5 Common Mistakes Loved Ones Make When Supporting Someone with Anxiety or OCD
Supporting someone with anxiety or OCD is complicated. You want to help, but sometimes, what feels like support can actually make things worse. Without realizing it, your efforts to comfort, protect, or “fix” the problem might be reinforcing their anxiety instead.
If you’ve ever thought:
“I just want to reassure them so they stop worrying.”
“Maybe if I help them avoid their triggers, they’ll feel better.”
“I don’t understand why they can’t just stop overthinking.”
…you’re not alone. These reactions come from a place of care, but they often feed the anxiety cycle rather than helping your loved one truly cope.
Here are five common mistakes to be aware of when supporting someone with anxiety or OCD.
1. Falling Into the Reassurance Trap
It’s natural to want to calm your loved one down by reassuring them that everything is okay. But if they struggle with anxiety or OCD, they’ve likely already told themselves that—and it hasn’t worked.
Reassurance provides temporary relief but keeps them stuck in the cycle of seeking external validation instead of building internal confidence. It’s not that they don’t believe you, but anxiety isn’t satisfied with just one reassurance. They may ask the same question over and over, looking for certainty they will never truly find.
If you’ve found yourself repeating the same reassurances only to have them ask again—that’s a sign they’re relying on reassurance as a coping mechanism rather than truly working through their anxiety.
2. Trying to "Fix" Instead of Support
If you’ve ever felt frustrated thinking, "Why can’t they just move on?"—you’re not alone. Watching someone you love struggle with anxiety or OCD can be incredibly hard, especially when the solution seems so obvious from the outside.
But here’s the thing: Logic doesn’t “fix” anxiety. Your loved one likely already knows their fears are irrational, but knowing isn’t the same as believing. Telling them to "just stop" can make them feel judged, ashamed, or misunderstood.
Another common mistake is trying to “fix” them by doing the work for them. Have you ever:
❌ Spent hours researching therapists, books, or solutions while they remained hesitant to take action?
❌ Gone out of your way to accommodate all of their triggers to keep them from feeling anxious?
❌ Taken on more emotional labor than they are in managing their anxiety?
If so, you might be working harder than they are on their recovery—and that’s a sign it’s time to step back.
3. Taking Their Anxiety Personally
Anxiety and OCD aren’t just about what’s happening externally—they also impact how someone feels internally about their relationships.
If your loved one cancels plans, avoids certain places, or seems emotionally distant, it’s easy to assume it’s about you. But often, it’s about their own struggle:
➡️ Social anxiety makes them hyperaware of their own discomfort, not yours.
➡️ Contamination fears may make them withdraw—not because they think you’re actually dirty, but because their anxiety tells them to.
➡️ Intrusive thoughts may cause them to avoid situations out of irrational fear.
It’s hard not to take avoidance personally, but it’s important to remember their anxiety is about them, not you.
4. Forcing Exposure Without Consent
Facing fears is essential for anxiety and OCD recovery—but it must be done at the right pace. Encouraging your loved one to challenge their fears is different from springing an exposure on them without their consent.
Just because someone is working on facing their fears does not mean it’s okay to trigger them on purpose. If your partner struggles with contamination OCD, throwing their belongings on the floor won’t “teach them” to get over it—it will likely overwhelm them and break trust in the relationship.
Instead of pushing them too hard, recognize that effective exposure therapy is gradual, intentional, and done in collaboration—not forced.
5. Neglecting Your Own Well-Being
Being a support system for someone with anxiety or OCD can feel all-consuming. You care deeply, so you put their needs first—even at the expense of your own. But when you constantly adjust your life around their anxiety, it leads to caregiver burnout .
Signs you may be neglecting your own well-being include:
❌ Making constant accommodations to keep them comfortable.
❌ Feeling drained, exhausted, or resentful.
❌ Losing time for your own hobbies, friends, or self-care.
The truth? You cannot support someone else if you’re running on empty.
Setting healthy boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you care about both of you.
Want to Learn How to Actually Help?
Recognizing these patterns is the first step. But what do you do instead? How can you set boundaries, stop feeding anxiety, and support your loved one’s recovery?
That’s exactly what we break down inside the Family Resource Guide: 5 Ways to Support Your Loved One with Anxiety and OCD.
Inside, you’ll get:
✔️ Practical scripts to help you respond to reassurance-seeking in a way that supports, not enables.
✔️ Step-by-step guidance on how to set boundaries without guilt.
✔️ Specific strategies for supporting your loved one—without sacrificing your own well-being.
Final Thoughts
Supporting someone with anxiety or OCD is a balancing act. You don’t have to get it perfect—just being aware of these mistakes is a huge step toward showing up in a way that’s truly helpful.
Remember: You are not responsible for fixing them. But you can be a strong, supportive presence that helps them move toward recovery.
