Parent Tips on Navigating Reassurance Seeking With Your Anxious Child
Your child comes to you with anxious thoughts swirling in their mind, seeking reassurance for the hundredth time this week...
….”do you think this will make me sick? Are you sure?”
….”I made a mistake today…do you think I’m a bad person? Will other people think I’m a bad person?”
…”Are you sure?”
…”Are you sure?”
Sound familiar?
We all need reassurance at times. but when it comes to anxiety disorders, it can be really unproductive. But as a parent, you feel like your hands are tied. You don’t want to keep answering these questions, but it feels impossible to stop.
Constantly reassuring your anxious kiddo might actually make their anxiety worse in the long run.
What!?
When we reassure our kids too much, it can inadvertently teach them that they need constant reassurance to feel okay. Plus, it doesn't really help them learn to cope with their worries on their own.
So I put together a free mini training video to show you step-by-step how I teach my clients how to stop reassurance seeking patterns.
Conquer the Sunday Scaries: 6 Game-Changing Tips for a Stress-Free Weekend
You know that sinking feeling all too well—the weekend's winding down, and Monday is right around the corner. And you are absolutely dreading it.
The thought of a full week of work ahead feels overwhelming, doesn't it? You can’t help but wonder what happened over the weekend that you'll have to tackle on Monday.
The uncertainty of the week ahead can leave you spiraling.
You wish you could just turn it off. The weight of the week ahead is robbing your joy on Sunday.If you crave a sense of calm on Sundays, then check out these tips.
1. Plan Ahead: Carve out 30 minutes at the end of the workday on Friday to make your to-do list for the next week. By looking at what’s on the schedule for the week ahead ahead of time, you're proactively addressing tasks and reducing the mental load that typically plagues Sundays.
Make it part of your end-of-the-week plan so you can spend less time thinking about it on Sunday and step into Sunday with clarity and a fresh start knowing exactly what you'll be focusing on that week.
2. Find Joy in Mondays: Can you find a way to look forward to Monday? Maybe pick-up a Vanilla Latte from Starbucks or go out to lunch with a coworker. Schedule after-work activities like book club or pickleball on Mondays to help you look forward to something after work.
3. Change Up Your Sunday Routine: Many people wait until Sundays to do their weekly chores like laundry and get groceries. This can make Sunday feel like less of a “fun day” and leave you feeling overwhelmed with things to do instead of enjoying the day for relaxation.
So make a tweak in your week and change up grocery shopping day to Wednesday or some other day in the week so it’s not all piled up on the weekend.
4. Embrace Sunday as a Fun Day: Live your Sunday like it's a Saturday. Sometimes, we have the mindset that we can’t do fun things on Sunday because we need to “get ready for the week.” But what if we allowed ourselves to enjoy Sunday like Saturday? Sometimes we unintentionally trap ourselves by telling ourselves we need to be home early that day. But who says you have to?
5. Put Yourself First: If you're worrying about the tasks at work you'll be returning to, practice reminding yourself that your life is bigger and more important than work. You are more than your job and you deserve all the time off you get.
Putting yourself first means enjoying your Sunday and not letting work infiltrate your limited free time. The work will be there for you tomorrow.
6. Incorporate Mindfulness: If you find it hard to stop thinking about work, try incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine. Mindfulness is like exercise for your brain to help you stay in the present moment.
It’s normal for minds to drift, but mindfulness will help you become more aware of when that happens and be able to redirect your attention back to the present moment.
So if you’re tired of letting the Sunday scaries dictate your mood and productivity, pick 1-2 of the tips from this blog and put them into action.
Need more tips on handling anxiety? Check out our Live More, Worry Less guide for 5 of our favorite strategies to get relief from anxiety.
Navigating Anxiety During the Holidays
We all know the festive season can be a rollercoaster of emotions. If you're dealing with anxiety or OCD, those ups and downs can feel even more intense.
Making decisions about gifts, overthinking conversations, or dealing with fears around contamination—it's a lot to juggle. But remember, you're the boss of your life, and I've got some practical tips to help you get through this holiday season.
