is - there is no magic Men in Black device that can delete our thoughts and memories - they’re now in our repertoire. HOWEVER, there is hope - so please stay with me.
How Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help treat OCD
Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) has been (until recently) the only gold standard for treating OCD. However, there is a new treatment in town, and it has not only been shown to be just as effective as ERP, but also incredibly influential with helping people design a life that is more rich and meaningful. This treatment is called ACT. I describe how ACT works by having my clients visualize a glass of water that is about 25% full of water, but also completely saturated with salt. I explain that the water represents their lives and everything in it that brings them meaning and joy, and the salt is their OCD symptoms. During this exercise, I confess that I can’t remove that salt, but what I can do is help my clients fill their glass with more water, which decreases the significance of that salt in their lives. I also teach my clients skills to help them deal with that salt more flexibly as we move forward together -filling their cup with more purpose, meaning, and value.
Do you use ERP to Treat OCD?
Yes. ERP is certainly still very useful and I incorporate ERP into my practice. I like to describe working within ERP and ACT as a marriage - each model having their own unique benefits that contribute to the treatment process. For more information about ACT’s usefulness with treating OCD, please go here: https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/expert-opinion-what-is-act/
My role as a therapist in treatment for OCD
I describe myself as more of a coach than as a “healer.” I often use a metaphor (I use metaphors a lot!) to describe my role in treating someone with OCD. Here we go, let’s begin by imagining two mountains that are right next to each-other. These mountains represent “life.” Life is hard and it is much like climbing a mountain. Mountains can be incredibly dangerous to climb if you don’t have the right tools to help you get to the top. So now imagine your mountain being right next to mine, and let’s pretend that we can magically hear and see one another. The benefit of this circumstance is that I know some tips that can help get you up this mountain, and maybe even enjoy this climb. I can give you strategies for feet placement, how to sharpen your pick axe, I may even see an alternate route up that you can’t see from your perspective, or I may see an avalanche racing your way before you do. Assuming I don’t slip and face my own adversity on my mountain (hey, I’m human too!), I can coach you up your mountain with the help of scientifically-proven skillsets. I may even have us pause occasionally, and just take the time to enjoy the scenery up there, because that’s important too!
What I’m trying to say here is that I’m not this magical healer that is just basking in the sun on top of my mountain - free from any anxieties or curve balls that life throws at us. I’m just like you, a normal human trying to climb this mountain we call life. And the truth is, this mountain only ends when the credits to our story begin to roll. So let’s make the most of what we can out of this adventure.
Written by Justin Matthews, LGSW
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"I know I need to sit with anxiety...but HOW?"
It sounds so simple, right?
As you start to learn about the strategies that help and don’t help with anxiety, you’ve likely come to learn that running from discomfort is only making matters worse.
So everything you have been learning tells you to not avoid, distract, or do a compulsion but to “sit with anxiety” instead.
I get this isn’t easy. If it was, you wouldn’t be avoiding in the first place.
I find that there are important skills I need to help my clients learn in order to effectively “sit with” anxiety. So here are my tips on how to “sit with anxiety.”
My 5 Tips on How To Sit With Anxiety
Be curious about what your body is doing
Close your eyes to really allow yourself to be present with your mind and body. Do a scan of your body and notice where you are experiencing sensations. Just name the sensation you notice in a matter of fact way. For example: “I notice chest tightness” or “here’s nausea.” Draw an imaginary circle around that area.
Acknowledge the sensation for what it is
When we feel anxiety in our body, we can begin to interpret these sensations for real danger. If you find your mind doing this, remind yourself “this is just a sensation” or “here is discomfort.”
Be curious about what your mind is doing
Close your eyes once again and notice what your mind does. Is it giving demanding threats? Is it spinning with a bunch of random thoughts? Is it desperately trying to focus on something else? You don’t have to do anything here, just sit back as if you were sitting in the chair of a theater and watching a show.
Be gentle
Sitting with anxiety isn’t easy. You need to give yourself relentless grace and encouragement for doing something difficult. No judgment allowed here. Tell yourself “this isn’t easy” or “I can do hard things.” Beating yourself up for having anxiety is not helpful in moving you forward, so commit to being more kind to yourself. If you had a close friend who began to panic, would you say “what’s wrong with you?” I doubt it. So don’t tell yourself that either. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend.
Remove temptation
If you are working on sitting with anxiety without avoidance or compulsions, you may want to modify your environment to make it more challenging to access those. For instance, if you are working on reducing handwashing, remove extra soap or hand wipes. If you are working on not checking the rear view mirror, flip it up or cover it. If you seek excessive reassurance (online or with loved one), leave your phone/computer and go for a walk so can’t research the internet.
Practice, practice, practice
If you are working on relating to anxiety differently, then these skills are crucial to your success. If you are doing exposure therapy, then you are moving towards situations that make you uncomfortable all the time.
If you are struggling to sit with the anxiety, then you will likely abandon the exposure exercise quickly and end up avoiding the situation (or doing a compulsion).
If you are struggling with “sitting with anxiety”, then I would recommend practicing these skills on a regular basis before doing exposures. If you only practice these skills during times you are highly anxious then it may make it more difficult to sit with the uncomfortable feelings.
If you need help with applying these skills, then you may want to think about starting therapy for anxiety or OCD. Our therapists are trained in using the most effective strategies for treating anxiety disorders and OCD.
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It's Not Your Mental Health Symptoms That Are The Problem
What is this guy talking about!? My mental health symptoms are terrible and are ruining my life!!!
