The Illusion of Control: Why Letting Go is the Key to Overcoming Flight Anxiety
If you struggle with flight anxiety, you might find yourself caught in a common trap—the need to feel in control. Maybe it’s the fact that someone else is flying the plane. Or that you can’t just “pull over” if something feels wrong. The uncertainty, the sounds, the sensations—it all makes you feel powerless.
But here’s the truth: control is an illusion.
You don’t have control over most things in life, yet you move through them every day. Learning to let go doesn’t mean something bad will happen. It means accepting that everything going smoothly isn’t entirely up to you—and that’s okay!
Let’s break down why the illusion of control fuels anxiety and how shifting your mindset can help you feel more confident when you fly.
Why We Crave Control (And Why It’s a Trap)
Your anxious brain loves certainty and hates discomfort. It’s wired to predict the future to keep you safe. But the problem? Life doesn’t work that way.
Most anxious flyers want to know what’s happening at all times. If you’re like most of my clients, you’ve found yourself thinking:
“What was that noise? Was that normal?”
“How old is that pilot? Are they competent to fly?”
“Why did the plane just dip? Is something wrong?”
“How does the pilot know what they’re doing? Should I be worried?”
Your mind is grasping for control in a space where control isn’t needed. And ironically, the more you try to mentally control the experience, the more anxious you feel.
The "But I Can Pull Over in a Car" Myth
One of the biggest false beliefs anxious flyers have is:
“I’m safer in a car because I can pull over if I need to.”
This feels true because driving gives you the illusion of control. Partly because you are confident in it because you’ve been practicing it for years! But here’s the thing—just because you can pull over doesn’t mean you’re actually preventing danger.
Think about it:
Do you check every mechanical part of your car before driving?
Can you prevent another driver from running a red light?
Are you actually in control, or do you just feel like you are?
The truth is, more people die in car accidents than in plane crashes every single day—even though they’re the ones steering.
Flying only feels riskier because the process in unfamiliar to you and you’re not the one making the decisions. But here’s the good news: Your pilot is the only one who should be in control. You wouldn’t want a random passenger stepping in to “help,” so why believe that your anxious brain needs to do something for the flight to be okay?
Practicing Letting Go (Even When It Feels Uncomfortable)
You don’t have to like the feeling of not being in control. But you can learn to sit with it instead of fighting it.
Here’s how to start practicing:
✅ Reframe your thoughts. Instead of “I need to be in control”, shift to “I feel uncomfortable not being in control and that’s ok.”
✅ Let the sensations be there. Your stomach dropping during turbulence? That’s just a sensations. Let your body feel it without attaching a scary story to it.
✅ Resist the urge to “figure it out.” You don’t need to Google wind speeds or track turbulence radars. If conditions weren’t safe, the pilots wouldn’t be flying (they have families too you know).
✅ Take small steps before your next flight. Challenge yourself in everyday situations where you feel the need to control (like letting someone else drive without giving directions).
The Next Step: Grab Your Flight Anxiety Toolkit
Letting go of control is a process, and you don’t have to do it alone. My Flight Anxiety Toolkit will help you learn 12 effective strategies for handling anxiety on your next flight.
👉 Click here to download your free Flight Anxiety Toolkit and start feeling more confident before your next flight.
Final Thought
You don’t need control to feel safe. You just need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Trust in the plane, the process, and—most importantly—your ability to handle uncertainty.
So next time you board a plane, remind yourself:
Your only job is to sit back and let the pilots do theirs.
You got this.