Know Your Triggers:
Let's get real—family gatherings can be a minefield of triggers. Whether it's a touchy topic or Aunt Susan's infamous political discussions, it's crucial to be aware of what might set you off. Take a moment to reflect on situations that make you uneasy. Will any of these pop up during the holidays? Knowing your triggers is your secret weapon.
How to Respond to Uncomfortable Questions:
Ever been in that awkward spot where you want to keep things private but also not brush them off entirely? I hear you. Here are responses that strike that perfect balance:
Lets say you’ve been have fertility challenges, you could respond with "we're figuring out the unexpected challenges of starting a family. Tough, but we're on the path to figuring things out."
If you have food-related fears, like emetophobia or fear of contamination, you could say something like "I've been extra cautious about what I eat lately, and it's not something I'm comfortable discussing in detail. But thanks for the fantastic spread! I'm focusing on enjoying the company and the festive atmosphere."
Be Mindful in the Moment:
When anxiety knocks, ground yourself. Slow down and name the feeling. Say to yourself, "here is anxiety." Remember, it's just a sensation—it will pass. Redirect your attention by engaging in an activity. Play with the kids or help with the dishes. If things get overwhelming, excuse yourself for a few minutes and pop on a 5-minute mindfulness meditation to guide you through it.
Have an Exit Strategy:
If you're worried your anxiety might hit a peak, have a few exit strategies ready. While avoidance isn't a long-term solution, it's okay to make short-term accommodations for yourself. Challenge yourself to stay in the situation, reminding yourself that discomfort is not danger.
You've got this! With a little self-awareness and these practical tips, you're equipped to navigate the holiday season like a pro. Remember, you're the boss of your life, not anxiety. Wishing you a season filled with joy, understanding, and moments of calm.
Stay Ahead of the Season: Winter-Proofing Your Mental Health in Minnesota
Winter is fast approaching, and for those of us living in Minnesota, it means shorter days, chilly temperatures, and snow-covered landscapes. However, if you're dealing with anxiety and OCD, this change of seasons can bring its own unique challenges. But fear not! With careful planning, practical advice, and a positive mindset, you can effectively address these winter-related issues
Common Challenges and Solutions
Reduced Sunlight
Minnesota winters are known for their shorter daylight hours, which can have an impact on our mood and exacerbate our symptoms. Here's how to deal with this lack of sunlight...
1. Light Therapy: Consider using a light therapy lamp to simulate natural sunlight exposure. This can be especially helpful in managing Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
2. Spend Time Outdoors: Make a conscious effort to spend time outdoors during daylight hours, even when it's cold. A brisk walk in a local park or along the Mississippi River can provide a much-needed dose of natural light.
3. Vitamin D Supplements: Talk to your doctor about taking vitamin D supplements to address deficiencies that often occur during the winter months. You may be surprised to find out that we need a higher dose of Vitamin D than you think.
Increased Isolation
Winter often makes us want to stay indoors, but that doesn't mean you have to become a hermit. Keep your connections strong and find engaging indoor activities.
1. Stay Connected: Many people in the winter season will just surrender to the idea of staying indoors and seeing people less. You may need to make an extra effort to get outside of yourself and amongst friends and family so that you do not have long periods of isolation. This is especially important if you are single and/or work remotely. One of my favorite things to do is schedule a rotating dinner and game night with friends. No cooking and hanging out with friends? That’s a win-win in my book.
2. Engage in Hobbies: Pursue indoor hobbies or activities that you enjoy to keep your mind engaged and prevent feelings of loneliness. Check out Groupon, your local Community Education Classes, or join a book club. Something I have liked doing is making a “winter bucket list” of projects and activities I want to do in the winter. This way if I get into a rut I can easily find something to do. I think it’s essential to not only find places to go outside your house, but things you can do at home that are new hobbies or interests.
3. Seek Support: Joining a local support group for individuals with anxiety or OCD can provide a sense of belonging and understanding. Minneapolis offers various support groups that meet in person or virtually.