Look, I get it.. Anxiety, panic, and depression symptoms suck! They make us feel like we can’t concentrate, feel joy, be happy, get sleep, and so on. However, many of us are quick to blame our symptoms for the hell we feel we are stuck in.
What I see over and over in my sessions with clients is a tendency for clients to become hyperaware and obsessed with their symptoms, to the point where they begin avoiding being around their loved ones or engaging in the activities they enjoy.
The worst thing you can do when your symptoms show up is to stop doing the things in your life that bring meaning, joy, and purpose into your life. When we engage in the things we care about, and are able to become present with what matters, our “feel good” chemicals are released in our minds and bodies, which help reduce the impact of anxiety and depression.
The truth is, anxiety, panic, and depression are part of being a human being.
Let’s be honest, we are living in unprecedented times (oh, I said it!). There’s a million reasons why you may be feeling anxious, panicky, or depressed - but the key here is to not become anxious about being anxious or depressed because you’re depressed.
We do this by applying the skills you will learn in ACT. Can I promise you a total cure of anxiety or depression? ABSOLUTELY NOT. And if someone says that they can - run away!
The truth is, anxiety and depression are part of the human experience, but if we don’t have the tools to ride out some of these storms, your symptoms can become chronic and you may lead yourself down a road that only keeps the unhelpful and painful cycle on repeat.
We don’t have full control of all of our thoughts and emotions, but we do have full control with how we REACT to difficult thoughts and emotions. How you choose to RESPOND to your symptoms is your ticket out of suffering.
So how am I suppose to do these things when I’m totally consumed by my thoughts and emotions?
Acknowledge the difficulty you are experiencing right now. Example: “Here is anxiety” or “I notice the urge to cancel plans today.”
Come back to your plans for the day or the task in this moment. “What am I supposed to be doing right now?” or “What was I planning to do before this thought/feeling showed up?”
Ask yourself “What action does this thought/feeling want me to do?” If I followed that, would that bring me closer to the kind or person I want to be? Or would it bring me further away?
Recommit to the plans you had or the task you were working on. Don’t let feelings be the decision maker. Let your values the decision maker.
Remind yourself that the goal isn’t to “feel good” before you take action.
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7 Mistakes I Made During My Anxiety Recovery
Years ago I was diagnosed with GAD, Social Anxiety, and Panic Disorder. I tried countless ways to overcome anxiety.....which includes making a ton of mistakes along the way. In this blog, I describe the top 7 mistakes I made in my anxiety recovery, so hopefully you won't make the same mistakes. Need therapy for anxiety? Schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to get started.
Hiding my anxiety from others
The feeling of shame began to dominate my life once the anxiety became chronic. I didn’t want anyone to know that I had an anxiety disorder, because I had created a narrative in my head about who I was and how I wanted to be seen by others. Because of the fear of being rejected by society and possibly ruining my reputation, I decided to keep the anxiety my dirty little secret - which ultimately made my anxiety even worse.
Assuming that always “pushing through” anxiety was the ticket out of my anxiety
I discovered the hard way that all of us need time to “rest and digest.” I often avoided this very important piece of self-care because I thought that taking time to binge on Netflix meant that I was lazy. The truth is, we all need to find our activities that allow our parasympathetic nervous system to engage so our nerves can take a rest.
Spending excessive amounts of time researching anxiety
I can’t tell you how many books, blogs, YouTube videos, and podcasts I’ve listened to in order to “solve” my anxiety problem. The truth is, our mind is great at solving problems such as financial issues, maintenance repairs, etc., however, the mind is TERRIBLE at solving its own problems.
Engaging in reassurance seeking with my wife
Reassurance seeking is a classic symptom of anxiety. The problem with this behavior is that it often mutes our anxiety worries in the short-term, but in the long game it never helps. Worries such as, “Did I damage my nervous system beyond repair?” or “Is there something else in my life that is causing this anxiety?” always seemed to return, even after obtaining reassurance from my wife. This behavior can also hinder your relationships with those you seek reassurance from for many reasons.
Framing anxiety as the enemy that I need to conquer
When I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Social Anxiety, and Panic Disorder - I established a narrative in my mind (without even realizing it) that I now had an enemy to conquer - which lead to excessive research that I discussed earlier. I would also visualize myself beating up my anxiety, which would maybe help temporarily, but it always returned with vengeance.
Engaging in pseudo-science practices
In the very beginning of my anxiety story, I decided to treat myself with “antidotes” that I found on the internet. One of the biggest mistakes I did was fall into the trap of practices that were not evidence-based treatments for anxiety disorders. I became enamored with practices like “The Law of Attraction,” which suggest through meditation, we can attract what we want in our lives through pure thought alone (for me it was to be anxiety free!!). Well, let me save you some time and just say…that shit doesn’t work.
Avoiding activities until I was “cured”
Because of my fear of other people finding out about my mental health crisis, I unconsciously decided to avoid people and activities that I use to enjoy until I was “cured.” Unfortunately, this only made my life smaller, less joyful, less meaningful, and you guessed it - made my anxiety worse.
Hindsight is 20/20. We all make mistakes when we are going through something. What mistakes have you made while trying to recover from anxiety? Share them below so others can learn from you too.
I know first hand how hard it can be to live with anxiety, but recovery is possible. If you want help untangling from anxiety, schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to get started.
[VIDEO] What You Need to Know About PANDAS/PANS?
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-The difference between PANDAS or OCD
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-Treating PANDAS/PANS with CBT and ERP (exposure and response prevention)
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