Traveling With Someone Who’s Afraid of Flying? How to Support Them Without Accidentally Making It Worse
Flying with someone who’s anxious about flying can feel like a big responsibility. You want to help. You want them to feel safe. You want the trip to go as smoothly as possible. But it’s not always obvious how to support someone in the middle of fear — and even the most well-intentioned attempts can sometimes make things harder.
If you’re traveling with a partner, friend, or family member who struggles with flight anxiety, then keep reading. My goal is to help you show up in a way that feels supportive, without feeling like you have to tiptoe around their feelings. Supporting someone through fear is deeply meaningful and challenging at the same time. And if you aren’t sure how to do it, then I want you to know that it’s absolutely a skill you can learn.
Why Flying Feels So Intense for Them (A Quick, Helpful Context)
Someone with flying anxiety isn’t just “nervous about flying.” Their brain is reacting as if the flight itself — or the enclosed space, or the lack of control — is a genuine threat. Once that alarm system switches on, their body can quickly move into panic mode.
They may experience:
a pounding heart
shaky hands
racing thoughts
tunnel vision
nausea
an overwhelming sense of urgency or dread
And the important piece to remember is this: your loved one is doing the best they can. But their nervous system is simply reacting in a heightened way. When you hold this context in mind, it becomes easier to respond from a place of understanding rather than frustration.
5 Common Mistakes People Make — And What To Do Instead
Here are five things that seem helpful on the surface but often backfire — along with what to try instead.
1. Suggesting They “Have a Drink to Relax”
Alcohol might seem like a quick fix, but for anxious flyers it often makes things worse. It can elevate anxiety, cause dehydration, interact poorly with medication, or leave them feeling out of control — which is the exact opposite of what their nervous system needs.
What to do instead:
Ask what tends to help them feel more grounded. Some people prefer light conversation. Others may want distraction, breathing exercises, or quiet. Let them tell you what actually feels supportive.
2. Saying “Calm Down” or “You’re Fine”
If calming down were that easy, they would already be doing it. Telling someone to relax when they’re panicked often leaves them feeling misunderstood or dismissed, even if you had good intentions.
What to do instead:
Offer something specific and doable, like:
“Do you want to take a couple of breaths together?”
“Do you want to squeeze my hand?”
“I’m right here. You’re doing great.”
Supportive actions go much further than trying to talk their anxiety away.
3. Trying to Talk Them Out of Their Fear
Most anxious flyers already know that flying is statistically safe. Their fear isn’t always about safety — it’s about the physical sensations happening inside their body.
Trying to “fix” their thinking (like “flying is safer than driving!”) often leaves them feeling invalidated.
What to do instead:
Stay with simple validation:
“I can see this is really intense for you.”
“I know this is hard, and I’m right here.”
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to stay connected and help them feel supported.
4. Cutting the Timing Too Close
Someone who’s anxious about flying does not need the added stress of rushing through the airport. Running late spikes stress for almost everyone — but for an anxious flyer, it can tip them straight into panic.
What to do instead:
Give yourselves extra time. Arriving early helps keep the pace slow, predictable, and manageable, which is incredibly grounding for someone whose body is already in a heightened state.
5. Not Realizing How Your Behavior Affects Them
When someone is already overwhelmed, their tolerance for small irritations drops quickly. Loud chewing, tapping, rushing, pacing, or even too much talking can feel overwhelming.
This isn’t personal. Their nervous system is simply overloaded.
What to do instead:
Be mindful of your energy and pace. A calm, steady presence can help them regulate their own nervous system. And if they seem more irritable than usual, try not to take it personally — it’s usually about fear, not you.
How You Can Actually Help (What Works Best)
Now that we’ve covered what not to do, here are some things that genuinely make a difference.
1. Ask What They Need Ahead of Time
A simple, “What helps you the most during takeoff?” opens the door for understanding how you can best support them. They may want silence, reassurance, distraction, or something very specific. Asking ahead of time prevents guessing in the moment, which can be stressful for both of you.
2. Allow Extra Time
Let them set the pace. An anxious flyer who feels rushed will almost always spiral faster. Moving slowly and intentionally through the airport helps them stay more grounded.