Holiday Stress
The holiday season can bring joy, but it can also come with its own set of stressors. So, how can you enjoy the holidays while minimizing stress?
1. Plan and Prioritize: The holidays are not always full of joy. It can be a time of busyness where you feel you have to “do all the things” or see people you don’t want to. Create a realistic holiday plan that sets clear priorities and boundaries to reduce stress and avoid overcommitment. It’s ok to say no.
2. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care during the holidays by incorporating relaxation techniques, exercise, and healthy eating into your routine. If you belong to a gym, spend some in the hot tub or sauna for warmth and relaxation.
3. Seek Professional Help: If holiday stress becomes overwhelming, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist or counselor in Minneapolis who specializes in anxiety and OCD for support and coping strategies.
Changes in Routine
Winter disrupts our daily routines, which can sometimes lead to mental health challenges. But you can adapt more easily with a seasonal routine..
1. Create a Winter Routine: It’s so hard to switch from doing activities outside to being inside most often. It can create a disruption to routines you had. Change can be a catalyst for relapse into mental health struggles. But by having a routine for each season it can help you adjust more easily. For instance, in the summer months, my workout routine is not in a gym because I like to maximize my time spent outdoors. So when winter rolls around, I actually look forward to getting back into the routine of the gym classes I like.
2. Schedule events: In the dark, cold winter months, it can feel like there isn’t as much going on. And if you struggle with anxiety or depression, you may find yourself feeling lonely or comparing yourself to others on social media more often. Make sure you have plans with someone to do something that you enjoy at least once per week. Having things on the calendar can help you to look forward to something even if you are struggling with your mental health.
Illness and Infections
Winter is often associated with illness season, and concerns about illness can be anxiety-inducing. Even if you aren’t worried about getting sick, when you are sick, it makes it really hard to practice good self-care because your battery is half full just from fighting a virus.
1. Practice Good Hygiene and Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle: Eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and get adequate sleep to bolster your immune system. If you don’t manage stress and anxiety well, it can also make you prone to illness, so be sure to use good self-care as well.
2. Work with a Therapist: If you have health anxiety, emetophobia, or OCD, then illness season can be a really triggering time of year. Be sure you are working with a therapist that can help you navigate these challenges.
Financial Pressures
The holiday season can be financially demanding, but there are ways to manage your budget wisely.
1. Budget Planning: Create a budget for holiday spending and stick to it. I love going to all the different holiday markets in Minneapolis where you can find unique gifts (while supporting small businesses). Communicate your expectations around gift giving with loved ones in advance so that you can say goodbye to guilt for cutting back on gifts.
2. Consider Homemade Gifts: Explore creative, cost-effective gift-giving ideas, like homemade gifts, to reduce financial burdens. Minneapolis's arts and crafts stores can be your go-to for crafting supplies.
Travel Anxiety
Whether you're hitting the road in wintery conditions or dread flying, don't let anxiety hold you back. Here's your roadmap to handling anxiety while traveling…
1. Plan Ahead: If you have to commute often, even in poor weather conditions, make sure you are prepared with emergency items, good winter tires. If you worry about how to drive in the snow or ice, practice in an empty parking lot to boost your confidence and skills :)
2. Seek out resources for flight anxiety: If you are flying this winter season and you have anxiety about flying, you may find yourself struggling to look forward to the trip. Leaving you feeling more irritable and anxious. You can learn how to manage anxiety with some of the resources we offer here.
Limited Outdoor Activities
The colder months can make you feel cooped up. Make a plan to stay active and engaged, even when outdoor options are limited
1. Indoor Exercise: Incorporate indoor exercise routines, such as yoga or home workouts, to stay active and reduce restlessness.
2. Explore Indoor Interests: Discover indoor hobbies or interests you can engage in during the winter months. One of my favorite things to do is visit places in the Twin Cities that are indoors but have a lot of natural light, like Mall of America. Or visiting the MN Zoo is a great way to feel humidity (I never thought I would miss it) even on the coldest days.
