Why Trying to “Feel Calm” on a Flight Might Be the Wrong Goal

You booked your trip weeks ago, but the closer the flight gets, the more anxious you feel. You’ve tried all the things like googling tips, watching videos, maybe even practicing breathing or distraction…but the worry still sits heavy in your chest.

You might find yourself thinking, I just don’t want to panic on the flight, or I wish I could make this anxiety go away.

It’s frustrating, because the harder you try to get rid of it, the louder it seems to get.

Here’s the tricky truth: the goal isn’t to get calm—it’s to stop fighting the anxiety altogether.

When Fighting Anxiety Makes It Louder

Many people I work with don’t expect to love flying. They just want it to not feel so hard. And to get through the flight without that spiral of dread or panic.

But the more we focus on not having anxiety, the more we end up tangled in it. Every racing heartbeat or thought of “what if I panic?” becomes something to monitor or fix. And when anxiety doesn’t immediately settle, the mind takes that as proof that something’s wrong.

That cycle of scanning, reacting, and judging keeps your nervous system on high alert.

The more we fight anxiety, the more space it takes up.

The Real Goal: Allow, Don’t Eliminate

Instead of trying to get rid of anxiety, what if the focus became learning how to allow it—how to make space for discomfort while still doing what matters?

Here’s how I often describe it:

“The goal is to learn how to not be afraid of anxious thoughts or sensations. Let your values guide you—why you’re taking this trip, who or what you’re flying toward—and make room for the feelings that show up along the way.”

When you practice allowing discomfort instead of fighting it, anxiety often loses its intensity over time. It may still be there, but it stops being the main character. Calm starts to show up naturally as a side effect—not as something you have to force.

How Things Shift When You Let Go of the Fight

One of my clients used to spend days preparing for flights—checking the weather, reviewing safety statistics, packing special items “just in case.” During the flight, he’d monitor every sound, every change in altitude, and cycle through a long list of relaxation routines.

It was exhausting.

When he stopped trying to perfect the process and instead practiced letting the anxiety ride along, something shifted. He told me afterward, “I didn’t love it, but I actually fell asleep on the way home.”

He hadn’t found a way to “get calm.” He’d found a way to stop struggling.

I’ve lived that shift myself.

For years, I dreaded flying so much that I secretly hoped trips would get canceled. Once I learned how to let the anxious feelings exist without making them the enemy, everything got lighter. I still didn’t love turbulence, but the anticipation lost its grip. I could actually look forward to the trip again.

The Bigger Picture

This isn’t just about flying.

That same “I have to get rid of this feeling” pattern shows up in all forms of anxiety:

• Panic: avoiding caffeine, checking your pulse, searching for a “cure all” to prevent a panic attack.
  
  

• OCD: avoiding certain shows or conversations to prevent intrusive thoughts, trying to stay calm so the anxiety doesn’t spiral into rumination.
  
  

• General anxiety: over-researching or asking for reassurance before making a decision, hoping to finally feel “sure enough.”
  
  

In each case, the pursuit of certainty or calm keeps the brain locked in a neverending loop. We end up avoiding the life we actually want to live.

Learning to allow discomfort (rather than eliminate it) is what breaks that cycle.

Practicing This in Real Life

If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to test these skills in a real airport setting, that’s exactly what we do in our Navigating Flight Anxiety at MSP Airport Event. We walk through practical grounding exercises that help you notice sensations, orient to your surroundings, and practice being present—not to erase anxiety, but to help you see that you can move with it instead of against it.

For many people, this experience is the first time they realize: I can feel anxious and still do the thing anyway.

The Takeaway

You don’t have to wait until you feel calm to fly.

You don’t have to love every minute of it.

You just need to practice allowing what’s here and choosing what matters more.

When you stop chasing calm and start focusing on allowing, you give your nervous system permission to reset naturally. And with each flight—or any anxiety-triggering moment—you build confidence that you can handle it, whatever “it” looks like that day.

Ready to practice these skills in a supported, real-world way?

Join us for the Navigating Flight Anxiety at MSP Airport Event—a hands-on experience to help you approach your next flight with confidence and curiosity.