3. Stay Grounded Yourself
You don’t need to have special training to be supportive. Your ability to mirror a calm demeanor is enough. If you stay calm, they’re more likely to feel calmer, too.
4. Keep Reassurance Simple
Short, steady reassurance is far more effective than trying to explain why everything is fine:
“You’re okay.”
“I’m here.”
“You’re doing really well.”
These kinds of statements land better than long explanations or attempts to rationalize fear away.
5. Celebrate Small Wins
Small wins are a big deal for an anxious flyer. They might not be great at giving themselves credit for getting through challenging moments, so be that voice for them that is cheering them on. Even if they struggled with anxiety throughout the entire flight, it’s still a win that they chose to fly anyway and did something that’s hard for them.
Sharing positive comments like this well show them support and build their confidence for future flights.
A Note for You, Too
It’s completely okay if this feels hard for you at times. Supporting someone with flight anxiety takes patience, emotional energy, and flexibility. You may feel unsure, drained, or even anxious yourself — and none of that means you’re doing anything wrong.
You’re helping someone you care about do something incredibly brave. Your support and presence matters more than you realize.
If Your Loved One Is Ready for More Help
If the person you’re traveling with wants more structured support, we offer a variety of resources, including:
In-person workshops
Online courses
Individual services for flight anxiety
You can learn more about our services for fearful flyers here
Whether you’re supporting someone you love or preparing for a trip together, you don’t have to guess your way through it. There are tools, strategies, and support available to make flying feel more manageable — for both of you.
Why Anxiety and OCD Often Spike Before Your Period — And What You Can Do About It
Many of the women I talk with in my practice describe something similar each month. As their period approaches, their anxiety or OCD symptoms feel different — thoughts get stickier, emotions feel more intense, and even small stressors are harder to handle than usual. For women who already live with anxiety or OCD, this isn’t just the usual premenstrual discomfort; it’s a noticeable spike in anxiety that reliably shows up right before their period.
If you’ve experienced this, it can be unsettling. You might find yourself wondering why your symptoms suddenly feel so intense or why you’re reacting so differently to things that typically feel manageable. But this pattern is extremely common, and there are real biological and psychological reasons behind it.
This blog will walk you through why this spike happens, how to identify your own pattern, and what tools can help you move through this part of your cycle with more understanding and support.
What’s Happening in the Body During the Premenstrual Phase
During the second half of your menstrual cycle (the luteal phase), your body goes through a series of hormonal changes as it prepares for your next period. Estrogen and progesterone rise and fall, and for some women, those shifts have a noticeable impact on:
mood
emotional sensitivity
sleep
energy levels
anxiety
intrusive thoughts
These hormonal fluctuations also influence neurotransmitters, including serotonin — a key player in mood and anxiety regulation. If you already experience anxiety or OCD, your system may be more sensitive to these changes, which can temporarily intensify symptoms.
PMS vs. When Symptoms Feel More Intense
Most women are familiar with PMS (Premenstrual Syndrome) — a cluster of physical and emotional symptoms that happen in the days before a period and typically improve soon after bleeding begins.
Some women, however, experience symptoms that feel more significant. A smaller percentage experience PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) — which is a more intense form of premenstrual mood disruption that can include marked irritability, mood swings, sadness, anxiety, or feeling overwhelmed, often with noticeable impact on daily functioning.
You don’t need to diagnose yourself, and this blog isn’t meant to help anyone do that. But having a general understanding of the spectrum can make it easier to recognize when symptoms feel beyond what’s typical for you — and when it might help to talk with a medical provider.
Why Anxiety and OCD Tend to Feel Worse During This Week
At our practice, we hear a very similar story from many women. A few days before their period:
intrusive thoughts feel more frequent or intense
anxiety spikes more quickly
urges to check or mentally review feel stronger
emotions feel closer to the surface
stress tolerance is lower
physical sensations (like tension or restlessness) feel amplified
Then, within a day or so of bleeding starting, they describe feeling more like themselves again.
Noticing this pattern can be incredibly helpful. Instead of assuming the worst or that your progress suddenly disappeared, you can recognize, “My mind and body are more sensitive right now…and this phase will pass.”
How to Support Yourself During This Part of Your Cycle
Once you understand why this spike happens, the next step is figuring out how to work with your body and mind during this phase. Here are a few ways to make this week feel more manageable.