Cold and Dark Environments: Brighten Your Space
Don't let the winter gloom take over your living space. Learn how to create a warm and inviting atmosphere in your home.
1. Use Bright Lighting: Increase the lighting in your home to create a brighter, more uplifting atmosphere. I especially like festive lights or candles to get a change of environment.
2. Decorate with Warm Colors: Decorate your living spaces with warm, inviting colors to counter the gloomy environment. I’m guilty of getting some new home decor at Target or Home Decors just to freshen up my space. Keep your other decor if you like and just swap it out around the holidays. It’s a great way to fall in love with your space throughout the year.
As we wrap up, remember, winter can present its own set of challenges, especially in Minnesota. However, by taking a proactive approach, planning ahead, and harnessing your inner resilience, you can face the winter season with confidence and self-compassion. You're not alone on this journey; we're here to support you, whether you're in Minneapolis or connecting online. So, gear up, plan ahead, and embrace the winter months with determination. You've got this
Share On:
Ready to work with an anxiety therapist?
State of Mind Therapy in Bloomington can help. Click the button below to sign-up for your free 15 minute phone consultation today.
"I know I need to sit with anxiety...but HOW?"
It sounds so simple, right?
As you start to learn about the strategies that help and don’t help with anxiety, you’ve likely come to learn that running from discomfort is only making matters worse.
So everything you have been learning tells you to not avoid, distract, or do a compulsion but to “sit with anxiety” instead.
I get this isn’t easy. If it was, you wouldn’t be avoiding in the first place.
I find that there are important skills I need to help my clients learn in order to effectively “sit with” anxiety. So here are my tips on how to “sit with anxiety.”
My 5 Tips on How To Sit With Anxiety
Be curious about what your body is doing
Close your eyes to really allow yourself to be present with your mind and body. Do a scan of your body and notice where you are experiencing sensations. Just name the sensation you notice in a matter of fact way. For example: “I notice chest tightness” or “here’s nausea.” Draw an imaginary circle around that area.
Acknowledge the sensation for what it is
When we feel anxiety in our body, we can begin to interpret these sensations for real danger. If you find your mind doing this, remind yourself “this is just a sensation” or “here is discomfort.”
Be curious about what your mind is doing
Close your eyes once again and notice what your mind does. Is it giving demanding threats? Is it spinning with a bunch of random thoughts? Is it desperately trying to focus on something else? You don’t have to do anything here, just sit back as if you were sitting in the chair of a theater and watching a show.
Be gentle
Sitting with anxiety isn’t easy. You need to give yourself relentless grace and encouragement for doing something difficult. No judgment allowed here. Tell yourself “this isn’t easy” or “I can do hard things.” Beating yourself up for having anxiety is not helpful in moving you forward, so commit to being more kind to yourself. If you had a close friend who began to panic, would you say “what’s wrong with you?” I doubt it. So don’t tell yourself that either. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend.
Remove temptation
If you are working on sitting with anxiety without avoidance or compulsions, you may want to modify your environment to make it more challenging to access those. For instance, if you are working on reducing handwashing, remove extra soap or hand wipes. If you are working on not checking the rear view mirror, flip it up or cover it. If you seek excessive reassurance (online or with loved one), leave your phone/computer and go for a walk so can’t research the internet.
Practice, practice, practice
If you are working on relating to anxiety differently, then these skills are crucial to your success. If you are doing exposure therapy, then you are moving towards situations that make you uncomfortable all the time.
If you are struggling to sit with the anxiety, then you will likely abandon the exposure exercise quickly and end up avoiding the situation (or doing a compulsion).
If you are struggling with “sitting with anxiety”, then I would recommend practicing these skills on a regular basis before doing exposures. If you only practice these skills during times you are highly anxious then it may make it more difficult to sit with the uncomfortable feelings.
If you need help with applying these skills, then you may want to think about starting therapy for anxiety or OCD. Our therapists are trained in using the most effective strategies for treating anxiety disorders and OCD.
