Why Avoiding Anxiety Makes It Worse (and How to Finally Break Free)

We’ve All Tried to Push Anxiety Away

We’ve all been there—feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and desperately trying to make it stop. Maybe you’ve distracted yourself with endless scrolling on your phone, filled your calendar to avoid downtime, or even leaned on “quick fixes” like a glass of wine to take the edge off. It’s a natural response. After all, who wouldn’t want to escape the muscle tension, racing thoughts, or sleepless nights that anxiety brings?

But here’s the problem: those quick fixes don’t actually fix anything. In fact, they often make things worse. The more we try to avoid anxiety, the more it seems to stick around.

Why?

Because avoidance isn’t the solution—it’s part of the problem.

What Is Experiential Avoidance (and Why Does It Backfire)?

In the world of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), there’s a term for this: experiential avoidance (EA). EA happens when we try to avoid or suppress uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, or sensations instead of allowing ourselves to feel them.

Think about it like holding a beach ball underwater. At first, it might seem manageable, but the longer you hold it down, the harder it gets. Eventually, the ball shoots up with even more force than before. Anxiety works the same way—the more we push it away, the stronger it bounces back.

When I was deep in my own anxiety battle, I’d do anything to avoid feeling it. I’d distract myself with social media, obsessively research anxiety “cures,” and keep myself so busy that I barely had time to think. And for a while, it worked—until it didn’t. Instead of making me feel better, these strategies only made my anxiety worse.

Why Avoidance Feels Good in the Moment

Avoidance works… at least in the short term. It can give you a temporary sense of relief, like pressing snooze on an alarm clock. But just like that alarm, anxiety doesn’t go away—it just comes back after a while.

ACT research shows that the more we avoid our uncomfortable internal experiences, the more we suffer. Why? Because avoidance teaches your brain that anxiety is dangerous, something to be feared and escaped. The cycle only reinforces itself.

How to Break Free from the Avoidance Trap

So, if avoidance isn’t the answer, what is? The key lies in opening up to your anxiety instead of fighting it. This doesn’t mean giving in to it or letting it control you—it means learning to let it exist without judgment or resistance.

Here’s how to start:

1. Name the Feeling.
   The next time anxiety shows up, pause and acknowledge it. Try saying, “I notice I’m feeling anxious right now.” Naming your feelings can help create distance and reduce their intensity.

2. Practice Acceptance.
   Remind yourself that anxiety isn’t dangerous—it’s just your brain’s way of trying to protect you. You don’t have to like it, but you can allow it to be there.

3. Focus on Your Values.
   Instead of spending your energy trying to get rid of anxiety, ask yourself, “What matters most to me right now?” Then take one small step in that direction, even if anxiety comes along for the ride.

   Shifting Your Mindset: Anxiety as Necessary Medicine

What if we thought of anxiety differently? Instead of seeing it as a problem to fix, we could view it as a necessary part of growth. Like working out at the gym, facing anxiety is uncomfortable, but it makes you stronger.

The next time you feel the pull to avoid, try telling yourself:

• “This is what it feels like to get better.”

• “This is the exact feeling I need to practice handling right now.”

Reframing anxiety this way can help you approach it with curiosity and even a little bit of gratitude for the opportunity to grow.

Living with Anxiety (Instead of Fighting It)

When we stop avoiding anxiety, something incredible happens: it starts to lose its grip on us. That doesn’t mean you’ll never feel anxious again, but it does mean you can live a full, meaningful life even when anxiety tags along.

Think of anxiety as a passenger in your car. You don’t have to like it, but you also don’t have to let it drive. As you practice sitting with anxiety instead of pushing it away, you’ll start to see it for what it really is—just another part of your experience, not the whole story.

Take the First Step

Breaking free from the avoidance trap isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Start small. The next time anxiety shows up, name it, accept it, and take one step toward what matters most to you. Over time, you’ll discover that anxiety doesn’t have the power to hold you back—unless you let it.

Remember: freedom from anxiety doesn’t mean getting rid of it—it means learning to carry it lightly. You’ve got this.

If you are avoiding anxiety and want to begin therapy with State of Mind Therapy, click here to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation.

Blog written by Justin Matthews, LICSW