Why It’s So Hard to Fly With Kids When You’re Anxious (And What You Can Do About It)
You booked the trip because you want your kids to make memories. To see the world. To give them the kind of experiences you didn’t have (or to build on the ones you did).
But now the date is getting closer, and something familiar is starting to creep in: the anxiety. The what-ifs. The spiraling thoughts.
And now, it’s not just about you being scared of flying—it’s about whether your fear might impact them.
“What if I can’t hide it?”
“What if I cry in front of them?”
“What if they end up afraid of flying too—just like me?”
These layered fears aren’t just about turbulence or being trapped on a plane. They’re about the weight of being a parent and the pressure to hold it together… especially when you’re barely holding on.
Let’s talk about what’s really happening here (and what you can do about it).
Why Flight Anxiety Often Gets Worse After You Have Kids
Many people notice that flying gets harder after becoming a parent… not easier, even if they’ve flown many times before.
There’s a reason for that.
When you become a parent, your brain becomes more attuned to risk. Your nervous system is now wired to protect your little people. And that makes sense, because they depend on you.
Your stress response kicks into high gear anytime your brain perceives a threat—even if that threat isn’t rational. (And you know anxiety isn’t interested in what’s rational.)
Add in the mental load of parenting (snacks, meltdowns, seat swaps, missed naps), the fear of something going wrong while you're responsible for someone else’s safety, and the vulnerability of being in a metal tube 30,000 feet in the air… it makes total sense that this would feel overwhelming.
The Layer of Anticipation: “What If My Kids See Me Lose It?”
For many anxious flyers, the worst part of flying happens before the plane ever leaves the ground.
It’s not just fear of flying—it’s fear of what might happen in front of your kids.
What if they see me anxious?
What if they start to worry because of me?
What if I pass this fear on to them forever?
This fear often weighs heavily in the days or weeks leading up to a flight. It’s tied to the pressure of being emotionally composed, the desire to protect your children from discomfort, and the guilt that can show up when you feel like you’re not modeling “calm.”
Here’s what’s helpful to remember:
Your kids don’t need to see you as fearless. They need to know that it’s okay to have big feelings and that it’s possible to move through them.
Being honest (in an age-appropriate way) can actually reduce their anxiety—not increase it.
Just talking about your anxiety doesn’t mean your child will “catch” it. There’s a lot more that goes into the development of fear—like temperament, biology, and life experience.
You’re only responsible for the part you can influence: how you model regulation, self-awareness, and compassion.
Telling them you’re working on it shows strength, not weakness. And shows them that they can work through big feelings too.
You might say something like:
“Flying makes me a little anxious sometimes, so if you see me taking deep breaths or closing my eyes, that’s just me helping myself feel better. It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
But Here’s the Good News: The Flight Itself Is Often Easier Than You Think
This part surprises a lot of people.
Many anxious parents spend weeks dreading the flight… only to realize once they’re on the plane, it’s way more manageable than they imagined.
Why? Because you’re distracted. You’re focused on your kids (assuming they’re young and still need your attention). You’re in the moment instead of in your imagination.
(And if you're not—if you have been struggling to cope in front of your kids—that’s worth paying attention to, too. That might be a sign that additional support or skills are needed, and that’s okay.)
For most people, though, the hard part is the anticipation—the build-up, the pressure, the rumination. That’s where anxiety has room to grow.
What You Can Do Now (Not the Night Before)
If flying anxiety is something you truly struggle with, don’t scramble at the last minute for affirmations or “quick fixes.”
Anxiety is workable (with the right support). What you need is a plan that helps you feel supported, prepared, and empowered…without needing to overcontrol everything.
Here’s where to start:
1. Change your perspective
Practice the things you want to remind yourself of before your flight.
Pro tip: Do this as early as possible because the stress of packing will likely override everything the closer it gets to your flight.
Even write them down so you can return to these mindset shifts when you need them.
“My mind is trying to make predictions. That doesn’t mean they’re true.”
“I’ve done hard things before. I can do this too.”
“I can show my feelings without damaging my kids or causing them harm.”
“I can’t control whether or not my child develops anxiety. I can only control how I respond to my own anxiety.”
2. Prep a simple way to explain it to your child
Use language that helps them understand and stay regulated:
“When I fly, my body gets nervous. I might get quiet or cranky, but I have tools I use to help myself. I plan to take some deep breaths to help me through it.”
3. Do the work ahead of time
This might mean:
Practicing your tools in the weeks leading up to your flight
Talking to a therapist about flight anxiety
Taking a course that gives you structure and confidence
Need help getting started?
Our free Flight Anxiety Audio Series is a great place to begin learning about how to start handling your flight anxiety. It includes 4 short episodes that you can listen to on your favorite podcast app and includes a guided audio exercise you can use during your flight.
And if your flight is coming up soon, our Calm Before Takeoff course is a one-hour audio workshop that helps you learn how to handle the “what ifs” in the days leading up to your flight.
Final Thoughts: You’re Showing Up for Your Kids in a Powerful Way
It makes sense that you want to be a strong role model for your kids. You don’t want them to feel the things you’ve felt or go through the hard things you’ve gone through.
That’s what makes you a great parent.
But remember: you don’t need to hide from anxiety and pretend it doesn’t exist. Show your kids that you can have big feelings and still live a great life—like traveling to new places. It’s like giving them the golden ticket for handling hard things.
And that? That’s the kind of gift that keeps on giving. 🙂
Whether your flight is soon or still weeks away, we’ve got you.
→ Start with our free Flight Anxiety Audio Series to learn 12 therapist-led tips for starting to handle flight anxiety.
→ Or dive into the Calm Before Takeoff course if you need a quick crash course on handling the what if’s before your next flight.