Ready to work with an anxiety therapist?
State of Mind Therapy in Bloomington can help. Click the button below to sign-up for your free 15 minute phone consultation today.
Related Articles
It's Not Your Mental Health Symptoms That Are The Problem
What is this guy talking about!? My mental health symptoms are terrible and are ruining my life!!!
Look, I get it.. Anxiety, panic, and depression symptoms suck! They make us feel like we can’t concentrate, feel joy, be happy, get sleep, and so on. However, many of us are quick to blame our symptoms for the hell we feel we are stuck in.
What I see over and over in my sessions with clients is a tendency for clients to become hyperaware and obsessed with their symptoms, to the point where they begin avoiding being around their loved ones or engaging in the activities they enjoy.
The worst thing you can do when your symptoms show up is to stop doing the things in your life that bring meaning, joy, and purpose into your life. When we engage in the things we care about, and are able to become present with what matters, our “feel good” chemicals are released in our minds and bodies, which help reduce the impact of anxiety and depression.
The truth is, anxiety, panic, and depression are part of being a human being.
Let’s be honest, we are living in unprecedented times (oh, I said it!). There’s a million reasons why you may be feeling anxious, panicky, or depressed - but the key here is to not become anxious about being anxious or depressed because you’re depressed.
We do this by applying the skills you will learn in ACT. Can I promise you a total cure of anxiety or depression? ABSOLUTELY NOT. And if someone says that they can - run away!
The truth is, anxiety and depression are part of the human experience, but if we don’t have the tools to ride out some of these storms, your symptoms can become chronic and you may lead yourself down a road that only keeps the unhelpful and painful cycle on repeat.
We don’t have full control of all of our thoughts and emotions, but we do have full control with how we REACT to difficult thoughts and emotions. How you choose to RESPOND to your symptoms is your ticket out of suffering.
So how am I suppose to do these things when I’m totally consumed by my thoughts and emotions?
Acknowledge the difficulty you are experiencing right now. Example: “Here is anxiety” or “I notice the urge to cancel plans today.”
Come back to your plans for the day or the task in this moment. “What am I supposed to be doing right now?” or “What was I planning to do before this thought/feeling showed up?”
Ask yourself “What action does this thought/feeling want me to do?” If I followed that, would that bring me closer to the kind or person I want to be? Or would it bring me further away?
Recommit to the plans you had or the task you were working on. Don’t let feelings be the decision maker. Let your values the decision maker.
Remind yourself that the goal isn’t to “feel good” before you take action.
Share On:
Ready to work with an anxiety therapist?
State of Mind Therapy in Bloomington can help. Click the button below to sign-up for your free 15 minute phone consultation today.
Related Articles
7 Mistakes I Made During My Anxiety Recovery
Years ago I was diagnosed with GAD, Social Anxiety, and Panic Disorder. I tried countless ways to overcome anxiety.....which includes making a ton of mistakes along the way. In this blog, I describe the top 7 mistakes I made in my anxiety recovery, so hopefully you won't make the same mistakes. Need therapy for anxiety? Schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to get started.
Hiding my anxiety from others
The feeling of shame began to dominate my life once the anxiety became chronic. I didn’t want anyone to know that I had an anxiety disorder, because I had created a narrative in my head about who I was and how I wanted to be seen by others. Because of the fear of being rejected by society and possibly ruining my reputation, I decided to keep the anxiety my dirty little secret - which ultimately made my anxiety even worse.
Assuming that always “pushing through” anxiety was the ticket out of my anxiety
I discovered the hard way that all of us need time to “rest and digest.” I often avoided this very important piece of self-care because I thought that taking time to binge on Netflix meant that I was lazy. The truth is, we all need to find our activities that allow our parasympathetic nervous system to engage so our nerves can take a rest.
Spending excessive amounts of time researching anxiety
I can’t tell you how many books, blogs, YouTube videos, and podcasts I’ve listened to in order to “solve” my anxiety problem. The truth is, our mind is great at solving problems such as financial issues, maintenance repairs, etc., however, the mind is TERRIBLE at solving its own problems.
