How to Sit With Anxiety: 5 Therapist-Recommended Strategies That Actually Help
It sounds so simple, right?
As you start learning about anxiety, you've probably realized that running from discomfort often makes anxiety stronger.
So eventually you hear the advice:
"Don't avoid."
"Don't distract yourself."
"Don't do compulsions."
"Just sit with anxiety."
Easier said than done. If sitting with anxiety felt natural, you probably wouldn't be struggling with it in the first place.
What Does It Mean to Sit With Anxiety?
Many people misunderstand this phrase.
Sitting with anxiety does not mean you have to like anxiety. It doesn't mean you have to enjoy discomfort, force yourself to relax, or sit perfectly still while suffering.
Instead, sitting with anxiety means allowing anxiety to be present without immediately trying to escape it, eliminate it, or make it go away.
That's important because anxiety often becomes more powerful when we constantly treat it like an emergency.
The goal isn't to get rid of anxiety. The goal is to change your relationship with it.
Why Sitting With Anxiety Is Important
Avoidance often feels helpful in the short term.
When you leave a situation, seek reassurance, distract yourself, or perform a compulsion, your anxiety may decrease temporarily.
The problem is that your brain learns something unintended:
"This feeling must have been dangerous if I needed to escape it."
Over time, that makes anxiety seem even more threatening.
When you learn to stay present with anxiety instead, your brain gets the opportunity to learn something different:
"This is uncomfortable, but I can handle it."
This shift is a foundational skill in anxiety treatment and exposure therapy.
Over the years, I've found there are a handful of skills that make it much easier for clients to effectively sit with anxiety. Here are five of my favorites.
1. Be Curious About What Your Body Is Doing
Close your eyes and bring your attention to your body.
Notice where anxiety is showing up physically.
You might notice:
Chest tightness
Nausea
Butterflies in your stomach
Tingling
A racing heart
Simply name what you notice in a matter-of-fact way.
For example:
"I'm noticing chest tightness."
"Here's nausea."
"I'm noticing tension in my shoulders."
Try drawing an imaginary circle around the sensation and simply observing it.
The goal isn't to make it disappear.
The goal is to notice it without immediately reacting to it.
2. Acknowledge the Sensation for What It Is
One of the things anxiety does best is convince us that discomfort means danger.
A racing heart becomes:
"What if something is wrong with me?"
Dizziness becomes:
"What if I pass out?"
Nausea becomes:
"What if I get sick?"
When you notice your mind jumping to conclusions, gently return to the facts.
Try saying:
"This is a sensation."
"Here's discomfort."
"My body is experiencing anxiety right now."
You're not trying to argue with anxiety. You're simply describing what's happening.
3. Be Curious About What Your Mind Is Doing
Now turn your attention toward your thoughts.
What is your mind up to?
Is it:
Predicting worst-case scenarios?
Demanding certainty?
Trying to solve every possible problem?
Looking for reassurance?
If reassurance seeking is one of your go-to anxiety habits, you may also find it helpful to read our article on breaking free from reassurance seeking.
Instead of getting pulled into the content of the thoughts, observe them.
Imagine you're sitting in a theater watching a show. You don't need to stop the show. You don't need to participate in it. You can simply notice what's playing.
This creates a little space between you and your thoughts.
4. Be Encouraging Instead of Critical
Let's be honest.
Sitting with anxiety is difficult.
Many people add a second layer of suffering by criticizing themselves for being anxious in the first place.
They tell themselves:
"I shouldn't feel this way."
"What's wrong with me?"
"Why can't I just get over this?"
Unfortunately, self-criticism rarely helps people move forward.
A more helpful response is simple encouragement.
Try:
"This is hard."
"I can handle discomfort."
"I don't have to like this to do it."
Think about how you would respond to a friend who was struggling.
You'd probably encourage them to keep going.
You deserve the same approach.
5. Remove Temptation
If you're working on reducing avoidance behaviors or compulsions, make those behaviors harder to access.
For example:
Reducing handwashing? Put away extra soap and wipes.
Working on checking behaviors? Remove opportunities to check.
Trying to stop reassurance seeking? Leave your phone in another room for a period of time.
This isn't about punishment yourself.
It's about creating an environment that supports the changes you're trying to make.
A Common Mistake When Sitting With Anxiety
One mistake I frequently see is people using these skills as another way to get rid of anxiety.
They think:
"If I do this correctly, the anxiety should disappear."
Sometimes it will decrease.
Sometimes it won't.
The purpose of these skills isn't to force anxiety away. The purpose is to help you respond differently when anxiety shows up.
One tool I often teach clients for doing exactly that is called Dropping Anchor, an ACT-based exercise that helps you acknowledge difficult thoughts and feelings while staying engaged in the present moment.
Ironically, anxiety often loses some of its power when we stop making its disappearance the goal.
Practice Before You Need It
If you're doing exposure therapy, these skills become incredibly important.
Exposure requires you to move toward situations that feel uncomfortable.
If you struggle to sit with anxiety, it becomes much easier to abandon the exposure or fall back into avoidance.
That's why I encourage clients to practice these skills regularly—not just during moments of intense anxiety.
The more familiar these skills become, the easier they are to access when anxiety shows up.
One simple way to practice staying present is through grounding exercises. Our article on staying in the present moment offers additional techniques you can use throughout the day.
Taking the Next Step
Learning to sit with anxiety is less about becoming fearless and more about becoming willing.
Willing to notice discomfort. Willing to stay present. Willing to continue moving toward what matters, even when anxiety comes along for the ride.
Like any skill, this gets easier with practice.
If you're finding it difficult to apply these strategies on your own, working with a therapist trained in anxiety disorders and OCD can help.
At State of Mind Therapy, we use evidence-based approaches like CBT, ERP, and ACT to help people change their relationship with anxiety and build confidence in handling difficult emotions.
Fill out an Inquiry Form to learn how we can help.
