It's Not Your Mental Health Symptoms That Are The Problem
What is this guy talking about!? My mental health symptoms are terrible and are ruining my life!!!
Look, I get it.. Anxiety, panic, and depression symptoms suck! They make us feel like we can’t concentrate, feel joy, be happy, get sleep, and so on. However, many of us are quick to blame our symptoms for the hell we feel we are stuck in.
What I see over and over in my sessions with clients is a tendency for clients to become hyperaware and obsessed with their symptoms, to the point where they begin avoiding being around their loved ones or engaging in the activities they enjoy.
The worst thing you can do when your symptoms show up is to stop doing the things in your life that bring meaning, joy, and purpose into your life. When we engage in the things we care about, and are able to become present with what matters, our “feel good” chemicals are released in our minds and bodies, which help reduce the impact of anxiety and depression.
The truth is, anxiety, panic, and depression are part of being a human being.
Let’s be honest, we are living in unprecedented times (oh, I said it!). There’s a million reasons why you may be feeling anxious, panicky, or depressed - but the key here is to not become anxious about being anxious or depressed because you’re depressed.
We do this by applying the skills you will learn in ACT. Can I promise you a total cure of anxiety or depression? ABSOLUTELY NOT. And if someone says that they can - run away!
The truth is, anxiety and depression are part of the human experience, but if we don’t have the tools to ride out some of these storms, your symptoms can become chronic and you may lead yourself down a road that only keeps the unhelpful and painful cycle on repeat.
We don’t have full control of all of our thoughts and emotions, but we do have full control with how we REACT to difficult thoughts and emotions. How you choose to RESPOND to your symptoms is your ticket out of suffering.
So how am I suppose to do these things when I’m totally consumed by my thoughts and emotions?
Acknowledge the difficulty you are experiencing right now. Example: “Here is anxiety” or “I notice the urge to cancel plans today.”
Come back to your plans for the day or the task in this moment. “What am I supposed to be doing right now?” or “What was I planning to do before this thought/feeling showed up?”
Ask yourself “What action does this thought/feeling want me to do?” If I followed that, would that bring me closer to the kind or person I want to be? Or would it bring me further away?
Recommit to the plans you had or the task you were working on. Don’t let feelings be the decision maker. Let your values the decision maker.
Remind yourself that the goal isn’t to “feel good” before you take action.
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7 Mistakes I Made During My Anxiety Recovery
Years ago I was diagnosed with GAD, Social Anxiety, and Panic Disorder. I tried countless ways to overcome anxiety.....which includes making a ton of mistakes along the way. In this blog, I describe the top 7 mistakes I made in my anxiety recovery, so hopefully you won't make the same mistakes. Need therapy for anxiety? Schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to get started.
Hiding my anxiety from others
The feeling of shame began to dominate my life once the anxiety became chronic. I didn’t want anyone to know that I had an anxiety disorder, because I had created a narrative in my head about who I was and how I wanted to be seen by others. Because of the fear of being rejected by society and possibly ruining my reputation, I decided to keep the anxiety my dirty little secret - which ultimately made my anxiety even worse.
Assuming that always “pushing through” anxiety was the ticket out of my anxiety
I discovered the hard way that all of us need time to “rest and digest.” I often avoided this very important piece of self-care because I thought that taking time to binge on Netflix meant that I was lazy. The truth is, we all need to find our activities that allow our parasympathetic nervous system to engage so our nerves can take a rest.
Spending excessive amounts of time researching anxiety
I can’t tell you how many books, blogs, YouTube videos, and podcasts I’ve listened to in order to “solve” my anxiety problem. The truth is, our mind is great at solving problems such as financial issues, maintenance repairs, etc., however, the mind is TERRIBLE at solving its own problems.
Engaging in reassurance seeking with my wife
Reassurance seeking is a classic symptom of anxiety. The problem with this behavior is that it often mutes our anxiety worries in the short-term, but in the long game it never helps. Worries such as, “Did I damage my nervous system beyond repair?” or “Is there something else in my life that is causing this anxiety?” always seemed to return, even after obtaining reassurance from my wife. This behavior can also hinder your relationships with those you seek reassurance from for many reasons.
Framing anxiety as the enemy that I need to conquer
When I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Social Anxiety, and Panic Disorder - I established a narrative in my mind (without even realizing it) that I now had an enemy to conquer - which lead to excessive research that I discussed earlier. I would also visualize myself beating up my anxiety, which would maybe help temporarily, but it always returned with vengeance.
Engaging in pseudo-science practices
In the very beginning of my anxiety story, I decided to treat myself with “antidotes” that I found on the internet. One of the biggest mistakes I did was fall into the trap of practices that were not evidence-based treatments for anxiety disorders. I became enamored with practices like “The Law of Attraction,” which suggest through meditation, we can attract what we want in our lives through pure thought alone (for me it was to be anxiety free!!). Well, let me save you some time and just say…that shit doesn’t work.
Avoiding activities until I was “cured”
Because of my fear of other people finding out about my mental health crisis, I unconsciously decided to avoid people and activities that I use to enjoy until I was “cured.” Unfortunately, this only made my life smaller, less joyful, less meaningful, and you guessed it - made my anxiety worse.
Hindsight is 20/20. We all make mistakes when we are going through something. What mistakes have you made while trying to recover from anxiety? Share them below so others can learn from you too.
I know first hand how hard it can be to live with anxiety, but recovery is possible. If you want help untangling from anxiety, schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to get started.