Step One: Track Your Cycle and Your Symptoms
To help you make sense of the premenstrual spike, it helps to actually see the pattern. It helps to track your cycle and symptoms for at least two full menstrual cycles.
It doesn’t have to be complicated — you’re simply paying attention to when your period starts, and then noting the days where anxiety, intrusive thoughts, or emotional sensitivity feel stronger. It’s also important to track other things like sleep changes or irritability, just to get a fuller picture.
There are several apps that make this really easy, such as Clue or Flo. But if you prefer pen and paper, you can use this printable cycle tracker if that feels more your style.
What matters most is giving yourself a way to notice the pattern.
Tracking helps you see what’s actually happening instead of guessing, and it makes it easier to understand why certain days feel harder.
It also allows you to anticipate the part of the month when you may need a little more support — and it gives you helpful information to bring to your doctor or therapist if you choose.
Step Two: Build a Plan for Your High-Sensitivity Week
Once you notice the pattern, you can build a supportive plan for that stretch of the month that feels reasonable.
1. Adjust Demands Gently
You might find it helpful to:
simplify non-essential tasks
protect your sleep
plan ahead for easy meals
This doesn’t mean you need to “lower the bar” for yourself but just give extra grace for a week when you may be struggling more than usual.
2. Use Cognitive Tools Intentionally
During this phase, your brain may interpret things in a more catastrophic way. A few helpful strategies:
Name what’s happening: “This is the part of my cycle where my symptoms usually flare.”
Create some distance from thoughts: “I’m noticing my mind jumping to worst-case scenarios.”
Remind yourself of the temporary nature of the spike: “This feels strong right now, and it will pass.”
You’re not trying to eliminate negative thoughts. You’re simply acknowledging them and making space for them to be there.
3. Emotion Regulation Tools
This is where small, simple practices make a big impact:
Mindfulness: For a few minutes per day, practice mindfulness. If you do not regularly engage in mindfulness, it can be useful to use an app (like Headspace or Calm) to guide you through the process.
Grounding practices: Feel your feet on the floor, name 3 objects in the room that you can see, take a steady breath.
Self-validation: “My system is more sensitive right now — that makes sense.”
Distress tolerance skills: such as intense exercise to release built up emotions or use sour or spicy candy to notice other intense sensations.
4. Movement and Routine
Movement helps regulate your mood and this is an especially important week to make it a priority — even in small ways:
a short walk
light yoga
gentle cardio
5. If You’re Doing ERP
If you’re currently doing exposure-based work for anxiety or OCD, you might notice that exposures feel harder during this week. It can be helpful to:
adjust to lighter exposures
keep the structure without overwhelming your system
talk with your therapist about pacing
Don’t just stop exposures all together. Consistency matters more than intensity.
Step Three: When to Talk With a Medical Provider
If your symptoms feel severe, disruptive, or consistently difficult during this phase of your cycle, it may be worth talking with a medical provider. You don’t have to navigate the medical side of this alone.
Here are a few options you can ask about:
1. SSRIs
SSRIs are commonly used as first-line treatment for more severe PMS or PMDD symptoms. Even if you’re already on an SSRI, some providers consider:
adjusting the dose during the luteal phase, or
using a “luteal-only” dosing schedule
This is always something to discuss directly with your doctor, psychiatrist, or OB/GYN.
2. Calcium Supplementation
Some research shows that calcium supplements may help reduce PMS-related mood symptoms. This is another conversation to have with your provider.
3. Hormonal Options
For some women, hormonal birth control can help stabilize fluctuations across the month. Your medical provider can help you determine whether this might be appropriate.
This Spike Doesn’t Mean Something Is Wrong With You
Premenstrual anxiety or OCD spikes can feel discouraging — but they are also predictable, explainable, and manageable with the right support.
Noticing your pattern helps you respond with clarity instead of panic. With awareness, tools, and medical support when appropriate, this week of the month becomes something you can prepare for rather than something that blindsides you.
Ready for Support?
If you’re noticing a pattern of heightened anxiety or OCD before your period, you don’t have to sort through it on your own.
Our therapists at State of Mind Therapy in Bloomington can help you understand what’s happening in your cycle and figure out the next steps that make sense for you.
