Traveling With Someone Who’s Afraid of Flying? How to Support Them Without Accidentally Making It Worse
Flying with someone who’s anxious about flying can feel like a big responsibility. You want to help. You want them to feel safe. You want the trip to go as smoothly as possible. But it’s not always obvious how to support someone in the middle of fear — and even the most well-intentioned attempts can sometimes make things harder.
If you’re traveling with a partner, friend, or family member who struggles with flight anxiety, then keep reading. My goal is to help you show up in a way that feels supportive, without feeling like you have to tiptoe around their feelings. Supporting someone through fear is deeply meaningful and challenging at the same time. And if you aren’t sure how to do it, then I want you to know that it’s absolutely a skill you can learn.
Why Flying Feels So Intense for Them (A Quick, Helpful Context)
Someone with flying anxiety isn’t just “nervous about flying.” Their brain is reacting as if the flight itself — or the enclosed space, or the lack of control — is a genuine threat. Once that alarm system switches on, their body can quickly move into panic mode.
They may experience:
a pounding heart
shaky hands
racing thoughts
tunnel vision
nausea
an overwhelming sense of urgency or dread
And the important piece to remember is this: your loved one is doing the best they can. But their nervous system is simply reacting in a heightened way. When you hold this context in mind, it becomes easier to respond from a place of understanding rather than frustration.
5 Common Mistakes People Make — And What To Do Instead
Here are five things that seem helpful on the surface but often backfire — along with what to try instead.
1. Suggesting They “Have a Drink to Relax”
Alcohol might seem like a quick fix, but for anxious flyers it often makes things worse. It can elevate anxiety, cause dehydration, interact poorly with medication, or leave them feeling out of control — which is the exact opposite of what their nervous system needs.
What to do instead:
Ask what tends to help them feel more grounded. Some people prefer light conversation. Others may want distraction, breathing exercises, or quiet. Let them tell you what actually feels supportive.
2. Saying “Calm Down” or “You’re Fine”
If calming down were that easy, they would already be doing it. Telling someone to relax when they’re panicked often leaves them feeling misunderstood or dismissed, even if you had good intentions.
What to do instead:
Offer something specific and doable, like:
“Do you want to take a couple of breaths together?”
“Do you want to squeeze my hand?”
“I’m right here. You’re doing great.”
Supportive actions go much further than trying to talk their anxiety away.
3. Trying to Talk Them Out of Their Fear
Most anxious flyers already know that flying is statistically safe. Their fear isn’t always about safety — it’s about the physical sensations happening inside their body.
Trying to “fix” their thinking (like “flying is safer than driving!”) often leaves them feeling invalidated.
What to do instead:
Stay with simple validation:
“I can see this is really intense for you.”
“I know this is hard, and I’m right here.”
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to stay connected and help them feel supported.
4. Cutting the Timing Too Close
Someone who’s anxious about flying does not need the added stress of rushing through the airport. Running late spikes stress for almost everyone — but for an anxious flyer, it can tip them straight into panic.
What to do instead:
Give yourselves extra time. Arriving early helps keep the pace slow, predictable, and manageable, which is incredibly grounding for someone whose body is already in a heightened state.
5. Not Realizing How Your Behavior Affects Them
When someone is already overwhelmed, their tolerance for small irritations drops quickly. Loud chewing, tapping, rushing, pacing, or even too much talking can feel overwhelming.
This isn’t personal. Their nervous system is simply overloaded.
What to do instead:
Be mindful of your energy and pace. A calm, steady presence can help them regulate their own nervous system. And if they seem more irritable than usual, try not to take it personally — it’s usually about fear, not you.
How You Can Actually Help (What Works Best)
Now that we’ve covered what not to do, here are some things that genuinely make a difference.
1. Ask What They Need Ahead of Time
A simple, “What helps you the most during takeoff?” opens the door for understanding how you can best support them. They may want silence, reassurance, distraction, or something very specific. Asking ahead of time prevents guessing in the moment, which can be stressful for both of you.
2. Allow Extra Time
Let them set the pace. An anxious flyer who feels rushed will almost always spiral faster. Moving slowly and intentionally through the airport helps them stay more grounded.
3. Stay Grounded Yourself
You don’t need to have special training to be supportive. Your ability to mirror a calm demeanor is enough. If you stay calm, they’re more likely to feel calmer, too.
4. Keep Reassurance Simple
Short, steady reassurance is far more effective than trying to explain why everything is fine:
“You’re okay.”
“I’m here.”
“You’re doing really well.”
These kinds of statements land better than long explanations or attempts to rationalize fear away.
5. Celebrate Small Wins
Small wins are a big deal for an anxious flyer. They might not be great at giving themselves credit for getting through challenging moments, so be that voice for them that is cheering them on. Even if they struggled with anxiety throughout the entire flight, it’s still a win that they chose to fly anyway and did something that’s hard for them.
Sharing positive comments like this well show them support and build their confidence for future flights.
A Note for You, Too
It’s completely okay if this feels hard for you at times. Supporting someone with flight anxiety takes patience, emotional energy, and flexibility. You may feel unsure, drained, or even anxious yourself — and none of that means you’re doing anything wrong.
You’re helping someone you care about do something incredibly brave. Your support and presence matters more than you realize.
If Your Loved One Is Ready for More Help
If the person you’re traveling with wants more structured support, we offer a variety of resources, including:
In-person workshops
Online courses
Individual services for flight anxiety
You can learn more about our services for fearful flyers here
Whether you’re supporting someone you love or preparing for a trip together, you don’t have to guess your way through it. There are tools, strategies, and support available to make flying feel more manageable — for both of you.