Engaging in reassurance seeking with my wife
Reassurance seeking is a classic symptom of anxiety. The problem with this behavior is that it often mutes our anxiety worries in the short-term, but in the long game it never helps. Worries such as, “Did I damage my nervous system beyond repair?” or “Is there something else in my life that is causing this anxiety?” always seemed to return, even after obtaining reassurance from my wife. This behavior can also hinder your relationships with those you seek reassurance from for many reasons.
Framing anxiety as the enemy that I need to conquer
When I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Social Anxiety, and Panic Disorder - I established a narrative in my mind (without even realizing it) that I now had an enemy to conquer - which lead to excessive research that I discussed earlier. I would also visualize myself beating up my anxiety, which would maybe help temporarily, but it always returned with vengeance.
Engaging in pseudo-science practices
In the very beginning of my anxiety story, I decided to treat myself with “antidotes” that I found on the internet. One of the biggest mistakes I did was fall into the trap of practices that were not evidence-based treatments for anxiety disorders. I became enamored with practices like “The Law of Attraction,” which suggest through meditation, we can attract what we want in our lives through pure thought alone (for me it was to be anxiety free!!). Well, let me save you some time and just say…that shit doesn’t work.
Avoiding activities until I was “cured”
Because of my fear of other people finding out about my mental health crisis, I unconsciously decided to avoid people and activities that I use to enjoy until I was “cured.” Unfortunately, this only made my life smaller, less joyful, less meaningful, and you guessed it - made my anxiety worse.
Hindsight is 20/20. We all make mistakes when we are going through something. What mistakes have you made while trying to recover from anxiety? Share them below so others can learn from you too.
I know first hand how hard it can be to live with anxiety, but recovery is possible. If you want help untangling from anxiety, schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to get started.
How to Overcome Panic Disorder
When panic strikes, it seems that the best way to get through is to get away from all the situations that are causing it. Some people have avoided caffeine, exercise, being around others, or shopping.
If you once enjoyed these things then you know first hand how panic can make your world small. (And if you are struggling with panic, we offer individual sessions that can help).
In order to effectively cope with panic, you must do the opposite of what the logical part of your brain wants you to.
The logical part of you tells you to stay away from the things that cause you to feel anxious and panic. But that only strengthens your fear to that situation. We have to paradoxically move towards the fear-not away from it.
Consider this example. Have you ever ridden on a segway? You know, those two wheeled vehicles that you are standing upright in?
About 5 years ago I was visiting Chicago with my husband and we went on a segway tour through the Hyde Park neighborhood. At the start of the tour, we were told how to ride this two-wheeler and given all the safety instructions. I was like...yea-yea, ok lets get on with this tour.
But then while we were on the tour, my segway caught speed. I was cruising past our group and the instructor started yelling at me "LEAN BACK!" I was terrified. I thought, "If I lean back, I'm going to fall backwards and hurt myself." It did not feel like the most intuitive way to prevent myself from crashing to the pavement.
But I kept leaning forward which made me go even faster. I could still hear the instructor in the distance. Eventually, I put trust in what he was telling me and leaned back. And sure enough, I got control of the segway.
So you see, this is similar to how we must approach panic. It doesn't make sense to go towards what makes us anxious when everything in our body screams "go the other way." It feels like we will lose control, die, or cause something horrific to happen.
But when we decide to trust that we should lean in to our fear, we regain control because we tell our brain that this is just a signal. We tell our brain that it feels like danger but we are safe.
If we don't move towards what makes us anxious, then we end up giving fear all of our strength and power.
So the next time you decide to look fear in the face, step into it with a fierce willingness to experience the discomfort (which is not the same as a white-knuckle approach) that shows up and be committed to sticking with it now matter what. I know it's not easy. Use the statements below to encourage yourself:
“It’s OK to be anxious here.”
“I won’t guard myself against anxiety.”
“This is practice.”
“I can tolerate uncertainty.”