👉 Schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation to get started.
5 Questions to Ask Yourself as You Head Into a New Year With Anxiety or OCD
As the year winds down, many people living with anxiety or OCD feel a familiar pressure: “I should have made more progress by now.” Or, “Next year has to be different.”
But growth with anxiety and OCD doesn’t follow a neat, linear path. It’s often slow, subtle, and easy to overlook—especially when your brain is wired to pay more attention to the negatives.
That’s why taking time to pause, reflect, and actually notice what shifted this year matters. Not from a place of perfection or comparison, but from curiosity. From honesty. From a desire to understand yourself a little more clearly as you head into a new year.
Below are five questions we love asking clients this time of year. Think of them as an opportunity to reflect and recognize your progress and set intentional direction for what’s next.
1. What did I handle this year that would have felt impossible a year ago?
People often underestimate themselves because they’re comparing where they want to be—not where they started.
Maybe you took a flight, even if your anxiety was through the roof as you boarded the plane.
Maybe you ate at a restaurant despite the emetophobia monster whispering all kinds of worst-case scenarios in your head.
Maybe you went to work, made a phone call, or attended a family event even with intrusive thoughts swirling.
These might not feel “big enough,” but they’re often the exact moments where real change begins: doing something your anxiety insisted you couldn’t.
Ask yourself:
“What did I do this year that younger-me simply wasn’t ready for?”
You might surprise yourself with the answer.
2. How did I handle setbacks differently this year?
Setbacks are not evidence that you’re failing. They’re evidence that you’re human.
And one of the strongest markers of progress is not whether you had setbacks—it’s how you responded to them.
Maybe you bounced back faster.
Maybe you didn’t spiral as long.
Maybe you didn’t shame yourself as harshly.
Maybe you reached out for support instead of hiding.
Maybe you resumed an exposure after taking a break instead of quitting entirely.
These shifts are subtle but powerful.
They show resilience.
They show learning.
They show growth.
Ask yourself:
“Did I respond differently this year, even in small ways?”
3. What actually supported me this year (and what didn’t)?
Anxiety and OCD recovery involves a lot of trial and error. Some strategies help. Others… not so much.
Instead of guessing again next year, look at what you already learned:
What coping skills actually grounded you?
Which routines lowered your baseline stress?
What habits made things harder?
Who in your life energized you—and who drained you?
Did scrolling, Googling, or reassurance-seeking pull you deeper into anxiety?
Did therapy, exercise, mindfulness, or exposure work support you more than you realized?
This isn’t about criticizing yourself. It’s about gathering data so you can move into the new year with feeling proud of where you’ve come and getting clarity on what you want to work on the upcoming year.
Ask yourself:
“What helped me feel more like myself—and what made things made me feel worse?”
4. What do I want my relationship with anxiety or OCD to look like next year?
Notice the wording here. It’s not “How do I get rid of anxiety?” or “How do I stop having intrusive thoughts?”
Those aren’t goals—they’re unrealistic demands that set you up for frustration.
A better question is:
“How do I want to relate to anxiety when it shows up?”
Maybe next year you want to:
allow anxiety to be present without immediately responding
delay or reduce compulsions instead of doing them automatically
move toward things that matter even when the noise in your head is loud
practice accepting uncertainty a little more often
build the muscle of willingness, not perfection
Think about what you want your internal world to feel like—not just what you want to eliminate.
5. What’s one small, doable step I want to take in the new year?
Not five steps. Not a full plan. Just one step.
Growth happens by stacking small actions, not by trying to overhaul everything at once.
Your next step might be:
scheduling a therapy consult
joining a group
practicing one exposure a week
setting a limit on reassurance-seeking
building a simple mindfulness routine
reducing avoidance in one specific area
tracking your wins so you can actually see them
Choose a step that feels meaningful—but realistic. A step that nudges you forward without overwhelming you. A step your future self would look back on and say, “That made a difference.”
Looking Back, Then Looking Ahead
Reflection doesn’t erase the challenges of the year, and it doesn’t magically make anxiety disappear. But it can help you reclaim the narrative. It can help you see the small, steady ways you’re growing—even in moments that didn’t feel like growth at all.
Your progress counts.
