Emotions: Friend or Foe?
Many of us (including myself) never received education about what emotions are and their purpose. However, the truth is - scientists continue to struggle to meet a consensus on what emotions actually are. Russ Harris, an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy pioneer has been so kind to gather the current data regarding emotions, and here’s what he’s discovered: scientists in the field of emotions have agreed on two conclusions about what emotions are:
An emotion is a complex network of neurological, cardiovascular, musculoskeletal, and hormonal flux within the body.
This physical process prepares us to react.
Most of us notice these physical changes as “butterflies” in our stomach, a “lump” in our throat, clammy hands, or watery eyes. When we experience these physical sensations, we sometimes have an urge to take action.
For example, if one is preparing for an upcoming speech, one may begin to feel various anxiety symptoms days leading up to the event (muscle tension, thoughts of failing, sweaty palms, difficulties concentrating, body temperature changes, etc.).
These physical sensations may urge us to behave in a certain manner (avoidance around preparing for the speech or nudge us to get off our butt and get prepping). The key here is that we may or may not act on these urges to react.
Ultimately, we have a choice (avoid or prepare).
In other words, we can still dictate our overt behavior (actions), even when we can’t control how we are feeling. So if a co-worker pissed you off, you may have an urge or desire to scream at them or maybe even give them a good wack! Many of us let the urge pass and do our best to be civil during the confrontation, but some of us may choose to react and engage in a behavior that leads to severe consequences - but remember the choice is yours.
The ultimate aim here is to be authentic to ourselves and to honestly acknowledge to ourselves how we are feeling, accept those feelings, and at the same time act in a way that mirrors who we want to be seen. So how can we use emotions as allies? It begins with understanding what they can do for us.
What Emotions Do
Our emotions can serve 3 main purposes: communicate, motivate, and illuminate.
Emotions communicate by allowing others to see your facial expression, body posture, physical movement, breathing pattern, and vocalizations (expressing your feelings). Unless of course we decide to “hide our feelings” by “putting on a happy face,” for example. This can be helpful or not so helpful - it depends on the situation (more on this in a future blog post).
Emotions motivate us to run or hide (fear response). Anger may urge us to stand our ground or to fight our enemy. Sadness may urge us to take a pause, reflect, isolate, and rest. Guilt may urge us to make things right with someone if we compromised trust in a relationship or in society. Love motivates us to be caring and nurturing.
Emotions illuminate the importance of safety, defending our territory, maintaining boundaries, fighting for what is right, grieving, how we treat others and the importance of repairing social bonds, and the importance of intimacy, connection, bonding, and many more.
How to Effectively Use Your Emotions
Emotions can offer a palette of wise data if we’re willing to tap into it, and if at the same time we’re able to differentiate a helpful or not so helpful emotion. Often, people become anxious or depressed because they’ve become so good at not noticing when the emotion rises, not being able to name the emotion and link it to a thought or situation, and then ultimately engage in avoiding the emotion. Many also do this on autopilot, which can hinder one’s self-awareness surrounding their mental illness. So let’s start practicing noticing what’s showing up (emotion), name it, and determine if there’s any wisdom to gain in the emotion, and then redirect your attention back to what matters in that moment.