Your effort counts.
Your resilience counts.
And the new year isn’t a pressure point.
It’s simply an invitation to move one step closer to the life you want—at your own pace.
If You’re Ready for Support in the New Year
If you’re ready to make 2026 a year of more peace, courage, and clarity, we’re here to help. Our therapists specialize in anxiety and OCD and offer:
cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
exposure and response prevention (ERP)
acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)
support for emetophobia, intrusive thoughts, fear of flying, and general anxiety (just to name a few)
You can get started with a free 15-minute phone consultation and explore whether therapy is the next step for you.
You don’t have to navigate 2026 overwhelmed or feeling alone. We’d love to support you as you take your next small, meaningful step.
Emetophobia and the Holidays: How to Move Through the Season Without Letting Fear Take Over
Many of the people we talk with in our sessions feel a mix of excitement and dread as the holidays approach. You want to enjoy the season. You want to make memories, show up for your kids, and be part of the joy. But if you live with emetophobia, this time of year brings a kind of pressure that other people don’t see.
For many, winter means sickness season.
It means more gatherings, more travel, shared meals, kids touching everything, and family members who don’t think twice about hygiene in the kitchen. It means your mind jumping ahead to every “what if.” And even if nothing is happening yet, it can feel like your anxiety is already two steps ahead of you.
So if your fear spikes this time of year (even if you feel like you’re spiraling at times) the holidays can still be meaningful. This season doesn’t have to be defined by anxiety, even when anxiety is loud.
What This Season Often Looks Like When You Have Emetophobia
You might notice your shoulders tense before you even arrive at a gathering. Maybe it’s the worry that someone’s kids were just sick, or the way your in-laws let little ones help cook without washing their hands.
Maybe it’s the fear that you’ll all get sick before the event and have to miss it — or that you’ll catch something while you’re there.
And once you’re home, your mind might keep spinning, wondering what germs were passed around and how long it will be before the next wave hits.
For some people with emetophobia, the fear becomes so consuming that the safest choice feels like not participating at all.
Some haven’t traveled home in years.
Some avoid gatherings they actually want to attend.
Some feel like their worry overshadows the joy their kids deserve.
And if you’ve ever gotten sick during the holidays or watched it happen to others, your brain stores that. It builds associations that sound like “this happened before, so it might happen again.”
That’s not a failure on your part. That’s how a fearful brain tries to prepare you: by imagining every worst-case scenario in advance.
But preparation and fear are not the same thing.
And fear doesn’t get to decide what this season means to you.
Something You May Need to Hear Right Now
You’ve gotten through so many winters already…including the hard ones.
Yes, maybe there was a year when your family was sick.
Maybe there was a trip that got derailed, or a holiday that felt stressful from start to finish.
But even then, you still made it through. You handled it. You adapted. You recovered.
Your fear will never give you credit for that — but you can.
It’s not about getting rid of fear altogether. It’s about reminding yourself that you’re capable, resourceful, and stronger than this fear wants you to believe.
You’ve proved that more times than you realize.
This Season Can Be an Opportunity — Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like One
Every holiday event you say yes to, every moment you show up for, every time you choose connection over avoidance — those are opportunities for exposure.
And with every exposure opportunity, you have a choice. You can choose to face it with a “bring it on” attitude or you can white knuckle your way through it.
But only one of those will actually move the needle in your recovery.
Instead of viewing this season as something you have to “survive,” you can choose to see it as:
an opportunity to be the parent or partner you want to be
a chance to reconnect with the parts of life you’ve missed
moments where you remind yourself you can tolerate discomfort
a step toward the life you want, not the life fear dictates
You don’t have to love every moment. You just need to keep moving toward the ones that matter.
Grounding Reminders for When Anxiety Gets Loud
1. No amount of worry will change the outcome.
You can think about every possible scenario and it still won’t give you more control.
If something happens, you will handle it then — the same way you have handled difficult moments before.
2. Set boundaries with reassurance-seeking.
This means not asking people for details about their recent illnesses, their symptoms, or their kids’ timelines. When someone casually mentions that their child “was sick last week,” you don’t need to ask follow-up questions. More information doesn’t create more comfort — it usually creates more anxiety.
3. Choose intentional exposures that align with your values.
Not overwhelming ones — just deliberate steps like:
staying at an event a little longer than you planned
eating food someone else prepared
letting your kids participate without constant correction
choosing not to clean or sanitize something immediately
These moments add up and build confidence.
4. Stay connected to why you care.
Fear tries to make everything about risk.
But this time of year is also about joy, connection, family, tradition, and meaning. So try to remember that you’re moving toward something — not just away from fear.
5. Progress doesn’t mean the fear disappears.
Fear may still show up. Background anxiety may still buzz. That doesn’t mean you aren’t growing. The goal is to turn down the volume, not eliminate it entirely. You can feel afraid and still move forward.
If You Tend to Avoid This Time of Year
Avoidance is your nervous system’s way of protecting you — it’s trying to keep you safe in the only way it knows how.
But avoidance also has a cost.
It limits your life. It keeps you from the moments you actually want. It shrinks your world.
This season might be an opportunity to take one step — even a small one — back into the things you value.
You don’t need to overhaul your entire holiday.
You just need to take the next meaningful step.
You can do that.
You’ve done harder things.
You Get to Choose What This Season Means for You
Fear will always suggest the safest option is to shut down, stay home, or prepare for the worst. But you get to decide whether that’s the only story you want to live by.
You can feel afraid and still show up.
You can participate in moments that matter to you.
You can have a holiday season that isn’t ruled by worst-case scenarios.
And each time you take a step toward the life you want, fear loses just a little bit of its power.
Want Support This Season for Emetophobia?
If emetophobia makes winter and the holidays overwhelming, support is available. At State of Mind Therapy in Bloomington, we help people understand their fear, build confidence, and take meaningful steps toward the lives they want to live.
You can start with a free 15-minute phone consultation.
We also offer an Emetophobia Therapy Group for adult women, which has been especially helpful during this season.
Should I Cancel My Flight? How to Move Through Panic When Every Part of You Wants to Back Out
If you’ve ever sat in the airport parking lot with your heart pounding and your mind begging you to turn around, you’re not the only one who’s been there.
And if you’ve ever wondered, “Should I just cancel?” — that moment is one of the hardest parts of flight anxiety.
A lot of people describe that moment in different ways, but the theme is always the same:
not being able to walk through the airport doors, freezing at the gate, or getting right up to boarding and feeling like your body is shutting down.
By the time you reach the airport, you’ve often spent days or even weeks thinking about the flight, imagining everything that could go wrong, and trying to brace yourself for it. So when you’re standing in front of the place where it all becomes real, your fear response kicks into high gear.
In that moment, the thought “Should I cancel?” feels urgent, reasonable, and protective.
But that urge is not a sign… it’s fear doing exactly what fear does.
My goal in this blog is to help you understand why this moment feels so overwhelming and show you how to move forward even when every alarm in your body is going off.
Why Your Brain Pushes You to Cancel at the Last Minute
When something feels threatening — being trapped, losing control, having a panic attack in public, not being able to escape — the nervous system flips into protection mode.
Your heart races.
Your muscles tense.
Your mind starts scanning for exits.
Your body tries to get you out of what it believes is danger.
This is your fear response doing its job…but a little too intensely.
And because these sensations feel so big, it’s easy to interpret them as a warning:
“If I feel this panicked now, imagine how bad it’ll be on the plane.”
“I can’t handle this for hours.”
“This panic won’t stop unless I leave.”
These thoughts feel like truth, but they’re not danger signals…they’re fear signals.
And fear tends to be a very dramatic storyteller.
The Fear That Stops People: “If I get on the plane, this panic won’t stop.”
This is the belief that convinces most people to back out.
I’ve worked with many people who have made it all the way to the jet bridge, felt that surge of panic, and turned around at the last second. It’s such a painful moment for them…the panic response is one thing. But the shame and remorse that follows hurts just as much.
The fear says:
“If I stay, this panic is just going to keep rising until something terrible happens.”
But here’s the part your nervous system forgets:
Panic always peaks.
And panic always comes down.
Your body cannot stay at that level forever. It physically can’t.
It feels endless — but it’s temporary.
What actually prolongs the fear is escaping from it.
Every time you get out of the line, off the plane, or away from the airport, your brain learns:
“That was the right call. That really was dangerous.”
Which only makes the next attempt feel harder.
Why Anticipatory Anxiety Makes Everything Feel Impossible
One big reason this moment feels so intense is because your brain assumes that how you feel right now is exactly how you’ll feel the whole flight.
But anxious brains are terrible at predicting the future.
You might think:
“If I’m shaking now, I’ll lose it at 30,000 feet.”
“If I feel trapped here, I’ll feel ten times worse in the air.”
“If panic is rising, that means I can’t handle being up there.”
But none of that is based on what actually happens. It’s based on a feeling.
And most fearful flyers actually feel more anxious before the flight than during it.
Once the anticipation drops and the plane settles into the routine of the flight, the nervous system usually quiets down.
You won’t know what the flight feels like until you’re on it — and anticipation is rarely an accurate predictor.
Play the Tape Forward (This Is One of the Most Helpful Tools You Can Use)
When panic hits, your brain zooms in on this moment only — the sweating, the shaking, the dread.
But decisions made in panic rarely take you where you want to go.
This is where “playing the tape forward” becomes powerful.
So ask yourself this, if you fly, how will you feel later when you land?
Most people say they feel proud, relieved, lighter, more capable, more free.
Now ask yourself, if you cancel, how will you feel on the drive home and the days following?
Most people would say they would feel ashamed, regret, frustration, disappointment, feeling stuck, wishing they had tried harder.
Something I often tell clients is:
“If you’re going to feel miserable either way, you might as well feel miserable on the plane — and still get where you want to go.”
The discomfort of anticipation is temporary.
The regret of canceling lasts much longer.
“How Do I Actually Move Forward When I Feel Frozen?”
When fear spikes, your brain focuses on the future and how long and terrible the flying experience will be.
”I’ll be in the plane for hours!”….”the plane will be bumpy”….”I will be stuck in the plane for hours with no option to leave!”
That’s overwhelming.
Instead, come back to one simple question: “what is the next best step I can take?”
Not the whole flight.
Not the whole experience.
Just the next thing.
…Right now, the next best step is packing my bag.
…Right now, the next best step is getting in the car.
…Right now, the next best step is walking into the airport.
…Right now, the next best step is sitting at the gate.
…you get the idea.
Fear loses power when you focus on the next best thing.
You don’t need to be calm. You just need to keep moving.
Reclaiming Your Agency: This Is a Choice You’re Making
When you’re afraid of flying, it can make you feel powerless. Like you have no choice and are just stuck (and for hours).
But you’re not.
You bought the ticket.
You chose the trip.
You want what’s waiting for you on the other side.
So when your mind says, “You can’t do this,” remind yourself:
“I chose this. I want this. I’m doing this for me.”
You Don’t Need Certainty to Board the Plane
One of the biggest myths anxious flyers believe is:
“I have to feel ready before I can fly.”
But readiness rarely comes first.
Willingness comes first.
Confidence comes second.
You don’t need certainty.
You don’t need to erase fear.
You don’t need to predict how the flight will go.
You only need enough willingness to take the next step. And you’ve done things while afraid your whole life.
Imagine the Moment You Step Off the Plane
You’re tired.
You’re relieved.
You’re proud.
Your world just got bigger.
This version of you already exists — your fear just tries to hide them.
And that version of you is absolutely capable of this.
Take one small step toward that version of you today.
If You Want Support Before Your Flight
Our Fearful Flyers Blueprint gives you step-by-step tools to handle:
anticipatory anxiety
panic on the plane
fear of being trapped
fear of losing control
fear of physical sensations
It’s the support I wish every anxious flyer had before their next trip.
👉 Enroll in the Fearful Flyers Blueprint
(Get the tools, strategies, and confidence you need for your next flight.)
[VIDEO] What You Need to Know About PANDAS/PANS?
In this video, you will learn:
-What is PANDAS/PANS?
-How PANDAS/PANS is diagnosed
-The difference between PANDAS or OCD
-Treating PANDAS/PANS medically and with psychotherapy
-Treating PANDAS/PANS with CBT and ERP (exposure and response prevention)
-Supporting families
Find an OCD Therapist at www.iocdf.org
Learn more about PANDAS/PANS at www.pandasnetwork.org